Love 'Em or Leave 'Em (20 page)

"Listen, I wish I could let you walk away from this, but I can't. You're a pivotal part of the show. You're in the top two. You're unconventional. The producers say the audience is going to love you. You'll be the media darling."

"I'm nobody's media darling, and you know it. I can't stand those stupid cameras and I'm not doing any media." She paused and took a breath for strength. "I made a total fool of myself at Luke's-it was awful. I stood there ranting and raving and blubbering while the dim-witted camera guy recorded my every move" The memory of the experience rushed back, causing her stomach to roll.

"I'm sure it's not so bad."

"It's bad. Kelli, I did the ugly cry" She cringed, as she recalled the experience.

"You didn't!"

"Oh yeah, I did. This tops it all. I am now in the `pull a fit' Hall of Fame"

"I'm so sorry, hon. I really am, but please, Ashley, you can't quit." There was sincere desperation in her voice. "If you leave, we're left with nothing. You've become an anchor of the show" She hesitated. "I need you to come back"

Ashley's internal battle intensified. Everything in her gut screamed "Don't go!" It hurt so bad, how could she possibly put herself through more humiliation? Besides, seeing Luke again was more than she could bear.

"Kel, I don't know if I can. I understand how important this is to your career, and I would never want to ruin this for you, but I have nothing left to give. I have no idea how to recover enough to face it again."

"It will be okay" Kelli sounded hopeful. "I'll take care of everything and I will be there for you. It'll be made clear to the producers not to push. There's only a few days left and I'll make it as smooth as possible." She paused and remained quiet for a moment, then added. "He wants you back"

"What?"

"Luke. He wants you back"

"No way! I can't. Oh, Kelli. Why'd you bring him up?"

"One, because he's the star of the show. And two, because he likes you"

"I highly doubt it after the way I behaved"

"He feels terrible. The producers had told his family to make it interesting."

"It was interesting, all right."

"Here's the deal. The show is almost over. There are only three days between now and the final ceremony. You and Cricket have one more date each and then the entire thing is done"

Tears welled in her eyes as she battled against herself. "Fine. I won't quit, but please don't push me right now. I can't take it." Her voice quivered. She felt fragile, like a crystal vase riding on a rumbling train to destruction. "Just help me survive until the end of this show and never ask me for another favor the rest of my life."

"All right," Kelli said. "I know this turned into so much more than either of us thought it would, and I'm sorry for all the embarrassment you've gone through, but come on, Ashley. You must like him too, don't you? You've spent a lot of time together."

That was the biggest part of the problem. She did like him. Too much. She hated feeling vulnerable. She'd wanted to make a good impression on his family, but it had all fallen apart. And they had attacked her. They'd made her look like a fool. She still burned from the experience.

How could he possibly want her after her Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde performance?

"I don't like him enough to ruin my life any longer."

"Please. Just three more days. I'll have a ticket waiting for you at the airport. The time will zip by"

"Only if my conditions are agreed upon up front."

"Fine. What do you need? A bigger trailer?"

"Smart aleck. No, I want the scene cut!"

"But Ashley, it's great TV."

"Geez, Kelli, take your career hat off for just a minute and put your best-friend hat on. I don't care what it is. I don't want the world to see it."

"All right. I'll talk to the editor. But I really need you to come through for me and get yourself back here"

"One more thing. I want to keep as much distance from Luke as possible. No more parties or get-to-knowyou games. I'll go on one final date, but it has to be plain and simple. No overnights, no families, no surprises. Short and sweet"

"I don't think any of it will be a problem."

"Good. And when this thing is over, I want to be left alone. I am not doing any interviews, posing for pictures, or after-show whatevers. I'm done" She remembered Luke mentioning all the promotions done with shows like these. She wasn't taking any chances. "Kelli, if they won't agree, I'm not coming back. I got on this show at the last minute, and I never signed a contract. I don't want any offers of money. I just want to be left alone. Got it?"

"Okay, I'll do everything I can. Now get some rest. I'll call you back when I have your flight booked" She hesitated, then added, "Ash, I never thought it would turn out this way."

"I know."

"And Ashley?"

"Yeah."

"I'm so sorry"

"Me too."

Life hadn't changed much at the mansion, other than the number of people in it. Cricket was on her meetthe-parents visit with Luke, which didn't elicit one iota of jealousy from Ashley. Her first instinct upon returning had been to hide in her room the entire time. Then she thought, who cares? If the cameramen wanted to follow her around the house and tape her every move, fine. She had nothing left to hide.

She found a corner near the pool where the trees reached over her, creating a dappled blanket of leaves and flowers that allowed just enough sunlight in to keep her wrapped in a cocoon of warm air and fresh scents. From where she sat, Ashley enjoyed a perfect view of the lush landscape enclosing the pool area. It was a small piece of heaven in an otherwise turbulent world.

Ashley read trashy novels to keep her mind off her train wreck of a life. She drank a never-ending supply of Diet Pepsi and munched on crackers and fruit. Mostly she napped, safe in her little haven. She felt depleted, empty, and would need a whole lot of energy to face the next couple of days. She knew of no other way to prepare for what was to come.

If the camera guy was prepared to film "Stupid Midwestern Girl Entertains World Again," he must be bored to tears by now. The network could have saved their money and let him go home. She would not embarrass herself again.

On the afternoon of the second day, Cricket returned from meeting Luke's family. Ashley's taut nerves were ready to snap at any moment.

"Are you okay, Ashley? Something seems wrong"

"No, I'm fine. Everything's fine," Ashley said, masking her emotions.

"Are you sure? You seem upset. Did something happen?"

"Nope, nothing happened" Her eyes welled up with tears. "Nothing's wrong"

Cricket nodded compassionately. "All right, whatever you say"

"That's what I say," Ashley replied stoically.

"Okay." Cricket walked over and hugged her gently.

Ashley tapped the stem of her margarita glass repeatedly with her fingernail, avoiding Luke's eyes as they faced each other over tortilla chips and salsa at a rustic little restaurant named Paco's. Luke's beer sat untouched and angst etched his face. Small red recording lights dotted the room, reminding Ashley of the cameras' ever-present intrusion. A three-piece band prepared to play in the corner.

"Ashley."

She stopped tapping.

"Please let me explain what happened with my family."

"No" She slapped her hand with finality on the table, her voice filled with warning.

"We've got to talk"

"No, we don't." She glanced at one of the cameras and spoke quietly. "Not like this."

Understanding lit his eyes. "Okay." He leaned back in his chair as the band began to play. The catchy music lightened the mood in the room. Ashley sipped her ice water and felt relieved that Luke wasn't pushing her. Her fingers kept time to the music. Luke's eyes lit up. He placed his hand over hers. Her hand froze.

"Dance with me," he said, a smile lifting the corners of his mouth.

Ashley hesitated. The music was loud. The sound equipment and cameras would have trouble following them. "Sure" Besides, it was better than avoiding each other all evening.

Luke squeezed her hand and led her onto the dance floor. The band began a new number, "Mambo No. 5" He twirled her around dramatically, then quickly pulled her into his arms.

"Smooth moves," she commented.

He led her through some swing steps she'd never done before. It took a few steps to catch on, but Luke was a strong lead and guided her easily through twirls, behind-the-back exchanges, and turns.

The feel of his hands on her waist guiding her around the dance floor made her feel protected and alive. She relaxed as she forgot about the cameras and all the traumas of the last week and laughed playfully with Luke through three fast-paced songs.

When the band changed to a slow song, Luke twirled her into his arms, pulled her close, and molded her to his body. Ashley put her arms around his neck and leaned into him, her forehead pressed to his cheek. Her heart pounded next to his chest she wasn't sure if her pounding pulse was from the dancing or from her nearness to Luke. His firm body felt warm against her, the scent of his aftershave a reminder of their times together.

He gazed at her.

She smiled and tilted her face up. "Where did a guy like you learn to dance like this?"

"What do you mean `a guy like me'?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"You know what I mean. How does a tough jock learn all those smooth moves?"

"Arthur Murray, baby," he said, swinging her around.

"No way. I cannot see you in dance lessons"

"You're right. Growing up, the town always held big festivals every summer. One of the highlights was the dances each night. Everyone would be there and dance all night. It was a great way for us teenage boys to get close to the girls!"

"Why am I not surprised?" She shook her head.

Luke suddenly spun them around. Ashley held on tightly. What was it about this man? He made her feel so good, even after all the drama. She relaxed into his hold.

Luke leaned his mouth near her ear and whispered, "I'm sorry about the bayou"

She pulled away briefly. "I don't want to talk about it, please?"

After a moment, he nodded, kissed her on the forehead and pulled her close once again. They danced two slow songs, with Luke nuzzling her neck, whispering in her ear and making her laugh.

Click. Click. Click. Luke leaned back against the bed's headboard flipping through the TV channels, checking scores.

He was dressed. But not ready. He'd showered and shaved. His hair held the perfect amount of gel and he smelled of his favorite aftershave. But he wasn't ready.

TV didn't help either. He pulled his cell phone from his shirt pocket and hit Redial. It rang several times.

"Yeah?"

"Hey, Mike."

"Is it over yet?"

"Hasn't started."

"Bummer."

"That's an understatement." Luke clicked the remote again.

"So, who are you going to pick?"

"Heck if I know."

"No kidding."

Silence filled the phone line.

"Mike, remember when you had to pick between the job you wanted in Atlanta or Susan? How did you make the decision?"

"Aw, I don't know."

"Come on, Mike, I need some help here"

"Follow your gut. Sometimes in life it's not about what you want, but what you can't live without. You might not know if something is best for you, but you do know you'll always regret it if you don't find out."

"Huh," Luke grunted.

"Okay, I met both of them, but I want you to describe them."

"Well, Cricket is smart and sweet. She's a great golfer, likes sports, and has a nice family. She comes from money, so she understands what comes with it. She even wants to teach kids. She's perfect"

"So pick her."

"But then there's Ashley." He couldn't quite wrap his thoughts around his feelings for her. "Ashley has a smart mouth, and she makes me laugh. She doesn't like sports, but she has a heart of gold. Her family is dysfunctional, and she's not comfortable with a lot of outside attention." He wondered if she could adjust to his life in the spotlight. "I can't figure her out"

"This doesn't need to be so hard, Luke. Who makes you happy? Who could you see yourself waking up to every day? That's the one you should pick."

"Hmm," Luke grumbled.

"And if you still can't decide, then just pick the one that kisses better."

"You're a lot of help. Thanks for nothing." Luke flipped the phone shut and tossed it on the bed. He stood and walked over to the mirror. He wrapped his tie around his neck, folding and flipping it as he went. He slid the knot up to his neck, and it felt like a noose tightening.