Long Way Home by Carolyn Gray (27 page)

“I wish I could understand why.” He gripped his thigh, digging his fingers into it until it

hurt. Everything he’d kept bottled up inside for so damn long, all the secrets he’d kept all these

years, the things he’d hidden about himself—things were coming to a head, hard and fast. He

stood on the edge of a precipice with several different avenues of escape, none of which would

be easy, none of which would keep him from scraping himself to shreds.

Gev stirred. Lee studied Gev’s face. Even in sleep, he twitched and moved, his forehead

alternately creasing with worry and smoothing out again. He’d been through a lot the last two

days. A hell of a lot. Lee wished he could change things for Gev, make it all go away.

“He’ll be okay, Lee.”

He wanted to believe her, but he wasn’t convinced. “I hope you’re right. I wish I knew

how to make it better.”

“Get him out of here. Away from everything for a while.”

“Run?” Lee grimaced at that. “I’m sick of running.” He could see the logic in it, of course,

but it didn’t fit right with him, the thought of running this time. He looked at her again. “No. I

don’t think that’s the right choice.”

“You might want to ask Gev what he thinks when he wakes up.”

“When can he go back to his house?”

“Tomorrow. Go with him. The first time in there will be hard.”

“I will.” He intended to keep his promise to Gev. No more harm would come to him.

She pulled something out of her folder and slid it to him. “This is the digitally enhanced

version of the capture at the hotel.”

He eyed it for a moment, hesitating. His fingers refused to cooperate, to take the paper in

his hand. “Were you able to identify him?”

“Look at him. Tell me what you see.”

He took the picture, his gaze on Ramirez. Sympathy deepened the expression on her face.

Something, somehow, told him what he was about to see.

He forced himself to look at the face. Despite the enhancement, it was still difficult to see

it clearly. It was the same hoodie—so definitely the person he and Ruby had seen outside her

house. Heat prickled his neck; the room felt too warm, too stifling.

He knew that face.

He couldn’t move. The words he wanted to say clawed to escape his throat, demanding

release. His eyes burned. “Fucking hell.
Fucking hell
. No.” He looked up at the detective in

disbelief. “It can’t be.”

“His body was never found, Lee.”

“He’s dead!” His gaze shot to the couch, but Gev hadn’t moved.

She silently pushed another paper toward him. “This is another digitally enhanced photo,

but this time it started out with a photo we had of Stefan when he was thirteen.”

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Lee took that photo more easily than the first. The precipice had grown, towered high over

a gaping chasm, the bottom of which was fathomless. There was only one way down, and it

wasn’t real. It couldn’t be. Damn it, it couldn’t.

The two pictures, side by side, were of the same person. Or close enough. “How positive

are you?” he choked out.
No.

“Not one hundred percent. We can’t be sure.”

Stef. Alive. The thought of what it would mean—did mean—made his heart race. The

possibility seemed inconceivable. All these years—where would he have been? Why did he stay

away, if he was alive? And why would he appear now? The guy who had left the note on the car,

warning him to get to Gev, could be Stef. It made an absurd, impossible sense.

He looked at Gev again, the kiss wavering between them, as did the realization that Stef

was alive. “How?” he said, his voice straining over the single word. His skin burned. His

stomach roiled. All these years, and
he’d been alive
. All these years, blaming himself for a death

that had never happened.

“I don’t know.”

He blinked, trying to clear his eyes. It took him a moment to grasp on to something solid,

but he finally said, “Why would he not come forward, if it’s Stefan?”

“No way to know.” Ramirez’s voice gentled as she spoke. “Cases of kidnapped children

coming forward when they’re adults do happen. Sometimes they choose not to.”

“But why not?” Though he knew the answer to that.

She hesitated, picking up a pencil, which she worried in her fingers. “Fear, guilt. The

longer they stay away, the more convinced they might become that the family would see them as

tainted, unwanted. Or they convince themselves that because they weren’t found, the family

didn’t care anymore or was better off without them. Also, sexual abuse, threats against the

family. A lot of reasons.”

Lee stilled. “Sexual abuse.” He closed his eyes, pain lancing through him. It wasn’t that he

hadn’t considered that. Hell, his nightmares were damn vivid about it. The thought of Stefan,

enduring—“Fucking hell.”

“I know. He was young too. We don’t know who took him, but whoever it was could’ve

persuaded Stefan he was better off with him.”

Gev was still oblivious to the world, thank God. It wasn’t fair to him. And now, just after

they’d kissed, when Lee had finally manned up and made something good happen between

them… There was no choice, the way he saw it. “We have to tell him.”

“No. Not yet.”

He stared at her in surprise. “Why not? He deserves to know. I can’t keep this from him.”

“I know it will be difficult, but I’m asking you to. Just for a little while, until we can be

sure.”

“So you want me to hide this from him. Now.” Now, when he’d finally realized what all

those twisted emotions were, what the root of them came from whenever he looked at Gev. Now

that he’d kissed him, let him know he wanted him. And he did. This didn’t change that fact, Lee

realized. He wanted Gev even more, but now, dammit, he could lose him with just a handful of

words.

“Yes,” she answered.

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“Fucking hell.”

“I know.”

To keep something like this from Gev could damage their relationship permanently.

Maybe that was a bit melodramatic, but it wasn’t a feeling he could shake. He stood. “I need to

think.” He wanted to get the hell out of there.

“No, I have to go. Stay here. Promise me something.” She stood, pulled her purse out of a

drawer, and slung it over her shoulder.

“What?”

“You said you’d do anything to keep him safe. If you tell him it might be Stefan who’s

warning him, that his brother might be alive but we don’t know for absolute certain, what do you

think it would do to him?” She walked around her desk and looked down at Gev, her expression

sad, her voice hushed. “I’ve watched over him for years now. Watched him grow up, checking

on him whenever I could.” She took a deep breath, adjusting her bag. The look she gave Lee

surprised him with its fierceness. “I would do anything for him too, you know. Keeping him safe

has been my priority for a long time. I never fully believed whoever took Stefan would let his

little brother go, but I wasn’t sure.”

Lee leaned against the door. “Gev was in danger?”

“You too, possibly. Especially you. But,” she said, gesturing helplessly, “nothing ever

happened. Until now.”

His flight response had tempered a little, but he still didn’t like it. He crossed his arms over

his chest. The couch was to the left of the door. Gev moved in his sleep, a soft moan escaping his

lips. One hand moved down, cradling his crotch and rubbing it. Ramirez rolled her eyes and

opened the door.

“All right. I’ll wait.” Even though Gev would likely hate him for it. He looked down at

Gev, longing to reach over and touch his face. Lee’s hands practically itched to touch Gev now

that he’d given himself permission to do so.

But maybe now he had every reason not to.
Hell
. He stuffed his hand in his pocket.

“You hungry? It’s almost dinnertime.”

He realized then that he was. “Yeah, guess so.”

“Join me in the cafeteria? It’s actually pretty good. We’ll let Sleeping Beauty here sleep

awhile. You can catch me up on everything you’ve been doing the last year or so.” She raised

one hand, index finger tapping toward him. “Not about the case. Not there.”

He grimaced, opening the door. “I’ll be glad not to talk about the case for a while. I’m

guessing this means it’s open again.”

“It never closed.”

Lee stole one last look at Gev. He moved again, curling up and facing the back of the

couch. An ache, steady and firm, pulsed through Lee. Right now he wanted nothing more than to

curl up behind Gev, arms wrapped around him tight to keep him from falling off into the gaping

chasm far below.

Ramirez was right. He would do anything to keep Gev safe. Even if it meant lying to him.

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Chapter Fifteen

This time when he woke up, Gev did so cautiously. While the room was as dark as the last

time he’d passed out somewhere on someone’s couch, there seemed no imminent threat of doom.

So they’d left him to sleep.

He blinked, cautiously sitting up, his eyes scanning the office as he huffed to himself and

ran a hand over his hair. His face still thrummed and was swollen to his ginger touch. Exhaustion

pulled hard at him, and the stale taste in his mouth made him grimace. A clock ticked quietly on

the detective’s wall—close to six a.m., then. He was stiff and sore, and shit, this had been one

hell of a horrible week. He needed to take a piss.

Pushing aside the blanket someone (Lee? the detective?) had covered him with, he stood,

wincing a little at the wave of nausea and dizziness that accompanied his movements. He pulled

out his phone and checked his messages—a couple from his friends, asking where he was, if he

was okay.

He stuffed the phone back into his pocket, then opened the door and peered down the

hallway. A couple of cops stood at the far end, and from the end closest to where he stood, he

heard someone talking on the phone. The restrooms were across the hall. He wondered if Lee

was in there.

Or maybe he had left.

No, he wouldn’t have. They’d kissed. Lee had kissed
him
. He played it over in his mind

again, the moment he’d realized Lee meant to do that. In all his imaginings, he’d never thought it

would happen at all, much less on a street in Dallas.

Damn.

Hoping no one would stop him, in his socked feet he dashed across the hall and into the

bathroom. After taking care of his needs with considerable relief, he washed his hands and stared

at himself in the mirror. He looked like shit. His eye was turning vivid colors, though at least the

swelling had gone down. The dark circles under even his undamaged eye proved he’d had little

sleep the last few days, and it wasn’t likely to get any better.

He wondered what the hell he was going to do now. He couldn’t go back home, and the

dance studio had blown sky-high. Returning to his parents’ was out of the question, and he didn’t

have that much money saved, though his paycheck was due at the end of the week. He wasn’t

even sure if his car was drivable anymore. With his luck, a corner of the building had landed on

it.

He splashed his face with water, then dried off and returned to the detective’s office. A

creaking chair startled him. Turned around and leaning back in the detective’s chair, feet up on

another chair and a blanket covering him, Lee slept, his head tilted to the side.

Gev twisted the blinds a little so slatted shadows fell across Lee’s face. He leaned against

the wall and looked at Lee, listening to his even breathing and wondering what the hell was

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really going on here, not only with whoever was trying, obviously, to kill him, but what was

happening between him and Lee.

He still couldn’t believe Lee had come back and kissed him, had driven around that corner,

a knight in shining armor practically, to save him. Why, though? Was it out of obligation to

Stefan, or because, as he’d said, he’d come back for Gev? Gev wanted so damn badly to put an

end to the ridiculous parrying back and forth, but it would have to wait. He had to leave, now.

Maybe if all this ended, once and for all, he could look up Lee again, and maybe by then

Lee would realize what was right in front of his face.

Stef was dead.
He
was not. It was as simple as that.

If something happened to Lee because of him, he didn’t know how he’d stand it. An image

of Chad’s body, covered in blood, his clothes so drenched Gev wouldn’t be able to swear to their

color, shifted in Gev’s mind, became Lee. The image startled him so much, he jerked back, his

foot hitting the chair.

Lee woke with a start. “What?” He looked around, then up at Gev, who had frozen guiltily.

“Gev?”

“Sorry. Didn’t mean to wake you.” Shit. So much for sneaking out now.

Lee sat up, rubbing a hand over his face. “It’s okay. What time is it?”

“Just after six.”

Lee looked over at the lamp. Gev reached over and turned it on, wincing a little at the