Love Is Louder (46 page)

Arms crossed, messy, dark-brown hair, and sporting T-shirts with jeans, these guys are up to their same old shenanigans. The one thing I admire about them is they stick together. All through high school, I envied their unbreakable bond. It was something I missed out on by being an only child. Sure, I had money, friends, and girls, but I never experienced the connection you have with a sibling. I swallow back the memories, yank off my coat, walk across the cafe and pull up a chair.

Today, sitting in front of me, the air is unsettled, thick with tension between them. I felt it the night they crashed the Fourth of July party, the same night we set up this meeting before I pushed them out. I didn’t want to ruffle Mother’s feathers by having them stay longer than needed.

Why do they want to talk about Meadow? Why are the opening old wounds? Why do they care now?

To add insult to injury, someone resurrected Meadow’s case. But who? No new leads have been called in for years. I have an inkling who may have initiated all of this, but I can’t be for sure.

It’s like a perfect storm’s brewing in Massapequa Park.

“So, what’s up?” I look up to meet Cole’s face that studies mine with knowledge and suspicion, his eyes black with hate.

“I was wondering when you’d grace us with your presence again.” Cole clicks his teeth, shaking his head with abomination as he rests his thick forearms on the table.

Anger and fear ping in my chest like a stray bullet. This isn’t good.

I glance at him so close to losing control.”I don’t have time for games right now. Get to the point.”

“Meadow. How well did you know her?” Caleb voice slices through me as he swipes his hair from his hard eyes.

My heart is pumping a million beats per minute as I fist my clammy hands between my legs.

“What? Why?” I stop, swallowing hard. “She’s been dead for four years now.” My mind reels, but my thoughts begin to fracture as I try to stay one step ahead of them.

Meadow and I kept our brief relationship discreet, but even the most careful people slip up. We would meet for coffee, or I’d go by the florist shop to see her. Our visits were not long, but long enough that we ended up sleeping together. When we started running into each other, there was no Mason to get in the way. We we’re adults. It was my chance to finally get to know her, even though the timing was not right. It never was, but I’m glad I did. I was beside myself when she died. There are some unknowns four years later. I want to keep the past in the past, because I’m afraid of what it may reveal.

“She had a thing for you, rich kid, big Harvard guy,” Cole says with a small grunt.

“I knew her.” I frown and look straight ahead, my head pounding.

“Wow, the big-time DA is being short and sweet. Isn’t talking bullshit your expertise?” Cole chuckles.

“What the fuck do you want?” I raise my voice.

“Hold on, man. You’re not on trial here,” Cole’s jokes. Tension flares between us as the dense weight thickens the air. On edge, I fist my hands even tighter, my defenses on alert.

“Dude, we know. We saw you, and she admitted it when I confronted her,” Cole states. “It’s all good.”

“Told you what?”

“You were fucking her when she was with me.” Cole crosses his arms, piercing me with his icy eyes. “Front seat of your black Range Rover in the back parking lot of the flower shop. Not too smart for a Harvard educated man.”

Fuck.

I remember that night. I had a few drinks after an argument with my parents. I endured the onslaught that night, especially from my mother. There were numerous blow-ups with her right before the wedding. She was on my back about everything, telling me how no woman, not even Brie, was worthy of me. I found comfort in Meadow, and she found it in me. I don’t even remember where Brie was at the time, but I should have found comfort with her, my fiancée.

“The truth is Meadow was a little scattered. Seems like she was insatiable.” He glances at his brother, slapping his back.

“What are you saying?”

He looks up at me. “Caleb, my big brother here, couldn’t resist Meadow either.”

“I…I didn’t know, man. It was a couple of times,” Caleb interjects.

“It doesn’t matter. No hard feelings. We all had a piece of her. When I thought she was with me, she was looking for something better.”

I eye him with a look of disbelief and then flick my eyes to Caleb. I hate that he’s talking about her like this. She was close to six months pregnant when I last saw her. It has crossed my mind a million times, and when I saw the pictures of Lily, a lump settled in my stomach. She could be...the blue eyes, the dark brown almost black hair.

“I’m sure you did something,” I retort with a crooked grin, trying to hide my frazzled nerves.

“What?” Cole hisses through his teeth. “Fuck you, man. I treated her like gold. I wanted to marry her. She just wanted the fairy-tale life with you. Big house, nice car.” The moment the words leave his mouth, his lips twitch into a frown.

Meadow wanted to tell me something the last time we met. I don’t know what about, but I have an idea that it had something to do with her pregnancy. What else could it be?

“Is someone pleading the fifth on this?” Caleb laughs, rubbing his hands together like he’s got something else up his sleeve. Not waiting for my reply, he continues, “No immunity for you, James. I’m sure your gorgeous photographer wife won’t like to hear about this. Now, would she?”

My eyes shoot to his, my blood boiling like a raging wildfire. “You fucking better leave my wife out of this, or I’ll fucking hurt both of you!”

“You don’t want to put your fairy-tale existence on the line with your trophy wife?”

“Don’t fuck with me,” I whisper hiss. I want to rip out their intestines, burn them alive, and shoot them point blank. Anything to get rid of them, my latest quandary. “What do you want?” I reply, defeated. This is the first and last time anyone is going to put me in this position. I hope.

“It may be too late for you to do anything.”

“What are you talking about?”

“We had our first custody hearing this morning regarding Lily, and your name came up.”

“What do you mean? I don’t do civil cases.” I watch his face and wait for his answer, and then it hits me. “You—”

“Yep, get it now?” he interrupts me. “I had to tell my lawyer. Oh, and Mason heard the news, too. That you could be Lily’s father.”

“You did what?” I pretend to stay calm, observing that customers have started to witness our heated conversation. “What are you going to get out of all this?”

Cole smiles, but it doesn’t reach his eyes, and Caleb sits stoically, folding a napkin.

“I needed to give my lawyer all the facts. An intelligent man like you didn’t for one second think you may be the father? Seriously?”

“Fuck you.” I stand. Turning around to leave, I fish for my phone in my coat to call Brie. She needs to hear this from me and no one else, but I hope I’m not too late. “You just created a shitload of problems for...”

“Me?” Cole chuckles as I look over my shoulder, rotating the phone between my fingers. “I had nothing to do with the shit you’ve gotten yourself into. Plus, that little girl needs to know who her real father is. I wish she’s mine, but at the same time, we need the truth, right?”

I have to agree with him on that one, but what about Brie and me?

The distance has multiplied between us in the last few days, and this new development is only going to breed an insurmountable distance. A fucking virus that is going to spread without restraint if I don’t figure something out soon.

“We’ll be in touch,” Cole calls out from behind me.

“Fuck you,” I murmur with a heavy breath.

I crash through the doors into the blinding sunlight, anguished and fearful, like someone under cross-examination. I’m not going to be able to redeem myself, no matter what the fuck I do. I’m the defendant on trial here. I’m getting a taste of my own fucking medicine.

I dither outside the cafe, casting my eyes left and right and then down to my phone. I scroll down my contacts and hit
Send
. He needs to answer.
Fucking answer
. He picks up.

“Dad.” I breathe out harshly.

“Son, how are you?

Hearing his strong and confident voice calms my nerves for a moment. My dad has always been able to do that; he’s been the pillar and someone I’ve looked up to all my life. I should’ve come to him a long time ago, not now when shit is hitting the fan.

“Good. Are you in town?” I jog across the street to my office.

“I’m at the office right now, but I’ve got a flight to catch in three hours,” he responds in a rushed voice.

“Do you mind if I swing by for a few minutes?”

It’s very rare that I catch my dad like this, so I have to snatch this opportunity to see him without having Mother around. Dad is nothing like my mother. He’s all business, but down-to-earth and understands the concept of staying out of others’ lives. I guess it must be one of those things where opposites attract. My dad is the successful financial executive, and my mother is…well, my mother.

“Sure, Son. I haven’t seen you since that party, the night your firecracker of a wife dumped some wine on your mother.” He chuckles. “Have I ever told you how much I like Brie?”

Shit. Why did he have to go there?

“All the time, Dad.”

“That’s right. She’s got a fire in her that I’ve never seen before. She reminds me of your mother in some ways.”

Now, he’s lost me. I’d like to know how, but I’m not even going to entertain it because Brie and my mother are like night and day to me.

“I don’t know about all that, Dad.”

“I know. Let’s agree to disagree on that. You’re the lawyer and know how to argue and twist words and make people believe you. Me? I’m a numbers kind of guy.”

“Yeah, let’s do that.”

I definitely know how to twist words.

“I’ll be there in a few minutes.”

“See you soon, Son.”

Fifty minutes later, I jump off 495 and meander through the streets of downtown Manhattan before I park on Broadway. I walk into the lobby of the corporate office of Fleming Financial and take in the glass ceiling flooding the space with light and bouncing off the sleek gray marble floors and shiny silver fixtures. I slip off my sunglasses and turn off my phone, lifting my chin to Fred, the head of security. I bypass all the checks and pass through a set of enormous glass doors to the bank of glass elevators.

Staring at my reflection, I look beat, like I haven’t slept in days—which I haven’t—and have been drinking for days—which I have—with bloodshot eyes and more than two weeks of stubble. I brush off my suit jacket, adjust my navy tie, and run my hair through my tousled hair. The doors slide open, and I step into the elevator that allows you a view of the entire lobby below, punch the button for the twelfth floor, and quickly make my ascent.

I eye the activity beneath me, wondering how different life would be if I had taken the job Dad offered me to work as head of his legal department after I graduated from Harvard. I declined it for a couple of reasons. One, I wanted to build my career on my own, and two, I didn’t want to come back to Massapequa Park, but I can’t change that now.

The elevator stops, and I step off, making a right to my dad’s office at the end of the hall. The echo of my shoes against the marble floors and my tranquil breathing fill my ears. Seeing my dad always relaxes me.

I turn the knob on the door and push it open and step inside. My dad is at his desk on the phone, running his hand through his short gray hair. When he notices me, his face lights up, and he waves me over. I take a seat in front of his desk. Reaching over, I grab the baseball off his desk and start tossing it in the air as he wraps up his conversation about another merger and hangs up the phone.

“So, what’s the story, Mr. DA? Have you finally come to your senses and plan to work with me?” He asks, leaning back in his chair as he laces his hands behind his head.

“Still on that kick?” My lips tug into a nervous smile as I return the baseball to his desk.

“I told you, Son. You’re the best candidate for the job. You know it’s always here for you.” He leans forward and crosses his arms on the desk. Even at sixty-two, my dad is in better shape than some thirty year olds. At six feet tall, broad shoulders, and barely a wrinkle on his face, my dad commands respect for his shrewd business sense.

“Yes, we’ll see what the future holds.”

“What brings you here?” he asks, rising from his desk. He slips his hands into his pockets, gauging me to see why I needed to see him at the last minute. My determination begins to splinter, sitting in front of my dad, who has given me every opportunity in life.

What is he going to think of me when I tell him this?

“I need some advice.”

He turns his head and smiles at me from across his desk. I hold his gaze and clear my throat nervously. “I’ve made a mistake.”

“Mistakes,” He shifts to stare out the window rather than looking at me. “We’re not perfect. Mistakes are okay, Son.”

“No, not this one.”

“What’s the problem?” He comes around his desk and stands in front of me. I can’t meet his gaze. I hang my head and stare at his shiny wingtips. Taking a deep breath, I lift my unsteady head, and with narrowed eyes and a lot of effort, I meet his gaze.

“I cheated on my wife.”

The words slice through the air like ax. Heavy and brutal.

His eyes are unreadable as he rests his hand on my shoulder; his lips turn down into a frown. I want him to say something.

“James.” His face softens.

“What do I do?” I blurt out.

“Does your mother know?”

“No, I won’t tell her.”

“Good. She feeds off this type of shit, especially when it involves you and Brie. She’s got this thing that no one is good enough for you.”

“Yeah, I know that. It’s time for her to just step back and let me live the life I want. I can’t deal with it anymore. “

“I know, Son. Your mother has always been that way. She only wants to the best for you.” He steps away, loosening his tie. “And she doesn’t care about who or what gets in the way.”