Lovers at Heart (19 page)

Treat sat up against the headboard, taking in how cute she looked, dwarfed by his T-shirt, and the stark contrast to the serious look on her face. “Okay. I’m listening.”

She took his hand, and a sinking feeling settled into his stomach.

“Before I tell you, what exactly am I wearing? What does PASG stand for?” She pulled the bottom of the T-shirt away from her body and looked down at it. “Is that some strange sexual reference?”

He knew she was stalling, grasping for levity instead of revealing whatever it was she felt she had to say. Treat wanted her to be comfortable, and as he watched her lips trying to form a smile and her eyes trying to climb out from the shadow of whatever was haunting her, he soaked in her effort. With each passing moment, each minuscule change in her eyes or her facial expressions, he learned more about her. Treat knew he’d make every effort to remember it all, so if there was a next time that she had something so troubling to deal with, he’d know how to comfort her.

He smiled. “No. Provincetown AIDS Support Group. It’s a local group that I support.”

“Oh, that’s really nice. As long as you’re not making me look silly.”

“You could never look silly. Please, tell me what you wanted to tell me. I want to know.”

Her eyes darkened again, and he squeezed her hand. “When I was a senior in college, I dated this guy. He was handsome and smart and funny, the kind of guy that everyone loved. Things were fine for a long time, but as we got closer to graduation, we moved in together, and over the next few months, he changed. I’ve never understood what caused him to change, but he did. He became verbally abusive, withdrawn.”

Treat’s protective juices were flowing, and he did his best to rein them in. “Go on,” he said.
If he hurt you, I’ll kill him
.

“It became, I don’t know, a way of life, I suppose. He called me names and told me I was worthless, and in all honesty, I was weak.” She searched his eyes. “You look like you’re ready to explode. Maybe I shouldn’t say anything else.”

“No. Continue, please.” The thought of someone being verbally abusive to Max pushed every button in his body. The anger coursing through him was stronger than any fury he’d ever felt.

“Anyway, as I said, I was weak. My parents are great—they really are—but Mom and I have never really talked about relationships.” Max shook her head. “Before my grandmother died, she told me that the secret to a lasting relationship was to always speak your mind. But my mother had already convinced me that was the wrong road to take and that I shouldn’t complain or try to change things.” She furrowed her brow. “I think my grandmother told me that because of how my mom’s relationship was. She was so submissive. Not that my father was ever abusive, but Mom never really spoke her mind.” Max sighed. “It’s no wonder that Mom and I never talked about relationships.”

Treat put his arm around her waist and slid her protectively against him.

“Anyway, he’d grabbed my arm and—Treat, you’re trembling.”

He unclenched his jaw just long enough to say, “I don’t want to scare you, but I’d like to kill this asshole.”

“There’s more, but I’ll stop—”

“I’m not an evil person. I’m not going to track him down like an animal and hurt him, Max.”
Though I want nothing more
. “But I’d be lying if I told you I wasn’t mad enough to
want
to do those things, and I promised myself I’d always be honest with you.” An intense heat of worry soared through Treat. He took a deep breath, trying to understand the reaction that bore a hole in his gut. It could only be driven by his love for Max.

She touched his chest, and that simple skin-to-skin contact brought his anger down a notch.
She’s here. She’s safe
.

“That was the only time he’d ever grabbed me, and I lost it. After he went to bed, I was still crying. That night, my mom happened to call, and I didn’t even have to say anything. I couldn’t say anything. That was the one and only time she ever said anything to me about a specific relationship. She said one thing to me, and that one thing changed everything in my life. She said, ‘Get out.’”

“So you left?”

“I did. I packed my car and drove all the way to Colorado and I never looked back. But the thing you need to know is what that did to me. In college, I wasn’t the woman who worked for Chaz and could run a festival of over thirty thousand with her eyes closed. I was weak, submissive. I guess I’d patterned myself after my mother without even realizing it, but then, after he grabbed me and I found the courage to leave, I knew I could never be that woman again. I read everything I could about relationships, and I built walls around my heart. Big, giant, thick, impenetrable walls.”

“Oh, Max. I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be. I’ve grown up, and I
am
strong and self-sufficient and all the things I strived to be. But after dealing with Scarlet over the phone for all those months, and wondering about you—fantasizing about you—when I finally met you, a part of me let down those defenses. I became a bumbling idiot. I couldn’t talk or think, and I was thrown right back into that bedroom again.”

“You’re none of those things. You’re the strongest woman I know, besides Savannah, but she’s a whole other story. She was softer before our mom died, too.”

Max put her hand on her heart. “I can’t imagine what your family has been through. But for me, the feelings that came rumbling back scared me. A lot. I felt myself falling back into that role of a submissive girl again, and I wanted to run, but my legs wouldn’t obey my mind. I suddenly felt that softer side of me reemerging, the side that screamed for me to pull down the defenses that I’d worked so hard to create. I
wanted
you to take care of me—and that, more than anything, scared the daylights out of me. I didn’t want to be hurt again. I mean, how can you possibly know you want a man to take care of you in that way after one kiss on the hand?

“My heart was controlling everything in me, and my heart wanted you. It was you I was looking for that afternoon when I met Justin. I didn’t sleep with him. We shared one good-night kiss, but I never slept with him or even let him touch me. He was a filler, Treat. He filled the gap that you created.”

Treat pulled her to him and held her tight. He was relieved that she hadn’t slept with Justin. Even the thought of their bodies tangled together made him sick. But he was more relieved by what she’d just said.
He filled the gap that you created
.

Max pulled away. “I want to finish telling you before I lose my courage.” She took a deep breath. “This is the hardest part to explain. When you looked at me the way you did, it was just one look, and I know that it’s been blown way out of proportion.”

“No. I never should have done it.”

“Agreed.” She smiled. “But it was just a look between two strangers. We weren’t lovers or really even friends at that point. I mean, we’d spoken on the phone once or twice, but really I was dealing so much with Scarlet that you were just this elusive name and image in my mind. And I’d be lying if I said that I hadn’t fantasized about what you’d look like and how I’d feel when I finally met the intelligent, generous man behind the deep voice, but we had only just met. So I did blow it out of proportion. When you gave me that dirty stare, I was afraid that if I went out with you, I’d be in the same trap as I was in college, and I can never go back there again.”

“I’d never do that to you.”

“I know that now. That’s what I’m trying to tell you. You’ve already shown me that you will never do that to me. It’s not who you are, but you need to know that my defenses go up when my feathers are ruffled, and I’m stubborn and I can be savagely strong when I need to be. So I need to know that if that happens, if I get scared and those walls go up, you’ll love me through it.”

“I’ll love you through anything, Max.” He sat up straighter, until they were eye to eye. “I will love you through the good and the bad, the fights and the…” He slipped his arm under her T-shirt and wrapped his arm around her waist. “The spirited, frisky nights. I want you to be strong and tell me I’m full of shit when I am. I want you to call me on anything I do that’s hurtful or uncalled for. Max, I’m thirty-seven years old, brought up by a man’s man who was also the most gentlemanly man I know. I don’t want to be any less than he is.”

Max blushed. “I met him.”

He brushed her hair from her shoulder. “I know.” Treat didn’t want to ask, but he couldn’t help it. “Did Da—”

Max laughed. “Shh. He was very respectful. Besides, none of those brothers of yours are half the man you are.”

She lifted her chin and kissed him lightly on his lips. He pulled her closer and felt her body relaxing, her heart opening up to him. He slid his tongue into her mouth, and she tasted so sweet that he never wanted to stop kissing her. She leaned into him, pushing him down into the mattress, and it took all his strength to pull away.

“Not like this, Max.”

“I’m going to try really hard to believe that you mean that in some other way than that you don’t want me, because right now, it feels a lot like rejection.”

He ran the back of his hand down her cheek. “Oh, I want every piece of you, but not tonight, not after all we’ve gone through. Sleep on it, and if you still feel the same tomorrow, then I’ll unleash the lust that’s been building for the past six months, but I don’t want to take the chance of you changing your mind. It will hurt too much if I’ve just made love to you.”

She drew her brows together and cocked the right side of her mouth up. “You’re a guy. Aren’t you always supposed to want sex?”

“I’m a man, and there is no sex that equates to making love to you.” He wrapped her in his arms and closed his eyes, willing his hands not to wander to all the dark places that they begged to go.

MAX AWOKE TO the smell of coffee. She went into the bathroom and was surprised to find all of her toiletries laid out in a basket beside the sink. Her shampoo and conditioner were already in the shower. Treat was so thoughtful. She wondered if she’d had an incredible dream, or if last night had really happened.

After she brushed her teeth, she followed a sweet aroma downstairs, where the table was set for two with warm croissants, fresh fruit, and hard-boiled eggs, complete with two different types of jams and butter. In the center of the table sat an enormous vase of pink Knock Out roses. Max’s hand covered her heart. She turned toward Treat and saw another vase on the counter, bursting with her favorite flowers.

“Treat?”

“Good morning, sweetness.” Treat was already showered and dressed.

God, he looked handsome in his jeans and T-shirt, with a thick, comfy cable-knit sweater thrown over his shoulder. She followed the floral aroma into the cozy living room, where an antique metal bucket overflowed with more Knock Out roses.
You are the most thoughtful man on earth
.

“You did all this?” Max asked as he handed her a deliciously sweet-smelling cup of coffee.

“It wasn’t much, but I figured you’d be hungry. Vicky called. She said that she wanted to make sure you were okay, but I think she really wanted to make sure that I had been nice to you.”

Drawn in by his smile, Max went to him. “Thank you.” She stood on her tiptoes and kissed him. “The roses…they’re gorgeous.”

“They line the curve of the driveway. Fate?” he asked with a shrug.

Fate indeed.
She sat at the table, appreciating his generosity and smelling the sweet aroma of the flowers, and then looked out the windows at the bay below. The sky was a powdery blue with no clouds in sight, and Max couldn’t help but feel as though the sky mirrored how she felt, like the fog that had hung over her and Treat had evaporated and all that was left was the beauty between them.

“Thanks for bringing my things in for me,” she said.

“I put your clothes in the dresser drawers.”

“Treat, I’m not moving in.” Why did she feel compelled to define that line?

He sat beside her and kissed her cheek. “Not yet, anyway,” he said. “See? That’s why I didn’t want to get too close last night. Women are fickle,” he teased. She hit him with a napkin.

“If you don’t have plans, I’d really like to show you around.”

“How can we go anywhere with the crowds?” She popped a piece of the croissant into her mouth.

“They’ll all be gone by eleven. In fact, they’ll be gone until next May. The festival is like the last hurrah of the season.”

“What time is it?”

“Ten thirty.”

“Ten thirty? Why didn’t you wake me up?” She covered her face. “I’m so embarrassed.”

He lowered her hand. “You were tired. Besides, part of loving someone unconditionally means letting their body do whatever it needs to do. And your body needed to sleep.”

Max let her mind wander.
What would it be like to be married to you? To wake up beside you every morning, and go to sleep in your arms each night.
She’d slept better last night than she had any other night that she could remember.

Vicky’s words came tumbling back to her.
You just need to find your tiller, Max
. And then later,
He’s your tiller, Max. Trust me.

He’s your tiller
.