Love Me Back (24 page)

The next morning Gabe is already at Jack’s to pick me up for the hospital.  Kenna wanted to stay in town but I told her to go back with Bryan and Colt and I would call them with any changes.  Although classes haven’t started yet, they all have jobs and I don’t want them to lose them on account of me.  She grudgingly left saying she has a couple days off at the end of the week and she will come down.

Gabe and I follow Jack and Lindsey to the hospital.  They won’t let Gabe into the ICU since he isn’t family, Lindsey is only allowed since we told them she is Jack’s wife.  The nurses say not much has changed in my dad’s condition but to be patient it can take some time.

I go from the waiting room to my dad’s the whole day.  I told Gabe to go ahead and leave but he insists this is where he should be.  The last time I went out to check on him he is on his cell phone.  His back is turned to me looking out the window so I stand silent waiting for him to be done.

“It’s not that big of a deal, only a couple days.”  He is angrily talking to someone.  I assume his buddies in Florida.

“That is nothing, come on, this is ridiculous.”  He puts his hands through his hair leaning against the wall. 

“Listen, get your ass up and stop thinking about yourself for once.”  His voice is escalating and I don’t want him to make a scene with the other visitors in the waiting room so I tap him on the shoulder.  His eyes dart to mine and they shift from narrow and mad to sympathetic and apologetic instantly telling me who his talking to.  I put my hand out for him to give me the phone and he does.

“Hello Trent.”  I say.

“I’m sorry Maddy, I just got word about your dad.  I wish I could be there but they won’t let me out of practice.”  He rambles on.

“That’s ok Trent.”  I don’t cry even though I am on the brink.  Gabe looks at me in disbelief that I am letting him get away with not coming.

“You know I would if I could Mad.  Its senior year and all.  You understand right?”  He asks.

“Yeah I understand.”  I say and Gabe turns around throwing his hands up in the air.

“I love you Maddy.  Call me if you need me ok?  I’ll keep my phone by me.”  I can tell he already wants to cut the phone call short.

“Ok, bye Trent.”  I say.

“Bye Maddy.  Can you give me back to Gabe now?”  He asks.

“Sure” I hand the phone over to Gabe.  I am so frustrated with him I feel the tears welling up in my eyes desperate to find a release but I push them back.  I will not cry over Trent Basso again. 

Gabe takes the phone and walks over in the corner of the room whispering.  Although I can’t hear his words I see the pent up fury he in unleashing on Trent.   Then he points like Trent is right in front of him resembling a father scolding their child and hangs up the phone throwing it into one of the chairs.

I hurry back to my dad’s room before Gabe sees my reaction to Trent not coming.  He needs to cool down and I need to push my tears away.  My dad holds priority right now not Trent.  When I get back to the room Jack is smiling and looking hopeful.  Lindsey had gone down to the cafeteria to get them something to drink.

“Was there a change?  Did Dad wake up?”  I desperately ask.

“He squeezed my hand.”  He exclaims.  “The nurses said that is a good sign.”

“Oh my god, really?”  I sit down across from Jack taking my dad’s hand but he doesn’t squeeze it.

Jack and I hold on to each of my dad’s hands waiting for some movement.  We talk about memories of when our parents were together, family trips we took and holidays spent together.  I forgot how many happy times there were when my parents were together.  I know the divorce was my dad’s fault as much as my mom’s but that doesn’t change the fact that she is not a mother to me in any way.  Talking about her makes me realize she hasn’t even come to visit today.

Lindsey and Gabe come in about an hour later.  They are laughing but stop suddenly when they enter the room seeing Jack and I staring at them confused. 

“I told them he was Maddy’s fiancé and they said he could come in.”  Lindsey smiles knowing she deceived the nurses.

“Breaking the rules Mrs. Jennings.”  Jack laughs waiting for Lindsey to come over and join him.

Gabe walks over putting his hands on my shoulders.  “Any change?”  He asks.

Jack excitedly tells him the news about my dad squeezing his hand.  Lindsey kisses his head hugging him in happiness.  

“You guys go get something to eat, Maddy and I will stick around here.”  Gabe tells them.

They look at each other assessing the other.  “Thanks Gabe.”  Jack gets up taking Lindsey’s hand.  “Call me if anything happens.”

“We will, just go relax.”  I instruct them.

We watch them leave looking more at ease, at least the calmest they could look under the circumstances.

“Get up.”  Gabe taps me on the shoulder indicating to get out of the chair.

“Why?”  I question still sitting down.

“Because.”  He takes my hand leading me out then sits down in the chair pulling me onto his lap.  “I am taking full advantage of the situation.”

“Oh I see.”  Wrapping my arms around his neck.  “You have my permission to take as much advantage as you want.”  Resting my head on his shoulder.

We talk about my school and where I want to live after I finish.  Gabe tells me about his friends and the house they bought.  He says they have a whole business plan together and hopefully he will be his own boss one day.  He misses his family and Belcrest but since two of his business partners are Grady and Ryan, his two best friends from college it helps being so far away.

An hour later my dad’s machines start going off.  Alarms and beeps are blaring and my dad’s body starts thrashing around.  Gabe runs out of the room to get the nurses but a medical team is already running towards him to get in the room.  They tell him to take me out in the hallway so he grabs my hand pulling me out the door and I see a nurse coming in with a crash cart. 

I huddle next to Gabe waiting for them to come out and tell me he is ok but instead ten minutes later a doctor leads me to a private room down the hall and tells me the news I feared since the first call from Jack.  My dad is dead.   He suffered a stroke that took his life.

I am surprised to find I shed no tears.  My eyes are dry as the desert.  Jack comes up after Gabe texts him and he breaks down crying while Lindsey holds him close whispering in his ear.  We are each able to go into the room to say goodbye.  Jack takes ten minutes to my two.  I can’t stand to see him lying there limp and pale.  He is not the father I know and I don’t want to remember him like that. 

Two days later we were burying my dad.  Gabe stands by my side the whole time.  Kenna, Bryan and Colt come down from school to attend the wake and the funeral.  Kenna helps Lindsey plan the luncheon after the funeral.  Doug, Jack, Mr. Basso, Mr. Edwards, Bryan and Gabe are the palm bearers.    It is a nice quiet funeral with family and close friends.  Trent never comes home.

My mom shows up drunk wearing a black tight short dress and heels with some man on her arm.  The man is in jeans and a black button down shirt with tattoos up and down his arms.  His greasy hair is slicked back and they both reek of cigarettes and alcohol.  My tears finally form when she walks in.  Unfortunately they aren’t tears of sorrow but tears of rage.

I grab her arm pulling her to the private family room around side of the room my dad is laying in his casket.  “What the hell are you doing?”  I seethe through my teeth.

“Madeline, don’t make a scene.”  She says swaying to the side.

“Me?  Make a scene.  You show up hammered to dad’s funeral.” 

“I’m not drunk Madeline.  Excuse me if I needed to have a few drinks before coming.  Have some sympathy, this is hard for me.”

“Are you serious?  Sympathy for you?  Jack and I are burying our father today.  You should be there for US, to console US.”  I can tell my voice is getting louder.  Jack and Gabe have found their way in while her
date
hovers over the doorway. 

“Madeline, you are being so dramatic.”  She waves her hand while falling into the wall.

“Dramatic?  You brought a date.  You are dressed like a slut because you probably fucked that piece of shit before coming in here.  You make me sick.”  I yell.  Gabe is trying to pull me away out of the room but I pull my arm out of his hands.  “What kind of mother are you?”

“Maddy, just stop.”  Jack is between the two of us putting his hands in front of me signaling we should do this another time.

“Yes Madeline, this isn’t the time.”  Her voice cool as a cucumber.

“Jack, how can you let her get away with this?”  I ask.

“Listen, we are here to bury dad so let’s give him the peace.  The people out there loved him and they deserve to grief the same as we do.  We can discuss these things later.”  He calmly says.  Jack is always the mediator between us.

“I could give a shit about talking later.  This is unforgivable.  I am done with you.”  I stomp out of the room with Gabe in tow leaving Jack to deal with my mother. 

I push past her boyfriend right outside the funeral home. I sit on the bench wishing I had a cigarette.  I have always been a stress smoker and this is beyond normal level of stress.

Gabe doesn’t follow me outside, he knows when to push me and when to give me space.  I am surprised when someone joins me on the bench outside. 

“I’m sorry Maddy.”  Mrs. Basso puts her hand on my knee. 

“Well, not like everyone doesn’t know how screwed up my mom is but this…” I throw my hand towards the door.

“Everyone deals in their own way.”

“Mrs. Basso, with all due respect, look at what she has done.”  I place my head in my hands.

“Don’t worry about her, don’t worry about what she is wearing or who she brought.  You worry about yourself today.  This is going to be one of the hardest days of your life.”  She wraps her arm around me bringing me closer to her. 

“Thank you Mrs. Basso.”  I lean closer to her letting her treat me as though I am her daughter.

“Anytime Maddy.  Go in there and grieve for your loss.  Tonight you come stay with us, as long as you need, ok?”

“Ok.”  We stand up walking back in.

I stay away from my mom for the rest of the day and when she screams when my dad’s casket is lowered to the ground I try to focus on me and the realization my dad is gone.  The man, who loved me, cared for me and worried about me.  The one parent I had who lived his life for my happiness is no longer on this earth.

I take Mrs. Basso’s advice and stay at their house for the next week until Gabe goes back to Florida.  I try to encourage him to leave sooner but he insists it is more important for him to be here with me.  Jack and Lindsey take time off from their jobs to clear out my dad’s house in Michigan.  I feel bad for not helping but they say it is fine, I need to concentrate on my last year of school but I think deep down they know I can’t handle it.

Saying good-bye to Gabe is harder than I expect.  It has been the best and worst two weeks of my life.  He never kissed me or touched me inappropriately.  We slept in the same bed every night but he only held me close to his chest while stoking my hair.  We would go on walks and have family dinners with his parents.    When we get to the airport and I walk him into the terminal, I feel the tears starting to fall down my cheeks.

“Don’t cry, I will call you when I land.”  He says bringing me into an embrace.

“I’ll miss you.  I can’t thank you enough Gabe.”  I say.

“I am only a phone call away.”

“I would have never gotten through this without you.”

“You are stronger than you think, but I was happy to be here for you.”

“Good luck with the house thing.  Tell Grady and Ryan I said hi.”  I pull away.

“I will.  Have a great senior year.  Think about coming down after you graduate.”  I see the anguish in his eyes, he doesn’t want to push me.

“We’ll see.”  I roll my eyes, he has been trying to convince me to move to Florida after graduation but I told him Florida isn’t really the place for aspiring Interior Designers.             

“Bye Gabe.”  I give him one last hug. 

“Bye Madgirl” he puts a hand on each side of my face placing his lips on my forehead to kiss me good-bye.  His lips linger and when he pulls away I see doubt run through his body.  He is reluctant to leave me.  Abruptly turning around he walks to the security area but turns around one last time and winks to me before being swarmed up in the crowd of people.

Chapter 18 – Present Day

The elevator doors open to Trent standing in the hallway still half naked.  I pick myself up from being sprawled across the elevator floor walking past him. 

“So, what happened?”  His voice cocky.

“What do you think?  He left.”  I say not turning around.

“Figured much.  Maddy, you have to stop fighting this.  We are meant to be together, always have been.”  He has caught up to me now walking along side me.

“Trent.  Not now.”  Tears are still streaming down my face.

“Let him go.”

“I can’t,” I whisper.  I don’t know if Trent heard me or not but when I open the door all the glass and alcohol is spewed on the floor.  I step over the mess walking back to the bedroom.

I dress back in my clothes from yesterday taking my pajamas with me; shoving them in my oversized purse.  Feeling around for my phone to figure out how I am going to get home from here.  The last person I will ask is Trent.

“Stop it Mad, I will take you home.”  He stands in the doorway then enters walking into his closet.  He comes back out wearing a t-shirt and shorts.

“You don’t have to, I can call someone or catch a train that will get me closer to Belcrest.”  I start walking out but he grabs my arm pulling me back.

“Jesus Maddy, what do I have to do?”  He asks.

“You don’t have to do anything.”  I spout.

“I said I was sorry, I’ve changed.  Why is that not enough for you?”

“God Trent.  You just don’t get it.  You have been everything to me for half my life.  The love you gave me was so big and great but the other half of my life…” I can’t stop the tears anymore so I let them fall.  I can’t change who they are for even if I try.