Love, But Never (33 page)

Will we always be this way? Only time will tell if what we have will last, but I do know that we love each other. Only we can decide how to proceed and only we dictate our path together. We left our self-destructive patterns behind us when we started to forge this path together, and I’ve never felt lighter in my entire life. I can’t imagine where I’d be if we hadn’t found each other.

~3/24/03

Acknowledgements

I would like to thank my husband for his support while I was writing this book.  I couldn’t have done it without him and his blessing.  He has inspired me so much over the years and continues to help me be a better person.

I want to thank Megan for all those Sunday morning editing sessions over coffee.  She helped me find substance and direction for this book that was bursting from me.

Without my close friends and family this book would not have been possible.  Thank you to my best friend, Ronda, for always letting me bounce ideas and for the “royal douche” line- as well as, reading the book and championing it to everyone she encountered while reading it.  Thank you to DiDi and Robin for their editing prowess and constant dialogue.  Thank you Aunt Bev and everyone else who read the book in rough stages when it was still a “work-in-progress” and convincing me that it was a worthy story.

Finally, thank you to my parents and brother for their support of this book and its content.  I couldn’t have written this without your commitment to my education and constantly telling me that I had a story I needed to write inside of me.

About the Author

Josie was born and raised in a small town in the Phoenix Metro area of Arizona.  She has deep love and roots in both Washington and Ohio.  Her passions include writing, reading, football and all things Ohio State related.  She still resides in Arizona with her husband, two daughters, two unruly dogs, and one young-at-heart cat.

Email:
[email protected]

Twitter: @leigh_josie

Blog: joeskatan.blogspot.com

Excerpt from “Weakness in Me” (Coming soon)

Prologue

              “It’s been two years since you walked away from Jason, and you’ve only dated like two guys since then,” Jessica said, matter-of-fact.  “Aren’t your girl parts aching for action?” she whined.

              Samantha did a double take at her baby sister’s words.  “What do you know about aching girl parts?  You’re still a zygote!”

              “I’m almost 19!” her sister screeched.  “And don’t act all appalled and horrified,” she continued, flipping her chocolate brown hair over her shoulder.  “We
all
know you and Jason were going at it like rabbits at
sixteen!
”  Jessica’s green eyes glowed with knowledge.  Two things all of the Castle girls had in common: thick chocolate brown hair courtesy of their father and beautiful emerald green eyes from their mother.

              Samantha sighed at her sister’s proclamation and rolled her eyes, not because it wasn’t true- it totally was- but Jessica was a baby!  She didn’t need Jessica in her relationship business like their other sister, Sara, was!  “So, because I’ve only had two boyfriends since Jason, you think my body is begging for attention, and I need to go out with you to get it?” Samantha summarized.  “You do realize you aren’t old enough to drink, right?”

              “I can, too!” she said, holding up an ID.

              “You know this is
my
old ID, right?  It might work when you go out with your friends or Sara, but the bouncer isn’t stupid, he isn’t going to buy two Samantha Castle’s going to the club together.”

              “I know that!  But they see so many people in a night, I can go in first, and you can come in twenty or thirty minutes later!”  Jessica offered.  “Scratch that,
you
go in, then I’ll follow, otherwise, you won’t show,” she changed her mind.

              Samantha scrunched her nose at her sister and rolled her eyes, even though Jessica was completely right to scrap her original plan.  “Fine!  But I’m not letting you drink!” She stormed to her room with the possibility of a small victory over Jessica as she found something acceptable to wear.

              The pulse of the music rocketed through Samantha as she sat at the end of the crowded bar.  Jessica’s silver halter was so blinding under the flashing lights that she couldn’t look directly at her sister.  Yet, she was attracting so much attention; they hadn’t had to buy a drink all night.  Samantha was much more subdued in her basic little black dress, even though it fit like a second skin and revealed more of her cleavage than it concealed.

              “I see you already have a drink, can I buy you a car instead?” a smooth voice said from beside her, making her smile at the originality of the pickup line.

              “I have one of those, too,” she said, moving her gaze over his soft, short brown hair to his green flecked hazel eyes to his beautiful smile.

              “I’ll have to think of something else then,” his eyes sparkled as he looking into hers, “I’m Caleb, Caleb McKenzie,” he said, offering her his hand.

              “Samantha…” she hesitated to give him her last name, “…Castle,” she finished, putting her hand in his.

              “I’m happy to meet you, Samantha,” he said.  “Samantha?” he said again, as if her name didn’t fit in his mouth.  “You don’t seem like a Samantha,” he shook his head.

              “No?” she crinkled her brow in amusement.

              “What’s your middle name?” he asked, taking the stool beside her.

              “Um, Rose?” she said.

              “Yes!” his face lit up.  “Rosie!”

              “Rosie?”

              “Yes, you are definitely a Rosie,” he laughed.

              “Okay,” she agreed with a smile.  She opened her mouth to say something, then closed it and shook her head before, finally, saying, “I’m surprised.”

              “Surprised?” he asked, his eyebrows raised.

              “Most men focus on my last name,” she shrugged.

              “Castle?  Why?”

              “Really?” she chuckled.  “
I’d like to storm your Castle?  Is the fire burning in your Castle?  My dragon wants to live in your Castle?  Is the carpet thick in your Castle? ...I’d like to swim
your
moat?”
she imitated.

              “I’d like to
swim your moat
?!  How is
that
even remotely a sexy come on?  It’s muddy, predator filled water!” he howled.

              “I have absolutely no idea, but he was quite serious about it.  There was a whole scenario he had worked out before I told him no,” she turned to face him fully.

              “He must’ve been devastated!” Caleb said after calming his laughter.  “So when we get married, you’ll take my name?” he asked, completely serious, taking Samantha off-guard.

Chapter 1

              Sirens pierced the once quiet corner, as every response service in King County flooded the scene. The ambulance raced as close to the lone vehicle as it could, before two men burst from its doors, life saving equipment in hand. 

Jason Wright opened up the passenger side door of what had been a silver Honda Accord and his breathing nearly halted. 
‘Oh my God!  It’s my Sammy!’
He thought as he looked for the catch on the seat belt.  She had a deep gash on her head, her chocolate brown hair smattered with blood, and her legs seemed to be pinned under the dash, but she was breathing. “Thank God!” the words escaped before he had a chance to stop them.

              “Shit!” he heard his partner, Toby, say from the drivers’ side.  “He’s gone. DOA.” His head slumped down and he shook it in disbelief.  “There’s a baby seat back here, Jas.  Can you make sure it’s empty?”

              “Sure,” he said, noticing the white gold ring and diamond solitaire on Sammy’s left hand, which was entwined with the drivers’ before moving toward the back seat.  “It’s clear.  What about the other car?”

              “Took off, I think they were probably drunk.  The cops over there said the witnesses saw him come out of nowhere and run the light.  Hit the drivers’ side nearly head on.  Didn’t have a chance,” one of the first responders from the fire department offered.  Jason had been so focused on the safety of Sammy and a possible baby, that he hadn’t heard the third party join them.

              “Wow, that’s-,” Jason felt anger stir deep within him that someone who had been drinking had done this to Sammy.  He knew how much she’d already lost to alcohol, and he couldn’t believe how much more it had just taken from her.  “We need to get her out of here, she’s still alive, but her legs are smashed under the dashboard,” he continued as calmly as he could.  “Her pulse is weak, so the sooner the better.”

              “Get the C-collar so we can put it on her.  Don’t want to add to the problem,” Toby ordered as he made his way to the passenger side of the car, as the other man raced back to grab the restraining device.  When he returned with the collar and a stretcher, they carefully removed Sammy from the passenger side of the car and loaded her into their ambulance.

Jason took one last look at who he’d assumed was her husband and his heart broke for her, wondering if she’d awake in the ambulance on the way to the hospital and he’d have to be the one to tell her.  He couldn’t look into those emerald green eyes and tell her, not after not being in contact with her for over five years, but how he longed to see those eyes again.  They would look right through him like they always had, deep into his own cerulean blue eyes and see that nothing had changed for him in those five years they’d been apart.  Though, it seemed, everything had changed for her.

**

              “Caleb!” Samantha McKenzie screamed, her voice gravelly and harsh from non use. Trying to jolt forward from her bed, she found she couldn’t.  The pain seeped into every single pore of her body and her head was pounding.  Her eyelids even hurt and refused to open.

              “Shh…,” she heard a voice say through the fog in her head, “Don’t try to move, honey.  You are in the hospital.  You were in an accident. Do you remember?”

              “Where’s Corigan?” her voice still raspy.  “Where’s Caleb?” she felt her eyes start to open, against their will. She squinted at the bright fluorescent lights above her.

              “Corigan’s fine, honey.  Sara and Jessica are taking turns watching her,” Samantha had determined the disembodied voice was coming from her mother.

              “And Caleb?  Please, please tell me that he’s okay, mom!” her voice becoming more panicked that her mother hadn’t already told her that her husband was okay.

              “Oh honey,” her mom’s voice broke and realization slammed through her like a freight train.

              “NO!” she screamed, as she tried again to move with no success and tears started to pour from her barely opened green eyes.

              “I’m so sorry,” she felt her mother take her hand, and heard the tears in her voice, even though she couldn’t turn her head to see the pained expression she knew was on her face.

              “What am I going to do without him?  I can’t imagine going on,” Samantha squeaked out through gut-wrenching sobs.

              “You have to; you can’t leave Corigan without both parents.  It’s bad enough she’s missing one,” her mom lectured, trying to sound encouraging, but Samantha was deep in thought and wallowing in her loss.  Never again would she hear his deep throaty laugh, or feel his arms around her waist as she drifted off to sleep or his lips on her bare shoulder when she was getting ready for work.  She’d never get to walk into their living room to find Corigan and Caleb snuggled under a blanket together.  She’d miss everything about him, from the way he was always generous and kind to her and Corigan to the way he always made her feel like she was the only woman in any room.  Not like Jason.

             
‘Where did that come from?’
she wondered, then like a flash flood, memories began to flood her head.

             
“It’s going to be okay, Sammy!  You need to hold on,”
she heard Jason’s voice say in her head, but why?  The pain took over again and, in response, her body shut down.  Everything went black.

**

Beep! Beep!
The sounds of her heart monitor filled Samantha’s room.

              “How is she?”

              “She’s been in and out.  She knows about Caleb now, so she’s been out for longer this time.  I don’t know if she’s going to be okay… she…loves…him.  So much.  I’m sorry; I hope that doesn’t make you feel uncomfortable.”

              “No, not uncomfortable, just sad.  Sad that I’ve missed so much of her life because I was so stupid.”

              “Jason, you guys were only twenty-one.  Cut yourself some slack.  People do all kinds of dumb things in their youth.  Sam did, too, you know that.”

              “I get that, but her stupid stuff…well, it never looked like mine.  Never hurt me like I hurt her.”

              “I’m glad that you are here for her.  She probably won’t be happy about it, but you guys have been friends since you were five.  I hope you can learn to be there for each other again.  She really needs someone like you right now.”

**

              “Sammy, I’m so sorry I wasn’t there for you.  I’m sorry I didn’t fight harder to be in your life after…but now, there is nothing you can do to stop me from being there for you and your baby.  I wish I could give him back to you, honey.  Your mom said he was incredible, told me how his face lit up when you walked in a room…you deserved that.”

              “
Jason
?  What the
hell
are you doing here?”

              “Hey, Sara.  Sorry, I’ll get out of your way.  Your mom said she’s been out two days solid since she found out about Caleb.”