Lost Paradise (30 page)

I’d trusted Lash, and he’d betrayed that
trust. Sure, the wound wasn’t as deep as the one Devlin had given
me, but it still hurt to think I’d extended my hand in friendship,
and he’d taken advantage. Maybe Theo and Danial were right about
him. In any case, I shouldn’t have to spend any time with him
again, so that would make it easier.

Devlin would not be so easily handled. Danial
was obviously not only hoping for a reconciliation between his
brother and I, he was avidly working for that in all he did. Some
of that was likely to cement his own rights to me, but more of it
was he wanted Devlin to be happy. I smiled, thinking with just a
trace of bitterness that I’d wanted to rectify their brotherly
rift, and accomplished it too well.

The question wasn’t could I forgive Devlin,
because I certainly loved him enough to forgive him. It was why
should I forgive him, when being separate would likely be better
for us both? He could have what he needed, and I…I could, too. I’d
wanted him to love me from afar and pine for me, hadn’t I? This was
me getting my wish again. I just wasn’t enjoying it, because all I
still visualized when I thought of him was he and Catherine
together. It would take me a long time to get over that hurt. Right
then, I wasn’t sure I ever would.

He didn’t love her. He loved you, Sar. Only
you. He said so.

I believed that. I did. But Danial hadn’t
loved Angelica, either, and it had still hurt to think about the
night I’d come to see him and she had answered the door in my robe,
smirking. Just thinking about it upset me again, no matter that she
had been dead for years now, and Danial only wanted me. I’d never
thought of myself as a jealous person before meeting Danial and
Devlin. Maybe I’d just needed the right stimulus to bring it out in
myself. Or maybe all the vampire blood I’d had in the last few
years was giving me some of the bad qualities of the donating
vampires.

You were jealous of Theo and Tawny, too. And
don’t forget the two bitches, Tasha and Aspen.

All right…maybe my possessiveness and
jealousy had nothing to do with vampires, only with my own
feelings…

No maybe about it. And it’s past time you
pulled yourself together and stopped feeling sorry for yourself.
It’s your life, Sar. Only you can fix it.

That was true. Maybe my circumstances were
bizarre, but I had got myself into this situation. I would find a
way to make it work. Danial might have his own agenda with Dev, but
he wouldn’t do anything that would compromise my safety. He had
always been my shoulder to lean on, a support I had been and
remained grateful for. With him helping, I could not only safely
deliver my twins, but also find a way to care for them both.

Theo was clearly not happy about our current
situation, but he had been unhappy about how things were since we
had returned from out west. That still made me feel guilty, but I
shoved that guilt down, and told myself for the first time that it
wasn’t my problem, it was his. He knew how things were. If he
didn’t like it, he could leave.

Could he really, though? You bound him Sar,
helped strengthen the bond you had so now it’s unbreakable.

Did Theo stay out of love for me, as he said,
or because he couldn’t break the power of our thrice shared magical
dream? I sighed, knowing that unanswered question was where my
guilt really stemmed from. Only time would tell, as neither Titus
nor Terian seemed to know for certain.

Feeling guilty over what was already done
wouldn’t help anyone. Making some goals and a plan to get there
would.

I went over some ideas, then sketched a quick
mental plan.

I would do everything possible to make sure
the next few months were as stress free as possible. Until I
delivered, my twins had to be my priority, just as Theoron had been
my first concern when I was pregnant this time last year. The Lust
was done, so the worst third of the battle was already over. If the
cooling or heating problem presented itself again in the months to
come, I had Terian to help me, and easy access to ice. Camlyn would
be there for other questions, this time with data on my first
pregnancy. We were no longer operating blind; this time he had
tested my blood from the first. Not only was I going to be much
safer this time around, but with everything documented, Titus might
have enough info to really make another woman—maybe even
Harriet—like me. The idea of the other Vampire Rulers leaving me
alone instantly buoyed my hopes, flooding me with relief.

I would be courteous to Devlin, but avoid him
as much as possible. Danial would not let him come here without my
permission. That would take care of seeing Lash, too. If I kept my
distance from Devlin, Theo was bound to relax. That would not only
give Danial and I some peace, but also allow him to focus more on
the death threats against he and Danial, not to mention his pending
challenge with Robert.

The only sad aspect to my plan was my
friendship with Serena, which had begun well and was now
effectively cut off. Maybe I could arrange for her to visit me
here? At the least, I could find a way to send her a letter. I
would work on that tomorrow.

I snuggled into the pillows, relieved. Though
my plan only got me to the birth of the twins, it was still a good
start. I would take the next few months to figure out what came
after that. Whatever path I chose, I promised myself I was going to
do what was right for me.

Danial came in, shutting the door. “You’re
not asleep.”

“Getting there,” I said, then yawned.

He took off his clothes, slipped on some
bottoms, then crawled into bed beside me, hugging me. “Your mood
seems better. I’m glad to see you so relaxed.”

I hesitated, then told him all of what I had
been pondering.

Danial listened, then nodded. “Having a plan
always comforts me. If you doubted I’d help you, let me assure you
that I’m here for you, whatever you need.”

“I know that,” I said, hugging him happily.
‘I know that, Danial.”

Chapter
Twelve

March became April, as winter faded into
Spring. The hardest part of those weeks was seeing Devlin, and
Lash, who was always with him.

The first few times Dev came to the doctor
appointments, I refused to look at him. He didn’t speak to me
directly, nor did Lash, but I heard the questions he asked as he
played the part of the concerned parent, asking how the babies were
developing. Eventually, as time went on, I was able to look at him,
though every time I did, I remembered him and Catherine. The
sadness in his eyes didn’t change anything between us.

Dev had sent me fire and ice roses with a
card the day after Lash and Theo had locked horns. I had kept the
flowers, and burned the card, unopened. I would have thrown the
roses out too, but they were living things that had been cut just
so that they could bloom for someone before they died. It seemed
wrong to me not to give them a chance to live as long as they
could. And I admitted reluctantly that I loved their heavenly
smell. Danial watched me burn the card, though we didn’t talk about
it. A week and a half from then, when the roses began to die,
another dozen arrived. Again, they were fire and ice, but there was
no card on them this time, or any that arrived after them at
regular intervals.

I didn’t talk to Devlin at all; not at the
doctor’s appointments and not on the phone, though Danial talked to
him every day, telling him about the baby’s kicking, or how I was
feeling. Devlin also didn’t come to the house, though Danial begged
me weekly to relent. But I’d had enough of Dev, and Lash too, and
refused to see either of them.

Theo and I were getting along well now. It
was a huge relief to have him around most of the time. He and
Terian routinely went out together on jobs now, sometimes by
machine, and sometimes via teleportation, but they were never gone
for more than overnight. Together, they cleared out a lot of the
simpler cases, leaving Danial to deal with the more complex ones.
With my help on the clerical duties, the Solutions, Inc. team kept
pace with the steep increase in workload. Danial had never
advertised for his business before, relying on his reputation to
bring cases to him. The new website and portal continued to surpass
even his expectations for new clients.

The extra money was nice, too. Danial shared
the wealth. Everyone got a hefty raise, including me. I happily
socked most of my paycheck away, though I made Danial take some of
it for household bills, now that Theo and I were living with him.
He resisted at first, but then accepted. Theo also gave a good bit
of his pay to Janice and Ivan for watching our house, by way of
taking over their salaries from Danial. Weekends, I took the dogs
back to spend some time at our house, sometimes with Elle, Theoron,
and Theo. I missed my land, missed being there in the spring,
missed the garden I wasn’t planting. But I also felt like that
farmstead wasn’t where my home was now, leading me to take Theo
aside on one of the trips.

“Theo, I know Danial is getting used to us
being there with him,” I began, trying to think about how to word
my proposal.

Theo gave a me a look. “I’m sure he is.
So?”

“Do you think it’s safer to stay with him,
after our baby is born?”

Theo looked at me in surprise. “Sar, are you
saying that you think we should live with Danial, stay with him?
Sell your house?”

“I’m asking what you think,” I said, putting
my hand on his arm. “I can’t give an opinion, Danial is the only
one giving me blood now. Some of his desires have become mine. I
miss my home, but I’m content at Danial’s, living there with him,
and you. And I know I probably wouldn’t be, if I was getting blood
from Devlin as well. So I need you to tell me what you think,
because I want our baby to be safe, and you to be happy, and you
aren’t in thrall to anyone.”

Theo hugged me tight to him. “I want to live
here with you, and our baby, but not until its safe. Robert hasn’t
tried again, but he’s biding his time, Sar. So is Tasha’s father,
Karl.”

“So we shouldn’t make any decision now, is
what you’re saying?”

“Maybe in the fall,” Theo said finally.
“Terian is helping me go over leads regarding both of them in our
spare time, though we haven’t turned up anything yet. We will, Sar,
but we need more time.”

* * * *

By May first, I was huge. Stephen informed me
during my weekly checkups that the babies were growing faster than
normal. Theo was afraid, remembering what had happened to Tawny,
but Stephen reassured us that he was planning on doing a C-section,
so there was no reason to worry.

On the second of May, we had a huge birthday
party for Theo at the were compound. Everyone had a great time.
Theo had said no presents, but everyone had gotten him something,
like boxes of bullets, or an extra pair of jeans. I had given him a
heavy terrycloth bathrobe of his own to wear, as he’d reluctantly
been wearing an extra of Danial’s that was satin. Theo was more of
a cotton kind of guy. Danial had also gifted Theo with
nightclothes: a few pairs of loose-fitting silk pajama bottoms.
While Theo, Danial and I were pretty much used to sleeping in the
same bed after a month, both gifts were sure to ease Theo’s
persistent homophobia.

Watching my husband, and how much he was
enjoying this, I wondered if Theo had ever a party before. I didn’t
ask, because it didn’t matter. Theo was going to get a party every
year from now on, complete with a three layer red velvet cake big
enough to feed a crowd, like I’d baked him this year.

And he wasn’t the only one. Danial also was
getting a party every year from now on. From his own words, his
birthday had never been celebrated, not even back when he was
mortal. So a week later, on Theoron’s birthday, I made sure to make
Danial his own small cake.

Danial’s real birthday was sometime in
September, but he’d asked that his son’s birthday be the day of
celebration. “I was reborn the day you had Theoron,” Danial had
said softly to me one night. “Let that serve as my birthday,
Sar.”

That party came together perfectly. Theoron
had run amok, tearing through his presents in a flurry of paper,
the blunt horns Terian had grown for him sticking out of his
forehead, and the devil’s tail sprouting from his lower back
lashing in excitement. I’d given Terian raised eyebrows over making
my son a devil, but Terian had just shrugged, and said that that
was what Theoron had asked him for. When it came to Theoron, Terian
was as bad as Danial was at spoiling him. But my mother and
stepfather were just as bad.

Titus had teleported them to the party. My
mom had been very uncomfortable with his blackness, downing an
entire glass of wine at her arrival. It hadn’t helped when he’d
asked her—if she didn’t mind too much—to put her cross under her
shirt. My mom had complied, then she’d gone for another glass.
Seeing his effect on them, Titus had given me a quick hug, and then
teleported back to Hayden. Once my parents got over the shock of
their delivery method, they had a great time, loading Theoron with
fishing gear, and L.L. Bean clothes. “He’s our only grandchild, so
far,” my mom said meaningfully. “Of course we’re going to spoil
him.”

My mother was dropping hints in her usual
blunt way, but she had no idea her wish for a brood had already
come true. I still hadn’t told her that I was having twins, or that
one was Devlin’s. I knew there was a better than even chance that
the baby would get Devlin’s eyes. They had only to see the eyes,
and they’d make the connection in a minute.
I had to tell them,
but how?

Compounding my stress was that Devlin had
been invited to Danial’s party. He brought Lash, of course, and the
two of them spent the beginning of the evening talking with my
parents. I’d noticed it, then dismissed my worry, rationalizing it
was normal for my parents to talk to the only other people here
they knew. What I failed to notice was that my stepfather had
brought a tasting pack with him: a group of small bottles of at
least seven different scotches. My stepfather’s pride in his
extensive collection proved to be my undoing.