Authors: Carl Weber
Lookin' For Luv (46 page)
“Yes! Yes!” Antoine jumped in the air, shouting. He headed for the door and ran down the stairs to Keisha’s apartment. Opening her door with his key, he danced his way into her apartment.
“Keisha, honey, where are you?”
“In the kitchen, Antoine.”
Antoine ran into the kitchen and found her cooking dinner He wrapped his arms around her waist, kissing her gently.
“Dinner will be ready in about twenty minutes.” She closed her eyes and enjoyed his soft kisses against her neck. “Antoine, hon, you’d better stop or I’m gonna burn this chicken.”
“Let it burn. I’m taking you out to dinner tonight anyway.” He placed kisses all over her neck and shoulders.
“What’s gotten into you?” Keisha turned off the stove and faced him.
“I was just offered a job as principal of a high school!”
“Oh, Antoine, I’m so proud of you.” She kissed him excitedly. “I guess that means if I’m bad, I’m gonna have to go to the principal’s office.”
“Yeah, I’m going to have to come up with a real special punishment for a bad seed like you.”
“So what borough are you going to be in, sweetheart?” she asked as she led him into the bedroom.
“I’m not. I’m probably going to have to move to D.C. at the end of the school year,” he replied, unbuckling his pants.
“What?” she barked, snapping her head toward Antoine as her skirt hit the ground.
“I’m moving to D.C. You knew I applied to a school district in D.C. I thought you’d be happy for me.”
“You said D.C. was a last resort! There’s over a hundred high schools in New York City alone. What about the schools in Long Island you applied to?”
“The city schools wouldn’t give me fair shake without a recommendation from Maurice, and the Long Island schools all hire from within.”
“Well, maybe that was true when you sent out your applications, but what about now? Maurice is in jail. They should be givin’ you his job anyway.”
“What am I supposed to do, Keisha? Wait around to see if they would consider me for that job? Opportunities like the one in D.C. don’t come around every day. I can’t just pass it up because of what
might
happen.”
might
happen.”
“Antoine, you can’t move to D.C.” She had stopped undressing by this point in the conversation.
“What do you mean, I can’t? Look, Keisha, you’re my girlfriend, not my mother. Don’t you ever tell me what I can or cannot do,” he said angrily. “I don’t tell you what to do with your beauty shop. Don’t tell me what to do with my career.”
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean? I been bustin’ my ass, trying to conform to what you think a good woman should be, ever since we started going out. Then you give me shit because I want you here with me and your fucking baby? Fuck you, Antoine!”
Behind all the attitude she was throwing, Keisha was close to tears.
“You must think you’re talking to one of those girls in your shop. Don’t you dare use that kind of language with me.” He hesitated, then grabbed her shoulders. The true gist of her statement finally sunk in.
“Baby!
Oh, shit! Don’t tell me you’re pregnant.”
“Baby!
Oh, shit! Don’t tell me you’re pregnant.”
She nodded, looking down at the floor.
“When the hell were you going to tell me? On the way to the delivery room? Jesus Christ! This can’t be happening.”
“I just found out this morning when I went to the doctor. Why the fuck you trippin’ anyway? You’re gonna be a great father.”
“Maybe I don’t want to be a father. You ever think about that? God! How the hell did this happen anyway?”
“How the fuck you think it happened? You stuck your dick in me.”
“You did this on purpose, didn’t you?” he accused.
“No, I didn’t do it on purpose! But I’m not ashamed of it. I’m thirty-five years old, Antoine. How many more chances am I gonna get to have a baby?”
“Damn! Why couldn’t you have waited till we were married?” He was in a state of panic.
“Because you never asked me to marry you. You’ve been layin’ up with me for over four months and I haven’t even heard you say, ‘I love you’ once. So why the fuck would I think you’re going to marry me?”
Her words struck Antoine deeply. There was no way he could deny that they were true. In the time they had been together, she had told him she loved him on several occasions, but he just could not bring himself to say it to her.
“You know how I feel about you, Keisha. I just don’t want a baby right now. This whole thing’s just going to fuck up my life.”
She gasped, devastated that he could think their child would ruin his life. It made her furious that he was being so selfish.
“If you were so damned worried about me getting pregnant, how come you never used a condom or even asked me about birth control?”
“Birth control’s a woman’s job, not a man’s,” he argued, pounding his fist against the wall.
“Oh, my God! I know you don’t believe that, do you? How can one man be so smart and so stupid at the same time?”
“I don’t know what I believe. I’m not even sure if this baby is mine.” He regretted the comment as soon as he said it.
Keisha, enraged, began to sob as she grabbed a heavy book from a shelf and threw it at him.
“Motherfucker, if you don’t wanna be this baby’s daddy, you don’t have to be. But don’t you ever accuse me of being a slut. Now get the fuck out my apartment!” she screeched.
He thought about apologizing for his last comment, but Keisha gave him no time as she continued her tirade.
“You oughta be happy I can have your baby. That’s more than I can say about the last bitch you fucked with!” She grabbed her crotch as if she were a man.
Antoine was too distraught to even ask her what the gesture was supposed to mean. He put on his clothes and walked out of her apartment back to his own. He was numb. He never expected to conceive a child out of wedlock. The truth was, Keisha was right. He had been stupid.
In his apartment he slumped on the couch. He wondered how he could have had sex with her for months and not ever talked to her about birth control. He was not ready to be a father, and now he was feeling trapped because of his own stupid mistake. He picked up the phone and dialed Kevin’s number.
“Hello,” Kevin answered, breathing hard.
“Hey, Kev, this Antoine. You got a minute? I really need to talk.”
“I’m kinda busy, Antoine. Can I call you back in about a half hour?” He was still breathing hard, and Antoine wondered if Kevin had gotten back with Denise when he heard a female voice in the background calling “Hang up the phone, loverman. I want some more.”
“Okay, just make sure you call me back. Keisha’s pregnant,” he blurted out. The words had shocked Antoine with their directness, and they must have floored Kevin. There was silence on Kevin’s end of the call.
“Kevin, did you hear me?”
“Sorry about that. I had to go to another room to get some privacy. Did you say Keisha’s pregnant?”
“Yeah, she is. And I don’t know what I’m going to do. Think you can sneak out and have a drink? I really need to talk things out.”
“No problem, Antoine. You know I’m here for you, bro. But you should talk to Tyrone, not me.”
“Don’t get me wrong, Kevin. Tyrone’s my best friend next to you, but you said it best yourself. We’re like the devil and the angel. We never see eye to eye on anything.”
“Look, Antoine, Tyrone’s matured a lot since he’s been with Sylvia. Plus, I don’t know anything about kids. You guys keep forgettin’ I’m only twenty-three. He’s been in your position two times, and you’ve seen what kind of father he is. Look, he’s gonna be at the school until nine. Miles is letting him clean out his locker. Why don’t you run on over there and talk to him?”
Antoine had long forgotten how young Kevin was. He had taken for granted that his friend was older because of the maturity with which he carried himself. But young or not, he was right. Tyrone had more experience than both of them when it came to dealing with pregnancy and children. Antoine just hoped his friend could put aside the jokes for once, because he knew he would not be in a humorous mood.
“You’re right, Kevin. I’m going to catch a cab over to the school right now.”
Antoine walked down to the cabstand next to Benny’s Bar, at the comer of his block. He asked the dispatcher for a cab, then stepped outside to wait.
“Antoine, what’s up, my man?” Benny the bartender was standing in the doorway of his bar and had spotted Antoine on the sidewalk.
“Hi, Benny, how you doin’?” Antoine walked over to shake his hand.
“Good, real good. I heard you and Keisha hooked up. Now, that’s what I call a woman. You better watch out. A girl like that will get you into trouble.” He winked.
“You don’t know the half of it,” Antoine replied sadly, but the sentiment went unnoticed by Benny.
“Ay, whatever happened to that stripper, uh, I mean makeup woman, you used to go with?”
“Man, we’d probably be planning our wedding now if she had quit her job at the Men’s Club, but I really don’t want to talk about it right now.”
“No problem, man.” Benny said good-bye and walked back into his bar.
Antoine’s cab pulled up to the sidewalk, and he climbed in the backseat.
“Where to, boss man?” the cabdriver asked in a heavy foreign accent.
Antoine hesitated for a second. He had intended to go straight to the school to seek Tyrone’s advice about the baby, but now he knew he had something else to work out first. He could not begin to make decisions about his impending fatherhood until he was certain that there was no chance for him and Shawna to be together.
“Six fifty-four Highland Avenue in Jamaica. I’m going to see an old friend.”
37
ANTOINE AND SHAWNA
During the ride to Shawna’s apartment, Antoine changed his mind about fifty times and almost told the driver to turn around and bring him home. But he knew that if he didn’t face the situation then, it would come back to bite him later. And even though he wasn’t quite sure how he felt about Keisha, he knew he at least owed her a true explanation of his feelings. So he continued his cab ride to Shawna’s in the hope that he would be able to sort out his confused feelings.
As the cab arrived in front of Shawna’s apartment, Antoine paid the driver, his hands shaking nervously as he handed over the money. The cabdriver smiled gratefully when he told him to keep the change. In his anxious state he didn’t notice that he had handed the man a twenty-dollar bill for an eight-dollar ride. He stepped out of the cab and walked slowly up the pathway, each step full of fear and anticipation.
“Who is it?” Shawna asked when she heard his knock.
“It’s Antoine, Shawna. Can I come in?”
Shawna couldn’t believe he was standing outside her door. A million thoughts ran through her mind at once. She missed him deeply and was overjoyed that he was there to-see her. He had been her first real boyfriend and she could not deny the love she still felt for him. But her happiness was tainted, because she knew that if she acted on her love and reconciled with him, Keisha would surely tell her secret to exact some revenge. As she looked through the peephole, her defenses melted with the sight of that baby face that she loved so much. There was no way she could ask him to leave without talking to him.
“To hell with Keisha,” she thought. “I’ll figure that out later.”
“Just a minute, Antoine.” She straightened out her tight-fitting dress and took a deep breath, praying silently that he and Keisha had broken up.
Unconsciously she arched her back slightly, so the first thing he noticed when the door opened were her much-enhanced breasts.
“Hi, Antoine, it’s good to see you. What brings you over to this side of town?” she asked as casually as she could.
For a second he was speechless. He couldn’t believe how beautiful she looked with her face recently made up and her hair in braids. And as much as he tried not to stare, his eyes were drawn immediately to her shapely new breasts.
Shawna blushed. There was no doubt about what he was looking at.
“Like the new addition?” she asked proudly, doing a quick model turn right there in the doorway.
Her boldness embarrassed Antoine, and he tried to take his eyes off her chest and look her in the eye. Almost involuntarily they traveled straight back down to her new curves. Shawna adored all the attention and could have stood there to let him stare all day, but she spotted her nosy landlord peering at them from his garden. So she invited Antoine inside.
Nervously he stepped into her apartment and walked straight to the love seat in her tastefully decorated living room. The colors were muted pastels, the paintings that hung on the walls were mostly still lifes. As he looked around the room, he happily noticed that his pictures were still hung throughout. It felt good to know she still thought about him.
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