Lost Without You (12 page)

“I didn't mean to startle you,” Chip said, walking up beside her. “I thought you stopped to wait for me because you heard me coming.”

“It's okay. I was lost in my own head too much to hear you. What are you doing here?” Had he followed her to bring up the whole Rick thing?

He smiled and started down the trail. “Heading back to base camp, of course. Isn't that what you're doing?”

“Of course it is.” She fell into step beside him. Relief swelled inside her that maybe he wouldn't ask any more questions. It would be nice to have a quiet walk back to camp with a friend.

Sure, a friend
, she chided herself. Her pulse had already sped up and it wasn't from Chip startling her. It was from him being only a few inches away.

“I'm sorry I got all hotheaded back there with you and Rick. That guy annoys the ever living crap out of me.”

“Really? I never would have guessed,” she joked, hoping to keep the mood light.

“Very funny,” Chip joked back. “The way he calls you baby all the time rubs me the wrong way. Like you're his girlfriend and he has a right to call you whatever he wants.”

“Relax. We're not in a relationship or anything. There's no need to get all bent out of shape over a nickname.”

Chip stopped and put his hand on her arm, forcing her to stop too. His grip on her arm was light. She could have pulled away easily at any second. But one look into his eyes and she felt paralyzed. Fire burned bright in his eyes, but not from anger at Rick. No, this fire was from something that burned hotter than anger.

This was the spark of something hot between them that she'd been trying so hard to ignore.

She swallowed, feeling that urge to throw herself at him again. But she wasn't going to.

“I can't take not knowing anymore. I want an answer to the question I asked you earlier. Did you want me to kiss you? I need to know. I'm doing the best I can to control myself around you since you can't seem to send me a clear message of what you want. But I'm not sure how much longer I can go on this way.”

She had to pull away now. If she stayed, it would only lead to the place she didn't want to go with Chip. The place she
couldn't
go.

She pulled free of him. “I already told you an answer.” She bit her lip and took a tentative step back toward base camp. She needed distance. Thinking with her head instead of her heart was impossible when Chip was so close, when he looked at her like that. “I don't know and that's the best I can do.”

He stepped forward, closing the gap before she could put any real distance between them. Stroking his thumb along her bottom lip he said, “Tell me your answer is no and I'll walk away right now and leave you alone. Just say that one little word and I'll stop.”

Say it. Say no.

Zoe's eyelids fluttered closed as she savored the feeling of his touch on her lips, knowing that as good as it was, feeling his mouth on hers would be infinitely better. She needed to tell him “no” to spare herself the pain later, but everything inside screamed “yes.”

“Say no, Zoe, and I'll go.” Chip's breath was warm on her lips. She opened her eyes to find him hovering above her mouth. So close. “Last chance.”

She opened her mouth intent on telling him to go, but no words came forward. Instead, she felt the uncontrollable urge to lick her lips, but when she did, her tongue flickered across the end of his thumb.

Before she could apologize, his hand wrapped behind her head and he moved toward her, pressing her against a large tree. The rough bark cut into her back, making her arch against him. The resulting sensation of his hard body touching hers sent a pool of warmth into her belly.

She gasped as his lips found hers, his tongue eagerly invading her mouth. Despite her best effort to resist him, she melted into his kiss, his touch. Running her hands up his back, she clung to him, pressing against him. The hardened length of his desire pressed against her hip.

She wanted more than anything to trace the outline of his length with her hand, to feel him grasped in her palm as he kissed her.

But that was exactly the kind of thing she couldn't let happen.

Zoe turned her head to the side, gasping for breath as if she'd been suffocating. Tears sprang to her eyes. She wanted him so much, but wanting him would never equate to having him fully. He would never have her once he knew the truth.

Chip held her head in both hands, forcing her to look at him, and wiped a stray tear with his thumb as it rolled down her cheek. “Zoe, what's wrong?”

“I can't … I don't want … ” She choked on the words, trying and failing to be strong.

“You can't kiss me like that and then tell me you didn't want it or you didn't like it. Kiss me, Zoe.”

He claimed her mouth again and she melted into him against her will. Seemed her inner strength was a hussy who wanted a good time in the moment and didn't give a damn about what happened with Chip in the future. But Chip would care. And he would break her heart and leave her in ruins and there was nothing she could do about that if she gave in now.

“No,” she said, pushing hard against him. “I don't want this. I don't want you.”

“You're lying,” Chip said, taking a step back from her, looking as if he'd been hit across the face with a sledgehammer.

“I'm sorry, but kissing you is a mistake.”

With that she turned and ran down the path as fast as she could in her heels and didn't stop until she was safely back in her tent.

• • •

Chip punched the tree trunk then cursed as the pain of his stupidity radiated through his hand. The way she looked at him, the desire he saw in her eyes, she had wanted him to act on his feelings for her. He hadn't been mistaken about that. And when he kissed her, he'd felt her melt into him. Hell, he'd felt her grind against the bulge in his pants.

She did want him, no doubt, but she stopped herself. Again.

Maybe she wanted Rick too and that's why she kissed him then pulled away. Getting rid of Rick, sooner rather than later, would eliminate one of the complications keeping Zoe from being with him.

She wanted him. He knew it. He just had to figure out how to make her realize it too.

Or he had to bide his time and sit tight until she figured it out for herself. He knew she would eventually, but waiting really sucked.

At least he had other things he could occupy his time with. Like plotting which upcoming challenge could potentially be the one to send Rick home. To do that, he would need to watch some of the footage taken of him around camp. If Rick showed a weakness anywhere, it would be at camp with his teammates where he felt most comfortable.

And Chip would watch footage until he found Rick's weakness, even if it took all night.

Not like he had anything better to do anyway now that Zoe had run off.

He shoved his aching hand into his pocket and started toward camp. Maybe he'd stop in the kitchen tent and see if he could scrounge up some ice for his knuckles. Every few days the cooks trekked back to civilization to get supplies, including ice for the coolers. Hopefully he'd luck out and today would be one of those days.

Chip crawled onto his cot and pulled the blankets over his head. It would be daylight soon and he didn't want to see it when it arrived. Exhaustion swept over him as he slowly warmed up inside the tight embrace of his bed.

He'd come back to camp determined to find something that would put Rick at a disadvantage. It had taken him almost all night and a few too many solar batteries to scour the hours of footage they had logged from his camp. Half a dozen beers later, he'd finally found it.

Rick's weakness.

A grin split across his lips as he thought about it with smug satisfaction. Perfect. He already had a challenge in the schedule that would put Rick to the test. It was supposed to be the week three challenge, but being producer of the show meant he could change things as he saw fit. And waiting until next week to try and get Rick off the show wasn't fast enough for his liking. Nope. Switching the challenge schedule around a little might help get rid of Rick's team an entire week sooner.

Now he just had to pray that it worked and Rick's team was sent packing.

Of course, there would still be the problem of Alex and whatever his issue with Zoe was. Yesterday at the challenge, it was obvious Alex and Zoe knew each other somehow, but no amount of research had given him the answer as to how.

Chip had compared their files extensively. They didn't live in the same town, they hadn't gone to college together, and they didn't seem to have any friends or family in common either. So how did they know each other? He'd been worried at first that they were exes, but that didn't seem to be the case. Or if they were, they'd kept their relationship hidden.

The only unusual thing he'd come across tonight was the lack of information concerning Zoe previous to her accident. It was as if she didn't exist before that moment, but she'd been fourteen when it happened. Weird. Or maybe not weird. How much of a paper trail did a fourteen-year-old girl have?

Chip yawned, too tired to try and wrap his brain around the mystery of Zoe and Alex any longer. Maybe after he'd had some sleep he'd feel up to tackling that issue again. For now, he was happy he'd been able to figure out a way to hopefully send Rick and his team home.

• • •

Zoe paced inside her tent.

Yesterday had been one giant ball of messiness. Not only had Alex given her a rough time, but Rick had flirted with her, Chip had gotten jealous, and then he'd kissed her.

Hot damn. That kiss.

She wanted to forget about it. She wanted to push it from her brain. But instead, the memory of that kiss infiltrated her every waking thought.

She had wanted to give herself to him so badly in that moment, completely swept away by the man who could kiss her like she was the only woman in the universe. And she'd thought that was all it was, a moment of being swept away.

But then she'd come back to camp and locked herself in her tent all night except for quick trips to the bathroom and kitchen tents, and no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't get that kiss to leave her alone. It wasn't as if she was caught up in the moment anymore either. Nope. Chip was inside her head, under her skin, and quickly burrowing his way into her heart.

She had to put a stop to it.

“You can't let that happen again,” she scolded herself. “You can't be with Chip like that. He's a threat to your well-being and you can't let your guard slip with him.”

Except just the thought of slipping into Chip's arms again was enough to make her feel weak-kneed. He made her feel something different than she'd felt before. Sure there was the lusty element to her feelings. Who wouldn't want to be with a man who could kiss like Chip? But there was more to it than that.

When she was in his arms, when he kissed her, she felt … whole.

“That was so much more than a kiss.” She sighed. It couldn't be more than a silly kiss. She couldn't let it be more.

Zoe heard a noise outside of her tent and twisted quickly in the direction it came from. She still wasn't used to the noises that seemed to be everywhere out here in the wilderness. As she turned, her toes connected with the bottom leg of her cot. Pain shot through her toes and into her foot.

“Ouch. Damn it,” she said, squatting down to inspect the damage. Aside from some redness where her toes connected with the metal, there didn't seem to be too much to worry about. “That's what I get for daydreaming about a kiss when I should have been doing something more productive, like paying attention to my appendages.”

“You alright in there, Zoe? Do you need me to get the medic?” Chip's voice came through the tent loud and clear and it wasn't even raised.

Damn it.

How could she be so stupid? Why couldn't she remember she was in a flimsy tent and not a hotel room with solid walls? If Chip was standing outside her tent when she'd hurt herself and had been close enough to hear her say ouch, then he'd also been close enough to hear her talk about that kiss with him.

Great. Just fricken great.

“I'm fine,” she said, her voice shaky knowing that he'd heard her every word. “Just stubbed my toe, nothing to worry about or call the medic for.”

“Can I come in and have a quick look at it to make sure you're fine? I, uh … ” He paused. “I promise I won't kiss you since you don't need more things to daydream about.”

Even without seeing his face, she could hear the joking tone in his voice and knew instantly he had indeed overheard everything she'd said about kissing him. And he seemed pretty damn happy with himself about the whole thing too.

“Thanks, but I'm fine.” She pressed her lips into a tight line in an effort to resist saying anything else. Who knew what she'd say to dig her hole even deeper. Best to keep quiet.

“If you're sure. I'm calling a production meeting in ten minutes in the kitchen tent. Do you think you can make it there safely yourself, or would you like me to wait around and help you? I can't have my host breaking anything important while we're filming.”

Zoe rolled her eyes. “I'll be there with all my pieces intact.”

“Great. See you in a few.”

Zoe held her breath, listening carefully for his footsteps to retreat away from her tent. When she was sure he'd left, she let out a long, slow breath.

Way to go. I'm going to keep my mouth shut from now on.

Deciding that maybe it was better to give her toes some rest after their near death experience, she slipped on her sneakers, which one of the production assistants had returned to her. She took one more peek into her mirror to check her makeup and hair and then left her tent to attend Chip's spontaneous production meeting. Hopefully he wouldn't comment on anything relating to her — or even look directly at her. If he did, she was liable to faint from embarrassment and that wasn't something she wanted to explain to the other production people.