Lola Rose (17 page)

Kendall's face crumpled.

‘Come on, Kendall, I'll see if I can get the computer working,' I said, switching it on, though I knew zilch about boring old computers.

‘It's stuffed, I tell you,' said Jake, switching it off again.

‘Well, couldn't you just play with Kendall for two minutes? Look, he's crying.'

‘He's always bawling,' said Jake. ‘I've never known such a crybaby. I've got this portrait assignment, OK? I'm late handing it in as it is. Very very late. You do realize I've hardly set foot in college since I met your mum?' He said it as if we'd sellotaped him to the chair.

‘You could do Kendall's portrait, couldn't you? Or mine? Look!' I copied one of Mum's favourite poses, head tilted up, mouth slightly open, chest thrust forward, hand on hip, one knee slightly bent.

‘For God's sake,' said Jake cruelly.

I rushed off to the bathroom, not wanting Jake to call me a crybaby too. ‘I hate him,' I muttered, hugging myself.

I wanted my mum.

She didn't come back for tea. Jake didn't seem to care too much. They'd obviously had another row. He went on moodily sketching until way past tea time. I made baked beans on toast for Kendall and me. I didn't make Jake anything to show I was mad at him.

‘Mum will be late for her evening shift down the pub,' I said.

‘That's her look-out,' said Jake. ‘As if I care.'

‘Why are you being so
horrible
?'

‘Look, it's not me. I'm not the one that's changed. This is all getting so heavy.'

‘Mum can't help having this lump.'

‘Yeah, but she won't deal with it like any normal woman. She has to make all this into such a drama. It's probably nothing. Women have lumps all the time, it doesn't mean it's – it's—'

‘Cancer,' I said.

‘What's cancer?' said Kendall.

‘It's an illness,' said Jake.

Kendall paused, pushing baked beans from one side of his plate to the other. ‘Is Mum really sick?'

‘Sick in the head, more like,' said Jake.

‘She's sick in the head putting up with
you
,' I said. I golloped my baked beans and ate Kendall's leftovers too. I still felt empty so I ran my finger round the baked bean tin to lick up the juice.

‘Don't do that, you'll cut yourself,' said Jake.

I took no notice – and then caught my finger on the jagged edge of the tin. ‘Ouch!'

‘You idiot,' said Jake. ‘I
told
you.'

He held my throbbing finger under the cold tap and then wrapped it up in one of Mum's scarves because we didn't have a bandage or a hankie.

‘Mum will create if I get blood on it,' I said.

‘Tough,' said Jake. ‘She should be here to look after you.'

‘Don't you love her any more, Jake?'

He tied the scarf in a neat bow, frowning. ‘Look, I never said I
loved
your mum. I mean, it's been great – she can be so cute and silly and funny when she's not in one of her moods. But this was never like a for ever thing.'

I pulled away from him so abruptly that the scarf unravelled. ‘
Mum
thinks it's for ever.'

‘You could have fooled me. You should have heard the things she said to me this afternoon,' said Jake sulkily. ‘Watch out, you'll make your finger bleed again. Give it here.'

‘I'll do it,' I said, fiddling with the end of the scarf. ‘I
knew
you two had had a row.'

‘Your mum's certainly got a big mouth on her,' said Jake. ‘Was she that lippy with your dad, eh?'

I stood still. I pressed my lips together.

‘What is it with your dad?' said Jake. ‘Your mum gets that exact expression if I ever mention him.'

‘Yeah. Well. We don't talk about him.'

‘You kids don't get to see him ever?' Jake looked over at Kendall, who was sitting in the corner, muttering to George. ‘Kendall misses him a lot, you know. I guess that's why he's all over me.'

‘He
likes
you. He thought you were for ever too. Like a new dad.'

‘You must be joking! I'm not
old
enough to be a dad. I'm only twenty, for God's sake.'

‘My mum had me when she was seventeen. Jake, where
is
she? Do you think she's gone straight to the pub to do her shift?'

‘I tell you, I don't know. She just went storming out. She's lucky I didn't do the same. What would you kids have done then, eh?'

‘We'd be fine. Mum knows I can look after Kendall.'

‘I suppose you can. Better than your mum!'

I couldn't help being pleased he said that, even though it was mean to Mum. I didn't know what to do about her. I knew she'd
probably
be all right. She'd run off before, several times, sometimes when we were living back with Dad, sometimes since. She was often away for ages but she always came back.

I
knew
that. But I still worried. Maybe she'd gone storming off in such a rage she hadn't looked when she crossed the road. Maybe she'd seen a car coming and she was in such a state she'd darted across anyway. Maybe she was so scared about the lump and losing her looks she
wanted
to get knocked over . . .

I put on my denim jacket.

‘What are you up to, Lola Rose?' said Jake, as I walked towards the door.

‘I'm going out.'

‘Oh no, you're not playing that trick on me again.'

‘I'm going looking for
Mum
.'

‘No you're not. You're staying right here. Don't even try arguing with me this time.'

‘You can't stop me,' I said.

Maybe he could. He wasn't scary like my dad but he was quite strong. I'd seen him lift Mum up in his arms as easily as I lifted Kendall. I didn't feel like lucky Lola Rose who might sweet-talk her way round him. I felt like stupid, sad Jayni. So I took my denim jacket off again and played with Kendall for a bit and then put him to bed.

I cuddled up beside him. My hand was sore so I stuck it into my armpit. It was very painful just getting a tiny cut. I wondered what it would feel like to have a large lump of breast sliced off your body.

I hugged Kendall tight, his feathery hair tickling my chin. I breathed in his sweet, warm smell. He moaned in his sleep and fought himself free, stretching out in a windmill shape so I couldn't cuddle him. It felt as if he was abandoning me.

I must have gone to sleep at some time – and then woke with a start when the door banged. I heard voices, Mum laughing, sounding funny. Jake said something. Then someone else spoke. Another man.

Kendall sat bolt upright. ‘Is it Dad?' he asked.

I crept to the door, Kendall following. I listened, the blood drumming in my head. The man spoke again. He sounded uneasy and embarrassed.

It wasn't Dad.

Mum laughed again but she sounded as if she might also be crying. I went rushing through to the living room. She was staggering in those high heels, her arm draped round the neck of a strange fat man, his shirt tight over his big belly. He had dark sweat circles under his arms. It was obviously a strain keeping Mum upright. Jake was staring at them, his eyes screwed up. He looked as if he was watching an awful television soap and couldn't wait to change channels.

‘Mum?'

‘Ah! My little L-L-Lola Rose!' Mum said. She spoke as if she had a mouthful of sweets. I knew that voice. She was very drunk.

‘Go to bed, Kendall,' I said. ‘I'll put you to bed too, Mum.'

I tried to unhook her from the fat man.

‘I don't
want
to go to bed. I want to
party
,' said Mum, clinging to the man. ‘L-L-Lola whatwasit? – ah yes, Rose. My Rosy Posy. I want you to meet my boss Barry.'

Barry bobbed his head. ‘I'm not actually. Not any more,' he said, reaching round to unwind Mum's arm himself.

‘You're not
Barry
?' said Mum, trying to focus on him. ‘Well, blow me, you
look
like Barry, and you sound like Barry too.'

‘Yeah, I'm Barry all right, but I'm not your boss, not any more, Vic.'

‘Whatever. I've given you fair warning, darling. No more drinking on the job.'

‘But you and me are mates, Barry,' said Mum, pursing her lips and pecking her head forward, trying to kiss him. ‘I'm your little lark, remember?'

Jake grunted in disgust and turned his back on them.

‘You're my little liability,' said Barry.

He pulled himself free so violently that I wasn't ready and nearly dropped Mum.

‘Whoops!' said Mum, staggering.

I staggered too, trying to support her.

‘Shall we dance?' Mum said.

Kendall came rushing over in his T-shirt and pants. ‘I'll dance, Mum,' he said, hanging onto her legs.

‘Yes, let's all dance,' said Mum, patting him fondly on the head. ‘My little boy, my big girl – my lovely lovely kids.' She stopped swaying and looked straight at Barry. Maybe she wasn't quite as drunk as she was pretending to be. ‘I've got to work to feed my kids, Barry, you know that. So I'll be in to work tomorrow usual time, right? Stone cold sober, I promise.'

‘You can be sober or you can be roaring drunk. It's all the same to me,' said Barry. ‘You're not working for me any more. You're Trouble with a capital T.'

Mum came out with a mouthful of abuse. Kendall giggled nervously at the rude words.

‘That's nice, isn't it?' said Barry. ‘Swearing like that in front of your precious kids. And after I took the trouble – and the flak from my old lady – to drive you home. You make me sick, Victoria Luck.'

‘You make
me
sick,' Mum shouted as he slammed the door. She kept yelling it, over and over.

It was the wrong thing to say in the circumstances. I got her to the bathroom in time and held her forehead. She knelt over the toilet and was sick again and again.

‘It's OK, Mum,' I whispered as she moaned. ‘It's OK, Mum, I'm here.'

But she kept looking round, tears dribbling down her cheeks, mouth puckered.

She was looking for Jake. But he wouldn't go near her, not even when she kept calling his name.

Jake left the next morning. He could see it was a good time because Mum could barely move. She groaned when she sat up in bed and she still couldn't even drink a glass of water without being sick. She watched Jake packing up his paints and drawing pads and jeans and cassettes. He was wearing all the extra presents she'd bought him – hand-tooled cowboy boots, the thick silver bracelet, a denim jacket.

He glanced at the computer.

‘Yeah, walk off with that too, why don't you,' Mum whispered, watching him. Her eyes were sad slits.

‘No, no, it's for the kids,' said Jake. Maybe he remembered it was broken.

‘Mr Big Heart,' Mum murmured.

‘Look, don't be like that, Vic—'

‘Like what? My guy clears off because I've got cancer and I'm supposed to be what? Happy?'

‘You don't know you've
got
cancer. I bet you anything you like you haven't. And I'm
not
clearing off because of that.'

‘It's because the money's run out,' I said.

I got into bed beside Mum. She winced as I made the bed move. I edged further in very slowly and put my arm round her. She smelt bad but I knew she still needed holding.

‘You've got it in one, Lola Rose,' she said.

‘That's rubbish. I'm not like that. Look, this was never meant to be permanent. We just had fun together, that's all. I couldn't have stayed once term is over anyway – you know I'm going travelling.'

‘Well, get on your travels now,' said Mum. ‘Get lost.'

She wouldn't kiss him goodbye. Maybe it was because she hadn't had a chance to brush her teeth. I wouldn't kiss him either. I ducked my head when he tried. But Kendall came running. He threw himself at Jake and hugged him hard, clinging to him like a little monkey.

‘Don't go, don't go, don't go,' he begged.

‘I've got to go just now, Kendall. But I'll come back and see you, little mate, OK?'

I had to drag Kendall off him. I got kicked and punched for my pains. I had to fight back a bit because he was really hurting. Mum dragged herself out of bed to help. Then we heard the front door bang. We stopped and stood like statues, all hanging onto each other.

‘He's gone,' said Mum. She ripped the moonstone necklace off and threw it on the floor.