Lost In Me (Here and Now) (21 page)

She laughs good-naturedly. “I keep waiting for that call myself, but unfortunately, that’s not why you’re here today.”

“Bummer.” I force a smile and shift in my chair. Waiting.

“I understand you just graduated from Sinclair and have a successful side business decorating cakes for friends.”

“I did just graduate, though I’m not sure how successful I’d call my business. I do it more for fun than anything.”

“You enjoy it, then?”

“Of course!” My cheeks warm. “It’s fun to make something out of raw ingredients. And cakes just make people happy.”

“And you have a dream of opening up your own bakery in New Hope. Is that correct?”

This will definitely be filed under Strangest Experiences Ever. “Yes, but it’s really more of a pipe dream. Nothing serious.”

“What if it didn’t have to be a pipe dream?” She pushes a thin stack of papers across the desk. “My client who, let’s be clear from the start, wishes to remain anonymous, thinks your ‘pipe dream’ bakery plans, as you call them, could really turn into a profitable venture.”

I pick up the stack of papers and leaf through them, but I’m not really sure what I’m looking at.

“The one on the top is the New Hope revitalization project, explaining tax breaks and grant funds the town of New Hope will give to young entrepreneurs who want to help revitalize the historic square.”

I scan the page, my eyes landing on the maximum dollar amounts the city will contribute. “I know about these grants,” I say, nodding. “William Bailey got some grant money to open his art gallery. I’m familiar with the opportunities, but they aren’t anything near what someone like me would need to open my own business.” I’d be able to do it with the money in my trust fund, but I don’t get that until I’m thirty or married.

Max’s proposal flashes through my mind—the look on his face when I stared at the ring and didn’t speak, the moment he rose off his knee and placed the ring in my hand, closing my fingers around it.
“Keep it. That’s how much I want this, Hanna. Keep it. I’ll wait.”

What was the “this” that he wanted? Me or my trust fund? I squeeze my eyes shut.

“That’s why I’m here. My client would like to go into business with you, Hanna. He would provide the rest of the funds you need to open the bakery in the old Woolworth’s building on Main. We’ve had a team of contractors give us estimates on turning around the space, and he’d even put an apartment for you upstairs to compensate for the minimal income you’d expect your first months in business.”

“How can I go into business with someone who wants to remain anonymous?”

“He’d be a silent partner. He’d get a portion of your profits until you choose to buy him out or sell the business.”

“But what if I don’t make a profit? What’s in it for him then?”

She shrugs. “Investments always come with risk, but my client believes you’ll be successful.”

“So if I want to make a decision, how am I supposed to talk to him?”

“Most things you’d be free to decide on your own, but there are major decisions he’d want to be consulted on, and those would go through me.”

Who would want to go into business with me? Who do I know with the money to take on something like this? “Is Nate Crane behind this?”

Her face remains impassive. “Anonymous means anonymous.”

It has to be Nate. And I should say no. I shouldn’t accept his money. Only he’s offering me something I want so badly. I can already picture my bakery on Main, Sinclair students hopping in between classes for a gourmet coffee, a glass case with freshly baked cookies and scones.

“Do you think you’d like to talk more, or is an anonymous partnership out of the question for you?”

“Tell me more.”

A
T FIRST,
I’m not sure if what I’m hearing is someone knocking on my door because the booming thunder of the storm masks it. Then it comes again.
Boom, boom, boom.

I slide my laptop onto the couch beside me and rush to the door.

“Hanna?” Liz calls.

“What are you doing out in this storm?” I hurry to the door and yank it open.

Liz steps in, soaking wet but grinning. Maggie, Cally, and Nix pile in right behind her. “Impromptu girls’ night!” Liz announces.

“Sorry, I couldn’t hear the knocking over the thunder.”

The girls shed their shoes and jackets by the door, and I grab towels for them.

“It’s a mess out there,” my sister says. She wipes the rain from her face and shakes her curls, not unlike a dog coming in from the rain.

Cally goes into the kitchen and plugs her iPod into the radio, and Maggie hoists a couple of canvas shopping bags on the counter and starts pulling out cream, Godiva liqueur, and vodka—ingredients for chocolate martinis, if I’m not mistaken. Nix removes a box of truffles, cheese, and crackers from another bag.

“You guys,” I say. “I have a wedding dress to fit into in three and a half weeks.”

Liz opens cabinet doors until she finds my martini glasses and sets them on the island. “You’ve never had us over here.”

“We had to remedy that,” Cally says, grinning.

“And Asher and Nate are working like fiends, so I was bored,” Maggie explains.

“Where’s Will?” I ask Cally.

“He’s hanging with Max and Sam at Brady’s.”

I head to the island and pop a truffle in my mouth. “That is amazing!” I close my eyes and chew slowly.

“God, it’s good to see you eat!” Cally says as she chooses a chocolate. “You were losing weight so fast. I was worried about you.”

“She’s doing really well,” Nix says. She winks at me as she grabs a truffle for herself. “Oh, wow!”

“They’re orgasmic, aren’t they?” Maggie says. “Asher got them for me when he was in New York last month. There’s this shop in the city that I swear does voodoo to make their chocolate.”

“Let me try.” Lizzy abandons her half-made chocolate martinis to try the orgasmic treat for herself. “Holy shit! I didn’t know chocolate could be
better
.”

The speakers click as Cally’s iPod shuffles to a new song, and Nate Crane’s “Lost In Me” begins.

I gasp.

Lizzy reaches over and squeezes my hand, and I close my eyes.

“That’s it.” Maggie slaps her palm on the counter. “What is going on with Nate Crane?”

Lizzy puts on her innocent face. “What do you mean?”

“Something’s up with you two. You get all weird any time I mention Nate, and he gets all weird every time I say anything about my sisters.”

“Weird?” Lizzy says. “We’re just fans. That’s all.”

Maggie raises a disbelieving brow. “You are a shitty liar.”

My twin sighs dramatically. “Fine. You know how I feel about his hotness. You caught me. I’m sleeping with Nate Crane.”

“You wish,” Maggie mutters before she zeroes in on me. “Hanna, spill.”

“She doesn’t—”

I hold up a hand. It was only a matter of time, right? “It’s okay. I made this mess and now I have to live with the consequences. Maggie should know.”

“It started in St. Louis, didn’t it?” She looks heartbroken.

“She doesn’t have her memory, remember?” Lizzy defends.

“I don’t know much. But the night I got home from the hospital, I woke up with Nate in my bed, and he was really angry when he saw my ring.”

“Jesus.” Cally drags her hand over her face.

“You can’t say anything to Will,” I plead with her. “Not until I tell Max the truth.”

“You haven’t told Max?” Nix says.

“Amnesia, remember?” Liz says. “She can’t even remember being with him.”

“But he climbed into your bed,” Maggie points out. “Did you ask him what’s been going on between you?”

“He’s not real keen on talking to her,” Liz says. “You know, given that she chose the other guy.”

“But you know for sure there was something going on between the two of you?” Maggie asks. “You and
Nate Crane
?”

“You’re one to talk,” Liz retorts. “You’re fucking Asher Logan. Seriously, what’s happened to this town? And when do I get a sultry affair with a sexy rocker?”

Nix shakes her head as if to clear it and grabs the martini shaker from Lizzy’s hand. She pulls off the top and takes a drink straight from the shaker. “No wonder you’re so anxious for those memories to come back,” she mutters. “
I’m
anxious for you to get those memories back.”

“I know, right?” Liz says. “I want details, and whether she remembers or not, I’m pretty sure I’m never going to get them.”

“What about Max?” Worry is written all over Cally’s face. “You
are
going to tell him, right?”

“I have to,” I whisper.

“Hanna!” Lizzy says.

“I’ve made up my mind, Liz. I’m giving my brain one more week to share any details it has hidden in there and then I’m telling Max what I know. For better or worse.”

Liz exhales heavily. “You’re stressing me out. Thank God we have chocolate.” She pops another truffle into her mouth and moans again as she chews. “Oh, hell, that’s better than sex.”

“No, it’s not,” Cally and Maggie say in unison. Then they giggle, and Maggie nudges me. “Come on. Don’t make me feel like the dirty ho here. I know you guys agree with me. That chocolate is good, but it’s
not
better than sex.”

“I wouldn’t remember,” Lizzy says. She takes the martini shaker back from Nix and takes a gulp.

“Sisters in unwanted abstinence,” Nix says.

Lizzy gives her a high five. “An exclusive club that no one wants to join.”

“Tell me about it,” I mutter.

The girls stare at me, and Liz bites back a laugh. “Hanna just found out she and Max don’t have sex. She’s not taking it very well.”

Maggie’s eyes go wide. “But you’re, like, twenty-three. And you and Max have been together for
months
. How does that even happen?”

“She’s saving herself for marriage,” Lizzy says. “Who knew any of the Thompson girls would make it to marriage with her virginity? Mom would be so proud.”

“So you weren’t having sex with Nate Crane?” Cally asks.

“Apparently not,” I say.

“How do you know?” Nix asks quietly.

“I saw him over the weekend and asked. He said we didn’t.” I frown. “You’re my doctor. What do you know about this that I’m not remembering?”

Nix breaks a cracker in half and avoids my eyes. “We can have this conversation in private later.”

“I want to have it now. These ladies already know my worst secret. Tell me what you know.”

She holds up her hands in defense. “Nothing, really. I was not privy to the details of your sex life. And you certainly never told me you were involved with Nate Crane, sexually or otherwise.”

“But…” I prod.

“But you came in at the beginning of August and talked to me about birth-control options. You’d had some problems with headaches when you were on hormonal contraceptives in high school, so you wanted to know about some other options and decided that condoms and a diaphragm was the right combination for you.”

“So I got a diaphragm?”

“We fitted you for one.”

“Did I tell you anything else?”

She breaks another cracker and sweeps a small pile of crumbs in front of her. “You were still a virgin when we talked, according to you. But you didn’t think…”

“You’re killing me with the suspense,” Liz says. “She didn’t think what?”

Nix shrugs. “She didn’t think she’d make it more than a couple more weeks.”

“That doesn’t mean anything,” Cally says. “She could have been planning to sleep with Max.”

Thunder claps, and half a second later, the apartment goes black, blessedly ending the awkward conversation.

“Candles,” I announce. “I’ll find candles. And…matches or something.”

I hear a click, and the next thing I know, a single flame is illuminating my friends’ faces from the lighter in Nix’s hand. “I’ve got us halfway there.”

“You carry a lighter?”

“And a pocketknife,” she says proudly. “I had four Eagle Scouts for big brothers. Always be prepared and all that jazz.”

“Do you need help looking for the candles?” Liz asks.

“No. I know where to look.”

I head toward the bedroom, my mind still churning on the implications of what Nix just told me. If I was getting birth control only a couple of weeks before the accident, that could mean I’d decided to accept Max’s proposal. Or it could mean I’d decided to earn my scarlet letter after all.

“They’re not in the kitchen?” Maggie calls, and I can already hear her opening drawers and rummaging through them.

“Maybe, but I know I store scented candles in my drawers. They work better than sachets for keeping clothes smelling fresh.”

“She’s so girly,” Nix says. “I need you guys to teach me how to be girly. Could you? For my birthday?”

I feel my way to my dresser and pull open the top drawer. Fumbling through piles of cotton and satin and lace, I finally find what I’m looking for. “Found one! It’s a taper candle, so we’ll have to hold it until we can find a candleholder, but this should get us started.”

As I leave the bedroom, lightning flashes and floods the apartment for two beats. Then we’re left in darkness again.

I fumble with the candle as I scoot my way back toward the kitchen. It’s kind of an odd shape. I wonder if it melted in the heat and re-formed or something. I hope no wax melted on my undies. “Nix, can you light your lighter again? I can’t find the wick.”