Losing You (65 page)

‘You see, something good has come out of my accident,’ Lauren had said in her pitifully slurred way a few days ago. ‘You and Granny are friends again now, and I met Oliver.’

It was always wonderful to hear her being positive like that, but Emma couldn’t help wondering if, given the choice, Lauren would trade the way things were now for the way they had been. She certainly wouldn’t want to give up Oliver, but was he worth the loss of her mental agility? It was a pointless question and she’d never ask it, because even if he wasn’t, there was absolutely nothing anyone could do about it.

‘I’d like to be there for the farewell tea,’ her mother was saying as Emma started to pack up her laptop, ‘but if you think I should stay here so someone’s at home when you get back ...’

‘No, no, you absolutely must come,’ Emma told her. ‘She’d be so upset if you didn’t.’

Phyllis’s eyes showed her pleasure. ‘She’s been working on her thank yous for the last three weeks,’ she declared. ‘I really wouldn’t want to miss them.’

It was no surprise to Emma to find Oliver already at the centre when she arrived at a quarter to two, since he’d probably been there all morning. However, he wasn’t with Lauren, he was in the kitchen helping the staff and other patients to prep for the big send-off. The dining room next door had its doors thrown wide to the lovely leafy patio outside and was
already lavishly decorated with bunting and balloons, plus a witty collection of amateurish portraits (all of patients or staff), handwritten messages of good luck that were deeply moving, and a mesmerising montage of photos detailing Lauren’s time at the centre. Several of the shots had been taken with her therapists and fellow residents, a few were with Emma and Phyllis, or Melissa, or Harry and Jane, but mostly they were of her and Oliver cooking, swimming, struggling with crutches, laughing uproariously, pedalling an exercise bike, intent on something they were making, pulling faces at the photographer, and in one adorable shot they were lying on Lauren’s bed together, fast asleep.

‘Has she seen this yet?’ Emma asked Oliver, as he came to stand with her to look at the montage.

‘No, we’ve been putting it together as a surprise,’ he told her. ‘Do you think she’ll like it?’

‘Are you kidding? She’ll absolutely love it. You’ve done a fantastic job.’

‘Hasn’t he?’ one of the therapists called out, as she carried a tray of cakes in from the kitchen. ‘We all want a copy before he goes.’

‘Did you see the one of me?’ Mark, one of the patients, asked, rolling his wheelchair over to join them. Mark had been the victim of a violent assault outside a pub in Swindon, when a gang of youths had set on him with bottles, boots and deadly fists.

‘An’ me?’ Dinah, a young mother from the next room to Lauren’s, demanded. ‘Breezghe sez look like frrringale.’ Whatever she’d said, she seemed delighted by it, and as Emma smiled at her warmly she wondered if poor Dinah, who’d been at the centre for over a year after a fall down the steps of a multi-storey car park, would ever fully recover. How hard it must be for her husband and children, who had to travel all the way from Devon every weekend to see her. When, they must be asking themselves, would she ever be able to come home.

‘I’ve put that one in a frame for you,’ Oliver told her, pointing to a shot of Dinah with her enchanting eighteen-month-old twins. The poor little mites had hardly known their mother when the accident happened.

This place was so full of tragedy, and yet it emanated more hope and courage than Emma had ever come across before. Staff and patients alike were so special that it was almost impossible to put into words how much she admired them. She was going to miss her visits here far more than she’d realised until now.

‘Ah, here’s Dad,’ Oliver declared, spotting his father coming into reception.

Turning to greet Russ as he approached the double doors to the dining room, Emma felt her heart lift with pleasure. She liked this man so much, and felt she might possibly have made a friend for life. ‘Hi,’ she said, reaching out a hand to shake.

‘Hi,’ he responded, taking it and pulling her to him. ‘Congratulations,’ he said, hugging her gently. ‘This is a big day and you’ve done as much, if not more, than anyone to help bring it about.’

Emma grimaced as she blushed and turned to Oliver. ‘I think your son deserves a lot more of the credit than I do,’ she said fondly. She wanted to ask if there was any news on Russ’s wife, but it could wait till later. ‘So, where is the star of today’s show?’ she demanded, looking around at all the activity taking place in Lauren’s honour.

Oliver’s eyes twinkled. ‘In her room getting ready. I’m not allowed in.’

Laughing, Emma said, ‘I take it my mother’s with her.’

‘No, she popped along to the supermarket to get some more sugar. We were running low.’

Deciding to leave Russ admiring the photomontage with Dinah and Mark, while Oliver went back to the kitchen, Emma took off along Maple Corridor fully expecting to find one of the occupational therapists in Lauren’s room helping her to put on her make-up. (Though she wasn’t too bad at applying it herself now, she’d want it to be perfect for today, and Emma already knew how stunning she looked in the cream chiffon minidress they’d ordered from Next, with its wide pleated shoulder straps and transparent frill around the hem.)

However, when she got to the room and put her head round the door, to her amazement and alarm she found
Lauren all alone amidst her boxes and bags, still wearing her dressing gown and in floods of tears.

‘Oh my goodness, what’s happened?’ Emma cried, quickly closing the door and going to kneel in front of her.

‘Don want ... don want ... to go,’ Lauren sobbed.

Her heart thudding with angst, Emma cupped her face in her hands and lifted her head. ‘Are you saying you don’t want to have a party?’ she asked. ‘Or you don’t want to go home?’

‘Wan to stay heeere.’

‘Oh, my darling,’ Emma murmured, wrapping her in her arms. ‘I know it’s going to be hard leaving ...’

‘Don want toooo.’

Though she’d been warned about this, Emma was still finding it hard to deal with when she so wanted this to be a happy day for Lauren. Pulling back to look at her again, she said, ‘Don’t you want to be in your own bedroom with all your things around you and the freedom to come and go ...’

‘No,’ Lauren cried, shaking her head. ‘Can’t dooo anything. I’m no good.’

‘Oh sweetheart, you know that isn’t true. Look at all you’ve accomplished while you’ve been here ...’

‘I wan to stay, Mum. Please let meee stay.’

Maybe it was because she understood her fears, and sympathised with them, that Emma was finding it so hard to be able to soothe them. ‘Think of how brave you’ve been up to now,’ she said gently. ‘You have to try to find that courage again ...’

‘I donn’t have it any more. It’s all gone.’

‘No it isn’t, it’s just hiding behind all those negative things you’re thinking, but it’s a lot bigger than they are, so we’ll just sit here and wait for it to put its foot down and say enough is enough, shall we?’

Lauren looked at her helplessly.

Emma smiled. ‘I expect it’s been feeling quite tired lately,’ she went on cheerily, ‘because it’s had so much work to do. It’ll wake up in a minute though, feeling as good as new.’

Lauren turned her head away. ‘Don want a partee,’ she
said tightly. ‘Don wan to say goodbye to allll my friennnds. I want tooo stay here with them.’

Taking hold of her hands, Emma said, ‘I know you do, my darling, but this room has to go to someone else now who needs to be taken care of the way you’ve been taken care of while you were here. And you can always come back to visit. You know that lots of people do, you’ve met them ...’

‘I’m diffff-rent to everyone now, Mumm. In heeere I’m the same.’

‘Well, you aren’t really the same, are you, because you’re not as unwell as the rest of them any more. You can do almost everything for yourself now, and as time goes on you’ll be able to start studying again and going places with Oliver ...’

Lauren’s eyes welled with more tears as she said, ‘Oll-ver won’t want me when I leeeave heeere. He’ll find someone elllse, someone normalll.’

Realising they might now be getting to the heart of the matter, Emma said, ‘Oh Lauren, that is such a daft thing to think. First of all, you’re perfectly normal, and second, I can’t imagine what else he could do to prove to you that he doesn’t want anyone else.’

‘But we’re not in a reeeal worllld in heeere. Out there it’ll be diff-diff-rent. I know it will.’

Going to sit next to her on the bed, Emma wrapped an arm around her and pulled her head on to her shoulder. ‘Everyone’s getting ready for your party. Oliver’s dad is here, so’s Granny; Polly and Melissa will be arriving any minute. And Oliver’s got a lovely surprise for you.’

Lauren remained leaning limply against her.

‘What about your thank-you speeches?’ Emma prompted. ‘I know everyone’s looking forward to hearing them ...’

‘I wrote themm down in llletters,’ Lauren told her. ‘I don wan to say it, so I’ve put themmm in envelopes for everrryone to read.’

Emma’s eyebrows rose in surprise. ‘So you don’t want to have a farewell tea in your lovely dress and with all your friends around you?’

Lauren shook her head.

‘I’m sure you do.’

‘No. I don’t.’

Emma was trying hard to think what to do. ‘I know, what about if Oliver reads them for you?’ she suggested. ‘He’ll probably be very good at it, knowing him.’

Lauren started to cry again. ‘I’ve got a llletter for himmm too,’ she wept. ‘I’ve said thank yoooou for everrrything, but hee doesn’t have to feeeel guilllty any more, or come and seeee me. Heee can get on with his life now.’

‘Oh Lauren,’ Emma sighed, her heart catching as Lauren began to sob. ‘Let me go and get him so he can talk some sense into you, please?’

‘No, don’t wan tooo seee himm.’

‘I don’t believe that ...’

‘It’s true. It’ll be tooo hard.’

‘But all you have to do is listen to what he has to say.’

‘Please tell ... tell himmm I’m sorrry, but I ... can’t seee himmm any more.’

‘No, Lauren, I’m not going to do that, because it isn’t what you want, not really.’

Lauren sat up to look at her. Through her tears her eyes were burning with apprehension and pain. ‘It’lll be eeeasier now, than if I wait tillll I’m home. This way I won have to seee himmm being embarrrr-assed about me when we’re with normalll people.’

‘Oh dear, will you please stop talking about normal people as if you weren’t one,’ Emma chided. ‘Now, I’m not going to listen to any more of this nonsense. I understand why you’re upset and afraid, but I know you don’t want to hurt Oliver and that’s what you’ll be doing if you tell him you don’t want to see him any more.’

‘Heee’ll get over it, and meeeet someone else who heee can do things with ...’

‘Lauren ...’

‘No, Mum, please. I don wan to talk about it annny more. I know I have tooo come hommme but I don wan a party, and I don’t want to seee Oliver.’

Hearing a knock on the door, Emma passed Lauren a tissue box and went to find out who it was. ‘Maria,’ she cried in great relief when she saw the nurse manager,
and stepping into the corridor she closed the door behind her.

‘I thought I heard tears,’ Maria said quietly.

Emma sighed helplessly. ‘She’s got herself into a bit of a state. She doesn’t want to leave here, or come home, or go to the party. She doesn’t even want to see Oliver.’

Maria’s expression was full of sympathy as she said, ‘Oh dear, I hadn’t expected this from Lauren, but you never know. Leaving here is a huge step for someone to take when they’ve been so safe and secure and haven’t had to deal with the big bad world out there. Would you like me to have a word with her?’

‘If you don’t mind, and while you’re at it, can you please try to persuade her to see herself as normal, because she seems to have got it into her head that she isn’t.’

Maria gave a wry smile. ‘Oh, she knows she’s normal all right, in so far as any of us is, she’s just using it as an excuse to shy away from what comes next. You leave her to me, I’ll have her at that party in no time at all.’

Ten minutes later Emma was standing in reception with her mother, Russ and Polly, quietly explaining what was going on, when a grave-looking Maria came to join them.

‘I’m sorry,’ the nurse manager said, ‘her mind seems to be made up and I think to try to push her any other way right now is only going to distress her further. So my recommendation is that you take her home without any fuss ... I’ll make sure no one’s in the dining room and reception as you take her through, and I’ll hand out her letters after she’s gone.’

‘Oh no,’ Emma murmured, ‘after all the trouble you’ve gone to ...’

‘Don’t worry about that, the cakes will all get eaten and the decorations have come from the store room, so they can simply be tucked away again.’

Spotting Oliver and Melissa coming towards them, Emma felt her heart turn over. They looked so comfortable together, so compatible even, that she could only feel thankful that Lauren, in her current state, wasn’t there to see them. It would probably have set her worst fears off like fireworks.

‘What’s up?’ Oliver demanded. ‘She must be ready to come out by now.’

Emma glanced at Russ and was about to explain when Russ said, ‘It’s OK, I’ll take it from here,’ and slipping an arm round Oliver’s shoulders he walked him towards the main door.

‘What’s going on?’ a scared-looking Melissa asked her mother. ‘She’s all right, isn’t she? Nothing’s happened to her?’

‘She’s fine, but she’s not feeling up to the party,’ Polly explained. ‘Emma’s going to take her home and maybe we can see her tomorrow.’

Melissa’s eyes went to Emma. ‘I guess this is really tough for her,’ she said with feeling. ‘If there’s anything I can do ... I mean, I know she’s got Oliver now and is really close to him, but I still think of her as my best friend, so I want to be there for her.’

Giving her a hug, Emma said, ‘I know you do, and thank you. I think she’s probably going to need you over the coming weeks, so it’s lovely to know you want to help.’