Lost in You (21 page)

“And now you’re going on a tour with him. Is this supposed to make me feel good?”

I sit down on the park bench. There are a few kids playing on the jungle gym. This is exactly what Hadley was looking at yesterday when she was stabbing me in the heart. How can something so innocent remind me of pain?

“What do you want me to do?”

“Not go on tour.” The words are out of my mouth before I know I’ve even said them. I close my eyes and wish for the darkness to swallow me up.

“It’s my job.”

“I know it is. I’m angry and upset. I don’t understand any of this. I miss you and the more I think about us and those pictures the more I get pissed off. Things seemed so much simpler when I didn’t know you.”

“Ryan?” her voice cracks. I know my words hurt her, but it’s true. Before her I was just going through life as a blip. Then I met her and things changed.
She made me feel alive and wanted. Now I just feel like shit.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. I didn’t have all these feelings before. This wouldn’t be happening if you weren’t famous and I don’t know how to handle all of this. I want to be with
you, Hadley, but I’m not sure if you want the same things.”

“I do, so much.”

“It doesn’t feel like it. He had his hands on you and you allowed it. You let him hold you and touch you and I want to fucking scream. I don’t want to share you.”

“I know,” she sa
ys softly.

“If you know then why did you let it happen?”

“By the time I realized what was happening, it was too late for me to stop it.”

I lean forward, resting my elbows on my knees. My foot is shaking. If I don’t get off the phone with her soon, I’m goin
g to explode. Maybe I need to hit something to take out this anger. I could ask Dylan to print off one of the photos and tape it to the wall so I can beat the crap out of it.

“I don’t know what you want me to say. I don’t know how to handle all of this. I
guess I should be thankful that no one knows about us because I’d be the laughing stock at school.”

“Want me to tell everyone that I’m in love with you? Will that help make this easier for you?”

“Definitely not.”

“Then what, Ryan?
Tell me and I’ll do it.”

“I’ve told you, but it’s your job so what I think doesn’t matter. I
gotta go.”

“Why?”

“Because Dylan’s here.”

I hang-up before she has a chance to respond. I know it was a dirty thing to say, but I want her to feel the same pain that I’m feeling. Dylan si
ts down next to me and doesn’t say anything. I lean back and realize she’s a bit closer to me than usual. I don’t move. I let her leg press up against mine. I encourage it, in fact.

Hadley

His
voice repeats in my head. You’d think I could remember something more pleasant, but I don’t. I remember only ‘
Dylan’
. I want to believe that she found him because he’s ditching school and she’s there to be his friend, not the type to move in because she sees that he’s having trouble with me.

Trouble we shouldn’t be having.

I set down my phone and flip on the TV. Cole’s voice sings through the speakers, I change the channel quickly. I don’t want to be accused of enjoying his music while I’m being held captive, which reminds me, I need to call my parents and see what can be done about Ian. I’m not too keen on being kept in my hotel room by my ex; let alone keeping that information from my boyfriend. Somehow I think that had I let that little tidbit of information slip, I’d be single. I know I’d break-up with me if I were Ryan.

I stop on a movie that’s playing. A woman is watching a guy and girl on a park bench. She’s looking at them with tears in her eyes. I pick up my phone and pull up Ryan’s name. His pict
ure stares back at me, so handsome and sweet. I miss him and he needs to know that I do. Words are not enough under these circumstances. I look back at the room where Cole is and know what I have to do.

“Cole?” I yell in my whiny pay-attention-to-me voice
. He used to come running when we first started dating, but that soon turned into an eye-roll even though he’d do what I asked of him.

He stands in the doorway, his arms raised over his head as he rests his hands on the door casing above him, causing his
shirt to rise above his waistband. I look away. I don’t need to remember what he looks like. I spent years erasing those memories from my mind.

“What do you need, Hadley Girl?” I hate pet names, especially from him. Maybe if Ryan gave me one I wouldn’t ca
re, but the bare whisper of one makes me cringe. I look back at the man that ruined most of me and stick my tongue out, a completely mature act for someone my age.

“I need some water and gum.”

“Since when do you chew gum?”

“Since now and the store downstai
rs doesn’t have the kind I want, so I’m letting you know that I’m going to the store.” I get up and straighten my jeans. I step over to the mirror and fluff my hair and play with my lipstick, all things that he’s used to seeing me do.

“You’re not leaving.
”

I turn and glare at him. “You can’t hold me here, that’s called kidnapping. I’ll call the cops if I have to.”

Cole steps forward, shuffling his bare feet on the floor. “Ian will kill me if I let you out. You can wait. We leave tomorrow for the tour. One day won’t kill you.”

“Fine, I can wait for the gum, but not the water. I need water or I’ll die.”

“You’re so dramatic, Hadley. There’s water in the wet bar, drink that.”

I walk over to the wet bar and look. Sure enough there’s water, but not the kind I wan
t. If he and Ian want to play games, they’ll suffer. “This won’t do. I don’t like this kind.”

“Of course you don’t.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I ask, placing my hands on my hips for added attention.

“Nothing, I’ll go get your freaking water. You know
,” he says as he slips on his shoes. “I never understood why you liked that generic water to begin with. You’re a freaking pop star. Drink the good shit.”

“I never asked for your opinion, Coleman.”

His eyes narrow when I say his name. He never did like me using his first name because it reminded him of his mother. I cock my eyebrow at him. He shakes his head as he heads for the door.

“I’ll be back in five minutes. Don’t do anything stupid.”

That’s what you think.

The second the door shuts I lock it. I don’t
care if he’s heard the lock engage or not. I need time to put a bag together and get out of here. Ian may be able to dictate where I perform, but he’s not going to screw up my personal life.

With enough clothes for a few days and a couple of necessities,
I sling my bag over my shoulder, pick up my phone and walk to the door. I hold my breath as I unlock it. I inch it open and cautiously look down the hall before opening it farther. I look in the other direction and only see one housekeeper. The path to the elevators is clear, but I’m not taking those. I jog down the hall to the stairwell and throw open the door.

I descend one flight of stairs before pulling out my phone and texting Alex, asking her to call the concierge desk and secure me a cab. I don’t w
ant to wait once I’m down there and run the risk of running into Cole, or even Ian, for that matter.

I rush down the rest of the stairs, breaking a sweat. I’m thankful for elevators
because I can’t imagine having to climb these, but the thrill of going down them so fast is exhilarating. When I get to the last step, only the door is standing between me and a bit of freedom. I push it open slightly and look for Cole and his harem of screaming fans that follow him around. That is one thing I could never get used to… his fans. He never cared if they followed us out on a date, or stopped us in the middle of dinner for an autograph. To him it was all business. To me it was an intrusive and unneeded deterrent in our relationship. It was like I was sharing him with the world and I hated it.

I walk down the long hall with my head down, sunglasses on. I wish I had put on a baseball cap or something to hide my hair, not from fans, but from Cole. I
need this to work. I need to be with Ryan so he knows that he’s the one and that being with Cole on tour won’t change how I feel about him.

As soon as I’m out in the open, I spot the cab that is waiting for me. The driver is holding a sign with Alex’s na
me on it. She’s a freaking genius. I walk a bit faster until he makes eye contact, I wave and he opens the door.

“Airport,” I tell him as soon as he’s behind the wheel. “And please hurry,” I say for added benefit. I look back at the hotel as we pull away
and wonder if Cole has been back to the room yet and realize I don’t really care. If Ian is doing this as some type of publicity stunt, he’s in for a rude awakening because I won’t be his guinea pig. I’d rather quit and never sing again than be thrown into his world of lies and deception.

Traffic is light and for that I’m thankful. The drive to the airport only takes twenty minutes and yes, the driver exceeded the speed limit. I hop out as soon as he stops, throwing money onto his passenger seat. He says so
mething, but I don’t acknowledge him. I look at the reader board to find the next available flight, one that will get me to Jackson or close enough that I can drive there.

My phone vibrates with a text from Alex.
Your ticket is at the counter. Regular airline.

I can’t help but laugh at how vague she’s being, talking in code. I run to our favorite airline and wait patiently, looking over my shoulder for Cole’s blond hair. He has to know I’m gone by now and where I’m headed, unless of course he met a girl on
his way to the store and became sidetracked. It wouldn’t be the first time he’s forgotten about me.

With my ticket in hand and through security I finally feel as if I’m breathing. Although there are still issues weighing heavily on my chest, seeing Ryan w
ill help. Even if we only have a few hours, it’ll be enough for me to tell him exactly how I feel and how much he means to me.

When I step onto the jet bridge I look behind me one more time. Satisfied that I’m not being followed, I descend down the walkwa
y and onto the plane. I didn’t look at my ticket until now and realize I’m not flying first class. I want to scream at Alex, but figure she did this to keep Ian off my tail. I’ll have to buy her a nice present.

I’m anxious as the plane touches down. My leg has been bouncing for the last hour of the flight. I know I’m probably annoying the lady next to me, but I can’t help it. I turn on my phone and wait, counting the seconds before my inbox floods with text messages. There are only two people I want to hear from: Ryan and Alex. The rest of them can leave me alone for the next couple of days while I fix my life.

I’m becoming more and more agitated as I wait for people to deplane. This process is so slow and I don’t know how more people aren’t scrambling to
fly first class. When I’m finally on the jet bridge, I run to the rental counter. I’m banking on Alex having already set this up for me. It dawns on me that Ian would know which rental company I like so I look around and try to think like Alex. I spot the company that she is always making fun of and head there. I give the lady behind the counter my name and she smiles. I’m hoping it’s because she has a reservation for me, not because she’s a fan and is planning on asking for my autograph. Of course, if I would’ve developed a fake name like Alex has suggested so many times, I could avoid a potential situation like this.

The clerk hands me my paperwork and keys. I fill out the necessary information and head for the parking garage where my car is waiting. Just
over an hour until I can hold and kiss him.

That is, if he’ll come to me.

One hour and thirty minutes later, I reach the Brookfield town line and I realize I don’t remember his address. I had it once, when I invited him to the charity ball, but never add
ed it to my phone. I think about driving around, but wouldn’t know where to go. I know he said the town is divided and remember him saying he wouldn’t want me at his house.

I find the church easily enough and park, shutting off the car. I never took into
consideration what time I’d arrive. I just needed to get here before it was too late. For all I know it already is. He hasn’t texted me, only Ian, Cole and Alex have.

I pull out my phone and type
I’m at your church
and hit send before my heart tells me to chicken out and go back home. Maybe I’m not good for Ryan, maybe Dylan is the type of girl he needs, the kind that understands where he’s from.

All I know is that Ryan is
who
I need. He’s the air that I breathe in order to live. He’s different and makes me different, too. The love that I feel for him is nothing like what I felt for Cole. I ache when I’m not with Ryan. I’ve been a fool to think that being apart would be okay.