Losing You (62 page)

‘Emma, what a relief to see you,’ he declared. ‘I’ve been wandering about all over the place without a clue where to go.’

‘Well, you wouldn’t have, would you?’ she retorted sourly.

His face instantly tightened. ‘It’s her birthday,’ he snapped, ‘so do we have to do this?’

Wanting to slap him off his ludicrous attempt at the moral high ground, she said, ‘You’ve got a bloody nerve. Anyone would think ...’ She grabbed his arm as he made to move past her. ‘Oh no,’ she told him fiercely, ‘you can’t just come barging in here like you’ve been a model father for the last three months.’

‘Let go of me.’

Keeping her hand right where it was, she said, ‘You’ve got some big-time explaining to do ...’

‘I don’t have to explain anything to you.’

‘Not to me, to her, and as you so rightly point out, today is her birthday, and guess what? I am not going to allow you to spoil it. She’s surrounded by people who really care for her, people who’ve ...’

‘Hah!’ he laughed scathingly. ‘How did I know you were going to throw that at me? Like I don’t care for her. Well, you know damned well it’s not true ...’

‘All I know is that you haven’t even bothered to find out how she is since she came out of the coma. Your own daughter, Will, and it was too much of an effort simply to pick up a phone or send a text. How could you treat her that way? Just what kind of man are you?’

Though there was anger in his eyes, she could see his unease as his head went down. ‘Actually, I don’t know,’ he answered hoarsely.

She blinked in astonishment.

‘The truth is, I hate myself for what I’ve done,’ he went on lamely, ‘but I don’t know ... I didn’t think ... I’ve wanted to ask about her, I swear it, but I’ve been too afraid ... I didn’t want to hear she was paralysed or mentally ... retarded or ...’

Emma’s contempt felt lethal. ‘And it would make a difference if she was?’ She didn’t bother to wait for an answer. ‘If you want to see her, Will, then you’d better start facing the fact now that a lot of things have changed around here. She’s not who she used to be, at least not
yet, and the chances are she never will be. Her brain was badly injured ...’

‘I know that ...’

‘Then accept it, because it’s not going away,
ever
. It’s made her who she is now and let me tell you, in my book, she’s even more special than before because of how hard she’s trying and how much courage she has. So much more than you, you spineless bastard. She puts you to shame ...’

‘Listen, I’m prepared to admit I haven’t handled things well, but I’m here now. I want to make up for it, to show her that ... that I really do love her.’

‘And how do you propose to do that?’

Though he took a breath to fire back a reply, he ended up shaking his head helplessly. ‘If you can tell me ... Maybe she can tell me? Is she able to talk? Will she know who I am?’

‘Oh for God’s sake, of course she’ll know who you are, and the answer to your other question is no, she can’t speak the way she used to. She can’t play a musical instrument either, or walk without crutches. All that might change, because she’s improving all the time, but you need to start understanding right now that she will never be the great musician you wanted her to be, or the fastest runner on the track, or the best orator in the room. But she’s still Lauren. Nothing has damaged her heart, it can still be every bit as hurt as yours or mine, and I’m telling you this now, if you do anything to hurt her, one word, one look, one gesture, I swear I’ll kill you.’

His smile was rueful and didn’t reach his eyes. ‘A mother protecting her young,’ he muttered.

‘You’d better believe it. Now there’s something else you need to know. She’s having a little party at the moment before the much bigger one that the staff and other patients are throwing for her later. Berry’s in her room with her, and Mum, Polly and Melissa – and Oliver Lomax and his father.’

He frowned, then, connecting with the name, he gaped at her incredulously. ‘I didn’t hear that right, did I?’ he demanded.

She only looked at him, challengingly.

His upper lip curled. ‘That little scumbag is in there with my daughter?’ he raged. ‘Have you completely lost your mind?’

Grabbing him as he made to storm off again, she spun him round and said in a voice sharp enough to cut out his insides, ‘Before you go any further, let me ask you this: where the hell have you been during her recovery?’

His face stayed rigid with anger.

‘Nowhere, that’s where you’ve been,’ she seethed. ‘Absolutely bloody nowhere. Now let me tell you where Oliver Lomax has been, and that’s right here, at her side every single day of the week, throughout every single new exercise she’s given, every new challenge she has to rise to, every little setback she has to overcome. He’s never let her down, not once, and nor will he. He gives her strength, he makes her believe in herself, he does things for her that neither you nor I will ever be able to do. Are you hearing what I’m saying? They have something very special between them, Will, and if you can’t handle that then you’d better turn around right now and walk away.’

He shook his head, as though he in some way pitied her. ‘What the hell am I supposed to say to that?’ he cried. ‘We’re talking about the kid who ran her over, right?’

‘Indeed.’

‘The kid who was drunk while he was driving and has now somehow managed to walk away from it all.’

‘But he hasn’t walked away from her.’

‘This isn’t making any sense, Emma.’

‘Maybe not to you, but it makes plenty to me, and it does to her too. She knows he was the driver, she also knows how much he cares for her. That’s what matters to her now, not what happened before. He’s put the light back in her eyes, Will, he gives her the kind of determination that she might not be able to muster on her own. So if you can’t put your own ego and prejudices aside, then the only kind thing you can do for her now is leave her alone.’

He took a deep breath and held on to it for an excruciatingly long time, looking as bewildered as she’d ever seen him, but she had no pity to spare. The only reason she was
even standing here talking to him was because she knew that if Lauren had any idea he was out here she would want to see him – but not if he couldn’t accept Oliver.

At last he said, ‘I know I’ve screwed up badly ...’

She didn’t argue, because he had.

‘I don’t know what to do,’ he said angrily. ‘It’s too hard to accept that boy being in her life when he’s the one who’s ruined it.’

‘But her life isn’t ruined, it’s just different.’

His eyes were barely comprehending. ‘And this is what you want for her, to be a shadow of her former self, with a boy ...’

‘She’s not a shadow, she’s my daughter, the same daughter as I’ve always had. She’s just not doing things in quite the same way as she used to.’

He swallowed and pushed a hand through his hair. In the end, his expression showed only impotence as he admitted, ‘I’m afraid, Emma. I want to see her, I swear I came here intending to, but now I’m afraid of ... I don’t know, what she’s going to be like, I guess, and I don’t think I can handle seeing her with those
people
.’

Emma’s voice was steely as she said, ‘Then can I make a suggestion?’

He regarded her cautiously.

‘That you go home and come back when you’re ready to behave like a father and put her first.’

Temper flashed through his eyes. ‘Emma, for God’s sake, I’m trying ...’

‘No, you’re not. You’re only thinking about yourself and frankly, Will, you don’t matter in the slightest. You never did. It’s only Lauren who matters, and when you finally understand that is when you’ll be ready to see her.’

His head went down as the truth of her words crushed him. ‘Are you going to tell her I came?’ he asked.

Feeling her heart starting to break as she realised that he really was going to leave, Emma said, ‘Do you want me to?’

He shook his head. ‘I guess it’s probably best you don’t, for now.’ Then, apparently unhappy with that, he suggested, ‘Or maybe you should decide what to do?’

As Emma looked at him she could only wonder how she’d ever loved him. ‘I’ll tell her if she mentions the fact that you didn’t come today,’ she said coldly. ‘If she doesn’t, it’ll be like this, you, never happened.’

A while later, with the bigger party now under way, Emma was walking out of the centre with Russ, smiling at the sounds of the raucous celebrations. They both had meetings to attend this afternoon, though Emma would be back again this evening, if only to say goodnight to Lauren who’d no doubt be totally worn out by then.

Having already told Russ about her encounter with Will while they were in the kitchen making tea for everyone, Emma sighed wearily now as she said, ‘Her father isn’t exactly a bad man, and I know he does love her, but he’s having a terrible time trying to come to terms with her injuries. And finding out about Oliver has obviously made it worse.’

‘Mm, well, I can’t say I’m surprised about that,’ Russ commented. ‘There aren’t many people who’d find it easy to deal with.’

Emma raised an eyebrow. ‘We seem to be managing,’ she pointed out wryly.

‘Ah, but we’re special,’ he quipped.

Laughing, Emma said, ‘Do you know what I really think? I think that a part of him was glad to have you and Oliver as an excuse not to go in, because now he’s made a gesture without having to face the fact that she might be less than perfect.’

‘Mm, you could well be right,’ he replied, ‘but what is that going to do to his relationship with her when he does pluck up the courage to face her?’

Shaking her head, Emma said, ‘I guess we’ll just have to cross that bridge when we come to it. Did I tell you she wanted to write to him?’

‘No.’

‘It was a few weeks ago. She hasn’t brought it up since, so I haven’t either. I spoke briefly to her psychologist about it, though, and he said everything needs time to be processed, and a) she’s not as fast at doing that now as she
used to be, and b) she’s probably not ready to deal with her father yet anyway.’

‘If that’s the case, then it’s a very good thing he didn’t join the party.’

Emma nodded. ‘He’d have spoiled it somehow, that’s for sure, and when I think of the various ways he might have upset her ... He’d only have to hear her speak for the horror to show in his face, and when you consider what that might do to her morale, her confidence ...’ Such a violent sense of protection closed in around her that she lost the rest of her words. ‘Thank God I ran into him outside, is all I can say.’

‘Maybe you can explain to him, at some point,’ Russ suggested, ‘that however he sees her now isn’t necessarily how she’s always going to be.’

‘Maybe I could, but we don’t really know that, do we? They say the faster the recovery in the early stages, the more likely there are to be problems in the longer term. That means anything from seizures, to mood disturbances, to some awful side effect from the operation she still has to have.’

Frowning, he said, ‘I wasn’t aware of that.’

‘They have to replace the part of the skull they removed for the surgery,’ she explained. ‘I don’t think they have the original bone any more, so it’ll be a titanium plate, but it won’t be done until ... Well, no one knows when, because it’s not urgent, so she could be waiting for up to a year or more.’

Sounding concerned, he asked, ‘But it won’t delay her being able to go home?’

At last Emma felt some of her tension starting to ebb. ‘No, it won’t do that,’ she replied. Turning to look at him as they reached her car, she said, ‘I haven’t told her the good news yet, because I didn’t want to upstage the lovely present you and Oliver gave her today, but we’ve had a visit from a golden angel.’

He feigned amazement. ‘Really?’

Not at all fooled, she said, ‘He came to the house to measure up for a stairlift today – one of my neighbours let him in – and apparently once it’s been fitted, which he said
should take about a week from now, the way could be clear for her to leave the centre.’ Her voice started to catch. ‘Thank you so much. Thank you, thank you,’ she gulped, and promptly burst into tears.

Sounding rather amused, he said, ‘If I thought it was going to have this sort of effect ...’

‘We’d never have got one so quickly through the NHS,’ she told him with a laugh. ‘So thank you for bringing the dream of having her back at home another very big step closer.’

As he drove away in his car a few minutes later, the residue of Russ’s pleasure was fading fast as he began to fear for what his decision to join the party today had done to Sylvie. He knew she’d gone to the airport to meet him, because she’d sent a text to tell him she was on her way, and another letting him know how much she was looking forward to seeing him.

Maybe we can spend a few days together, somewhere discreet and romantic. I will ask Olivia to recommend somewhere
.

After that there were no more messages, and since neither Olivia nor Hans had called him he couldn’t decide whether no news was good news or bad – except where Sylvie was concerned it was always bad.

Accepting that there was only one way to find out, he waited until he was in the centre of Bristol and parked before taking out his mobile and connecting to Olivia. At first the answering machine picked up, but then his brother-in-law’s voice came down the line saying hello.

‘Hans, it’s Russ. Just checking in to make sure everything’s OK with you.’

‘With me, everything is fine,’ Hans told him, ‘with Olivia and Sylvie I am not currently able to say.’

Starting to turn cold, Russ said, ‘Why? What’s happened?’

‘This is what I’m trying to ascertain, but Olivia is not answering her phone. She left about two hours ago to go and collect Sylvie from the airport ... Did you tell Sylvie you were coming today?’

‘No, but I can imagine she convinced herself that I did.’

‘Hang on, someone is calling on the other line. Let me find out if it’s Olivia.’

As he waited Russ tried not to berate himself for standing firm against Sylvie’s blackmail, but if she’d done something stupid and he could have prevented it, how was he ever going to face his sons?