Losing Him (26 page)

tears.
“Will, you have to help me. I’m in big trouble.”
Only two people called me Will.
Ivy and Stosh.
“What’s wrong now? Did you break a nail or something? Did you lose your

favorite mini-skirt? Is your period due?”
She raised her eyebrow, like I was out of line. “I’m being serious!” She pushed

me and sat next to me on my bed. “If I fail my exam, I won’t graduate.”
“What are you talking about?”
She rolled her eyes and stood up to admire herself in the mirror. “It’s Biology.

You know I hate that class. The teacher is pissed at me because he’d never have someone like me. He has it out for me, I swear.”

I shook my head. My sister could never admit that something was her fault. “So, you want me to help you study?”

She gave me a dirty look. “Are you kidding me, right now? Um, hell to the no. I want you to take the exam for me.”

“You’re crazy! I’m not doing that! Besides, I would miss my own final to help you.” She must be insane if she thought I would be willing to trade places with her and let her take my test. My sister was beautiful and very popular, but she sucked at anything that had to do with academics.

“I am going to hook that day. The makeup exam will be the following day and you’ll be all done. Please Will? I don’t want to fail my senior year. I’m begging you.”
I walked over to my window. Did she even know what she was asking me to

do? How could I possibly do something so illegal? How could I chance losing everything that I’d worked for?

I’ll tell you how...

I did it for my twin sister; the one who shared the egg that created us. She was my partner, no matter what the sacrifice. I’d do anything to make her happy. In fact, I couldn’t be happy unless I knew she was too.

That was my biggest mistake.

I was already disappointed in myself, but it was something that I felt obligated to do, no matter what the risk was. “Fine. You owe me big for this one.”

“Anything! You just name it.” She wrapped her arms around me. “What would I do without you, sis?”

“Apparently, flunk Biology.”

She snickered as she started to walk out of the room. “Now that you’ve helped me solve my itsy bitsy problem, I can concentrate on getting myself all sexified up for this party tonight. Everyone is going to be there. I’m so excited.”

Everyone wasn’t going to be there. I’d be catching up on biology, in my room, alone.

I only studied for a few hours before I got bored and my mind went back to Stoshua. I was running out of time to tell him how I felt. It was going to happen.

There was a big end of year assembly for the seniors. We were both on the clean up committee and would have to stay after school. When we were alone, I was going to tell him everything. He would finally find out just how crazy in love with him I was. Since I was so sure he felt the same way, I was excited and optimistic.

The assembly was focused on superlatives, which my sister won a lot of. She was most beautiful, most daring, and most popular. Everyone cheered when she went up to collect her little awards.

I spotted Stosh in the crowd and caught him looking back at me three times. It gave me even more courage.

After the assembly was over, I weeded through the crowd to find him. I should have known when I saw him standing in front of my sister that something was wrong. It just didn’t dawn on me that it would go the way it went.

They both saw me heading their way. My smile turned upside down and my heart was beating a thousand times too fast. “What’s up?”

They looked at each other and then back at me. “Stoshua just asked me to prom. We are going to be the hottest couple there. I just know it.” She put her arm into his and waited for me to reply.

Of all the people on the entire planet, nobody could have hurt me like my sister did at that very moment. I was literally crushed into a million pieces. “I didn’t know you guys liked each other.”

They both looked at each other and shrugged. After all of this time, I’d thought he was interested in me, when the whole time he’d only been into my sister. She’d probably told him to be nice to me.

I felt like such a fool.

“That’s great.” I could feel the burning in my throat. I was choking back my own pain to try and be happy for my sister. It was impossible to even look at Stosh. I wanted to die!

The next week was even worse. Ivy drug me all over town, looking for the perfect dress. She said she needed to be the hottest girl there.

When she found her version of a perfect dress, which consisted of it just ending at her ass and showing entirely too much cleavage, she got even more annoying. “You know, you should come to prom. We could get matching dresses, like we did when we were kids.”

“No thanks. Prom isn’t my kind of scene. I’m just going to catch a movie. You know, the statistics show that drunk driving is heightened during events such as dances. Drug use is even worse. I prefer being home by ten and knowing I will wake up in one piece.”

She rolled her eyes at me. “Whatever!” While admiring herself in the mirror, “I seriously wonder what planet you came from sometimes. I mean, do you even hear yourself?”

If she wasn’t my sister, I knew we’d never be friends. We had nothing in common except our looks. “I can’t help who I am. When I’m out of college and I have a good job, I’ll have plenty of time to go out and have fun. I just don’t want to make a mistake that could cost me the future that I’m working so hard for. You can’t hate me for being responsible.”

“You really need to live a little. Your vagina is going to shrivel up like an old lady if you don’t use it!”

I rolled my eyes. “My vagina is fine, thank you very much.”
“Don’t say I didn’t warn ya.” She continued admiring herself in the mirror. “Just because I’m saving myself, doesn’t mean I’m a prude. I’m happy with my

life. One day I can look back and be happy with my decisions. I don’t want regrets, Ivy.” She was going to have them. Everything my sister did made me wonder what the hell she was thinking.

Since dress shopping had been a nightmare, I avoided my sister until the big day. I’d had my moments and it was a blessing that we didn’t share rooms. I’d cried myself to sleep every night and being in school wasn’t easier. I had to maintain my friendship with Stosh like nothing had happened. He was into my sister, which meant he had never been into me. It was like a slap in the face to have to put on a smile everyday and pretend that our friendship hadn’t been tainted.

When he started asking me questions about my sister, I wanted to scream.

Then they became more than just prom dates. I saw him walking her to class and she kissed him right in front of me. I wanted to cringe. The two people that I loved the most were into each other. I was the odd person out. Nothing was going to be the same.

As upset as I was about their situation, I did switch places with my sister and take her exam. For some reason, I didn’t think about having to pretend to be her around Stosh. He found me walking down the hall and grabbed my hand. I’d pictured it for so long and wondered what it would be like to have his large hand holding mine.

He kept looking at me and smiling, but didn’t say anything. A few people passed us in the hall and he spoke to them, but not to me. When we arrived at my sister’s class, I knew we had to say something. “Thanks for walking with me.”

“It was my pleasure.” He played with my bangs, causing me to blush. I was so hot for him but, I couldn’t tell him.

I bit down on my lip. “Willow isn’t here today.”
“Really? Where is she?”
“She’s not feeling well.” It wasn’t totally a lie. I felt like I was going to puke. “Good thing she finished her exams. I just thought we could hang out in the

library. Oh well, I guess I’ll just take a nap.”

I thought he was just going to walk away. I mean, he started to, but all of the sudden he turned around and pulled me into his arms. Butterflies filled my stomach as he closed his eyes and pressed his warm lips on mine. I would have been able to manage with just a peck, but it escalated quickly. His tongue intruded it’s way into my mouth and found mine. I just couldn’t help myself. I’d dreamed of kissing this fabulous guy for so long. I had to feel what it was like once.

I’d never seen him kiss my sister so intensely. He grabbed the back of the hair on my head and kissed me again and again. I never even noticed that the bell had rang until the teacher cleared his voice. “Do you plan on taking your final exam, Ivy?”

Stoshua pulled away, but not before placing a small kiss on my forehead. “It was worth it,” he whispered before walking away.

I walked into the classroom with my heart beating out of my chest. From just one kiss, I’d fallen more in love with him. My sister was never going to forgive me and I didn’t even care.

Well, I didn’t care about anything Ivy related until I got home and heard her talking about him. She was all excited and trying on her dress for the twentieth time. “I can’t wait until tomorrow. We’re going to have such a good time. He’s going to have a night he will never forget.”

I was so jealous that I couldn’t help myself. “We kissed today. He thought I was you.”

Her eyes got huge and she walked over to me. “That’s impossible. I talked to him right before he walked into school and told him I wasn’t going to be there.”

I was speechless. Stosh knew he was kissing me. Maybe I was wrong about his feelings. Maybe I really had a chance. “But, he...”

“He was probably just playing the part. He kisses me every day before that class. Wow, he is an awesome boyfriend, don’t you think?”

She was oblivious to what I was thinking.

I didn’t care what Ivy thought had happened. I’d felt the connection between us. It was real, I could have sworn it.

While I retreated to my room to relive the most magical moment of my life, I got a text from Stosh, saying that he missed me at school. It made no sense. Ivy swore he knew it was me the whole time.

Choosing to ignore him, I tried to stay in my room when he came to pick up my sister in the limousine. I didn’t even want to peek out the window to see them together. It just hurt too much.

It wasn’t until my mother came in and pulled me out to take pictures with them, that things got even more confusing. She positioned me on the opposite side of Stosh. When I felt his arm around my shoulder, the same sensations as before went running through my body. I looked up and saw him looking down at me, with a big smile on his face.

After a few more pictures, and me trying to hold my breath, I ran back into the house and never looked out the window to watch them leave.

My sister never came home that night. I knew what it meant. She’s slept with Stoshua. My whole world was shattered. I hated her for being with him and she didn’t even know it.

It took three days for them to stop talking to each other. Summer had begun and my sister never had a boyfriend during the season of bathing suits and beach weather. She could have cared less about Stosh and what they’d done at Prom. The pictures came and they were placed on the mantel with all of our other family photos. I hated going into the living room.

About five weeks after school ended, I found my sister in my room sitting on my bed. She was crying and holding something in her hand.

I sat down beside her. “Ivy, what’s wrong?”

She sniffled and leaned her head on my shoulder. “I fucked up. Dad’s going to kill me.”

“What are you talking about?”

She handed me the pregnancy test. “This is the third one I took. What am I going to do?”

That was the exact moment when I knew I’d lost him forever. I was speechless. All I could do was hug my sister, because my mind was on me never being with the only guy I ever loved.

After the truth came out, Stosh’s family insisted on him doing the right thing by Ivy. They were married in a small ceremony at our church a month later. I remember it raining it’s ass off and her hair getting messed up. In eighteen years, I’d never wanted my sister to suffer. Something had changed between us. I was done giving up things for her. I needed a new start, away from my sister and her new husband. They were going to have the family that I wanted with him.

I decided to take the scholarship that I’d earned to a college out of state. In fact, I’d already moved in when my mother called to tell me that Ivy lost the baby. Although I felt her pain, our time apart hadn’t mended my heart. I had animosity toward my sister and knew that as long as she was with Stosh, I couldn’t be around them. He and I stopped talking altogether. It was extremely difficult to be cordial when I heard about them.

In just a few short months, I’d lost my two best friends. I felt saddened and completely alone. Every second of every day, I’d always known that I had someone by my side. My whole life was immediately turned upside down and I couldn’t deal with it. I had to get as far away as I could. I didn’t care about anything anymore. Why bother, when you can end up losing in the end?

My sister and I kept in touch, but nothing was ever the same as before he came into our lives. She could never know what she’d taken from me. I loved her enough to never hurt her like that.

So I thought...

Chapter 2
The mirror has two faces.

I should probably explain the conversation that put all of this into play.

The call from my sister came around four in the morning. When my cell phone started vibrating across my bedside table, I should have known it was her. Since I’d left for college, she never called unless she needed something, or wanted to brag about her perfect life.

I shared a house with four other girls and our lease was up in one month. Since we’d all graduated, we’d already started packing up our things.

I attempted to reach for my phone with my eyes still closed, but ended up knocking it into a box on the floor.

The vibrating stopped and then started back again.

I finally felt it and pulled it out to see my sister’s face displayed on the screen. I doubled checked the time before answering.

Hello?
It’s me. I’m in trouble and I need you to come home.

Ivy, it’s four in the morning. Call me back in a couple of hours.