Love Songs (19 page)

“Shhh! Keep it down, Alex!”

He leaned closer and spoke more softly, but the vehemence was still there. “I don’t particularly care
who
hears me! I love you!”

“I know,” she sighed. “You’ve told me so more than once.”

And she believed him. Finally. He
did
love her and the sudden realization gnawed at her. She knew instinctively that Alex Knight would do nothing halfheartedly. If he loved her he would love her with everything he possessed. It was a beautiful thought, but one that was also terrifying. For while one part of her wanted very much to return his love, the other part fought it with every bit of the strength that she had had a lifetime to accrue.

“Where does that leave us?” he asked more gently, back in control. “We see each other
on occasion?
” Skepticism was written on his every feature. “Just what does that mean?”

She grinned, relieved that his acute vulnerability seemed to have passed. For it was to that vulnerability that she herself was acutely vulnerable. “It permits you—us—the pleasure of each other’s company when the opportunity arises—”

“Such as tonight?” he rebounded. “For dinner?”

“I’d like that.” She accepted his invitation softly.

“Then,” he sat back more confidently, “I’m to ‘woo’ you?” A hint of mischief entered his gaze.

“You make it sound so Victorian.”

His mouth slanted wryly. “It’s not quite what I would have expected from a modern woman. I wouldn’t have called your behavior last night, or the night before, for that matter, exactly Victorian.”

Alanna chose to ignore his barb, growing suddenly more sober. “I need time, Alex. You said so yourself. I need breathing space. If, as you hope,” she verged on sarcasm, “I’m to discover that I simply can’t live without you, I’ll have to spend time with you
and
time away, won’t I?”

Alex hesitated, then agreed reluctantly. “I suppose you will. But remember, I can only be
so
patient. And I do get jealous. I don’t want you dating other men.”

Without thinking, she bristled; then she thought. Slowly a coy grin spread from ear to ear. He liked a challenge, did he? “What’s wrong, Alex? Are you worried that, in comparison to another man, there might be something lacking in your appeal?”

His protest went no further than a quickly indrawn breath. He was sharp; he saw what she was up to in the instant, but their breakfast, hot and fresh from the kitchen, was placed in front of them before he had a chance to answer.

As soon as the waiter had gone he spoke. “If I said no you would think I was arrogant. If I said yes you would think I was insecure. In truth, I’m neither. I’m more concerned with
my
thoughts, knowing that another man’s hands might be touching you. But,” his gaze enveloped her speculatively, “on second thought, I think I’ll take my chances. See whoever you want; it can only help my cause.”

Her “Speaking of arrogance…” was muffled behind a mouthful of cheese omelet. Beyond that she let the matter ride. She didn’t want to see anyone else, anyway. Her objection had been to his command; it was a matter of principle. Once the command had been revoked she had no desire to rebel against it.

Following breakfast Alex dropped her back at the hospital lot to pick up her car with a promise to stop by her apartment at seven-thirty that evening. She went contentedly on to work, breezing through the day with more patience and endurance than she’d felt in months. Jake commented on her improved outlook when he dropped by her office to talk late in the afternoon.

“You’re looking chipper today, Alanna. You must be sleeping better.”

She smiled sweetly, trying to hold in her secret. “I am.”

“How’s Alex?” he asked with a nonchalance she knew to be a sham.

“Fine.” Again she smiled.

“Still after you?” He settled his slightly rounding frame into a nearby chair.

“Uh-huh.”

“Are you still resisting?”

“Now, Jake. That’s getting a little more personal than usual, don’t you think?”

“Just answer me; are you still fighting him?”

“On the matter of marriage,” she chose her words with care, “yes. On the matter of getting acquainted,”
what an appallingly inadequate word that was
, she mused, “no.”

“Good. You know, he could help you when I move you up into the Executive Vice-President’s slot.”

“Are you still serious about that, Jake?”

“Very serious. The meeting is Monday. And if I propose you, you’re in.”

She shook her head, though not a wisp of her neatly coiled blond hair budged. “I don’t know, Jake … I appreciate the thought, but it could cause more of a problem among the men here than it’s worth.”

Jake Wallace sat back in his chair and studied her closely. “Don’t you want the promotion?”

She shrugged. “I’m doing the work, anyway.…”

“Then why shouldn’t you get the credit?” he asked sharply.

“It just doesn’t seem to matter—the title, I mean. If I have the power now to set into action—and keep in action—the projects I think are promising, what more can I ask?”

“You can ask,” Jake went on insistently, “for recognition and respect from those men!”

“Hah! They’ll give that to me when and if they feel like it! A promotion will only get their tails up!”

Jake’s voice lowered. “That’s where Knight comes in.”

“What?”

“Alex Knight. Marry him. That will end all speculation about your … ah … extracurricular activities at my house.”

Alanna rolled her eyes skyward, not quite sure she’d heard her mentor correctly. “Jake, you’ve been happily married now for some thirty-odd years. Would
you
have gotten married for a reason like that?”

He held his breath expectantly, then narrowed his gaze. “Not unless I loved the person I was proposing to marry.”

Her sculpted features were momentarily pained; quickly she turned away from Jake. “That’s just the issue. Alex loves me. I … I’m not so sure of my own feelings.”

Despite the inconclusiveness of her answer, Jake was satisfied. “I can’t tell you what you feel, Alanna. But I can tell you this: When I walked in here a few minutes ago you had that very special look about you. No,” he halted her protest, “I wasn’t imagining it.” Then he feigned sternness. “And don’t tell me that it was excitement about the biotechnics project. You’ve been pleased about projects before, but you haven’t looked like this.”

“You’re reading too much—”

“Oh, no.” He shook his head stubbornly. “I know you, Alanna. There’s been a change.”

“I’m sleeping well.” Her smile returned; they were back to square one.

“So you told me.” He cleared his throat. “Alanna,” he stood, “you’re nearly as pigheaded as Elaine when she sets her mind to something. In this case, it’s ‘the works’ at the beauty shop on Saturday. She’s hoping that you’ll join her for lunch afterward. What time do you finish at the pool?”

After some quick mental calculations Alanna relaxed. “If I drop her there at nine, I can pick her up by one. There’s a swim meet at ten; it shouldn’t last more than two hours.”

When Jake shook his head this time it was in admiration. “You’re amazing, my girl. And have I told you lately how much I appreciate what you do for Elaine? I could drive her myself, but she seems to think that this is women’s business. It’s hard enough for her to cope with that wheelchair; she feels so dependent. Somehow you make her feel as though she’s no imposition. Frankly, I don’t know what we’d
both
do without you.”

Alanna gave her hand to Jake as she walked with him to the door. “The feeling’s mutual; you know that. It’s so important for her to lead as normal a life as possible. Driving her on Saturday is the least I can do. And, yes, do tell her that I’d love to join her for lunch.”

On Saturday Alanna drove Elaine to the beauty shop, then shared a late lunch with her at a nearby restaurant. Over Potage St. Germaine and salads of fresh endives and almonds they talked with the comfort of old friends—of what was happening at the office
and
after hours. Elaine was eager to hear about the swim team’s victory over its opponent and Alanna was too pleased with the triumph to deprive her of the details. When the subject of Alexander Knight came up, however, Alanna was caught off guard. Afterward she realized that Jake would have shared such an interesting tidbit with his wife and she felt no actual regret. Her words were measured, though, and Elaine was unable to pass on any more to Jake than he already knew.

It was late afternoon when she finally had her friend safely returned to the Wallace home. Then she stopped at the supermarket, the dry cleaner and the florist for a bunch of fresh daisies to replace those that had withered in the vase atop her table. The pale gold November sun spilled across her champagne carpet when she sat, at last, quiet and by herself in her own home. Only then did her thoughts return to Alex.

In a slow motion replay of the night before she found herself snowed afresh by the devastating charm and virile appeal of the man. When Alex had mentioned dinner she’d assumed they’d be going out. But he’d had something quite different in mind when he had picked her up and returned her to his place. As it happened, even
his
plans were superseded by a spontaneous demonstration of talents other than culinary.

Alanna was still not quite sure what had taken them immediately to bed in each other’s arms, their dinner temporarily forgotten. She blushed at the memory of their abandon. Perhaps, from her viewpoint, it had been the way he had looked in casual dress—jeans and a turtleneck sweater, both of which were alarming to her senses in the snug way they fit.

When they finally returned to the kitchen, hand in hand, Alanna wore nothing but Alex’s turtleneck; he wore the jeans alone.

Even now the scent of him filled her nostrils—that musky male tang that spiced his bed, his towels, that warm, oversized turtleneck sweater that fell to her thighs. Tingling, she blushed again, then fought the tide of rising sensation. It simply wasn’t fair for this man—
any
man—to wield such power! That she should tremble now at the memory of their passion was mind-boggling!

It had, indeed, been a night to remember. There was not only a jointly produced feast of sukiyaki, rice and cucumber salad to devour, there was Beethoven’s
Eroica
to soothe them and a bright birch fire to hypnotize them. When they returned to bed it was to a round of lovemaking that, by some miracle, surpassed the others in pure rapture. It was as though Alex read every soft nuance of her body, delighting in each secret dare, each hidden challenge. For Alanna the game was reciprocal. She discovered that his hard man’s body had similar soft spots; it was her joy to seek them out.

Once again they slept through the night and once again it was Alex’s kiss that awakened her in the morning. The routine, she had mused, could easily become habit-forming.

*   *   *

The jangle of the telephone brought her from her reverie, and back to the early evening quiet of her apartment.

“Hello?”

“Hey, owl-eyes,” the deep voice flowed silkily over the wire, “how are you?”

How familiar and good his voice sounded! “I’m fine.” She smiled in response, though she knew he couldn’t see. “How did everything go today?” Alex had flown south early that morning for a series of emergency meetings in Atlanta.

“Slow, love. That’s why I’m calling.”

She read fatigue, perhaps even a hint of discouragement, in his voice and was instantly concerned. “What’s wrong? Did something happen?”

“No. Everything is going all right. Just slow. Very slow. Making agreements with this nine-member board is like taking a photograph of a thirty-member family and getting everyone to smile.”

“They don’t like your proposal?” His humor soaring above her, Alanna was stunned. Alex had explained the fundamentals of the project, one that would merge the brains of a think-tank center in Atlanta with the money of the Knight Corporation to study problems of social welfare. It was such a worthwhile cause.…

“They seem to like it,” Alex explained gently, “but they differ among themselves as to whether one organization—mine—should be the sole affiliate. Several of the board members believe that they should receive funding on a problem-by-problem basis.”

“But that would be such a waste of time and effort!”

“I know that,” his low voice rejoined, “and you know that, but try telling it to them.” He sighed. “But that’s what I intend to do tonight, if possible.…” Alanna caught his drift immediately.

“Tonight?” He had tentatively suggested that morning that they would spend the evening together when he returned. “Then you’ll be staying in Atlanta?”

His voice was guarded, as though he were unsure of her reaction and wary of showing his own feelings. “I’ve got to. It’s got to be taken care of soon or there’ll be twice as much work later.” He paused, his tone finally softening. “I’m sorry. I was looking forward to being with you.”

Alanna was caught in a whirlpool of emotion, anger and hurt and sorrow swirling round and round each other. In the end she could only sigh. “I am, too.”