Lost & Found (22 page)

‘No, Mum, I’m sorry,’ Mavis said, ‘but you won’t be able to come over on Sunday. Edith is still too ill and she won’t allow any visitors.’

Lily fumed. Over four weeks had passed since the funeral, but every Sunday since then when she’d wanted to see her daughter, Edith Pugh had found an excuse to keep her away. ‘There’s nothing wrong with that woman that a good kick up the backside wouldn’t cure,’ she snapped.

‘Mum, honestly, she really has got a bad dose of bronchitis.’

‘It’s only Friday. She might be a bit better by Sunday,’ Lily said, impatient to see her daughter.

‘I doubt it and if anything she seems to be getting worse. When I looked in on her just now she looked dreadful. In fact, I was about to call the surgery when you rang.’

Lily had wanted to tell Mavis face to face, but now, because of Edith Pugh, there was no hiding
her swelling stomach. ‘Mavis, I didn’t want to tell you this over the telephone, but I ain’t got much choice…’ Lily paused as she tried to find the right words.

‘Are you still there, Mum?’

‘Yeah, I’m here, but this ain’t easy, Mavis. You see, love, I…I’m pregnant.’

When there was only silence from the other end of the phone, Lily had no idea how her daughter was taking the news. When she had thought Mavis backward, Lily knew that she’d never considered her daughter’s feelings, but now guilt kept her awake at night. She’d thought Mavis was fit for nothing, had sent her out to do other people’s cleaning and used her as nothing but a workhorse. All that had changed with Ron’s death. When she looked at Mavis now, she saw Ron, her daughter all she had left of the man she loved.

‘Mavis, say something,’ she appealed.

‘I…I don’t know what to say, Mum. This has come as a bit of a shock.’

‘I know, love, I was shocked too.’

‘When…when is it due?’

‘It’ll be a summer baby, born in July.’

‘That soon! But how long have you known?’

‘I didn’t find out until I was four months gone and I’m five now.’

‘How…how does Pete feel about it?’

‘Oh, he’s over the moon.’

There was silence again, but then Mavis spoke, her tone brittle. ‘He must think it’s a stroke of luck that Dad’s gone. There’s nothing to stop him from marrying you now.’

‘Mavis, don’t be like that. Yes, we’re going to get married, but only because I don’t want this baby to be born a…a…’

‘Bastard,’ Mavis interrupted, but then almost immediately she blurted out, ‘Oh sorry, Mum, I shouldn’t have said that. It’s just that I feel a bit all over the place.’

‘It’s all right,’ Lily said quickly. ‘I know it ain’t like you to swear. You’ve had a bit of a shock so it’s understandable.’

‘I can’t take it in really. Can…can we talk later?’

‘Yes, all right, and you can ring me anytime, you know that.’

‘Bye, Mum.’

Lily didn’t get a chance to answer and found that she was listening to the dialling tone. Slowly she replaced the receiver. Mavis knew that she was pregnant now, and surely, once she’d got over the shock, her daughter would come round to the idea?

The handbell was ringing, something that Edith had taken to doing every time she heard the telephone. It made talking to her mother difficult, but on this occasion Mavis had been happy to
hang up. On leaden feet she walked along the hall and into her mother-in-law’s room to find her struggling for breath as she tried to sit up higher in the bed.

‘Mavis,’ Edith gasped, ‘you look as white as a sheet. Who was that on the telephone?’

‘It was my mother.’

‘Is there a problem?’

Mavis placed more pillows behind Edith. ‘I suppose I might as well tell you, after all, there’ll be no hiding it. My mother’s having a baby.’

‘What!’ Edith exclaimed, but then, hit by a fit of coughing, she was unable to continue.

‘You sound awful and I really must ring the surgery now.’

‘Mavis, wait,’ she wheezed. ‘Did you say that your mother’s having a baby?’

‘Yes.’

Though Edith’s voice was weak, her tone was derisive. ‘She’s a grandmother twice over, and if you ask me having a baby at her age is disgusting.’

‘My mum is only forty-four,’ Mavis snapped, surprised to find that she was jumping to her mother’s defence.

Once again there was a dreadful fit of coughing, and Mavis was seriously worried. Edith felt so hot and was left exhausted when the coughing fit passed.

‘I won’t be a minute,’ she said, hurrying to make the call.

Until the doctor arrived, Mavis didn’t feel she could leave her mother-in-law on her own, but she still had to keep an eye on Grace. She found the child absorbed with her toys and, squatting down in front of her, Mavis said, ‘Listen, darling, we’re going to your grandmother’s room and I want you to be a good, quiet girl.’

‘Can I have a biscuit?’

‘Just this once,’ Mavis said, and, after handing Grace a biscuit, she picked up a few toys before taking the child into her mother-in-law’s room.

‘Mavis, do you have to bring Grace in here?’

‘I want to sit with you until the doctor arrives.’

‘There’s no need,’ Edith said, her voice reedy.

‘I think there is, and Grace will be good, won’t you, darling?’

‘Yes,’ the child said as she sat on the floor to eat her biscuit.

Thankfully there was no further argument from her mother-in-law, and, as she had hoped, Grace played quietly. Mavis sat by the fire, her eyes on her daughter. Unlike Grace, she’d been an only child and had longed for a brother or sister. Her mother was pregnant now and she should be pleased, but instead felt sick inside. Why? Why was she feeling like this? Mavis closed her eyes, unwilling to acknowledge the truth.

‘Mavis, I’d like some water.’

Snapped out of her thoughts, Mavis poured a
measure from the jug into a glass, and supporting her mother-in-law she held it to her lips.

Edith choked, water spilling out of her mouth. ‘Oh, dear, that must have gone down the wrong way,’ Mavis said as she hastily put the glass down and patted Edith’s back.

‘I…I couldn’t swallow it.’

‘Give it another try,’ Mavis urged.

Edith took a sip, but then her arm flailed to push the glass away, water dribbling down her chin. ‘Mavis, I can’t. I just can’t. What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I swallow?’

‘Don’t worry,’ Mavis reassured, doing her best to stay calm. ‘It’s probably nothing, and the doctor will be here soon.’

Edith sunk back onto her pillows, eyes closing; seriously worried now, Mavis walked over to the window. When she’d rung the surgery the receptionist had said the doctor was just about to go out on his rounds, and her mother-in-law would be placed first on his list. The surgery wasn’t far away, but as yet there was no sign of his car.

‘Biscuit, Mummy?’

‘No, Grace, you’ll spoil your lunch.’

‘I want…’

‘I said no,’ she said firmly.

There was no tantrum, just a sulky expression, and thankfully Mavis saw the doctor’s car pulling up outside. She hurried to let him in, saying
without preamble, ‘I’m sorry to call you out, but my mother-in-law isn’t getting any better and now she can’t seem to swallow.’

‘It sounds like dysphagia; a symptom of advanced multiple sclerosis. I’ll take a look at her.’

Though Grace protested, Mavis took her out of the room, doing her best to keep the child occupied while the doctor carried out his examination.

At last, after what seemed ages, he appeared in the kitchen doorway, his expression grave.

‘Is she going to be all right?’ Mavis asked worriedly.

‘I’ve prescribed another dose of antibiotics for the bronchitis, but the dysphagia is my main concern. Mrs Pugh will need a change of diet. You will have to avoid giving her thin liquids, or food of a crumbly texture. There is also the danger of liquid slipping into the lungs, therefore I would advise you to ensure that she drinks and eats slowly.’

‘Will it improve?’

‘In some patients the condition improves: however, in others it worsens.’

‘What happens if liquid goes into her lungs?’ Mavis asked.

‘There would be the danger of pneumonia. I’ll call in again in a few days,’ the doctor said, holding out a prescription.

Mavis took it, almost in a daze as she showed
him out, her mind racing. She would have to stay with her mother-in-law every time she had a drink
and
at every meal, but during the day, with Grace to look after, it wasn’t going to be easy. If she fed Edith before Alec left for work, breakfast would be manageable, and he’d be there at dinner to keep an eye on the children. It would mean a change of routine, an earlier start in the mornings, but it had to be done.

‘I’m hungry, Mummy,’ Grace said as Mavis closed the door behind the doctor.

‘All right, I’ll make us some lunch.’

Mavis looked in on Edith, saw that she seemed to be resting comfortably, and then went back to the kitchen. She had to prepare something that would be easy for her to swallow, perhaps a thick soup.

Once heated, Mavis poured the soup into bowls and then picked up the tray. ‘Come on, Grace. Let’s take this to your grandmother, and you can eat yours in there too.’

Grace didn’t protest and, going into Edith’s room, Mavis said, ‘Mother, I’ve made you some soup.’

‘No, I can’t swallow it.’

After settling Grace, the child soon happily dunking bread into the soup, Mavis sat next to her mother-in-law and urged, ‘Come on, you’ve got to eat. At least give it a try.’

With her lips clamped firmly together, Edith shook her head. It reminded Mavis of trying to feed the children when they were little, the coaxing games she had used to make them open their mouths. She could hardly use the same tactics with her mother-in-law, so gently said, ‘Just try one small spoonful.’

‘Oh, very well.’

Mavis saw the look of relief that crossed her mother-in-law’s face when she was able to swallow the soup without difficulty, and slowly, so slowly, the bowl began to empty.

‘Can I have some more, Mummy?’

‘In a minute, Grace.’

‘No, now!’

‘You’ll have to wait,’ Mavis called over her shoulder.

Grace began to cry and Edith implored, ‘Mavis, get that child out of here. She’s giving me a headache.’

‘Mother, I can’t leave Grace outside. In future she will have to come in here with me when I feed you.’

‘Oh, this is intolerable. Just go. I’m still capable of feeding myself.’

‘The doctor said that you can’t be left alone when you eat.’

‘Take the soup away then. I’ve had enough.’

With Grace screaming in the background, Mavis
was happy to do just that and, after giving her daughter another bowl of soup, she flopped onto a kitchen chair.

With this additional burden she didn’t know how she was going to cope, and longed to talk to someone, to vent her feelings. For a moment she was tempted to ring her mother, but then she’d have to pretend that she was happy about the baby.

Mavis felt sick inside—hated how she was feeling. Instead of being pleased to have a brother or sister, she was jealous. She was a grown woman, twenty-four now with two children of her own, but as soon as her mother had told her that she was pregnant, Mavis had felt like a child again. A child who longed for her mother’s love, a love she would now shower on the new baby.

Lily threw the documents down. ‘You shouldn’t have done it, Pete, not without asking me first.’

‘Look at you, Lily. It’s June and you’re nearly eight months gone. Time’s running out.’

‘But Saturday? That’s only three days away and I can’t arrange things by then.’

‘What’s to arrange? You said you don’t want the neighbours to find out that we’re not already married and agreed to a quick trip to the registry office. No fuss, no do, just us and a couple of witnesses. The only thing you wouldn’t set is the date.’

Lily lowered her eyes. It was hard to hide her feelings from Pete, but it had only been four months since Ron died and she was still grieving. She knew Pete wanted to get married before the baby arrived, and in truth she didn’t want their child born out of wedlock either, yet every time he tried to set a date she fobbed him off. How could she marry
Pete when the man who filled her mind, her thoughts, was Ron? Even Pete’s touch was unbearable now and she’d been using her pregnancy as an excuse. Now Pete had taken matters into his own hands, set the date for Saturday, and she’d run out of excuses to put him off.

‘What’s up, Lily? Don’t you want to marry me?’ Slowly she lifted her eyes to meet his. ‘Of course I do, and Saturday it is.’

‘Thank Gawd for that.’

Lily stood up, pushing her hand into the small of her back as she walked over to the cooker. ‘My back’s killing me,’ she complained. ‘I’ll get your dinner sorted out and then ring Mavis.’ ‘Do you think she’ll come to the wedding?’ ‘I doubt it. With Edith Pugh going downhill, Mavis hardly has a moment to herself these days.’ ‘Alec could look after her for a couple of hours.’ ‘He can’t see to his mother if she needs her commode.’

Pete pursed his lips. ‘No, I suppose not.’ Lily dished up Pete’s dinner and a smaller portion for herself, but when they sat down to eat she had little appetite. Though she hadn’t actually said so, Lily knew that her daughter wasn’t happy about the baby and, even if she was able to, she doubted that Mavis would want to come to the wedding.

If only the girl would talk to her, tell her what
the problem was. With this in mind, Lily said, ‘Pete, instead of ringing Mavis, I’d rather tell her about the wedding face to face. When you’ve finished your dinner, would you run me over there?’

‘Yeah, all right, but you’d better give her a ring to let her know we’re coming.’

‘No, we’ll just turn up,’ Lily said, sick of always being put off because of Edith Pugh’s health. She wanted to sort things out with her daughter, and this time nothing was going to stop her.

Jenny looked up as her cousin walked into the room. He’d been with them since March, with no sign of him leaving. Not that Jenny minded. The money Willy handed over for his keep was coming in handy, and he was no trouble. He was building up his new business, working long hours, and other than on Sundays they didn’t see much of him. He and Stan got on well, and Greg now treated him like a part of the furniture.

Now, though, Jenny could see that there was something wrong as she took in his grim face. ‘Hello, Willy, I’ve kept your dinner hot,’ she said, ‘but you don’t look too happy.’

He flopped onto a chair, raking a hand through his hair as he said, ‘You’re not going to believe my flaming mother.’

‘Why? What’s she done now?’ Stan asked.

‘She came to the yard again, marched into my office with the same demand.’

‘What! She still wants you to leave?’

‘When I refused last time she fobbed off her neighbours by telling them that I’m here to open a second branch of the business. That sounds very grand, doesn’t it? Right up her street. However, I’m supposed to be returning to my wife and child when it’s up and running.’

‘She’s mad to lie,’ Jenny said, ‘but, knowing your mum, I can see why she’s doing it. For years she’s bragged about how well you were doing, how you’d started up your own business. Then, of course, when you got married and were buying your own house, she had more to brag about.’

‘Yeah, well, that’s gone now; but worse, I’m divorced and she doesn’t want anyone to find out.’

‘But it wasn’t your fault,’ Jenny protested.

‘Try telling my mother that. To her divorce is a dirty word and she wants me away from this area before anyone finds out.’

‘You ain’t going to let her drive you out, are you?’ Stan asked.

‘I’m not leaving the yard. The business is just starting to take off and I’m staying in Battersea, whether she likes it or not.’

‘Good on yer, mate,’ Stan said. ‘Mind you, I hope she doesn’t come round here shouting the odds.’
‘Don’t worry, I’ve found a flat at last so I’ll be moving out.’

‘Willy, honestly, you’re welcome to stay here,’ Jenny protested. ‘I’m not worried about your mother. If she turned up here she’d get the door shut in her face.’

‘Thanks, Jen, but it’s time I moved on.’

‘We’re going to miss you.’

‘You’ll still see lots of me, especially for Sunday dinner. The flat’s only about a fifteen-minute drive away.’

‘Where is it?’

‘It’s near Burntwood Lane, in Wandsworth.’

‘Why Wandsworth? Why not stay around here?’

Willy shrugged. ‘When I went to see the flat I liked the area. I only need one bedroom, but there are two and it’s furnished.’

‘It’ll mean a longer drive to your yard,’ Stan pointed out.

‘I don’t mind,’ Willy said as he stood up. ‘Anyway, Jen, I’ll just go and have a quick wash before I have me dinner.’

‘All right, love,’ Jenny said as she went to light the gas under the saucepan. She wasn’t happy that Willy was moving out. Stan wasn’t much of a talker and spent his spare time tending his precious garden, but when Willy came home, however late, she had someone to chat to.

That train of thought led her to Mavis. Other
than walking the kids to and from school, she saw little of her neighbour these days. With her mother-in-law becoming increasingly ill, Mavis had her hands full, and so far there hadn’t been the right opportunity to mention the bruises she had once seen on James’s body. It weighed heavily on Jenny’s mind, but when they walked the children to school she had to admit that James seemed happy enough.

Jenny placed a knife, fork and condiments on the table, her mind still on her neighbour. Mavis had told her that her mother was going to have a baby, but she hadn’t seemed happy about it and Jenny didn’t know why. It wasn’t easy to have an in-depth conversation on the short walks and Jenny missed their occasional chinwags over a cup of tea.

Poor Mavis. She’d had little freedom, and now had even less. With her mother-in-law so ill, she was virtually a full-time carer, and in the last couple of months the weight seemed to have dropped off her. It worried Jenny, but there was nothing she could do, other than to tell Mavis, as she always did, that she was there if she needed her.

Mavis was close to exhaustion. In between looking after her mother-in-law and Grace, she tried to keep up with the housework, but it was growing impossible. The laundry was a nightmare. Edith
was incontinent now, and though Mavis had devised a rubber cover for the mattress, her sheet constantly needed changing.

Alec was sitting with his mother while she got the children bathed and into bed, and after that Mavis knew she would have to tackle the stack of ironing that was waiting to be done.

‘Tell me a story, Mummy,’ Grace appealed.

‘Oh, darling, not tonight,’ Mavis said tiredly, but then, seeing the look of disappointment on her daughter’s face, she relented. Grace had been so good lately, playing quietly in her grandmother’s room whenever Mavis had to attend to her, and it wasn’t nice that the child had to be present when she changed Edith’s sheet.

Mavis sighed. Other mothers could take their children to the park, push them on swings, run and play; but with the exception of the short walk to take James to and from school, her children were as much prisoners in this house as she was.

Now that it was June and warm, at least Grace could play in the garden, but when James was in school she was always alone, lacking the attention she needed. Mavis gave Grace a hug, loving her daughter dearly, and wished she had more time to be a better mother.

‘Love you, Mummy.’

‘I love you too, darling,’ she said and softly began
to tell Grace one of the fairy tales she had made up. ‘Once upon a time…’

Grace closed her eyes, thumb in her mouth as slowly she drifted off to sleep.

Mavis sat quietly, relishing this moment of peace, but with so much to do before bedtime, she forced herself to stand up and leave the room. She peeped in on James, saw that thankfully he was asleep too, and then went downstairs.

‘Alec, I’ve got ironing to do,’ Mavis said, but he was watching
Z Cars
on television and a brief nod was his only acknowledgement. Edith was propped up on pillows, but her eyes were closed as she dozed, something she did more and more these days.

The doorbell rang and Alec looked round briefly to say, ‘Who on earth is that?’

‘I don’t know,’ Mavis said. She went to answer it, her face stretching with surprise. ‘Mum! What are you doing here?’

‘I’ve got something to tell you.’

‘You’d better come in,’ Mavis said, ‘but how did you get here? Where’s Pete?’

‘He’s popped down the road for a drink. I told him to pick me up in an hour.’

As her mother stepped inside, Alec appeared, looking none too pleased when he saw her. ‘Mrs Jackson. Mavis didn’t tell me you were coming.’

‘That’s because she didn’t know.’

‘Mavis, my mother isn’t up to seeing anyone.’

‘It’s all right. I’ll take my mum along to the kitchen.’

‘Very well,’ Alec said, his feelings plain as he went back into his mother’s room, closing the door firmly behind him.

‘Still a pompous git, I see,’ Lily observed as she followed Mavis along the hall.

Mavis didn’t respond. She was stunned to see her mother and wondering why she hadn’t telephoned to say she was coming. ‘Why didn’t you ring me?’

‘Because you’d have fobbed me off as usual,’ Lily said as she flopped onto a chair.

Mavis’s eyes avoided her mother’s stomach as she too sat down. ‘It isn’t that I don’t want to see you. It’s just that my mother-in-law is too ill for visitors.’

‘Yeah, and judging by the state of you, she’s running you ragged as usual. You’ve lost weight and look awful.’

‘Thanks, Mum.’

‘I ain’t having a go at you, girl. I’m just annoyed to see you looking like this and I’ve a mind to have a word with that no good son-in-law of mine.’

It sounded like her mother really cared, but, of course, Mavis knew it was just an illusion. ‘Alec has to work, Mum. When he’s home he is trying to be a bit more helpful.’

‘I should think so too, but you still look worn out. He shouldn’t let you be a slave to his mother. It ain’t right.’

‘What choice is there?’

‘He could get you some help, a cleaner or something.’

‘Yes, maybe,’ Mavis said tiredly, ‘but, come on, you said you had something to tell me.’

‘Yeah, well, it’s just that Pete’s booked the registry office. We’re getting married on Saturday.’

Mavis had been expecting this and was in fact surprised that her mother had left it this long.

‘Say something, Mavis.’

‘What do you want me to say?’

‘I dunno, maybe congratulations? I’d like you to be there.’

Mavis knew it wasn’t true and the resentment she’d long held in check flared up. She was foggy with tiredness, the words leaving her mouth without thought. ‘You don’t want me there. You’ve never wanted me.’

‘Mavis, how can you say that?’

She saw that her mother had flushed, cheeks red, and now that she’d started Mavis found that she didn’t want to stop. ‘You’ve always been ashamed of me and…and you wouldn’t listen when I said I wanted to take up art. All you thought I was fit for was taking that pram out, begging for cast-offs, and then you sent me out to work as a cleaner.’

‘Oh, Mavis…Mavis…don’t…’

Mavis ignored her mother’s cry as she reared to her feet, the words spewing from her mouth. ‘You’re having another baby now and if it’s perfect you’ll love it, which is more than you can say for me. You…you never loved me.’

Spent, Mavis slumped, tears on her cheeks that she angrily rubbed away. There was only silence for a while, but then her mother spoke.

‘Mavis, listen to me, please listen. I wish I could deny everything you’ve said, but I know I can’t. You’re right, I haven’t been much of a mother, but I do love you, honestly I do.’

‘You…you love me?’

‘You’re my girl, ain’t you?’ Lily said as she stood up, pulling Mavis awkwardly into her arms.

Mavis could feel her mother’s swollen stomach as it pressed against her, but she didn’t move away. Her mum loved her and joy filled her heart.