Lost In Me (Here and Now) (29 page)
Eventually, we make our way out of the shower and dry each other with fluffy white towels. Then he takes my hand and leads me to his bedroom. He slides under the covers with me. The frantic pace of the shower is gone and in its place is the steady beat of a grief-filled love song. He traces every line of my body with his fingers then his tongue. Love and need fill me so completely they hold together the pieces of my broken heart.
When Nate settles his head by mine on the pillow, his eyes are as tender as they are hot. “I have to let you go,” he whispers. “This has to be goodbye.”
My throat grows tight. “I know.”
I
FELL
asleep in his arms.
When I wake up again, the room is quiet. Nate is gone, his absence nearly tangible.
The covers smell like him. I can still feel the scrape of his beard against my skin. And despite this grief that makes my limbs feel heavy and my eyes gritty, I feel a sense of peace I haven’t in weeks.
I climb out of bed and pull on a robe before padding down the stairs and out to the patio. The sun is high in the sky, warming the air and reflecting off the surface of the pool. Crystal sun catchers hang from the awning and spin in the breeze, casting dapples of light into the shadows by the door.
I close my eyes and step into the sun, letting the light warm my cheeks.
Inhale. Exhale. Let go.
I’m going to be okay.
My head is clear, the fog of the last two days lifted. And with my clarity comes the understanding. I wish I could’ve had more time with Nate, yet I’m glad he had to go. He needed me to let him go. We needed to let go of each other. Holding on to him was hurting him as much as it was hurting me.
And Max…
I open my eyes and tilt my face to the sky. Fluffy white clouds roll across the endless sea of blue.
I can forgive Max. I love him too much to hold on to my anger. I can forgive him. But I can’t marry him. Maybe that will change with time, but I’m not going to ask him to live in limbo for me again. I have to let Max go too.
Canceling the wedding will break my mom’s heart, but I need to make this decision for myself, not her. And regardless of what I may have been thinking when I put on Max’s ring before my accident, regardless of what emotions or revelations I can’t remember, I’m not ready to get married. Not to Max. Not to anyone. I’m still figuring out who I am and where I fit into my world.
I’m giving myself the gift of time and no attachments. Maybe my memories will return or maybe they won’t. But whatever secrets are lost in my damaged brain, I’ve let the person I am—the person I want to become—get lost there too. Or maybe she was lost before my memories were. Maybe I lost myself three months ago when my world spiraled out of control.
I need to call Liz and make arrangements for a flight home. I need to call Max and my mom. Suddenly, calls that terrified me twenty-four hours ago are simply steps on a new path.
I climb the stairs back to Janelle’s room. My phone flashes wildly at me from the nightstand, and I pick it up and open the latest text message.
Nix:
Call me. Now.
I straighten. What if something happened to Liz? I hit the button to call her, and as it rings, I imagine half a dozen different scenarios in which Liz or Cally or my mom could have gotten hurt.
Suddenly, my stomach clenches and the peace I was feeling moments ago flees. What if something happened to Max? What if he’s in the hospital and thinks I don’t care? I flinch as guilt punches me in the gut.
“Come on, Nix,” I whisper against the ring.
I’m expecting her voicemail when she finally picks up. “Hanna!”
“Is everything okay?”
“Your blood work is back.”
My shoulders sag in relief. No one is hurt. Nothing horrible has happened. Nix is just being doctor-ish. “Okay? Are my electrolytes still screwed up?”
“Your electrolytes are fine, but your hCG levels are elevated.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means you’re pregnant.”
Thank you for reading the first book in the Here and Now series. Hanna’s journey continues in book two,
Fall to You,
coming in June 2014. If you’d like to receive an email when it and my other new titles are available, please sign up for my
newsletter
.
Anna Nalick—
Breathe (2am)
Barenaked Ladies—
Odds Are
Dave Matthews Band—
The Space Between
Matchbox Twenty—
If You’re Gone
Shakira, Rihanna—
Can’t Remember to Forget You
Sarah Bareilles—
I Choose You
Jason Mraz—
I Won’t Give Up
Nine Inch Nails—
Something I Can Never Have
A Great Big World—
Say Something
P.M. Dawn—
I’d Die Without You
Jason Walker—
Down
Macy Gray—
I Try
James Blunt—
You’re Beautiful
Excerpts from Lauren Blakely and Rhonda Helms
I’m excited to share my release day with two talented writers and friends. I’ve included snippets of their new releases for you below.
About
First Night
An erotic novella from the
New York Times
and
USA Today
Bestselling author Lauren Blakely...
It was only supposed to be one night…
When the sinfully handsome man walks into her bar in San Francisco, Julia Bell simply wants a break from the troubles that keep chasing her. That escape comes in the form of sexy, confident and commanding Clay Nichols, who captivates her mind AND turns her inside out with pleasure. The attraction is electric and they share one scorchingly hot night together, but they also discover there is more than just off-the-charts chemistry; the connection between them runs deep. Clay never thought he’d return to New York with this woman still on his mind. But he can’t get her out of his system, and he needs more of her…He wants more than just the first night…
*This is a prequel novella to the erotic romance NIGHT AFTER NIGHT.*
Excerpt of First Night © Lauren Blakely
“W
E HAVE
an India Pale Ale tonight. Will that do?”
“That’ll do just fine,” he said, his muscular forearms resting on the sleek bar. His shirt sleeves were rolled up and Julia couldn’t help but notice how strong his arms were. She bet he worked out. A real man kind of workout. Something hard and heavy that made him sweat and grunt to mold that kind of physique. She poured the beer into the glass, and set it down in front of him. He reached for his wallet, peeled off some bills, and handed them to her.
“I take it you’re Julia?”
Uh oh. How did he know her name. Was he an undercover cop? Had she accidentally served someone under twenty-one? She was diligent and methodical in her ID checking and had never let an underage in. Or wait. Her spine stiffened. Was he onto her? Did he know what she did every Tuesday night at a dimly-lit apartment above a greasy restaurant in ChinaTown that smelled of fried pork? That would be over soon though. It had to be. She’d done her time, and was ready to cash in. Soon, she kept telling herself.
“Yeah,” she answered carefully, all her senses on alert. She wasn’t really doing anything wrong those nights, was she? No, she was just taking care of business as she knew how.
“I hear you’re the best bartender in San Francisco.”
The tightness in her shoulders relaxed. At least he wasn’t a boy in blue come to bust her. But forget his smoldering looks. He was like the rest of them, going for cheap lines, hitting on the woman behind the bar. “Yeah, where’d you hear that? Facebook?”
He smiled briefly, shook his head. Damn, he had a fabulous smile. Straight, white teeth and a knowing grin. But she knew better than to fall for a hot stranger simply because he was handsome. She’d done that before, and it had kicked her in the ass. That’s why she was a No-Strings-Attached kind of woman these days. Not that she’d had any attachments of any sort lately – she had too much trouble to untangle herself from before she could even think about getting tangled up in love, let alone the sheets.
“No. Your sister told me. McKenna, I believe.”
Oh.
Oh yes.
It all made sense now.
And far be it from Julia to ever doubt her big sister. Because McKenna’s assessment was one hundred and fifty percent correct. He was smoking hot. Un-be-lievable. And he was no longer a stranger. He was sister-approved, he wasn’t a copy, and he wasn’t a heavy, so she shucked off her worries. “Clay Nichols,” he said, offering a hand to shake. Nice firm grip. Before she knew it, she was thinking of other uses for those strong hands.
About
One Broke Girl
by Rhonda Helms
Anna Parker’s life disintegrates with one phone call. Her dad’s selling their ritzy New York City condo because her Wall Street banker mom emptied their bank account and ran off with another man. Which means Anna has to drop out of her elite college and move with Dad back to their small Ohio hometown. Anna’s determined to reclaim her life ASAP, so she’ll use the next few months to save money, help Dad get back on his feet, and find and confront her mom.
But Anna doesn’t anticipate things going so wrong. The only job she can get is working as a lunch lady in an elementary school. Their money-pit duplex is falling apart around their feet. And her dad is depressed without her mom, who’s proving hard to find.
One bright spot in the chaos is Gavin Metcalf, a kindergarten teacher she dated when they were young teens. With his easy wit and sexy smiles, he makes her forget her stresses—and the fact that her boyfriend Steven back in New York doesn’t know the truth yet about her dire circumstances. When past and present collide, Anna has to decide where her future lies…
Excerpt of
One Broke Girl
© Rhonda Helms
T
HE SONG
pouring through the speakers changed to a deep, throbbing bass, and the crowd’s mood shifted into a sensual vibe.
“Will you dance with me?” Gavin asked in a sexy tone that made my belly flutter.
I should say no, because I was beyond attracted to this guy, despite my efforts. But I found myself starting to sway. He didn’t touch me, just let the inches of space between us thicken with tension. We moved in silence, eyes locked in an intensity I’d never experienced before. It was like he could see inside me, knew the inappropriate thoughts I was having.
I was so turned on, even as I fought against it.
All too soon, the song ended. With heated eyes, Gavin brushed his fingers along my forearm, then turned and walked off the dance floor.
“Wow,” Bianca said as she joined me, tugging Natalie’s hand to draw her into our circle. “That was hot. I almost had an O just watching you two.”