Love Me Back (23 page)

Gabe

I fold the letter back up putting it in the plaid box.  Wiping the tears in my eyes I contemplate how I let him slip out of my life.  I have only seen Gabe a handful of times after that letter and we gave each other politely awkward hellos and good-byes.

I took Gabe’s advice after that letter and starting talking to Trent about a month after we got back from spring break.  He came home that summer for a month and I let him court me but like always Trent was more concerned about his life than my own.  When he got a call to play in Europe for the rest of the summer he was on the next plane swearing we could do the long distance relationship.

The phone calls went from daily to weekly to finally it had been two weeks and I hadn’t heard a thing.  When I would call him it sounded like a party, with girls and guys hollering in the background.  Trent too distracted to have a true conversation.  He never came home that summer before he went back to Thrayer University and I didn’t hear from him until about a month after school had started.

I had already written Trent off at that point but like always he begged for forgiveness stating if he wanted a career in soccer he had to take this serious and couldn’t be distracted.  Of course I forgave him and we rekindled our friendship.  We didn’t talk every day or every week.  We lived out the next two years of our college life as friends, e-mailing and texting with the occasional phone call.  We never asked if either one of us was dating someone not that I was anyway.

Now as I put that box away in my duffle bag, Colt walks into the room to grab my boxes.  Colt is Bryan’s new best friend and will be moving in with us as well.

“You ok” he asks noticing my tears.

“Yeah.”  I wipe my face.

“Great, one day and you already have pms.  Should be a fun year.”  He grabs another box heading out the door.

The four of us get into an easy routine of household chores, although Kenna and Bryan do the majority since they are usually home more often than Colt and myself.  Surprisingly it isn’t awkward sharing a bathroom with Colt which was my biggest fear going into this. 

I have finally become myself again.  I came to terms with Trent and Gabe each holding parts of my heart but I let them both go.  Trent has to pursue his dream of soccer and Gabe needs to find a girl who can give her whole heart to him.  I made peace with this decision and am content with it.

The four us are having a roommate dinner on Sunday night, a tradition Bryan made us adhere to.  Regardless of plans we all make our way back by seven o’clock, he even made a rotating schedule so two people cooked the meal but it varied on who it was.  Tonight it is Colt and Kenna’s turn and since neither one is not even close to a chef we get a pasta salad and burgers.  I don’t know what Colt will make when winter comes and he can’t grill.

Although Bryan tells us all to shut our phones off I must have forgotten when I hear it ringing in my bag on the couch.

“Don’t even think about it Maddy.”  Bryan warns me with his fork.

“Let me just turn it off.”  I say to him having no intention of ignoring the call.

“Make it quick.”

“Ok Dad!”  I say to Bryan and the table bursts out in laughter.

I dig through my bag realizing I missed the phone call but hear the ding indicating I have a voicemail.  I dial it up really quickly and am happy to hear Jack’s voice.

“Hey Maddy.  I need you to call me back right away, ok?  Please Maddy.”  Jack’s voice is desperate and pleading.

Before I can redial his number, I hear Kenna’s phone ringing.  Bryan tells her to shut it off but she gets up from the table laughing holding it up to answer and Bryan starts chasing her.  Colt seems completely oblivious eating his third burger.  Bryan wraps his arms around Kenna’s waist as she says hello.

“Hey Jack” her voice confused to why my brother would be calling her.  “Yeah, she’s right here hold on.”  She hands me her phone even though I am still holding mine in my hand.

“What’s going on Jack?”  I ask.

“Listen Maddy, I need you to come home.”  Jack sounds upset and sad. I automatically think my mom has finally done it, she has killed herself by drunk driving or she overdosed.

“Why?”  I whisper back to him.

“Just please come home.”  He begs me.

“I want to know why.  Did she finally fuck up her life even more?  What did she do now?”

“It’s not mom, its…Dad.” 

I drop the phone and sit on the couch with my head in my hands.  Mackenna hurriedly picks up the phone talking to Jack.  I don’t hear the conversation or what they are talking about.  Bryan sits by my side taking me into his arms assuring me everything will be alright even though he knows nothing.  Colt even puts down his burger coming over to the couch to see what all the commotion is.

Mackenna hangs up my phone and I feel Bryan stare up to her before he hugs me harder sliding away letting Kenna take his spot.

“We need to go home Maddy.”  She whispers in my ear while her arms hold me tight.  “Your dad is in the hospital.”  She waits a couple minutes while I breakdown before she continues.  “Let’s go upstairs and pack a couple bags.”  She inches me up leading me to the stairs.

Kenna packs our bags and the four of us pile into my Jeep.  Bryan drives while Colt sits shotgun.  Kenna texts the whole time while I stare looking out the window.  She tries to tell me what is going on but all I register is that my dad passed out at Jack’s and he had to call the ambulance.  Kenna says my dad hasn’t woken up but the doctors are taking blood and doing some tests to figure what is going on.  I just want to get there.  I know Bryan is driving as fast as possible but I want him to warp into some tunnel so I could instantly appear next to my dad.

Two hours later we finally pull up to the hospital.  Bryan drops Kenna and me off at the entrance then he and Colt go to park the car.  Kenna has taken complete charge which I can’t thank her enough.  She rushes to the receptionist to find out where we need to go.  She is practically dragging me since my body won’t move.  I can’t believe I am here to see my dad lying in some bed unconscious to the world around him.  She hits the elevator button then pulls out her phone to text someone. 

The elevator door opens to the waiting room and Lindsey embraces me.  “Oh thank god you made it.  Come with me.” she pulls me away from Mackenna.  I look back at the room seeing Mr. and Mrs. Basso, Doug and his wife, Lindsey’s parents, The Edwards and lastly my eyes notice the blue eyes staring back at me filled with so much sorrow I almost breakdown.  He is telling me with his eyes, the news isn’t good.  Making sure that I prepare myself before going in.  He doesn’t walk towards me giving me the distance he knows I need right now.

Lindsey practically throws me into the room and my dad is lying there with tubes and wires hooked up to his body.  There is a beeping sound coming from the machines next to him.  Jack is sitting next to him holding his hand, his head down on the bed.  If it wasn’t for the beeping of the machines meaning my dad was still alive I could have thought he was dead.  Jack picks his head up with relief that I am there.

Jack’s hair is in a million different ways showing how many times he ran his hand through it.  I hear the streaks of the chair across the linoleum floor, I know Jack is coming and I will the tears not to come.  When his big warm arms surround me they release in a gush.  I sob into his chest while he smooth’s my hair telling me we will survive this.  He tells me our Dad is a fighter and everything will be ok.  The problem is Jack’s appearance doesn’t match what he is saying and we both know it.

I take a chair on the other side of my dad from Jack while Lindsey stays by the windowsill.  Jack fills me in what is going on.  The doctors don’t know much yet, says they are still running tests but they think he had a stroke. An hour later a nice male doctor who doesn’t seem much older than Jack tells us our dad actually suffered a heart attack and they need to take him to surgery right away.  Right as the young doctor is telling us the specifics of what happened and what we can expect my mom comes bursting in the room.

She trips over the doorframe falling into the doctor.

“Oh…nice.”  She remarks looking the doctor up and down as he catches her.  “What happened to him?” she nods her head in my dad’s direction.  I can smell the cigarettes and alcohol on her.  She is wearing a tight black skirt that hangs just past her ass along with a black halter-top.  Her hair is down and curled and her eye make-up is as smeared as the red lipstick across her teeth.  I roll my eyes in exhaustion giving Jack a questionable look to why he called her.

“I’m sorry, are you related to Mr. Jennings?”  The doctor turns to my mom.

“I’m his wife.”  She remarks and I gasp.

“Ex-Wife” I declare staring at her with what I assume my most evil eyes. 

“Madeline!”  She says my name curtly indicating she wants me to shut-up and I do but mostly to keep her mouth shut as well.

The doctor doesn’t skip a beat, he must be familiar with dysfunctional families.  He instructs us to go to the waiting room, the surgery will take approximately four hours and he will come and get us when it’s over.  We each take our time saying good-bye to dad conveying our love of him with our assurance we will see him come out of this.  Jack goes first and then he and Lindsey leave making me thankful he will have to deliver the news to the waiting friends but upset that I am stuck with my mom.  I go second as my mom instructs me insisting she should go last for some absurd reason.  Does this woman not remember she divorced him? 

I walk down the long hallway alone while nurses stare at me with grief in their eyes.  Do they know something they aren’t telling me?  I don’t want to face all those people in the waiting room but that’s where this hallway ends I can’t escape them now.  Rounding the bend my heart is beating faster than a race horse. 

Mrs. Basso is the first to embrace me whispering in my ear how sorry she is and they will do whatever I need.  I nod in the shoulder of the woman I consider my mother.  She holds me tight and I don’t think she is ever going to let me go and relief washes over me.  The people in this room love me, love all of us and that is why they are here to support us in any way we need them. 

Mr. Basso pats me on the shoulder in his silent way telling me the same as his wife.  All the other family members hug me and reassure me my dad will be ok, that he is a fighter.  I know they can’t guarantee my dad will survive but what are they supposed to say.

Bryan and Colt are sitting with Mackenna next to the Edwards, Kenna lets everyone touch me before she steps in.  She puts her arm around my shoulders and I think she is going to lead me to the vacant chair next to her but she turns at the last minute and releases me into Gabe.  The feeling of his welcoming arms eases my shoulders letting them collapse while he holds me steady.  He sits down in a chair encircling his arms around me on his lap.  His hand keeps my head firmly placed in the crocked of his neck.  He doesn’t assure me everything will be ok or that my dad will pull threw.  He doesn’t say my dad is a fighter.  He just assures me he will be here for me regardless of what happens.  That he will get me through this nightmare to the other side with or without my dad.  Those words mean so much to me and the fact that they came from Gabe means even more.

Gabe and I stay like that for an hour.  No one interrupts us.  No one comes by us.  I hear conversations being carried on around us but I don’t want to leave my security in his arms.  Gabe doesn’t seem very interested in letting me go either.

“Do you want me to get you something to eat or drink?”  He whispers softly to me.

“No but if you want something I can get up.”  I go to get up from his lap suddenly feeling awkward.  I haven’t had a real conversation with him for over two years.

“No, I don’t need anything.”  He pulls me back down intertwining his hands with mine.  “I know this isn’t the right time, but I am enjoying the hell out of this.”

I start cracking up laughing and the room looks over at me but I can’t control myself.  I don’t know why it isn’t as though what he said was funny.  Maybe it is the tension in the room or the fear of something happening to my dad but it feels so good to laugh. 

“You’re making me look like a schmuck.”  He bites his lip to keep the smile at bay.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know what is wrong with me” I put my head back in his neck trying to conceal my laugh.

“Madeline.”  I know the cold voice that states it; I don’t need to lift my head in acknowledgement so I don’t.

“Sorry Mrs. Jennings. I made a careless joke making her laugh.  I meant no disrespect.”  Gabe speaks for me since I refuse to look up at the woman who shouldn’t be here.

“Please keep it down and Jesus Madeline sit in your own chair.”  She hisses before turning away.

I get up to crawl in the chair besides Gabe but he holds me firm.  “Don’t even think about it.”

I must have dozed off because by the time the doctor comes out it is only Gabe, Jack, Lindsey, my mom and Kenna there.    I stood holding Kenna’s hand with Gabe’s hands resting on my shoulders from behind.  Jack holds Lindsey close to him while my mom stands to the side.

“He’s out of surgery but it is still touch and go for a while.  We will know more in the morning.  He is in the ICU, let him recover for tonight and come back in the morning.”  He instructs.

I don’t feel right leaving but everyone guarantees me it is for the best.    I reluctantly leave to spend the night at Jack’s.  I take the guest room and Gabe goes home for the night.  I think my mom thought I would spend the night at her house but I have no reason to be with her.  She probably went back to the bar after she left the hospital anyway.

Jack tells me Gabe is in town visiting his family when they got the call but he is supposed to be leaving to go back to Florida in two days.  I ache thinking of him leaving me again but I wouldn’t hold him from his dreams.  Jack discloses to me later that evening that Gabe and a couple buddies bought a house on the beach and are in the process of flipping it to use the extra money to start a real estate company.  I know Gabe wants to be his own boss and I am not surprised he is already attaining it.