Lost (21 page)

  That quiet, amazing night in late December, Peter and I began our beautiful life together.

                                            *****

  Days later, New Year’s Eve came and passed for us.  I went to the party at Amy’s, and Peter met me at my place after babysitting.  We met at 1:30 in the morning and we made love until we were nearly lifeless in each other's arms early the following morning.
  We made love beautifully, and with an intense desperation for each other, as we rang in the New Year with love and promise.  We were together and we promised to fight for each other.  We promised our lives to each other, and I was awakened by his need for me in his future.
 

  From that night on I never fought Peter or my feelings ever again.  I didn't necessarily verbalize my love as much as he did, but I showed him each and every day how important he was to me, and he did the same as well. 

  I finally understood there was no understanding my feelings for Peter, so I let go.  All I knew was I loved him instantly because he was mine to love. 

  I had unknowingly claimed Peter from the first day we met for lunch, but I hadn’t realized it until I surrendered to loving him forever.
 

CHAPTER 17

   Over our last few days together before real life returned I gave Peter a key to my home.  Unbelievably, over our final dinner together without any work responsibilities, I was so sure of our future I handed Peter a key without thought or conditions.  I made a key and handed it to Peter over dinner Sunday night.

  I knew I was sure of my decision, and from his reaction, he was stunned I would commit so fully, but thrilled that I did.  Peter jumped up and attached my key to his keychain and then he ran back to the table to kiss me because he knew what that single key meant, and he cherished it, I could see immediately.

                                               *****

  I went back to work the following Monday with Peter waiting for me in my apartment when I returned.  After a horrible day back, filled with anxiety and upset, I couldn't wait to be back in his arms.
  I had made a huge mistake when I entered the payroll the previous week.  I had forgotten to include everyone’s stat days on the payroll calculation so everyone came to me Monday morning angrily.  I had made a huge mistake and there was nothing I could do to fix it.  I knew I had been sick at the time, but I took in their anger and didn't give any excuses for my mistake.
  My coworkers and even my boss were livid with me, so I explained the error as ignorance when I factored in the pay period my first time.  And after hiding in the bathroom for 10 minutes to cry and collect myself, I eventually made it through the long day of upset.
  When I walked in my front door that night defeated and beyond exhausted, Peter helped me.  He held me as I cried at my mistake, and he offered support when I felt ungrounded.  He stayed with me until he absolutely had to leave to collect his things for his own job.  He stayed with me for as long as he could while I tried to forgive my error and move on.  He stayed with me with the promise to again meet me right after work the following morning, which he did. 

  Peter became a man who was with me always and endlessly with support and love whenever he could be.

  After the work nightmare, and Peter’s sweet kiss hello the following morning with my coffee and chocolate shot, I braced myself for the coming day.  I was sure I would be either fired or seriously reprimanded, but neither came because of Carole. 

  Amazingly, Carole had apparently come to my defense and told my immediate boss she hadn’t reminded me about the unseen stat days, nor had she called in on my first solo payroll to check in or help should I need it.  Carole saved my ass and I was beyond grateful when I called her to thank her for helping me.

  After everything settled at work, I remember walking back to my office with a relief I couldn’t hide so I could immediately call Peter to let him know what happened, and to beg him to meet me at home, as I now referred to it between us. 

  With relief and his calm reassurances, he said he’d meet me at home by 6:00 and I finally exhaled all my anxiety.  After hanging up with Peter I realized I was happy I still had my job, but I was more excited to see and touch Peter again.

  Returning home at almost 5 o’clock, Peter surprised me by already being inside though.  Waiting for me, Peter opened the door quickly, pulled me to him and kissed the holy hell out of me right against the front door.  Kissing me, my coat and boots were removed as I was moved to the bathroom in Peter’s arms before I even processed what was happening.

  Kissing me, Peter finally pulled away from my lips as he gently pushed the bathroom door open with his foot so I could look around at all he had done in my absence.

  When he released me from his arms I saw every single surface of my bathroom held a blue rose in a single thin little vase.  On every surface and against every wall there were at least 3 dozen single roses in a single little vase all over my bathroom and vanity.  On the sink, the sides of the tub, the window ledge, and even on the back of the toilet.  Everywhere I looked held a blue rose, and I was stunned.

  Unable to speak, I just stood there like a moron.  I looked all around, as he held me around my waist but I just couldn’t speak.  My bathroom looked beautiful, as much as any bathroom could. 

  I then noticed the 2 candles floating in a bowl in the bubble-filled bath, and I sighed.  I wanted to sink in the water so badly, my body took me to the water as I pulled off my clothes quickly and slid in the water to Peter’s bright eyes watching me.

  Sinking into the water with a moan at the sudden warmth all around me, I opened my eyes to Peter leaning casually against the wall until I begged him to join me.  My tub wasn’t a giant old claw foot, but it was way bigger than an average apartment sized tub, and I desperately wanted Peter near me.

  “Please, Peter?” I begged even as he removed his clothes quickly and slid in behind me.

  Holding me, Peter asked about my day so I told him everything.  From the good parts to the fear and insecurity, to me thinking of him way too often and missing him way too much.  In Peter’s arms, I confessed everything, and amazingly, it was getting easier.  I felt less fear of his reactions to my confessions and declarations.

  Peter then told me about his day.  He slept early, changing the routine he had had for years so he’d always get to spend a few hours with me after my day and before his own work began through the week.

  Peter told me he had heard from Patricia earlier and he admitted to telling her all about me.  He told me he spilled to his ex-girlfriend Patricia that he had finally found someone he could see a long term with, and apparently she was very happy for us.

  “What did you say, exactly?” I asked dying to know.

  “I described you to Patricia and-“

  “How did you describe me?” I begged turning to face him as his hands slowly moved from my stomach to my sides as I waited.

  “I told her you were stubborn, slightly neurotic, beautiful, and brilliant.  I said you were a tiny little thing with a big personality.  I told her you were nothing I thought to look for but everything I need.”

  After he spoke I remember being wordless again.  His words to Patricia were my exact thoughts just a week prior about Peter.  I felt like he had read a journal of mine, or simply read my mind.  I felt weird and freaked and slightly unsettled, but I forced it aside.  I pushed away the obvious what the hell in the air, and smiled instead.

  “Those were all very good things to say to your
ex-
girlfriend,” I teased.  “Maybe next time though you should make sure she knows I’m way better looking, and skinnier, too.  Just so she knows to back off, and so I know I
am
skinnier and way better looking, okay?” I smirked as he laughed at me.

  “Will do,” he grinned kissing me quickly before stepping out of the tub.

  “Do you want to stay in a little longer?  I made dinner and it’ll be ready in 10 minutes or so.”

  “You cook, too?” I grinned.  “Because I really can’t.  Soup and sandwiches are kinda my thing.”

  “Nope.  I have 4 meals I can make though, so I try to spread them out through the week.  Between the two of us, it looks like we’re ordering in most nights.”

  Laying my head back down against the back of the tub, I moaned, “Sounds good to me,” as Peter walked out smiling.

  After my soak, Peter and I ate in silence on the couch, watched a little TV, talked about our weekend plans, and snuggled close until he had to leave at 8:00 for work.

  Saying goodbye, I knew we both felt it.  There was a feeling of sadness and something else, like unhappiness or discomfort, maybe.  I couldn’t explain the feeling, but it was all around us as we stood in the doorway unable to say goodbye to each other.

  Leaning in close, Peter hugged me and whispered, “These are only see you laters, Sophie.  They aren’t goodbyes, okay?”

  “Okay…” I smiled feeling lighter.

                                              *****

  And those were our days in cold January.  I saw Peter around his shifts- either before or after work, and I loved every minute we were together. He cared for me when I struggled, and he loved me when I was well. 

  During my period Peter laid with me and held me and though we didn’t have sex, we still shared a kind of intimacy with each other, as we lay together in bed talking about everything and nothing. 

  Peter cooked for me some nights during the week, and I made soup and sandwiches the other nights.  Peter was always kind and loving, and he acted as though I was treasured every single day we were together. 

  During the third week of January, Peter had to go to a recycling conference as the elected representative of his plant, and I dreaded the days without him. 

  So we spent our first days apart in over a month calling each other nonstop and ridiculously.  We even became playful the night before his return, sexting each other throughout the day, while enjoying my first raunchy phone sex in the evenings.  I missed him terribly when he was away, but I enjoyed the lightness and the teasing the phone calls provided for us.

  When I was suffered the dreaded PMS for which I was apparently known, Peter made me lie on the ground listening to a Chakra therapy CD, until I calmed and felt less irritated.  He even gave me a tincture to ingest when I admitted to wanting to kill innocent people in my irritation, which definitely helped.  I was calmed and soothed and he was amazing to me, always.

  I saw my friends infrequently at best, and I attended less Sunday dinners than my mom liked, but she also understood.  I was in love and I wanted to spend as much time with Peter as he wanted to spend with me.  We wanted to be together because we
were
together completely.
  I gave him every piece of myself whenever we were together and I lived for our moments alone in my home.  I never again held back, and I gave him everything I had, from sweet kisses when we met, to little gifts I thought would matter to him.

  Unbelievably, in mere weeks, Peter and I created a wonderful life together.  We woke with each other when we could, and we loved each other every moment we had together. 

  Peter was everything to me, and I told him physically all I felt for him every day we spent as a couple.

  We were together emotionally and physically always.

  With Peter, sex for the first time in my life was amazing, fulfilling, and all about my pleasure. 

  Peter once told me as he slowly undressed me on our bed, “A man can come from just thinking about getting laid, but the real pleasure,
my
real pleasure comes from yours.”  And finding myself choking up as he spoke, I nodded and kissed him with everything I had, because Peter was my pleasure, and I thrived with him

  We had sex in the shower, sex in our bed, even sex on the kitchen counter.  One evening after a wonderful dinner Peter cooked us, we even had naughty sex quite creatively with a pecan pie for dessert.  We could be naughty and dirty with each other, but we were always loving.