Loving (23 page)

Still, only a miracle could account for the way the knock on the door came only a second or two before he took the pills. And the message on the card seemed like divine intervention. His life was just beginning? When he was ready to down half a bottle of pain pills? Then and now Brandon was convinced.

Someone was praying.

And whoever in all the world had thought to pray for Brandon Paul that day, he could also credit them for praying for him through the next few years, through his dark days of partying
and girls and one regretful decision after another. That person must’ve been storming heaven’s gates on his behalf, because God in all his mercy had done the one thing that had changed Brandon’s life forever.

He had led him to Bailey Flanigan.

Brandon straightened and stretched, allowing the breeze to take with it memories of his past. Back on the day Brandon had talked about his darker days to Bailey at Lake Monroe he had stopped short from telling her this part. The fact that he had nearly killed himself. But that day she had said something to him that haunted him, especially now in light of his West Mark contract. She’d told him God had brought him to Bloomington to film
Unlocked
with her because of his soul, not his senses. She was trying to make the point that Brandon didn’t really want her, but her faith. The peace and love and joy that marked her life.

Back then he had to agree to some extent. When he first met Bailey, that’s what he needed. But now that he shared her faith, he couldn’t help but think of the rest of what she’d said that day. He closed his eyes, and the memory of her voice in that moment brushed soft against his heart.

“You’re a tremendously talented actor, Brandon. Can you imagine how this world could be changed if someone like you really lived for God?” She had been kind, as always. But her tone held the enormity of the possibilities. “There’d be no way to measure the number of people you could touch.”

Brandon had said that maybe that was a lot to ask of an actor in his early twenties. But at the same time he had asked Bailey to pray for him. That if God was calling him to do something big and extraordinary for him, then somehow that would be obvious. That God would show him.

For a long time Brandon thought about that, how he’d asked Bailey to pray and about the events of the past week. And suddenly — like a blind person receiving sight — Brandon could see
what he hadn’t been able to see until now. The big and extraordinary thing was right in front of him, so close he could touch it. God was making it abundantly clear, just like he’d asked Bailey to pray about.

After more than an hour of knowing no way out, of feeling trapped in his own house, Brandon felt himself smile, felt the invisible walls around him fall away. Then he did what he should’ve done a long time ago, or at least the moment he’d learned about how they’d lied to him. He called Sid Chandler and then patched in Stephen Chase.

Then in no uncertain terms he fired them both.

“I care about you as people. I pray you’ll find integrity in the places you go from here. But I cannot have my own team lie to me. You should’ve told me Luke Baxter hadn’t signed off on that revised contract.”

Sid started to speak, but Brandon stopped him. “I have things to do. Busy day tomorrow, you know.” This time Stephen tried to speak, but Brandon was already a step ahead of him. “Don’t worry. You’ll get your cut of the contract. Both of you.” He paused. “That’s all you cared about, anyway.”

As he hung up, he felt something he hadn’t felt all afternoon. Something Bailey once said mattered very much to her. The ability to breathe in and out. Like normal.

It was late by the time Brandon called the studio to talk about his decision to fire his team. After the wildest day in his professional career, he didn’t walk into his bedroom until midnight. No way he could call Bailey now. She would’ve been asleep for hours. But maybe that was just as well. He had to get through tomorrow night’s big news first, before he could think about seeing her, the way he was dying to see her.

The meetings that day had been exhausting, draining him of everything creative. When he set out to be an actor he never dreamed about having strong business and marketing skills.
Never thought about having a team of his own people lie to him or having to fire that same team. But these days his life was mostly meetings. It was why he’d need to be in LA full-time for every bit of the five-year contract.

Brandon stared at himself in the mirror and again he couldn’t keep from smiling. What was that look in his eyes? He studied his reflection until he realized the answer. It was peace. Peace and victory and excitement about the announcement he would make on his website. No question he was doing the right thing.

Now he could hardly wait for tomorrow.

B
AILEY COULDN’T SHAKE THE SICK FEELING.
S
HE WAS HOME
alone, sitting at the family’s kitchen computer watching updates and tabloid speculation about Brandon’s big announcement. Her parents and brothers were at Ashley and Landon’s house for a summer barbecue, which was perfect. Bailey would go over later, but for now she didn’t want any distractions. Not when she couldn’t pull herself from the computer screen.

Brandon would go live on his website in just one hour.

Over the next few minutes, her mom called her twice, first with a task for Bailey — a load of laundry that needed moving from the washer to the dryer. The second call was more exciting. Katy’s baby had been born.

“Everyone’s healthy. Egan Thomas is beautiful. Dayne sent us a picture. I’ll text it to you.”

“That’s wonderful.” Bailey silently thanked God. Some of the pregnancies in the Baxter family had been so difficult. They were probably all very thankful that this little boy had come without a struggle. “I’ll call the hospital gift shop and order flowers from our family.”

“Perfect.” Her mom paused, her tone hesitant. “You okay?”

“Yes, Mom.” Bailey sighed. Her happiness over the birth of Katy and Dayne’s baby dimmed as she remembered Brandon. “I just wish he’d call. Something doesn’t feel right.”

“He will. He’ll be in touch as soon as he can. Things must be crazy for him right now.”

“I know.” They talked a few more minutes about the barbecue at the old Baxter farmhouse and after the call Bailey looked at the time on the computer. The time switched from 7:27 to 7:28. In a little more than thirty minutes the whole world would know about Brandon’s next five years. Bailey looked up the address for the hospital where Katy was a patient and paid for flowers from the gift shop. At about the same time a picture text lit up her phone screen. Bailey opened the photo and smiled at the image for a long time. Egan Thomas looked like a miniature Dayne. Tears blurred her eyes as she thought about the joy they must be feeling right now.
Thank you, Lord. I can’t imagine a day when that will be me
.

She looked at the time on the computer again. It was 7:36 p.m. Instantly Bailey’s thoughts were consumed once more with Brandon’s message. She surfed through a few Facebook pages and checked Twitter to see if Brandon had left any messages. The last one was from yesterday and it only said,
When you ask God to show you something, keep your eyes open. Sooner or later He’ll make the truth known
. Bailey stared at the tweet for a few seconds and then switched to the comments people could leave for him, the things people had tweeted in response.

There, just a few from the top, was a message from Molly, his costar from the Montana shoot. Her tweet read:
@BrandonPaul so true!! And then once you can see it, you wonder why you couldn’t see it sooner! Speaking of … can’t wait to see YOU!

Bailey felt herself grow dizzy, felt the sound of her heartbeat pulsing in her ears and temple. Was this really happening? Was Molly making plans to see Brandon later today? Maybe to celebrate his news? Again she wished she had gone to LA for this weekend, just to be with him. Her throat felt parched, and she couldn’t swallow, couldn’t feel the chair beneath her. In a flurry of keystrokes, she found her way to Molly’s blog. The latest entry read, “Love at Last.”

The entry was shorter than Molly’s usual ones. She went on about how all of life she had wondered and planned and dreamed about love. But nothing could have prepared her for the way she felt now. “I found it! I found love at last and I couldn’t be happier. Even more, he’s a man of God, this guy of mine. Can’t wait to introduce you to him!”

She couldn’t be talking about Brandon, absolutely not. Bailey ordered her mind to stop playing tricks on her. Whatever new love God had brought into Molly’s life, Bailey forced herself to feel happy for the actress. Brandon would never go behind her back. Humidity and heat and the still of the air in the house wrapped her in a suffocating cocoon. Bailey’s heart raced in her chest and she couldn’t draw a breath, couldn’t find even the slightest relief for her aching lungs.

Why wouldn’t he call?

The air grew thicker, and she needed to be outside before she dropped to the floor. She pushed away from the computer and jogged to the back door. She burst out onto the patio and ran until she was on the other side of the pool, where she fell into the nearest chair. Only then did her next breath come, and with it a rush of tears.

Why wasn’t she in LA for Brandon’s announcement? She thought about how many times she’d told Brandon that the two of them might not work. If she held her ground, determined to stay in Bloomington, then eventually he was bound to fall in love with someone in LA. Bailey clenched her fists. What was she doing here when he was about to make the biggest announcement of his career? She asked the question a dozen times in her mind until eventually she had a sense about the situation.

A sense that Brandon’s silence meant something big. Something Bailey figured would be answered at least in part in the next few minutes. She breathed in deeply, the humid summer night air filling her with the strength she needed. Before she went inside
she gazed at the moon in the distant sky. It was still light out, but a sliver of the moon was visible. What was Brandon thinking right now, sitting in an LA studio ready to go live before millions of fans? Couldn’t he have at least called her or texted? Maybe not this close to the announcement, but earlier today or yesterday?

God, I don’t understand what’s happening. I’ve prayed about Brandon since we met on the set of
Unlocked,
and now I lift him to You again. I never meant to fall in love with him, You know that
. Bailey crossed her arms and pressed her fists into her stomach so the knots wouldn’t hurt so bad.
If You’re taking him from me, I understand. I’ll hate it, but I understand. You haven’t given me a peace about going back to LA and with his contract I don’t see a way for us
. Tears filled her eyes. And maybe he’s having doubts about me, anyway. She stood taller, steeling herself against the pain she felt certain was coming — both in a few minutes and later tonight if they talked.
Anyway, be with him as he makes his announcement and remind him about me. So that together we can end this and get on with our lives — if that’s where You’re leading. And if not … well, if not then I guess I’m praying for a miracle. Be with me, Father … please. I need You tonight. More than ever
.

My daughter … your ways are not My ways. Do not be anxious … I am with you
.

The words came in waves across the broken places in her soul. Words from the Bible promises app Bailey had spent time on earlier today. How great that God would remind her now, when she needed His promises most of all.

She dragged herself back inside, dreading the announcement and drawn to it all the same. The computer time showed 7:56. Brandon would go live in four minutes. Her hands trembled as she poised them over the keys and typed in his web address. There on his home page was a dark box with a bright red countdown clock just above it. Bailey remembered the whispers of holy assurance from a few minutes ago.

Whatever he would tell the world, it was part of God’s plan.

The funny thing about the announcement was that someone from West Mark had to have leaked information. Most of the details seemed to need confirming rather than announcing. Of course, at the last minute anything could’ve happened. They might’ve agreed to a shorter deal or … worse … more years.

Bailey watched the countdown clock, watched the numbers fall away.
Breathe, Bailey
, she reminded herself.
You have to breathe
. Finally the time expired, and the box on Brandon’s page came to life. Just like that he was there, sitting on a barstool, the camera close-up enough that she could see into his eyes, read his face.

She expected him to look nervous or at least conflicted. Instead his expression was a familiar one, the look he wore when they were together and away from the paparazzi and all was right with the world. Whatever West Mark had done to the contract in the final days, Brandon was happy about it. That much was clear.

He began to talk and she turned up the volume. “Hi everyone,” he gave a slight wave and his smile made her hands shake a little more. She hated that he was so far away. How could she not be there? Nothing but selfishness on her part. No wonder he hadn’t called, when she couldn’t even make the slightest sacrifice on his behalf. Her tears came again and she felt angry with herself. She would apologize later. If there was a later.

Brandon sat up a little and looked straight into the camera, straight into her heart. “Okay, so there’s been all this build up about my next contract.” Again he looked relaxed, at peace with whatever was coming. “You knew about the party, but, yeah … that wasn’t me. Maybe we can celebrate like that if I win an Academy Award someday.”

Please, Brandon … get to the point
. She wiped her palms on her jeans and gripped her knees, forcing her hands to be still. Her eyes never left the computer screen, the place where he sat so
handsome and sure of himself, relating so easily to the millions of people probably tuned in right now.

“Here’s the reason I canceled the party.” He shrugged, his eyes bright. “It’s because of you. I thought you deserved to hear the news from me first. Because you’re the ones I care about, my fans who have been loyal to me all these years.”

Bailey hung her head for a few seconds and then looked up again. She couldn’t take this. Not when so much depended on his next words.

“Before I go any further, I need to say that West Mark Studios has been wonderful through this whole process. In the right scenario, I’d definitely work with them again.”

The first flicker of confusion rattled Bailey’s already jagged nerves. Again? Why didn’t he talk about the next five years before he talked about what happened after that?

“Because my announcement is this: I didn’t sign the contract.” His look softened. “I prayed about it and read my Bible and asked God if it was the right thing.” He hesitated. “But I never felt peace.”

The stress Bailey had felt before the announcement was nothing to the shock racing through her system now. Had she stumbled onto some sort of phony website? Because the words Brandon was saying didn’t make sense, not when all the world was waiting for something else. She glanced up and checked the website address. It was the right one. Her eyes found his again.

He was finishing up. “I won’t make this long. But I want you to know I plan to do movies in the future. The thing is, it’ll be one film at a time, and I’ll have to consider what we film … and where. Because I’ll be leaving Los Angeles soon.” His smile this time was the one America loved. “I’ve kept the tabloids in business long enough. Now I need to be somewhere else, and here’s the reason.”

Breathe
, Bailey told herself. She touched her fingers to the screen and didn’t dare look away.

“I’m in love with a girl from Indiana.” He leaned forward, his hands on his knees. “For all you praying fans out there, if you could pray for me and her, I’d appreciate it.” His expression grew slightly more serious. “Pray that I’ll have the chance to love her for the rest of my life.”

What?
Bailey grabbed the arms of the chair and held on tight. He was talking about her! She couldn’t look away, couldn’t move. She barely noticed the tears splashing onto her jeans. Was this happening? This was his announcement … that he wasn’t going to sign the contract? Her heart danced and twirled and spun around inside her but still she sat motionless, waiting. She didn’t want to miss a word.

The screen held her attention so completely she barely heard the sound of the front door open and shut, didn’t care to turn around at the soft thud of shoes on the tiled floor. Connor had probably come home earlier than the others. He was working on a song, and he hadn’t expected to stay out late.

She kept her eyes glued to the computer. Brandon was going on about how he cared for the fans and wanted them to know that any project he took would be with them in mind and —

“Bailey.” The voice was close and it didn’t sound like Connor. Suddenly she felt two hands on her shoulders.

Her gasp came faster than she could spin around and jump to her feet. “Brandon!” He was here! He had come and now he was right in front of her, taking her into his arms. Fresh tears filled her eyes in a rush. “How did you …?”

“Baby, shhhh … it’s okay.” He rocked her, brushing his face against hers. “I love you, Bailey. I love you.”

She gripped his shoulders and stared at him, trying to believe this was really happening. “I love you too.” She wiped her tears and laughed so she wouldn’t break down and cry. Then she looked at the computer screen, where he was still talking about staying in touch with fans through Twitter and Facebook. “You taped it?”

“I did.” He pointed to the screen. “See … the word ‘live’ isn’t anywhere.” He angled his face, studying her like he, too, couldn’t believe they were standing here. Finally face-to-face. “I never said it was live.” He looked at her again. “That was my manager’s idea.” His smile faded. “My
former
manager.”

“Brandon … what happened? To the contract … to your plans?” She could only figure the studio had played hardball, unwilling to let him have creative control. “I mean … how is any of this real?”

“It’s a long story.” He gently took hold of her face and eased his fingers into her hair. “Come with me, Bailey.” There was a depth in his eyes that had never been there before. As if the last few months had grown him in ways that were only now coming to light. “Please … I need to show you something.”

“I’ll go.” She didn’t blink, didn’t look away. “Wherever you take me I’ll go.”

He took her hand and led her toward the front door. As they left the room she realized something that sent a smile through her heart and soul. The words she’d said to Brandon didn’t only apply to this moment. If he loved her this much, if he could walk away from the West Mark contract and ask the whole world to pray that he’d have a chance to love her all her life, then this much was certain.