Love, But Never (9 page)

AAndrews:
Is that a promise?  I was trying to behave like a gentleman. 

AAndrews:
In all seriousness though, I’d really like to get to know you, too- not just your body... LOL.

Marissa chuckled and thought about what she should type back.
‘I’ve only recently started having sex, am I ready to promise myself to someone other than Matthew? Someone that really could break my heart?’

MMasterson:
That’s definitely a promise.  I’d like to get to know you, too- including your body…

AAndrews:
Sounds amazing…but, I do want to spend more time with you- even though you aren’t, currently, single.

MMasterson:
Likewise.

‘Damn, Matthew wouldn’t be happy with this conversation…’
Marissa’s thoughts trailed off and her smile wavered.  Marissa knew there was something there with Aaron, but she wasn’t sure what.

**

              The following Wednesday, Marissa found herself walking down the alley toward the entrance to the Amazon by herself.  She didn’t tell Matthew she was going to the Regret Lingers show alone, but she did tell him she was going.  Her parents bestowed their permission, only because she said she was meeting John, even though she had no such intention.  She wore a black pleated skirt held together in the front with a giant ornamental safety pin and a dark blue short sleeved sweater that hugged all the right places and brought out all of the blue of her eyes.  Her copper hair fell around her shoulders.  Halfway down the alley, she stopped to pull up her blue and black argyle knee socks and wiped off the tops of her high heeled Mary Janes.  She knew she didn’t look like she belonged at a punk rock show, but it didn’t matter when she saw Aaron staring at her from the end of the alley.

              “Whoa!  How are you?!” he asked, coming up to greet her.

              “I’m hanging in there, how are you?” she let a flirtatious smile play on her lips.

              “I’m better now.  Come with me and I’ll get you in,” he offered his elbow, and she let him lead her to the door, and again lightning crashed into her at the slight touch.  “This is Marissa, she should be on the list,” he told the doorman, who found her name and nodded that she could make her way inside.

              “Thank you, Aaron,” she said as she broke from him and made her way down the stairs to the basement stage.  Marissa contemplated his unwillingness to release her as she found a spot near the back wall where someone handed her a flyer for an upcoming show.  She started to look at the bands it was advertising when she felt someone tickling her sides. Spinning around, she looked right into Aaron’s dark eyes.  He was close enough that if she just leaned forward, they would be kissing.  She gasped as he leaned forward but moved to whisper in her ear.  His warm breath on her neck sent involuntary shivers through her body.

              “I’m so glad you could make it tonight.  You look amazing,” his fingers trailed lightly on her forearm and Marissa felt electricity pour through her body. 

She blushed at his words and leaned into his ear, “Thank you.  I’m glad I was on the list so I
could
make it, so thank you again.”

              “If your hair were in pig tails again, with this outfit, you couldn’t stop me from carrying you out of here tonight,” he said, his dark eyes sparkling with suggestion.  Marissa gave him a sidelong glance, and smiled.

              “I know, I know, you have a boyfriend,” he stepped back and put his hands up in a symbol of defeat.  “One day, you won’t.  And I plan to take full advantage.”

              Marissa didn’t answer, she just gave him a grin that she hoped told him that she would let him.  Aaron left her alone as she watched the first band, but as they were leaving the stage, she felt him come up behind her and put his hands on her waist. “Are you sure you don’t want to go spend some time with me after the show?” he seemed to almost whine as if physically in pain with his want for her.  Marissa simply shook her head, with a sly smile perched on her lips, trying to remember Matthew’s face as shockwaves cascaded through her body again.

              ‘
How am I resisting this?  I’ve never felt this type of connection with anyone before.  I never knew pure lust could be so powerful,’
she thought to herself as he walked in front of her to help the next band set up.  Throughout the rest of the show, Aaron continued to draw Marissa’s attention.  He found ways to touch her as he passed by, and even when she didn’t see him before she felt his touch, the jolts of electricity told her it was him.  She relished in the feel of his hot breath against her ear and her desire for him pooled deep inside her. 

              Even when he was performing on stage, Marissa met his gaze as she felt he was singing directly to her this time.  Her eyes sparkled under the basement lights, she felt untouchable under his stare as she, unabashedly, didn’t look away.  She, sometimes, started breathing so shallowly that she had to look away before she started to pant.  Before she left, he caught her by the arm, and led her back toward the stage.

              “Are you going to be online tomorrow?” he asked, breathless.

              “Aren’t I always?” she blinked, innocently.

              “What time?”

              “After work, probably eleven or so?” she answered.

              “I’ll talk to you then,” he said, giving her a smile that completely captivated her.

              “Okay,” she said, as breathless as he’d been when he brought her over to talk to him.

***

              “So, this Aaron?  What’s he like?” Susan asked, as she peeled her orange into the trash can in the courtyard.

              “Gorgeous!” Marissa breathed.  “And totally disarming.”

              “Disarming?” Susan asked, intrigued.

              “He wants me, Susan.  He wants me bad,” Marissa shook her head as if not believing it was true.

              “And?  Why is that disarming?”

              “Because I want him, too.  I adore Matthew, but there is something about Aaron that I can’t put my finger on,” she confessed.

              “It’s because he’s in a band,” Susan offered.

              “Probably, I’ve never felt this level of attraction before, and frankly, it scares the living crap out of me,” Marissa chuckled, nervously.

              “So what are you going to tell Matthew?”

              “Nothing!  It’s not like anything is going to ever happen between Aaron and I anyway.  And if it does, it’ll happen when I’m home on leave or something.  I don’t think Aaron wants anything from me aside from sex anyway.  So it’s not a problem,” Marissa lied, knowing full well that she wanted Aaron in her bed more than she wanted to breathe sometimes.  “Besides, Matthew acted super jealous at the one show that we went to where they were performing.  And that was BEFORE I’d even met Aaron.  Luckily, there aren’t any bands he wants to see coming to the Amazon on the weekends between now and when I leave, so keeping them apart shouldn’t be an issue.”

              “Whatever you say, Marissa!  Just be careful and be honest with Matthew if you decide you want to be with Aaron.  Don’t just stay with him because you think you should, or because you promised to until May.  That’s not fair to him,” Susan warned.

              “Ugh!  I know!  But I’ve just become active and I’m too scared to go there with anyone other than Matthew.  I know I’m safe with him,” Marissa said, resolved.  Susan chuckled before offering Marissa half of the orange she’d just peeled. 

              “So, enough about me are you going to see your hot firefighter this weekend?” Marissa took the fruit and peeled off a section.

              “I know you are deflecting, but yes.  I’m heading up on Friday after work.  It’s an anniversary of sorts,” Susan blushed.

              “Ooh! An anniversary?  How fun!” Marissa grinned and checked the time as she finished her last orange slice.  “We should get to class!”

              Susan looked at her watch, “Wow!  How did the time get away from us?” She laughed and grabbed her books as they hurried toward their class.

CHAPTER 7

April 2000

              By the middle of April, Marissa needed to release some steam.  Home life had been tenuous, at best, as her dad’s anger always seemed to be hanging by a thread.  With the anniversary of her grandfather’s death quickly approaching, she knew that she needed to get out of the house for a night or so.  She’d visited Matthew a few weeks ago, so he wasn’t an option, because of her father’s strict tit-for-tat policy.  Finals were only a couple of weeks away, and she wasn’t looking forward to her Pre-Calculus final, but she didn’t want to study anymore.  Marissa was, officially, feeling stir-crazy.

              “We can go have some dinner.  Sara doesn’t get off work until late,” Lucian offered.

              “That sounds perfect!  I’m working weekend mornings at the parlor until all the snow- I mean, ‘winter visitors’ are gone and mid-days the days I don’t have class,” Marissa agreed.

              “Pick me up at six?”

              “YES!  Thank you, Luc!  I have this overwhelming desire to run, but I can’t.  Thanks for getting me out for a little bit.”

              “No problem, doll.”

              Six o’clock couldn’t come fast enough for Marissa, but soon they were on their way to his favorite barbeque spot in downtown Gilbert.  After parking beside what looked like a brick warehouse, they walked into the restaurant.  There were long picnic style tables, where several families shared the seating, as well as more private booths.  The service looked to be cafeteria style, and Marissa shot Lucian a speculative look.

              “Trust me, this place is amazing.  Get the cheesy potatoes and thank me later,” he smiled and put his arm around her shoulder.

              “It smells incredible.  I’m not doubting the food,” she grinned.  “Just whether we’re going to have to share a table with a few families… I wanted to come here to get away from mine, remember?”

              “Why don’t you grab a free booth and I’ll get your dinner.  Beef, chicken or pork?”

              “Chicken.”

              “Great, leave the rest to me!” he smiled and walked to the counter as Marissa slid into a booth facing the line, with her back to the door.  Watching Lucian in line for their food, she felt the air around her change, like it was charged full of electricity. With her heart suddenly pounding in her chest and the hair on her neck standing at attention, she turned to face the owner of the hand on her shoulder.  Finding Aaron’s surprised eyes looking into hers caused her heart to skip a beat.  If he was affected by their contact, he didn’t let on.

              “Hey, Marissa.  Fancy seeing you here,” he chuckled.  His dark hair was tousled and he was wearing a band t-shirt and board shorts.  Marissa let her eyes drink him in before responding to his greeting, as she’d never seen him outside of the Amazon before.

              “Hey, Aaron, how are you?” she smiled, noticing Lucian getting closer to the cashier.

              “I’m good.  I was just thinking about you, and here you are!”

              “Oh?” Marissa looked to the table and blushed. “I needed out of my house and a friend took pity in me.”

              “That’s great!  I’m meeting Kyle here.  He lives down the street,” he informed her.

              “Nice.  I’ve never been here.  Lucian says it’s amazing,” she grinned.

              “You’re here with Lucian?” Aaron’s eyes scanned the line for him.  “You guys seem to hang out a lot.  Are you sure you are just friends?” His gazed narrowed as he spotted Marissa’s tall, dark and handsome friend.

              Marissa chuckled at his question. “I’m positive.  Luc is incredibly devoted to his girlfriend, Sara.  Besides, he’s one of my
only
strictly platonic guy friends.  I don’t know what I’d do without his honest guy insight!”

              “I could help you with that, too,” he ran his hand down her arm and she silently cursed the goose bumps that formed under his touch.  He cleared his throat before adding, “I want us to be friends, too,” his voice still slightly hoarse, which left Marissa wondering if he
was
just as affected as she was. 

Deciding that she was hearing things, she looked up at him and smiled.  “Thanks, I appreciate that.  I’ve only got another month and a half here, you know?” her smile faltered slightly at the thought.

“I know!  We’ve only just met and you’ll be gone.  It doesn’t seem fair,” his brows knit together in a slight frown, but his fingers still tracing over her shoulder like he wanted to stay connected to her.

“Here we go, Ris!” Lucian announced setting their food between them in the booth as Kyle walked through the door.

“Well, I guess that’s my cue,” he started, kneeling next to her in the booth so they were eye level, “It’s been amazing, seeing you out in the real world like this, now I know you are real.  I hope we get to do it again, soon,” Aaron smiled, squeezing her shoulder one last time before turning towards Kyle.

“What was that?” Lucian asked, divvying their food from their tray.

“Just saying hi,” Marissa shrugged.  “I guess Kyle lives around here.”

“You seemed to be sharing a moment when I approached?” Lucian laughed.

“I don’t know what you are talking about,” she lied, looking beyond Lucian to the dark haired boy who was now making his way through the line as she took a bite of the cheesy potatoes in front of her.  “Damn!  These are amazing!” she gushed.

“I told you so,” Lucian winked.  “Good enough to get your mind off your house?”

“Most definitely.  Thank you so much for this- I don’t know what I’m going to do without you,” Marissa answered as she dug into the food Lucian had picked out.

The next month flew by and before she knew it, she was saying good-bye to Susan.  They’d only been friends for a few months, but it felt like they’d known each other for years.  Susan was the first good-bye of many she wasn’t looking forward to, however, it all led up to the good-bye she couldn’t wait to get to.