Love Is Louder (47 page)

“Not even me,” I mutter under my breath, slumping my shoulders in defeat. “Fuck, Dad. I’m sick of it, and I’ve tried to be nice about it, but she doesn’t want to hear it. The best thing for her to do is step away.”

“You’re right...I’ve told her many times, Son. She needs to let you live your life.” He folds his arms across his broad chest. “But enough about your mother. So, this other woman? Does she happen to be that blonde from the party? Lisa, was it?”

“Was it that obvious?”

“She couldn’t take her eyes off you. And Brie. I noticed Brie,” he discloses. “She had her suspicions. Does she know about this?”

My heart pounds hard once and then stops. Pinching the bridge of my nose, I take a deep breath and answer, “She walked in on us.”

His jaw drops slightly. “I don’t know what to say,” he murmurs in disappointment. “High school and college are different, but marriage is a commitment and not something to be taken lightly.”

I shift uncomfortably, refusing to meet his eyes.

“Honestly, Son. I’m disappointed. I didn’t raise you this way. You’re a married man, with a beautiful, passionate wife who adores you. If you weren’t ready to get married, then you shouldn’t have. Brie shouldn’t have been put through this heartache. She doesn’t deserve it.”

I nod my head in agreement. “I know how you feel about her, and I love her. That’s why I married her. I wanted what she wanted, but then things changed. I changed. The pressure. I couldn’t deal with it all.”

My dad taught me how to stand up for myself, to be the better man, but I threw all his advice out the window for a few torrid minutes with another woman…two other women.

For what? To lose everything. Life is short, but love…love is supposed to last. That’s all she ever wanted, and what I wanted to give her. There’s so much I haven’t told him that if and when it all comes out, I’m not sure what will happen or what he will do. It’s the ultimate betrayal. Dad is all about family. He’s the glue of the family.

“Marriage is tough. I can vouch for that, having to deal with your mother all these years, but we made it work. For better or for worse.” He throws me a sympathetic glance. “You have the world. You had...or I thought you had what you wanted with Brie. An ambitious, strong woman.”

“I know what I have with her,” I say, still speaking in the present tense.

“Was she enough? Could she ever be enough for you?”

“She...I’m not good enough. I don’t know. She won’t talk to me. I haven’t seen or heard from her for three days.”

Resigned, he says just above a whisper, “To be honest, I don’t know the first thing about how to deal with this kind of situation. You’re tearing her and your marriage apart, for what?”

I don’t argue. The numbness is weighing down my limbs along with the guilt.

“I know that. I feel it happening already.”

“There still may be a chance.” His tone is off. He’s trying to help me stay positive. “If Brie can forgive you, if she can look past this one mistake, then maybe your marriage has a chance. If she does then…she’s stronger than I thought.”

Alarm pricks at my brain. I can’t tell him about Lily. I’ll wait until I’m one hundred percent sure. One thing at a time. If I tell him that I might be a father, I’m afraid of what he might say—that there’s no chance for me, nothing left to repair, and nothing left to fight for because Brie may have already given up. I can’t hear that from anyone, even though I’ve been thinking it twenty-four seven.

“Why?”

I jerk my eyes back to his. “Wha—”

“No,” he interjects, holding up his hand. “I don’t need to know. You need to figure that out for yourself. Really come clean about the reasons why you chose to break your wife’s heart instead of fighting for it. She wanted you. Life is too short to live without the things you want. What did you want?”

Fuck, I don’t know.

I glance past him out the window and then back at him and nod in understanding before I slowly rise from the chair.

“Son, whatever happens, you can come to me, but I can’t give you the answers you seek. I’ve seen friends and colleagues go through this. Some were able to patch things up, but others went their separate ways. It all comes down to Brie, if she wants to salvage this marriage after the damage you’ve caused. Trust is like paper; once it’s crinkled, it’s no longer perfect.”

“I know.”

Do I really know? No. Shit, as of right now, I have no fucking clue where to begin, but I’m pretty sure how my marriage is going to end.

“Where do you want to go to next?” Ava offers as she opens the door to the cab.

“I thought you said this is where all the eye candy is.”

“It is, but the night is still young. We can always come back.”

“I want to stay here. Did you see that guy’s biceps?” I fan my face, nearly smacking my nose before focusing on one of the three Ava’s and smile. “I wonder if he’s friendly,” I say, my words slurring slightly. I’m drunk, but not too drunk that I can’t think clearly enough, or I think so anyway. As I tug her away from the cab, Ava stumbles into me, and I fall clumsily backwards into the arms of an unsuspecting hottie that happens to be passing by at just the right moment to catch me.

“Whoa.” A deep voice rumbles behind me. “Don’t tell me you lovely ladies are leaving?”

The close proximity of his body makes my body tense, but not a bad tense, though. More like a dangerous uninhibited kind of reaction that a little too much alcohol can elicit. It reminds me of my college days before I met James.

James. James who?

Ever so slowly, I lift my eyes and gaze into the brooding gray eyes of David from the café. His strong, warm hands caress the skin of my exposed lower back, sending shivers spiraling across my entire body.

A flirty smirk curls my lips as I smile up at him when he releases me from his grasp. Standing mere inches from his lean, fit body, words tumble in my head like a game of Scrabble. I can’t seem to rearrange the letters in my head to forms words. Powered by the alcohol, an impulse shoots through me, and I let out a long breath and reorient my mind.

Yes...Yes? Careless. Don’t be carless.

I can’t have anyone seeing me like this. The wife of the distinguished District Attorney James Fleming tripping and falling into the arms of a younger man. This would be more fodder for Barbara Fleming if it ever got back to her. God, how I hate that woman!

Fuck it all. Fuck life. Fuck what’s left of my marriage.

“Brie?” He rakes his eyes over my body barely covered in a pair of black silk shorts and a sheer black cami.

“David, it’s so nice to see you.”

“Girls’ night, I take it.”

“Yes, what about you?” I stroke his bicep, watching his eyebrows shoot up, his body language open for me. The alcohol is making me bold. I hold on to what remains of my sober demeanor, trying hard to keep my hands from touching his rock hard chest. Why am I still struggling between what is good and bad? Being bad is so liberating.

“I’m meeting some friends inside. Wanna come?” He winks.

“Sure.” I chuckle, ready to go back into the bar when Ava grabs my arm to try to reel me in.

“We were just leaving.” Ava’s eyes dart to me as she motions to the cab. “We’re late meeting some friends.”

“Make up your mind, ladies!” The cabbie yells out from his open window with the radio playing Maroon 5’s “She Will Be Loved.”

I chuckle to myself.

Really?

“I want to stay here,” I speak rapidly, looking up at David and back at Ava.

“No, we’re going to the Bull. He can meet us later if he wants.” Ava motions with a slight flick of her head toward the cab.

David smirks, and his breath tickles the skin on my cheek.

“I can do that. See you later at the Bull.”

“Make sure you come,” I tease.

He winks and walks backwards toward the building. “I’ll make sure I will.”

I turn away and totter to the cab in my five-inch heels. I take a quick peek back at him, and he gives me another wink as he drags his teeth across his bottom lip before he disappears behind the door.

“Get in, you lush.” Ava snickers, grabbing my hand. She swings open the door of the cab and snatches my arm, making sure I don’t slip away from her supervision and run after David. After sliding in next to me, she slams the door. Her gaze burns through me as I stare at my hands in my lap and start to laugh.

“You’re being a party pooper and raining on my parade. Do you know that?” I brush my hair off my shoulder.

“No, I just don’t want you to be front page news, is all.”

“This was your idea, for fuck’s sake!” I bump my shoulder against hers and giggle when I catch the cabbie’s eyes in the rearview mirror.

“I know, but I’m just taking precautions. I don’t want you to blame me.” Ava’s mouth flattens in mock protest as she pulls out her lipstick and quickly reapplies it as she stretches her lips to get a layer of glossy red over them.

“Fine. But I don’t want to go home. I still need this night.”

Home. Homeless. Where is home?

“You said the Bull, right?”

She smiles brightly and answers, “Yes. Yes, I did.” Ava caps her lipstick and throws it inside her clutch.

“Good. Because I think my buzz is wearing off.” I snigger, but it holds no mirth.

“Hey, are you okay?” Ava’s warm hand falls on my forearm.

“What?” I look over at her.

“Brie, we don’t have to go.”

“No. No, the night is young, and so are we. Besides, you said it. I needed this.”

“Okay. Whenever you’ve had enough, we can leave.”

“Yes, boss.”

Rolling down the window, I close my eyes, allowing the breeze to cool my heated skin when my heart seizes. This is no way to live, but am I ready to put my broken marriage to rest? Am I going to give up over not one, but two mistakes? This is my life and no one else’s. I open my eyes, drawing in a long inhale of breath as reality sets in.

Somehow I have to pull my shattered dignity up from around my feet and move on. Make James see that I don’t need him as much as he believes I do. Some sliver of me believes my husband needs me more than I need him, but for right now, I need this. Whatever I’m doing. I don’t want to care anymore. I don’t want to fight.

The parking lot of the Bull and Bear is overflowing, and Creed’s “Rain” is flowing out of the opened front door. Electricity is in the air, and the tension drains from my body as we enter. My first memory of this place was when I was with Mason. I consider calling him, so we can both drown away our sorrows, but I was so dangerously close last time to doing something immoral.

Before I can take another step into the bar, Ava grabs me by both hands and pulls me aside.

“Listen, I’m doing this for you because I want you to forget for a little while. I don’t want you to think this is your opportunity to do something you’ll regret later.”

I wobble slightly in my heels and clear my throat. “I know you’re only looking out for me,” I reply, leaning back against the wall for support. “I won’t do anything to embarrass you or me.”

“It’s not about embarrassing me.” Ava rests a hand on her hip and laughs a little. “I’m just saying this is not a night where you grind on every Tom, Dick, or Harry, but a little male attention will be good for your self-esteem; just don’t go home with anyone. This is a night where Brie and Ava enjoy each other’s company, have a few drinks, and then go home...
together.
Get your mind off everything. Live a little. Understand?”