Loving Ean (The Fae Guard Book 2) (20 page)

We spend the night making love, sometimes hard and fast, other times slow and tender, expressing our deepest emotions for each other and also, our complete devastation at knowing this is over. We explore each other’s bodies, kissing and touching, then culminating in a moment where our souls bind together. The little bit of my heart that I had been holding back breaks free and Laila now possesses every beat, each one pulsing with all of my love. I’m not whole without her and now, I will walk through eternity hollow and alone. It’s no more than I deserve, having doomed others to hell.

I’ve already broken my every rule, so as the last of our joining fades away, I pull her into my embrace, curling around her, holding her, and falling asleep with her in my arms.

EAN’S PHONE RINGS AND
I get dejavu. I sit up quickly and lean over him to snatch his phone. His hand stops mid reach and he turns to look at me in bewilderment, then his eyes narrow and a single eyebrow raises before he holds his hand out in a silent directive to hand it over.

“Don’t you dare run out on me again.”

He gives me a jerky nod and makes a grab for the still ringing phone. I let him take it, satisfied that he’s promised to stay. He looks at the screen and his eyes fly up to mine, “Aden.” I shrink back a little, Aden finding out about us is definitely a complication I don’t need.
And yet, the thought of Ean getting his ass kicked by Aden gives you an evil streak of pleasure.
I mentally shrug knocking the cackling little devil off of my shoulder. Then I wonder if Aden could even accomplish the task, obviously Shaylee didn’t maim him enough that he can’t make a phone call. Maybe that’s what he needs Ean for, to take him to the hospital for a ball retrieval.

I make a zipping motion across my lips and gesture for him to take the call. He answers and listens for a spell before asking if it can wait. Whatever
it
is. Ean exhales on a sigh and pinches the bridge of his nose with his free hand. He answers in the affirmative a couple of times and then hits the end button and sets the phone down, before turning to look at me.

“Aden needs me to come to his place.” He must see my building anger from the expression on my face because he places a finger on my lips and hurries on. “I’m not using this as an excuse. He said it was absolutely urgent. We still need to talk, we can do it tonight.” His eyes dart around the room, landing on my sheet covered body, “Just—somewhere else.”

My conversation with Fate the morning after poker night, comes to the forefront of my mind. Remembering that she’d said she was going to talk with Aden and tell him about all the crazy about to go down, I imagine Aden is reeling from the information. I nod to let Ean know that I’ll back off for now.

His eyes soften as they peruse my body, landing back on my face and filling with anguish, the blue becoming a dark sapphire. His hands come up to cup my face and he lowers his head to place his velvety lips against mine. There is nothing carnal in this kiss, it is full of longing, a little desperate, but still soft and loving. It’s open, without restriction, our emotions exposed and vulnerable. When he pulls away, I can see the barriers being lowered, shutting out anything I might’ve seen in their depths, until his eyes are unreadable.

I want to cry as I watch my Ean disappear, replaced by this cold and unfeeling replica. I blink a few times, but I hold in the tears as I silently watch him get dressed. When he is ready to go, he walks to the door without a last glance in my direction. Before he is gone, I call, “Ean.”

He halts and faces me. “Don’t regret this. Please don’t wish away what we had last night. If we are done, then it will be a memory of one of our most perfect moments as soulmates. I treasure it. So please, don’t.” I’m pleading and I don’t care. If this is all I will ever have, I can’t stand the thought of him taking away its purity with guilt. He has never responded before, and I don’t expect him to now. I’m just hoping to see the smallest glimmer in his countenance that lets me know he feels the way I do.

“No regrets.”

His words render me speechless and I don’t get the chance to respond because he pivots around and disappears, the slamming of the front door indicating that he is gone. The sound is final. The reverberations echo inside me as I close the door on this part of my life, locking it away, and leaving it behind.

Those parting words were really all that needed to be said. I knew this day would come, I held out hope that it wouldn’t, but I knew. Especially after his last trip to the human realm. The deaths of those two Fallen were overwhelming him with guilt and making him even more set on this path that leads away from me. We’d agreed to talk later, but now, I think it’s unnecessary, and will only serve to regurgitate everything, keeping us stalled in this same place.

During training today, I got a text from Kendrix to meet in one of the common rooms at eight. After my last session, I went home to do paperwork. It’s five to eight now, so I’m making my way down to the first floor. When I walk in, everybody but Aden and Shaylee are sitting in one of the conversation nooks, deep in discussion. Being a combination of training center and apartment building, we built rooms for everybody to kick back in without having to fit a large group into someone’s apartment. They are filled with comfortable couches and chairs, a large television, some game tables, and desks. The couches are set up in spaces around the room to create an out-of-the-way spot to sit and talk.

Kendrix is seated facing me as I enter; when he notices me, he lifts a hand and waves me over. At his gesture, the three other heads pop up and they all smile at me in greeting (one of those smiles being tight and forced, of course). Brannon scoots over on his sofa and I sit in the vacated area, curling my legs up underneath me.

“Aden and Shaylee met with Fate today, and the news isn’t good,” Brannon speaks up.

I nod and ask, “You mean about the fate reader?” Suddenly, every eye is looking at me with surprise, then Ean’s turn accusatory.

“You knew? Why the fuck didn’t you say anything?”

I glare at him and growl, “Don’t take that tone with me, jackass. Fate told me while you were gone and said she’d fill you all in later.”

Ean returns my scowl but keeps his mouth shut, moving forward to rest his elbows on his knees, his head hanging low, his fingers rubbing at his temples.

“Anyway,” Brannon continues, pretending there isn’t a thick undercurrent of awkwardness in the room. “It seems this Fallen is the one stalking Shaylee. Fate thinks he was able to locate her because he is a fate reader.”

Well, fuck. “So what the hell do we do now?” I sigh, and flop back against the couch cushions, staring at the ceiling.

“The guys are going to back up Aden, looking for the son of a bitch going after Shaylee,” Hayleigh informs me. I bring my head down and meet her gaze. We have both come to love Shaylee like a sister and I can see how pissed she is. “I’m going to take over several of their charges, and you’re going to take a couple as well.”

Ean’s head flies up at this. “She’s what? No fucking way! I won’t let Fate put Laila in danger like that. She can’t be in the field!”

It takes a tremendous amount of restraint (I should get a freaking medal for the level of my control here) not to jump across the low coffee table and put a dent in his pretty boy face. I do, however, trickle icy water down the back of his pants through the gap caused from leaning over.
And there went your medal.
When he yelps (like a little girl, I might add) and jumps up, I can’t keep the grin off of my face.
Totally worth it.

Brannon and Kendrix are doubled over with laughter, and while Hayleigh is chuckling, she also looks confused. Hayleigh hasn’t been here more than a couple of years, and Ean isn’t around much either. She is obviously unaware of his absurd notions about my abilities.

Brannon also notices her questioning expression (but then, Brannon notices everything about Hayleigh, doesn’t he?). “You know Laila didn’t spend a whole lot of time guarding leath leanbh. Ean, um—he has this notion—” He stops and looks at me, clearly unsure how much to say.

“Pardon my French, but Ean is so tight that if you stuck a lump of coal up his ass, in two weeks, you’d have a diamond.” Brannon snickers at my Ferris Beuller quote. Ean’s expression says he’s not nearly as amused. “He doesn’t think I can handle myself. He thinks I’m too weak to be out in the human realm, protecting halfs. Apparently, my time there was too much for me, and that’s why I’m here instead, training other people to do what I can’t.” My words are colored with derision. This is the first time I’ve let it get to me and that means, the first time I’ve openly acknowledged it.

Ean had returned to his seat, but at my comment he stands back up, his hands clenched with fury, his eyes turning to a molten silver. However, underneath all of that, is a thread of shame. I stare at him, unflinchingly, knowing that he can’t deny my words. “Laila,” he says through clenched teeth. “You’re making it sound much harsher than it is. Bab—Laila. Can’t you understand that I wouldn’t survive it if anything happened to you?” Hearing him almost call me baby and the sweet intent behind his words, the walls I’m building develop a fissure. I seal it up as quickly as I can, determined not to let it melt my heart.

Brannon starts sniggering and Ean’s gaze swings toward him with incredulity. He opens his mouth to make, what I’m sure would be a caustic reply, but Brannon beats him to it. “Sorry dude, I get that you care and don’t want her in danger.” He chuckles again and Ean’s mouth is hanging slightly open, speechless. He probably thinks Brannon is the most insensitive asshole on the planet right now, but to be honest, I’m fighting a snicker of my own. “Ean, you don’t get to be the head of the training program if you aren’t incredibly powerful, and completely proficient in what you’re teaching. Come on, brother. Think about it.” Brannon shakes his head, clearly exasperated. “Laila didn’t ask to be assigned to the training program. They approached her.”

Confusion is written all over Ean’s face. It obviously never occurred to him that I was recruited, rather than having asked to be taken out of the field. His mouth opens and closes like a fish a couple of times, plainly at a loss for words.

“Great. Now that we’ve cleared that up, can we get back to business?” Kendrix asks, his tone bored and a little impatient. It snaps Ean out of his stupor and he silently returns to his seat, keeping his thoughtful gaze on me. The silver pools have gone back to their natural cobalt and I can see curiosity in their depths. I raise my eyebrows at him, and he gives me a very small, slightly sheepish smile. However, the shutters to his emotions are still closed tight, and the distance he has put between us is still miles wide.

If I’d thought it would help my campaign to persuade Ean to come back to me, I would have cleared up his misconceptions long ago. Looking at him now, I can see that I was right; it wouldn’t have done any good. He may have more faith in my abilities to protect myself, and others, but I can still feel him pulling away, convinced that he should be alone to focus solely on his job. If his ego didn’t piss me off so much, I might find it kind of hot.
Stop it right now, Laila.