Lonely Heart (25 page)

Just when I thought decisions could be made easy. My eyes watered. “Antonio…”

He held up a hand. “Listen, I want to make a promise to you…” He moved from the sofa to the floor, kneeling before me. “If you’ll have me, I will give you a baby if that’s what you want. I will be terrified and over protective the entire time and get on your nerves, but I promise to take care of you. My love for Chloe will never change. I will do whatever it takes to have you by my side for the rest of my life.”

I blinked rapidly, trying to process the information. “Is this a proposal?”

“No, it’s a promise. We have a few bridges to cross before either of us can make that commitment. The first one being if you’ll take me back.”

My mouth opened, then closed like a stupid fish out of water. Antonio honestly wanted to be with me.

So did Luke.

My past lover and father of my daughter.

My new lover and man who’s been by my side when I needed someone the most.

“Don’t answer now. Think about it. And while you’re thinking, remember this…” Antonio parted my knees and slipped between. He took possession of my lips with his, reclaiming ownership of my body and heart.

A kiss I thought would be an onslaught of passion was instead one of longing, unknown potential, and promise. Without thinking, my hands were in his thick mane, my tongue in his mouth. Antonio groaned like a man in serious need of sustenance, deepened the kiss, and pushed me back on the sofa. I got lost in the connection of our fused mouths and put my leg around his waist. He slid a hand down my exposed thigh, shifting my mini skirt higher.

I gasped, unable to resist the amount of passion between us.

And then it was over. He pulled away, breaking the connection. “This is not what I came for. Making love isn’t going to solve anything.” His voice was strained as if he were at war with himself. He stood, adjusted his clothes. “We know we’re good at this,” his eyes traveled to my parted thighs and lingered. “I want you, Kaity, so bad it hurts. But I’m talking about more than sex. Make up your mind. I’ll be waiting.” He turned for the door, paused and faced me. “Te amo. I love you, Kaity Lynn Rodgers.” And then he was gone.

I smacked my head and fell over on the sofa.

Two men in my life wanted the same thing. What were the chances?

And damn, my heart was torn.

I was totally screwed.

“Who would have thought our lunch dates would turn into mommy and me outings?” Yasmine said while staring lovingly at her four month old twins who slept in their car seats.

Beside me, Chloe started her usual bang, spit, bubble routine. At six months, she made random rambling sounds in an attempt to communicate.

“I can’t believe she’s gotten so big,” Ebony said. “It feels like it’s been months since I last saw her instead of weeks. And the twins,” her attention went to the infants. “It feels like life has been passing me by.”

“Yeah, we don’t do this enough anymore. Isn’t it funny how life changes as you get older? The simple things you took for granted mean so much.” Yasmine glanced at Ebony. “Take sleep. Now you guys know me, I need my beauty rest. Since Mackenzie and Jayden were born, sleeping in is a luxury I only get on the days Zack is home or goes in to work late.” She smiled. “But I wouldn’t change it for the world.”

“Me neither,” I chimed in. “But wait until they get old enough to eat baby food, that is an adventure. Be prepared for bath time to be loads of fun.”

Ebony laughed at both of us. Yasmine and I shot each other looks.

“So, when do you plan on joining the baby brigade?” Yasmine asked. “The two of you are over there humping like rabbits. You should be knocked up by now.”

Ebony nearly gagged on her soda. “Yasmine, you are too much. And for your information, we’re too busy to even think about becoming parents.” She gazed lovingly at the babies. “Don’t get me wrong, I would love to have a miniature Brian running around the house, but timing is everything.”

I didn’t miss the brief change in her voice.

“That’s true,” I said, “but regardless, I envy both of you.” My friends’ eyebrows scrunched in confusion.

“Envy? Why?” Ebony asked.

“Ebony, you have the man of your dreams, a dream career, and freedom to do whatever you want. Yaz, you’ve got the family you’ve dreamed of and a man who is absolutely, hands down, perfect. Me? I’ve got a daughter I could never imagine livin’ without, and a job I love that’s kicking my butt. But relationship-wise?” I huffed. “I’ve got two men hot on my trail right now and love them both. I’m so screwed up in the head I don’t know what to do. My past decisions have made my life so complicated I don’t know how I’m goin’ to work my way out of this mess.”

My focus during my ramble had been on cleaning drool from Chloe’s chin. I didn’t notice the surprise and disbelief on their faces until looking up again.

Yasmine was the first to hold up a hand. “Okay, let’s back this train up. First of all, there’s information missing. What two men and what decisions?”

Our lunch order arrived before I could reply. Conversation ceased as we got our plates and I settled an excited Chloe down by giving her a bottle.

“So?” Yasmine said the minute order at the table had been restored.

“I’m in love with Antonio.” That was the first time saying it aloud to anyone but him.

“I knew that would happen,” Ebony said, stabbing at her salad with a fork. “He seems pretty nice.”

Yasmine gave me the once over. “You’ve slept with him haven’t you?”

“Yeah,” I felt my face flush as if I were a schoolgirl caught breaking the rules instead of being a grown woman.

“Was it good?”

Both women looked at me with expectant expressions.

I stared down at my gourmet burger, deciding now would be the time to dip a fry in ketchup. “Beyond good.” I jammed the fry into my mouth.

Yasmine whistled, then laughed.

“Does he love you?” Ebony asked, all business.

“Yes. The perfect part is he loves Chloe, too. He’s even asked about adopting her.”

Yasmine gagged on her cup of water while Ebony’s jaw dropped.

Yasmine was the first to recover. “He said what?”

“How does Luke feel about this?” Ebony asked.

I rubbed my forehead. “See, this is where things get complicated. Luke wants to get back together.”

“Oh hell no!” Yasmine snapped.

“Is he crazy? After what he put you through he expects you to take him back? I hope you told his ass to go to hell,” Ebony snapped.

Yasmine and I both looked at her and laughed.

“I’m not kidding. You did, right?” Ebony’s glare burned a hole in my forehead.

My smile faded. “Not exactly. I still love him.” Admitting that bit of truth to my friends set off a wave of guilt.

“Excuse me? We are talking about the same man who let you walk away and refused to do a damn thing for his child for months, right?” Ebony asked, looking from me to Yasmine for confirmation.

I shrugged. “If I had stayed one more night, we would probably still be together.”

Ebony pointed her fork in my direction. “Look, I’m the one who helped you move, remember? You mean after a few visits with his daughter, he tells you it was
your
fault the relationship ended? Are you kidding me?” She sucked her teeth. “That man has bumped his head.”

My face scrunched up. “See, this is where my decision makin’ history comes in. The night I left was the night he came home with flowers to apologize and make up. He had a ring and was goin’ to propose.”

Yasmine scoffed. “Now he could afford a ring? And you believe that pile of shit?” Yasmine asked with a raised brow.

“I don’t think he’s lyin’…”

“Where’s the proof?” Ebony asked. “Did he have receipts? Emails, voice messages,
text
messages? A picture of the ring? I don’t recall him contacting me to see where you went.”

“Me neither,” Yasmine added.

“Well, it’s not like I gave him an easy time when he called.”

“Exactly, you gave him hell like you should have,” Yasmine supplied. “It’s been months since Chloe was born and he decides now is the time to get his act together and become a family?” She huffed, then studied me. “He found out about his competition didn’t he?”

I stopped toying around with my plate, sat back, and ran my hands over my eyes. “Yes, and that’s where it gets even more complicated.”

Ebony stared at me in disbelief. “Girl, your life is one big soap opera.”

“It certainly feels like it,” I mumbled.

Chloe threw her half empty bottle on the floor. I retrieved it, cleaned the nipple, then gave it back. She gummed the rubber tip.

“Have you told him about Antonio’s plans to adopt?” Ebony asked.

“No.”

“I would pay to be a fly on the wall for that conversation,” Yasmine said. “When are you going to tell him? If you and Antonio have plans to get married, at least it sounds like you do, Luke needs to know.”

I grimaced. “The problem is I sorta broke up with Antonio.”

Both women rolled their eyes.

“Unbelievable,” Yasmine muttered, attending to Jayden who’d spit out his pacifier and whined.

“But hold up,” Ebony waved her fork. “Did he tell you he wanted to adopt Chloe before or after you broke up with him?”

“Before.”

“Does he still want to be with you?” Yasmine asked.

I sighed. “He came over a few nights ago and told me he wants me back. So that’s a really big yes.”

Ebony held up a hand. “So why did you break up with him? You love him, right?”

I was so not about to explain that one, at least not yet. “It’s complicated.”

“Kaitlyn, if the man loves you, begged to have you back, and the breakup had nothing to do with him being unfaithful, you can work it out.” Yasmine stated. “I know that from experience.”

“Exactly,” Ebony agreed. “So you have options. Who do you want to be with? Luke or Antonio?”

I sat back in my chair. “It’s not just about me, guys. I have to think about what’s best for my daughter.”

Yasmine reached across the table and held my hand. “Kaitlyn, when it comes to her, your happiness is intertwined, inseparable.”

“Exactly. Just because Luke is the biological father doesn’t mean he’ll be a good father or husband. Look at how he treated you during the pregnancy and now,” Ebony added.

What they said made a lot of sense.

“And I’ll give it to him, Antonio threw me in the beginning because I didn’t know him. But one thing is for sure, that man has been there for you,” Yasmine pointed out. “Chloe isn’t his child, but he wants to claim her? Damn girl! I can’t tell you how many men out there don’t want to claim their kids. Sounds like a no brainer to me.”

If only it were that easy.

“I’ve always loved coming here as a kid with my family. Dad made certain we spent time together at least once a month at the Pier. It’s a tradition that’s always stuck with me.” Luke said, as we strolled down the boardwalk.

It was a struggle listening to Luke’s tale of happiness.

Chloe slept peacefully in her stroller as he pushed. I glanced up. Happiness was written all over Luke’s face as if he’d found home with his family.

My attempt to feel the same failed miserably. There was too much on my mind.

“I know your childhood wasn’t happy,” he continued. “But there’s got to be at least one happy memory.” Luke glanced in my direction.

“Happy and the Rodgers family aren’t exactly synonymous with wonderful childhood memories.” I dug deep in my past. “The day my father brought home a puppy would be it.”

“That’s it? One day? God, Kaitlyn, that’s pathetic.”

I ignored him and focused on that day.

For months I had begged my father for a puppy. The answer was always “no”. My younger brother, Bailey Jr., on the other hand, got damn near everything he wanted. I loved my brother and he loved me. When he realized how unfair daddy treated me, he figured out how to help me get what I wanted. Bailey convinced daddy he wanted a puppy. It was a crazy idea because everyone knew he didn’t like dogs. But, sure enough, he asked and received. He suffered for a month taking care of the dog alone, a requirement of our father, before telling him he changed his mind. I assumed the responsibility. My father thought of it as an excuse to give me another chore. Little did he know he’d been played.

I learned a very valuable lesson, and over the years it came in handy.

Other times, it bit me in the ass.

“Everyone doesn’t have a family like yours, Luke.” We were from two different worlds even though we were from the same race.

“And that is why I think we should change things now. The past is the past. Only we will know what happened between us. Chloe is too young to remember. Once we get back together, it will be as if we were always together.”

I stopped walking. Was he serious? Did he actually expect me to fake amnesia about the past few months? To lie to our daughter one day? And who said I was on board with getting back together? Just because he put his wants out there and we were at the pier for his weekly visit didn’t mean my mind was made up.

Luke looked back once he realized I no longer walked beside him.

“So what happens when she asks to see the pictures from the day she was born? All she’ll see is me, her aunts, and Antonio.”

“He was there?” Luke didn’t look pleased with the revelation.

I nodded, not missing the subtle hint of irritation in his voice.

“Your boyfriend, if that’s what he was at the time, was there the night my daughter was born?”

As if he didn’t understand the first time. I nodded, watching his reaction. Apparently he never gave thought to the depth of my relationship with Antonio.

He studied me as if a new thought entered his mind. “Is he the father?”

I crossed my arms. “Did you actually ask me if Antonio is the father of your daughter who looks just like you?”

“Why else would he be around a single pregnant woman? What man in his right mind would date a woman pregnant with another man’s child? That’s sick.”

Rage filled me. I knew without a doubt my face was crimson. “Are you kiddin’ me right now? That ‘sick man’ saved my life and Chloe’s…twice in one night! If he hadn’t cared, Chloe would be dead, or even worse, we’d both be goners. Antonio was there when I needed a friend. He’s been there when Chloe needed a male figure in her life. Say whatever you need to make yourself feel good, but I promise if you ever refer to Antonio Rodriguez as bein’ sick because your selfish ass was too chicken-shit to be a man, I promise that will be the last day you ever see your daughter!” I snatched the stroller from his grasp and made my way back to the parking lot.