Lonely Heart (24 page)

Luke turned his back to the railing, crossed his arms. “Work became stressful. My father came down hard and gave me an ultimatum. He said you were a distraction. If I didn’t get my shit together, I would have to find work with another firm. Then you got pregnant and Ebony was getting married. Every day all you talked about was the baby and her wedding. With my dad in one ear and you in the other…I lost control of everything.” His eyes lowered. “I’ll never forgive myself for asking you to have an abortion. I’m glad you didn’t listen to me.” His gaze went in the direction of the house. “She’s beautiful. I’ve missed so much of her life. I can’t make that up to you or her, but I’m here now. I’m not leaving.” His eyes met mine; the fire and passion I once loved was evident.

Never in a million years would I have expected such a change in him. For the past six weeks, he’d gone out of his way to make sure he spent time with Chloe, even when his schedule got screwed up and it was obvious he was tired. He’d bought clothes, toys, gave me money to put into a saving account for her. Everything he could do, he did. I had to admit, even though at times it inconvenienced my life, in the end, it was worth it for Chloe’s sake.

“Why now, Luke? Why couldn’t you have told me months ago? I would have understood.”

“Would you, honestly? Kaitlyn, you were hell bent on getting what you wanted, even before you were pregnant. Every conversation was about what you had planned for our future. I barely got a word in edgewise. And then one day, you just stopped talking to me. I wasn’t sure what to do.”

It was my turn to stare at my hands. I knew exactly what time he referred to.

“I found out you were cheating on me with Nicole.”

Luke stood up straight, his arms falling to his side. “How did you─”

“I came to the office one night when you were workin’ late to surprise you with dinner and make up for the fight we had that mornin’. There was laughter coming from your office. The door was cracked so I peeked in. You were sittin’ in your chair, she was on your desk, her feet in your lap. I left.”

His face paled. “You never said anything?”

I shrugged. “It was my fault for not listening to you. I did everythin’ in my power to win you back. I thought the pregnancy would bring us back together. It did the opposite.”

I swallowed hard. It was too late to cry about it. The past was just that. Chloe was what mattered, not our mistakes.

“For the record, I never slept with her.”

A quick study of his eyes showed the truth, he wasn’t lying. One thing he’d never been good at was dishonesty, which was the reason why he dealt with Probate law instead of becoming a defense attorney like his father.

“Never?”

“We came close, but all I could think about was how I already hurt you. By the time I wanted to talk about it, I came home and you were gone.”

My stomach sunk like a lead weight. “You mean the night I moved out you were gonna─”

“Apologize and beg you to forgive me. I had flowers and grape juice since you couldn’t drink wine.” His smile was sad. “I even had a ring.”

I closed my eyes, thought back to that night when Ebony came by and helped me move my things.

He had a ring.

“Why didn’t you come after me? God, Luke, you mean all this time you wanted to marry me?”

He stood and faced me fully. “Yes. After you left, I wanted to tell you, but you called, cussed me out, and demanded me to do things. I could barely get in a word. You said you didn’t want or need me. My ego wouldn’t let me apologize. I took it as a sign we were through, and figured if that was the way you wanted things to be, then that’s how it would be.”

The stress and strain of the past eight months ran by in my mind’s eye as realization hit. My decision to leave was the catalyst of everything that happed.

One selfish choice turned into the snowball from hell. Each roll throwing more weight, more stress, and involving more people.

Simple communication would have prevented a lot of things.

Luke and I would have been married. Chloe would have had her biological father from day one.

But now Antonio was involved. Another father figure.

Another man with his own agenda.

And in the middle of it all, sat Chloe, like a chess piece on the board that was my life.

“I know it’s a lot to ask, Kaitlyn, but… I want you back. I want to give you everything we planned and more. I’m ready to be the man you want me to be.” He walked over to where I stood, standing so close I could feel the heat of his body. I had no choice but look him in the eye. “I want the woman I fell in love with to come back home with our daughter.” He reached out, traced my mouth with his thumb. “I want to pick up where we left off. Will you give us another chance to become a family?”

I felt my eyes go wide. Was he serious? Did he really want to give me what he promised months ago, back when everything between us was perfect?

He didn’t wait for me to answer. Luke’s warm mouth met mine. Comfort, familiarity, and promise of a new beginning filled me as he enveloped me in his arms. I gave in to the kiss and let the past memories of pain and hurt drift away, replaced by the vow of his words. Forgotten passion and unfulfilled dreams intertwined, emerging from the recess of my mind.

My eyes were still closed when the kiss ended, and as always, he followed with a kiss on my nose. In the past I would giggle.

Today, the gesture reminded me of the way Antonio kissed my nose after making love to me the night before. Moments before the truth of our relationship was made manifest and I walked away from him.

“How about we rescue our daughter before my mom does something stupid? She always wanted a daughter, but got stuck with me and my brothers. Chloe is going to be one spoiled little girl.” He laughed. “And for the record, Chloe is the name I would have chosen, too.”

I forced myself to smile and allowed the father of my child to hold my hand as we walked back to the house.

“Tiffy, that skirt can’t be legal.”

My sister stopped in the doorway of the kitchen and posed, cocking her bare leg to the side in mile high stilettos. “Don’t hate. Besides, this came from your closet.”

I studied the outfit. I couldn’t remember the last time it was worn, but the heels were worn the night of the Quinceañera.

With the events of the past week, it felt like a lifetime ago.

“Carryin’ Chloe on my hip and those shoes don’t mix right now.”

“Sorta like the two men in your life,” she muttered while touching up her lip-gloss. “Speakin’ of which, what’s goin’ on with Mr. Hot-n-Sexy?”

I rolled my eyes at the nickname she gave Antonio.

“It’s been a week since he’s been here. He’s usually here nearly every day. What happened? Did you fight?”

“It’s none of your business.” I went back to feeding Chloe.

At six months, she was able to eat baby food from a jar. Spoon-feeding her from her high chair became the precursor to bath time for the both of us. Between her spitting the food out instead of swallowing and slapping the highchair with her hands, half of the jar of baby carrots landed on the kitchen table, my clothes, and her entire body.

“Whatever. Just keep in mind, while Luke may be my niece’s sperm donor, Antonio is her daddy.”

“Tiffy!” I stared at her in disbelief.

She shrugged. “You guys need to make up for the sake of the baby.” She headed out of the kitchen, then stopped, shooting me a look over her shoulder. “Don’t wait up.” She winked.

I scowled. “Don’t do nothin’ I wouldn’t do.”

She snorted as she headed toward the front door.

My attention turned back to my daughter. “Chloe, darlin’, looks like it’s just you and me tonight.”

Laughter and bubbles erupted from her side of the highchair. When she opened her mouth, I slid in another helping of the mushed up food.

It was hard to admit Tiffany was right. I needed to figure out how to handle the men in my life. A week had gone by since my breakup with Antonio and Luke’s request to pick up where we had left off.

Now it was Saturday evening, the night Antonio would stop by after a long day at work.

I sighed, reached for a wet wipe. Time for a bath.

The doorbell rang. “I’ve got it!” Tiffany yelled. “It should be my date.” The door unlatched. “Antonio, hey, I was just talkin’ about you.”

I froze. He was here? Out of habit I assessed my appearance; oh great. Boy shorts, oversized shirt accented with orange carrot and green pea slime. Thank God my hair was in a ponytail.

“Hey, Tiffany. I hope it was good stuff.” Pause. “You look…grown up.”

“Hot, that’s what you meant, right?”

He chuckled. “Close enough. Is Kaity here?”

“Yep, in the kitchen feedin’ the munchkin. What’s with you two, anyway?”

“Tiffany…,” he replied.

“Okay, fine, whatever. Keep your little secrets. Personally, I think you two need to screw and move on.”

Antonio’s laugh was dry. “Everything can’t be fixed with sex, kid.”

“Only if you’re not doin’ it right,” she supplied. “And by the way, this get up says nothing about kid. Good luck.”

The front door closed.

I walked to the kitchen doorway. Antonio stood, hands in his pockets, looking as good as ever. I glanced at the clock on the stove; it was shortly after his normal work time. His attire was clean as if he’d left work early and gone home to change.

My mind went back to the last time we’d been together. It involved his shower. Our eyes met; we were thinking the same thing. On instinct, my heart raced and lips parted in memory of the way he kissed me. Every nerve ending in my skin came alive in anticipation of his touch. He was nowhere near me.

Luke stood right beside me days before and didn’t elicit this type of reaction. My body only responded to his kiss. That was mediocre compared to this.

Antonio’s gaze took me in, as if trying to gauge my mood. “Can we talk?”

I wiped my palms on my shorts. “I was about to give Chloe a bath. Do you mind waitin’?”

She banged on the tray of the high chair while babbling a bunch of gibberish.

Antonio’s eyes lit up. “Can I see her?”

Guilt filled my chest. He’d never had to ask before. “Sure.”

Antonio followed me into the kitchen.

The moment he entered, Chloe began blowing more bubbles, kicking, beating the tray. She didn’t react to her father that way.

I removed the sliding tray, wiped her hands and face while she fidgeted. When done, Antonio picked her up.

“Hola, Chiquita,” he whispered, continuing to talk to her in Spanish.

Chloe gripped his face, slapping her hands against his cheeks; he laughed and kissed her. They were in their private world. Bath time could wait.

“I’m going to go clean up, okay?”

“Okay,” he nodded, then walked towards the living room.

In my bedroom, I stripped and grabbed the first article of clothing in my closet. The first pair of shorts was stained with baby food, as was the nearest shirt. It was way past laundry day. In the end, a blue jean mini skirt and ruffled top were all I had. I walked past the mirror for a quick examination, then washed my face and combed my hair. Lip-gloss followed.

Hopefully I didn’t come across as a woman trying to flirt. After all, I dumped him. I dug around in the drawer for a clean onesie for Chloe, and ran water on a rag. When I entered the living room, Chloe had fallen asleep in his arms. He watched her as if recording a memory.

“She’s so peaceful when she sleeps,” he said.

“I can stare at her for hours.” I smiled, reached over and played with a lock of her hair.

“Can I put her in bed?”

“Sure.”

A half smile crossed his face before he got up from the sofa and walked towards my bedroom. He returned a few minutes later and sat across from me. “How have you been?”

“Busy as usual,” I replied, trying to ignore the awkwardness of it all. “And you?”

He looked me directly in the eye. “Lonely. I miss you.”

“I miss you, too.” The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them.

Relief passed over his strained features. “Kaity, I understand why you’re upset with me. I’m sorry you’re hurt. That was not my intention. You left before I could explain myself. I’d like the chance to now.”

The one thing I learned about Antonio in the last eight months is that he only said what he meant and proved it with actions.

Despite my decision to end our relationship and Luke’s request to rekindle our romance for the sake of our daughter, it was impossible not to compare my relationship with both men.

Did I still have feelings for Luke? After everything he did, then learning most of it was in reaction to the way I treated him…yes.

Now that Antonio was here, it was clear by my body’s physical reaction, and my daughter’s, the time spent with him meant something as well.

Two years with Luke.

Eight months with Antonio.

In the end, sexual attraction couldn’t be the deciding factor in which direction my heart went.

After learning how my mistake made my relationship with Luke fail and knowing everything Antonio had done for us, he deserved a chance to explain.

“I’m listenin’.”

He nodded. “I’ve dated a lot of women, Kaity. The type of woman I want in my life is smart, funny, sexy, confident, and above all, my friend. You are the first woman who’s met all of my expectations. It’s what made you stand out from the rest. Sex was never a part of establishing our relationship.”

“I hope not. If you had made a pass at me while I was pregnant, we would have stopped bein’ friends a long time ago.”

“I know, but even before that, you took my breath away. There’s something about you…a quiet strength I think you’re not even aware of, that fascinates me. You have a spirit that…,” he hesitated as if at a loss for words. “You’re a source of stability in my life, Kaity. That night at the hospital, I knew if I lost you, no other woman would compare.” His eyebrows creased as his voice grew tense. “My wanting you is not about convenience or pity. I love that little girl as if she were my own, you should know that. Not seeing her felt like my own child has been taken from me. I don’t like it, not at all. I need you, Kaity. I need Chloe. Without either of you…I can’t…it hurts.” His hand went to his chest.