Lost (21 page)

"Why? I'm
basically nobody."

"We both
know that isn't the truth. You have to know how uncommon it is for
any hybrid to back up their alpha like you did for all of those
years. It happens, but not often. In a lot of packs it's only the
lowest-of-the-low subordinates who display that level of loyalty to
the pack leader. They know that the alpha is their natural ally
against the other dominants inside the pack, the ones who tend to
make their lives miserable.

"Then
again, maybe you don't know all of that. Sometimes I forget. I grew
up in a pretty messed-up situation, but in some ways your pack has
always been even unhealthier than mine. You were always half a step
from being devoured by the other Sanctuary pack."

"Yeah, we
were. Brandon nearly killed us all half a dozen times and nobody else
even lifted a hand to help us out."

I didn't even
try to keep the bitterness from my voice. Celeste had lain back down
and closed her eyes, but she reached over and patted me on the leg.

"Welcome
to the club. My family has been clawing tooth and nail for centuries
in an effort to keep the New Orleans pack from being taken away from
them. We've had hundreds of millions of dollars extorted from us and
most of us die before we hit middle age. As soon as there is a couple
of spare Hunts walking around, whoever is running the pack arranges
for some kind of accident to befall the older generation and then
starts hammering away on the younger pair of Hunts.

"Nobody
has helped us out either, everything we've accomplished has been on
our own, but I think that's something to be proud of.
I
take
care of the submissives inside of my pack.
I
shield them from
the worst of Onyx's excesses."

Her eyes were
closed still, so I took advantage of that fact to really look at her
again. She was still gorgeous, nothing had changed there. Someone
else might have registered the flawless skin and perfect body and
stopped there, but I already knew there was more to her than just her
beauty.

It was there
all of the time if you knew what to look for, but it was especially
obvious now that she was talking about her pack. There was a
fierceness to her that was breathtaking. It was the kind of thing
that made me want to spend hours watching her. That protectiveness
was the perfect complement to her unearthly physical perfection. It
completed her in ways that I'd never even realized were possible.

"You're
very loyal to your people back in New Orleans."

"Damn
straight I am. It's Onyx's pack to everyone in the outside world, but
it's me who keeps the wheels from coming off. I'm the one they turn
to when there's some kind of disaster and they are loyal to me in
return. If Onyx wasn't so powerful I would have overthrown him long
ago and taken my pack back."

I believed her.
She seemed like someone who wouldn't be stopped if there was a way to
achieve what she wanted.

"What is
Onyx's power? Back in the day we didn't have much information on the
other packs. Alec and Donovan were mostly just focused on trying to
keep one step ahead of Brandon. They're getting up to speed on the
rest of the world now that Brandon is out of the way, but I haven't
been in a position to see any of the reports that they've been
reading."

"Pain.
Onyx's power is the ability to create the kind of all-consuming pain
that makes even a hybrid wish they were dead. It's completely
debilitating. What's worse, he sucks something away from you while
he's using it. I've seen him kill people with nothing more than the
extended application of his ability."

A low whistle
escaped me. "That's pretty world-class. That makes him more
dangerous than Agony was, more deadly than Jaclyn Annikov or any of
half a dozen other tier one or two hybrids who come to mind. How is
he not on the Coun'hij as one of the inner circle already?"

I'd almost said
that Onyx was more deadly than Grayson, but I'd remembered at the
last second that most of the rest of the world didn't know that he'd
been working for Alec. It wasn't that I didn't trust Celeste, but if
she was possibly going to be hanging around someone like Onyx after
this then it would be better for her not to know certain things. What
she didn't know couldn't be tortured out of her.

"He could
have taken a place on the Coun'hij at almost any time, but he doesn't
want one. In his mind, ruling the New Orleans pack is a better route
to power than what he would get by joining in with Puppeteer and the
rest. He still stays on good terms with them, but so far he's
retained his independence."

"Because
of the money. He's staying with your pack because of the money he
hopes to steal from you."

"Yeah,
only you'd be more correct if you were to say that he's staying
because of the money that he's hoping to
continue
to steal
from us. The rate of decline in our family's wealth has more than
quadrupled since Onyx took over the pack. He's got a real gift for
finding weaknesses and using them against people. Just since Ash
left, Onyx has made himself more than half a billion dollars richer
just off of what he's taken from me.

"That
doesn't include the tithe from the pack or the investment returns
that he's made on the rest of his money. At the rate he's going he'll
be able to challenge Alec Graves on the financial front before too
much longer."

I chuckled. I
couldn't help myself, the thought of an upstart thief like Onyx
trying to buy and sell the combined team of Alec and Donovan was just
so funny.

"Sorry,
I'm not making light of what you've been through. You'd just have to
know…it's not really my place to say, but trust me—Onyx
has a long, long way to go before he'll be in a position where he can
threaten Alec on a financial level. Alec and Donovan are in a class
all by themselves."

Celeste had
started to sit up, obviously ready to give me a piece of her mind,
but my explanation mollified her enough to avoid a fight.

"That
doesn't really make me feel any better, but it's nice to know that
there are bigger fish than Onyx out there. I've been stuck inside the
same tiny little pond for so long that sometimes it seems like Onyx
is the biggest threat conceivable."

My mirth died
instantly. "I can understand that. That's the way that I used to
feel about Brandon. It's hard when you're in those kinds of
situations to worry about the bigger picture. That was part of the
difference between Alec and me. He always kept one eye out for the
stuff that none of the rest of us figured we'd ever live long enough
to have to worry about.

"Even now,
it's hard sometimes for me to believe that Brandon is really dead. He
was like a force of nature. Alec didn't see it because he was the one
who was usually mixing it up with Brandon, but there were times when
I'd be in the middle of a fight of my own and I'd catch bits and
pieces of their fight. I think Brandon was holding back on everyone
all along. I think that as deadly as he was, he was still keeping
people from seeing his real potential because he was worried that it
would scare the Coun'hij badly enough for them to have Puppeteer show
up with two dozen hybrids."

Celeste was
silent for a while as she digested what I'd said. I realized that was
one of the things that I liked about her. She was as capable of
rattling off a response in anger as anyone else, but most of the time
she considered what she heard and made sure that she understood what
it really meant before she responded.

"I wasn't
there, I didn't see the body, but all indications are that
Worthingfield really is dead. He's not the kind of person to keep a
low profile for months to convince everyone that he's gone. He was
too narcissistic for something like that."

I nodded. "I
know. I did actually see his body before we buried him, and you're
right about the fact that he isn't the kind of person to go to
ground, but even so it still feels like this impossible thing."

"You guys
accomplished something great. You should be proud to have brought him
down. Everything I ever heard about him indicated that Worthingfield
was no good."

"I didn't
have anything to do with it. That was all Alec. It was the very first
time that his ability manifested. One second Brandon was about to
kill Alec and then everyone collapsed to the ground. I was positive
that we were all about to die, but Alec came through for us."

"I think
that you aren't giving yourself enough credit, Isaac. I said earlier
that the kind of loyalty you displayed to Alec was rare, but the
reason it is so significant is that when an alpha has that kind of
support they invariably accomplish a lot more than they would have
without it. Knowing that they've got the second strongest fighter in
the pack backing them up means that they can do things other pack
leaders couldn't even consider, it means that they can take risks
that nobody else can take. It makes a difference."

"That's
not making me feel any better."

"Now
you're not making any sense. I just basically told you that Alec and
the rest of your pack wouldn't have survived long enough for him to
manifest his power if not for you supporting him like you did.
Indirectly or otherwise, you saved all of your friends and family.
You should feel like a million bucks right now."

I couldn't
remain seated any longer. I stood and started pacing, making a
circuit around the clearing while Celeste watched me.

"You would
think so, but the truth is that I haven't been that guy—the one
who was ready to back Alec no matter what—for a long time."

"What
changed?"

"I guess
you could say that I had a crisis of faith. Alec made some decisions
that I didn't agree with, decisions that hurt me—that hurt
people that I cared about—and suddenly I didn't know what to
believe or who to trust anymore."

"That
doesn't sound unreasonable, Isaac."

"Yeah, I
know. I've been telling myself that for a while, but it's started to
ring hollow lately. I'm not sure that my reasons were as pure as I
originally thought. I realized a few days ago that I supported Alec
at least partially because I didn't want to be the one leading the
pack. Being submissive to anyone can suck, but Alec was better about
that than almost anyone. By supporting him I got to enjoy the power
of being the number two hybrid in the pack without the stress of
trying to come up with a way to keep Brandon from rolling over the
top of us."

Celeste reached
out and grabbed my hand as I walked past. She gently pulled me down
onto the rock next to her.

"That
isn't something to be ashamed of."

"Isn't it?
It seems like it to me. You asked what Alec is like. Well, the truth
is that he's everything you could want in a leader. He isn't perfect,
but he tries hard to do the right thing and when he screws up he is
willing to admit it and try to make things right.

"Alec is
the kind of guy who cares about other people. He does whatever he can
to fight injustice. Even when he's falling apart he still does a
better job taking care of his pack than most alphas. He's the real
deal, and now that he's manifested his ability he has a chance to
make a real difference, not just for his pack, but for everyone.
That's why Ash agreed to join us. He came in without all of the
baggage that the rest of us had and realized that Alec is the kind of
guy people should want to hitch their wagons to."

"If you
really believe that then why haven't you hitched your wagon to him,
Isaac?"

"If you'd
asked me this morning, I would have told you that I was resentful of
the way that Alec was confiding in other people. Ash, Jaclyn,
Rebekka—none of them had the history with him that I had, but
they were all replacing me."

"But you
don't believe that now?"

I shrugged
uncomfortably. She hadn't let go of my hand yet, which was nice, but
it felt wrong. At this point Jess—Jessica— didn't care
what I did or who I saw, but it still felt disloyal to what she and I
had had together before she'd lost her memories.

"I think
that all of that stuff is just a bunch of symptoms. The real problem
is that I'm scared of stepping up and taking responsibility. It's
easy when I don't have any choice, but it's a lot harder to do when I
have other options. Being the alpha, means that there isn't anyone
else to step in and fix things if you screw up.

"A guy
like Alec is the final arbiter, he doesn't have any peers, not
really. I need to make a decision, I need to either step up and be
who I have the potential to be, or I need to own up to the fact that
I've been a fraud this entire time. Alec has moved beyond the point
where he has use for someone like me. He needs someone who's all in."

I hadn't
planned on making such a heavy confession, especially not to Celeste,
who seemed like she didn't know how to back down from any kind of
challenge. She was so dominant that she took care of her people even
after being overthrown by someone like Onyx.

What I felt was
something beyond embarrassment and all I could think of was the fact
that I needed to get away from her, that I needed to hide until some
of the pain had worn away. I stood to go, but Celeste still hadn't
let go of my hand. She slipped in behind me and pressed up against my
back as though trying to hug someone who didn't want to be hugged.

"I think
you still aren't giving yourself enough credit, Isaac. I think you're
already most of the way to where you want to be. You're already
taking the responsibility; you just aren't acknowledging the choice."

Isaac Nazir
The Lamia Enclave

Celeste had
slipped away, walking up the trail before I could say anything in
response to her assertion. I was so surprised by what she'd said that
I just sat there trying to make sense of her words for several
seconds.