Love and Hate (17 page)

“And my dad he is such an ass, I
can’t believe he...”

I collide my mouth with hers,
interrupting her. It’s that kiss that happens when you miss someone. I put all
my sorry and please forgive me in that kiss as I break the seam of her lips
with my tongue and softly and attentively explore the inside of her mouth with
it.

I release the kiss still holding
on to her face. She places her right hand on mine and softly kisses the palm of
it. I close my eyes at the feeling of the simple touch. She glances back at me.

“I really missed you” She says
softly.

“I really missed you too. I
thought you wouldn’t want to see me again”

“Why?”

“Because of the fight, with Eric”
I say brushing her hair from her face.

“Donovan”

“I just thought, that you
thought, I was a monster like everyone else.”

“Well.” She gently places her
other hand on my face and rubs my cheek. “Everyone else doesn’t know you like I
do.”

Claudia

We settled on the air mattress
sitting Indian style. I could tell he wanted to talk about everything that had
been going on.

“I just don’t want you to think
I’m a bad person” He says looking down at his hands holding onto mine.

“Hey,” I lower my head to get him
to look back up at me. “I don’t think you’re a bad person. I mean it did scare
me seeing you beat Eric like that, but I wasn’t scared of you Donovan. I was
scared for you.”

His brow scrunches up, shocked at
what I just said.

“What?” I ask.

“I just never expected you to say
that.”

            “Well, I guess you don’t really know me
like you think you do.”  I smile at him and he smiles back.

                        He
slowly drops his smile and focuses on his thoughts.

“When it comes to people I love,
I get angry. And Jason had some rough stuff happen to him so I really am
protective of him. I mean I know he talks a lot of stuff and acts tough, but in
reality he’s different”

“I understand. If anyone ever did
anything to Jade or my dad, no matter how much he pisses me off, I would
probably do the same.”

If Donovan thinks that makes him
a bad person, than he’s better than I thought.

“Yeah, about your father” I knew
he would be the topic of discussion.

“I’m so sorry.”

“No, it’s okay.”

“So, what happened at the police
station?”

“Nothing my lawyer called him out
and everyone knew they didn’t have a case.”

“Yeah, it’s like he’s getting
desperate or something. What was he even doing there? He works for the
organized crime unit.”

“Yeah my lawyer pointed that out
to him, but his battle is with my father, not me.”

“I wish our parents did different
things. I wish we had normal teen issues, not star cross lover issues.”

“Yeah.” He laughs at my statement. “But everything
happens for a reason.  If our dad’s occupations were different, I wouldn’t have
gotten to meet you.”

I tilt my head and blush.

“I guess we really are a modern
day Romeo and Juliet” I say laughing.

He laughs with me.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

“I just wish we could be together
somewhere in a public place where there isn’t any judgments. A place where no
one knows who we are, they just know that we’re two people who are crazy about
each other.”

“So you’re crazy about me, huh?”
He arches his eye brows and gives me a cocky smile.

I playfully punch him on the
shoulder.

He pauses for a second and
thinks. He slowly smiles to himself.

“What?” I ask with curiosity.

“What if I told you there was a
place we could go where hundreds of people could see us and not know who we
are?”         

“I would say, let’s go”

Chapter

8

“A Moment of Clarity”

Donovan

After I came up with my brilliant
idea, we waited for Emile and Jade to meet us at our spot. Once they both got
there, we hopped in my car and drove off.

“Don’t get too close shorty.” Jade
says to Emile from the backseat.

“Hey baby, don’t knock it till
you try it.”

Claudia and I laugh.

“This place better serve alcohol
and we better be able to get some.” Jade says annoyed. I hope we can win her
over.

“Yeah they do, me and Emile know
the owner.” I tell her.

“So, it’s 21 and up?” Claudia’s
eyes lit up in excitement.

“Yep” Emile says.

“So how do you know the owner?” Jade
asks.

“He’s Emile’s uncle”

“Wait are you sure no one is
going to be there that you know?” Claudia asks.

“Oh, yeah. None of our friends
know about him letting us in. He use to just sneak us and Chris in.” Emile
informs her.

“We first started going there
when we were about fifteen.” I say

“Good Times” Emile says.

It was good times, the three of
us cruising through the city when Chris got his license. Ella use to get so mad
that we didn’t bring her with us, but there was no way we were going to bring
our fourteen year old little sister. Not that being at a twenty one and up club
at fifteen was any better.

“Well midget, I guess you’re good
for something huh?” Jade says rudely, but it also sounded a little flirtatious
to me. I think Emile is growing on her.

“Oh I’m good for a lot of things
baby”

“Ew” She scoffs.

Claudia and I laughed at our
friends while I continued driving. The city was about an hour away from Eastbrook,
so we all just sat back and cranked up the stereo.

Claudia

Right when we got there, Emile’s
uncle was waiting outside in the alley where there was a side entry way into
the night club. A valet guy came running to the side to park Donovan’s car.

“Uncle Luke!” Emile hugs the
equally short dark haired man with a porno mustache. I swear he looks just like
Mario from the Mario Brother video game.

“Emile! Glad you could come.”
Uncle Luke has a very thick New York accent.

Uncle Luke releases his embrace
with Emile and turns and looks up at Donovan.

“Donovan” He says, hugging him.
“It’s so good to see you.”

“It’s good to see you too Luke.”

“Listen, I’m sorry about your
brother. He was a great kid.”

Donovan stood there for a second
looking down at his feet. It hurts me seeing the sadness in his eyes when he thinks
about brother.

“Yeah, he was.”

Uncle Luke turns to me and Jade
with a smile.

“Well, who are these two lovely
Ladies?”

“Hi. I’m Claudia” I say putting
my hand out to shake his. I gesture towards Jade. “This is Jade.”

Uncle Luke grabs my hand along
with Jade’s and kisses them. The touch of his porno mustache tickles.

“You did good boys.” He winks at
us. “Well ladies. I’m Luke and you are more than welcome at my fine
establishment. So have a great time.”

“Thank You” I say.

“Now get in there! Have a few
drinks on me, but not too many Emile your mother will kill me”

“Thanks Uncle Luke.”

As we enter through the side door
Jade whispers in my ear, “Well I see dwarf syndrome runs in the family.”

I laugh hysterically. I am not
going to be able to take her and Emile tonight. The two of them together is
pure comedy.

“Be nice.”

We enter the main room and it’s a
completely different atmosphere. Wow, so this is a 21 and up club. The bright
lasers beaming like some type of rave. I see so many people dancing freely to
Rihanna’s Diamonds. The bar is literally glowing with highlighted blue lights.
Waitresses are walking around with bottles that have sparklers peeking out of
them. I look at Jade who is smiling as hard as I am. It’s as big as three
mansions put together. Uncle Luke has done well for himself.

 My reveling of the establishment
is interrupted by the touch of Donovan’s hand grabbing mine and locking my
fingers with his. I glance up at him as he smiles at me showing, how happy he is.

He was right. This is a place
where we can be free, where we can be us, where we can be an actual couple.

After a few drinks, I am
definitely buzzed. We got our own VIP section next to the dance floor. I am too
geeked right now. It’s my first twenty one and up club, and it’s awesome. I’m
here with my best friend and my boyfriend. I like the sound of that, my
boyfriend.

I brush the top of Donovan’s hair
playfully. I don’t know if it’s the liquor, but I’m extremely attracted to him
right now. He looks at me with that sexy grin that makes me warm and funny
inside.

“Are you drunk?” He asks me.

“No! Tipsy, but not drunk.”

“Well maybe you should slow down”

“Don’t be a prude now.”

“Yeah!” Jade slurs out. “Don’t be
a prude Donovan”

She starts laughing hysterically.

“Now you are definitely drunk.”
Emile says.

She looks back at Emile.

“You know Emile even though
you’re a midget, you’re kind of cute.”

“I know” Emile shrugs.

Our laughter is interrupted by Jade’s
scream.

“Oh My God! It’s your theme
song!” She says to me and Donovan.

We both look at each other
confused than back at her.

“What?” I ask

“Well, one of them, but I was
listening to this one day and I immediately thought of you guys, I mean listen
to the words. If our love is tragedy, than why are you my remedy, clarity and
all that bullshit.”

I continue listening and realize
it is Clarity by Zedd. I love this song. It’s on my IPOD.

“Claudia it’s on your IPOD!”

I laugh at Jade and shake my
head.

“Come on shorty let’s dance” Jade
yanks Emile out of his seat.

I watch them as they go through
the crowd.

“Well I think the lyrics are kind
of ironic.” Donovan says.

I look back at him, enjoying the
sight of my golden perfection.

“Come on” I pull him out of his
seat.

I guide him through the middle of
the crowd where our friends are. I see they are getting pretty friendly on the
dance floor. I let the music hit me as I begin dancing with Jade. Emile dances
funny while Donovan tries to stay cool, not wanting to move too much. I smile
and pull him close to me. I place his hands on my waist; I wrap my arms around
his neck. Before I know it I’m mouthing out the lyrics to him.

“Cause you are
the piece of me, I wish I didn’t need

Chasing
relentlessly, I still fight and I don’t know why

If our love is
tragedy, why are you my remedy

If our love is
insanity, why are you my clarity”

He is twirling me and dipping me
down.  I never knew he had dance moves.

Us being together is insane, but
at the same time it’s not, he’s my happiness. He’s my remedy and clarity.

Not being able to hold in my
happiness any longer, I press my lips against his passionately with so much
need and urgency. I push through his lips bringing my tongue to his. I lick his
bottom lip and bite it. I love doing that.

He stops for a minute looking at
me with more desire, but also love. He gives me that drop dead gorgeous smile
and kisses me again. I slide my fingers through his hair as his hands press me
against him like he never wants to let me go. I don’t want him to let me go.
It’s like a scene from a movie that I want to keep rewinding over and over
again. I feel everyone moving around us, dancing, enjoying the moment and
escaping their realities. But, Donovan is not only my fantasy, he’s my reality.

Right now in this moment of
clarity, I feel alive and it is all because of Donovan Pierce.

              
Chapter

9

“Say It First”

Donovan

Spring Break is here and everyone
is excited for their big trips planned. The school was taking us to Paris. This
is cool, except I’m not going. My parents think I am, but instead I’m going out
to the country to my great uncle’s estate…. with Claudia.

We wanted to be together somehow
and have a week to ourselves, but we didn’t know how that was going to happen.
Emile actually gave me the idea. He told me how I should start using the fact
that I’m rich to take Claudia somewhere. He suggested a hotel in New York, but
I wanted to take her somewhere isolated where no one could find us. So I
remembered my great Uncle Billy’s house out in Edison, New York which was about
an hour from Eastbrook.  It’s an old Victorian style house with a pool in the
middle of nowhere. It’s literally in the middle of nowhere. I swear it’s like
an hour away from the nearest gas station.  

I have it all planned. Claudia
and I will act like we were going on the school trip and Emile and Jade would
cover for us when we asked our parents if we could go. Than Jade whose parents
are never around hired her family’s driver, Adam, to drive us to our isolated
paradise.

So here I am now in the car with
Emile who is dropping me off at a gas station, before he goes to the airport.
Emile sees this Paris trip as an opportunity to get Jade in bed.

“I actually dig her man, I love
that attitude and how feisty she is.”

I look at Emile who is going on and
on about Jade. Emile is 5’4 and Jade is 5’8 at least, so it would be hilarious
to see them together, but Emile has his way with the ladies in spite of what
people think.

“And that long blond hair I just
want to pull on it and smack her---

“Emile!” Too much info. “I got
it”

“So I guess you’re definitely
getting some this week.” He doesnt change the subject, but focuses the
attention on me and Claudia. 

“I don’t know”

“What do you mean you don’t know?
D, you’re going to be with her…. by yourself …. For a week.”

  No shit.

“I know. I just don’t know man,
you know how I feel about her, so I’m willing to take things slow.”

“School is almost done. You guys
have been doing this for what? Two months? I mean I know you love her and all
that, but you’re telling me you’re not at least anxious to tap that.”

Of course I am. Every time I get
close to her, I have to go home and take a cold ass shower.

“Whatever happens, happens okay?”
I say, hoping he drops it.

Of course I’m anxious. I want her
more than anything. I want to satisfy her in more ways than one, but I don’t
want to push her. Yeah, she isn’t a virgin, but still I want her first time
with me to be special. So, yeah, maybe I am kind of scared. Now, granted I’m
not an amateur when it comes to pleasing women and sex, but Claudia is someone
I want to take my time with. I’ve slept with a lot of girls and women. Ranging
from the age of sixteen, the girl I lost my virginity to when I was fourteen,
to twenty eight, the age of the woman in London who was my aunt’s friend. Her
name was Melody and she definitely taught me some things, but all that really
doesn’t compare to Claudia. I guess it is true what they say when you’re in
love. In the end no matter how many women you sleep with, none of them compare
to that one. The one you want in your life forever. The one you want to marry
and start a family with one day. Your soul mate.

Shit, what the hell am I talking
about? I’m jumping the gun aren’t I? I mean marriage? Kids? I’m only eighteen!
Then again I think the only reason why I’m freaked out is because thinking
about a future with her doesn’t really freak me out.

“There she is.” I look out the
car to see her standing by the town car Jade got for us. She looks beautiful.
Every time I look at her my heart just fills up with so much warmth and
serenity.

“So remember to call your folks
and I will remember to tell everyone you went to New York, but didn’t tell your
parents.” Emile says.

“Yeah.” I step out of the car. I
grab my bag out of the backseat and walk to Emile’s window. “Thanks Bro.”

“No problem man.” He didn’t have
to do any of this, but he did. He isn’t Christian, but he is like a brother to
me.

“Hey Donovan! He yells out to me.
“Remember to do pushups! It makes you look bigger!” He laughs than pulls off.

That little shit.

Claudia

“This is nice.” I say as we step
out of the car, gawking at the tall golden brick stone Victorian house that also
looks like a mini castle. Damn. How rich is Donovan’s family.

“Don’t take this the wrong way,
but how rich is your family?”

“Um, well my great uncle Billy
was not cut out for the mob so he decided to invest in casinos.”

“I heard the mob owns those too.”
I don’t think I heard that, but I saw that movie Casino, with Robert De Niro
and Sharon Stone.

“Well not all of them, but some.
My uncle did it without my grandfather’s help.”

“Where is he?”

“In Vegas. He barely comes here
anymore. Come on I’ll give you the tour.”

After the tour of the eight
bedrooms and ten bathroom house, Donovan and I went to the kitchen with our
groceries we bought on the way and made dinner. I’m not a great cook, but
Donovan is gifted. He made this steak and pasta Alfredo that was to die for. When
we get married, he is the cook because I’m only good at takeout.

Married? Claudia get a grip!

That’s the fourth time I thought
about the future with Donovan and what he would be like as a husband or a
father. I bet he would be a great father.

Snap out of it. I mean you’re
eighteen. You have your whole life ahead of you and you don’t even know what
you want to do in life yet? Well actually I do, I want to be a writer. I love
books and so does Donovan, he read one of my short stories and loved it. I told
him my dad wants me to be a lawyer or probably a stay at home wife to Eric, but
I don’t want any of that. I want to move to New York City and write. This has
been my dream since I was twelve. Donovan wants to move back to New York too.
He doesn’t know what he wants to do yet, but I told him he would figure it out
when the time is right. Everyone expects him to be a gangster or whatever, but
he really doesn’t want that. I can tell he is scared that’s his only option
though.

“Maybe you could own a
restaurant.”

“What?” He says looking
confused.  I’m confused that I said it, but he is good with cooking and I see
him as a boss instead of an employee. Donovan isn’t good at taking orders.

“I mean, I feel like you’re the
kind of person who owns something, so why not a restaurant. You could go to
school and study business and maybe culinary arts, I don’t know.”

I can’t tell by his blank stare
what he is thinking. I shouldn’t have said anything.

“I’m sorry. I’ll shut up. It was
stupid.”

“No” I look up as he leans in
closer to me. “I think that’s a great suggestion. My mom actually told me she
use to want her own restaurant.”

“Why didn’t she?”

“She met my dad and fell in love,
and by the time she had Christian, she didn’t care anymore. Family was always
important.”

“Well at least she’s happy.”

“Yeah.” He looks down. When he
does that, I can tell something is wrong.

“Donovan what’s wrong?”

He glances at the fire place and
shakes his head.

“I just.” He pauses than looks at
me. “I just hope she is happy. I just want my family to be happy.”

“Why would you think they’re
not?”

“Because it’s not the same
without Christian, my mom and dad lost a son, and my sister lost a brother.”

“So did you” Why does he do that?
From what I can understand his family loves him so why does he act like he is
nothing?

He stands up from the couch and
walks closer to the fire place.

“Sometimes I wish I could just go
back and do things differently. I have these nightmares that I’m Christian.
It’s like I can see what he went through that night. I can see the face of the
man who shot him, but it’s blurry. Then there’s that ring. I’ll never forget
the silver ring with a red ruby in it. It’s a championship ring, I googled it
to see, but there were so many rings from so many different schools that I
couldn’t find anything. My dad and Benny did too, but from what I heard from my
sister there are about half a million guys with football rings like that one in
the state of New York.”

“Well, maybe the police will find
something.”

“Come on Claud, don’t do that.”
He turns around to me. I continue sitting on the couch staring up at him. I
shouldn’t have said that. “The police don’t care. I’m not trying to insult your
dad, but they just don’t.”

I can see the hurt in his eyes as
he stares at me. All I want to do is hold him until the pain goes away. Donovan
has been through so much that I feel he gives up hope. I’m scared maybe he will
give up on me.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said
that.” I say as I rise up from the couch and hug him.

“It’s okay. I’m sorry too. I just
miss him.”

“I know.” I look at him. “But
Donovan you have to remember that your family loves you. If the roles were
reversed and it was Christian who survived and you who died, the pain would
have been the same no matter what.  God forbid if it was both of you the pain
would have been a million times worse. Don’t doubt the people you love don’t
love you back, or that you don’t matter. You are one of the most amazing people
I know, and a part of that is because of your family.”  

He pulls me closer into a hug. I
hold on to him tighter.

This is the moment where we
should say I love you right?

The moment where after we declare
our feelings for each other we make love, right? It’s not happening though
because I’m scared.

I am madly and deeply in love
with him and it scares the hell out of me.

Donovan

Nothing happened last night.

We just layed together and went
to sleep. It was really…

What’s the word I’m looking for?

Intimate.

It’s like the more I tell her the
more I love her. The things she said to me last night, like me one day owning a
restaurant and how I matter to my family are things my dumb ass already know,
but I’m just too stupid to get over my problems.

Now I’m watching her in my
uncle’s pool and all I can think about is how much I want her. She looks so
sexy right now in this black bikini. I’m over here just contemplating how I
want to peel off the fabric and expose her naked body.

I wanted to tell her last night.
I wanted to tell her that I love her, but I just couldn’t. This is so stupid.
I’m pissed. I’m even pissed at her for making me feel this way, but loving her
at the same damn time for it.

I hear my phone buzz next to me
and grab it to see who is texting me.

            Emile: You hit it
yet?!!

            Emile that idiot.

            Go Away!

            Emile: Well I got
some!

            Hmmm. Well the little
shit got Jade, I assume.

            Jade?

            Emile: YES!!! I’m In
Love!

Claudia

What is he laughing about?

I lean against the wall in the
pool, resting my chin on my hands as I watch Donovan laugh to himself while he
looks at his phone.

He shouldn’t be laughing at a
time like this. I think I’m kind of pissed at him. Unfair, I know. I mean I
didn’t make a move or say I love you either, but why should I? I’m the girl.
Well I don’t really know what the rules are when it comes to this stuff, but
damn it I want him to say it first. I’m selfish, so what? Then I think to
myself I shouldn’t be, but then I think again I should. I don’t know, this is
excruciating.

My thoughts are interrupted by
the sound of my phone ringing. I get out the pool and walk towards the chair
where my phone is. It’s Jade. I laugh to myself at the caller ID picture of her
holding up two champagne bottles and twerking at the same time. It’s hilarious.