Loving Ean (The Fae Guard Book 2) (22 page)

I’m seriously pissed that she is holding out on us, even though rationally, I know she has her reasons. Aden didn’t get a whole lot from her either. He’d had one ankle resting on the opposite knee and his leg was bouncing in agitation. “She said it wasn’t solid enough to share right now. I get that, I really do. And if it doesn’t have any effect on solving my current problem, I really don’t give a shit right now.” His words were unfathomable to me. I get that Shaylee is his soulmate, and that she is his first priority, to a certain extent. The problem is, Aden is leaving the rest of the world hanging because he can’t see past her, past keeping her safe. One more check mark on my long list of reasons to steer clear of Laila. I can’t focus solely on her; there are too many others who need my help. I don’t want to be distracted the way that Aden is, to be exposed like he is.
Sure, because your worries for Laila will just go away if you tell them to? Good luck with that, buddy.
I needed some cerebral duct tape to shut my brain up. Do you think they have a psychological hardware store for that?

Aden shook his head and leaned forward, meeting my gaze head on. “She is what matters
most
right now, Ean. One day, when you’ve met your fate, you’ll understand. Until then, you have to trust me, and help me get this guy.”

I couldn’t help a snort of derision. “Yeah, I need to be tied to a soulmate like I need a vow of celibacy. I don’t need that kind of distraction.”
Funny you should mention a vow of celibacy, since the likelihood of you being over Laila, enough to sleep with someone else any time in the next several centuries, is slim to none.
I had to fight the urge to plug my ears and start singing loudly to get away from the voice in my head.

I’ve lost my fucking mind.

I was saved from the trip to the rubber room, in the back of an asylum, when Shaylee came out of the bedroom. She was dressed in a short robe and I sat back, silently waiting for the entertainment from the explosion that was sure to come from Aden. To my shock—and disappointment—he quietly urged her to go change and made her breakfast. I tried to be bummed at the loss of my fun, but I was too busy beating back the pang of longing when I watched them interact. I felt contented and at peace with Laila, the way that these two clearly are with each other.

When Shaylee returned, she came up with a theory about this Fallen dogging her. She asked about fate readers and their abilities. It seemed a weird direction of thought to me, but I sat back, letting Aden handle it, and waited to see where it would go.

He explained that we don’t know exactly how it works, but that it’s somewhere between “seeing” and just “feeling” what they are looking for. Especially as it pertains to their ability to find the half human children. Fate was the reason that the idea of the “fortune teller” caught on as a trend in the human realm. To be clear, I’m talking about the
current
woman known as Fate. It hasn’t always been her job and we don’t know why she was chosen, but from what I’ve heard, she was pretty pissed off about it in the beginning. Apparently, her “antics” led to the misconceptions of fate and fortune. If I had to guess, I’d say that’s part of the reason why she seems to be on the outs with the people who run things upstairs.

Aden went on to tell her that Fate sees and feels everyone’s destiny individually, so she has to piece it all together. No way could one person handle all of that. She’d probably short circuit like an overloaded socket. The fate readers are there to pick up the slack.

Shaylee grabbed my attention when she asked about the skewed human beliefs of fate and their belief that they are guided to their fate through dreams. She wanted to know if that theory had any credence. I was only half listening as I pondered where she was going with this, thinking about the fact that Fate does influence dreams to guide people. I was brought screeching back to the conversation when I heard her ask, “Didn’t Fate say that she thought this Fallen was a fate reader?”

I sat up straight and felt myself start to shake with rage, and my voice was lethal when I clarified, “This Fallen is a fucking fate reader?” I couldn’t even comprehend why Fate kept that from me. I was so fucking furious that I wanted to hunt her down, but Aden waved me off as Shaylee continued and speculated that if this Fallen was indeed a fate reader, he might be able to manipulate their dreams. It’s possible that was how he slipped in and out without their notice.

My head was clouded with those new ideas floating around, mixing with the resentment at Fate and pretty much everything that irritated me in general. I knew I was letting all the negative emotions run rampant in me, but I just didn’t care. I’d been sitting forward with my elbows on my knee, my head hanging low when Aden grabbed my complete attention. “So, let’s take him down.”

My head flew up and I stared at him with fervor, trying to ascertain if he was serious. Aden hated going out with the Ohtar. He would kill when necessary, but he shied away from it whenever possible. His words implied hunting this asshole down and taking him out. I wasn’t sure I believed him when I asked if he was really up for it. I knew that’s what he believed now, but when it came down to the moment, would he be able to do it, or even allow someone else to kill this guy? His answer, “Without a second thought,” held a finality and steel that convinced me.
Alright, now this is my kind of fight.

Shaylee had a harebrained scheme about being used as bait that Aden shut down immediately. What is it with women? Supposedly they are so much smarter than a man, and yet they say stupid shit like that.
If Laila were here . . . your ass would be grass right now for even thinking this crap.
In what universe did Shaylee think that Aden would let her risk herself like that?

In the process of talking her out of her ludicrous plan (I could have sworn that I actually felt Laila smack me on the back of the head for that thought), Aden let it slip that Shaylee was pregnant. To say that I was flabbergasted does not do the level of my reaction justice. When I could plainly see that they were so ecstatic about it, I couldn’t help but be happy for them. Even if my cynical side was chalking up yet another tick on the list of why I shouldn’t be with Laila. There was also that pesky sense of longing, but I shut that down real quick. I congratulated them, and told them I’d fill in everyone else about the fate reader and such, that night. We’d make a solid plan later.

I’d promised Laila this morning that we would talk so after the meeting with everybody, so I went to Aden’s place and waited for her outside. When she came out, she had changed her mind. She didn’t want to know all of my reasons for why I couldn’t be with her. I suppose I should have been grateful not to have to lay it all out, particularly dredging up the memories of killing Rònan and Taran. I wasn’t though. I felt a defensive need to justify my choice. She was looking at me as though I was throwing her away; I’m not. I’m giving her the opportunity of a future with someone who deserves her, who will put her first.

I knew this conversation would do nothing but go in circles, so I stayed silent and gave her a nod of agreement. As I watch her walk away from me now, that conviction, that complete belief in the rightness of my decisions weakens for just a second. A second is all I need for me to question everything and wonder if maybe—just maybe—I’ve thrown away the only thing that could save me from my torment. Then it’s gone, and I shore up that weakness, retreating behind my wall. When she finally steps in the elevator and is out of sight, I am left with nothing behind the wall but me and a crushing loneliness.

Over the next month or so, Aden, Brannon, Kendrix, and I put in everything we’ve had, and exhaust every resource, in the effort to find this Fallen and put him in the ground. It became clearer and clearer, that pure fate readers have a harder time with the Fallen; their choices and possible futures are murky, and harder to decipher.

Hayleigh and Laila split their time with being in the field, and at the training center. Laila was also called away half a dozen times to help a guard struggling to keep one of their charges from turning. Every time she left, I had to fight the instinct to lock her in her apartment, to keep her out of danger, and know she’s safe. We avoided each other pretty successfully, but when we did cross paths, it was usually in the hall outside our apartments. She looked so tired and I wanted to tell her to back off and get some rest. Not only was it not my place, but I imagined I don’t look any better. Every single time she met my eyes and then disappeared through her door, I found myself just a sliver away from following her, and claiming her. The thing that held me back wasn’t tight control of myself, it was the ice in her eyes that told me I was unwelcome. As much as I wanted to deny it, it fucking hurt.

Then, for some stupid reason, Aden let Shaylee convince him to take her back to the human realm to visit her family. The pep in his step told me that her method of “convincing” him, had a lot to do with him being completely pussy-whipped.

A few weeks into their visit, Aden needed to check in with his charges, so Hayleigh went to be with Shaylee while he was gone. I filled in for her with her leath leanbh, and did two hunts with the Ohtar. I returned home last night, and this morning, I got a call from Brannon to tell me that everybody was back and we were all meeting at his house in the afternoon.

This time, as I enter Brannon’s home, it’s quiet, and somber. I find everyone gathered in the kitchen, seated around the large, black and oak, oval table. The kitchen is a really bright room with white cabinets and a countertop that looks like a mixture of sand. There is a big window over the sink on the back wall and as you keep going left, the wall moves back and becomes all glass on each side and on the roof, letting in unlimited amounts of restorative sunshine. It also opens the room up so that we aren’t crowded.

This room is usually bursting with energy and it’s hard not to feel good when you’re bathed in that much sunlight. However, the group sits quietly around the table, with only murmurs of conversation breaking the heavy silence. Brannon gives me a chin lift in greeting and I return the gesture as I sit in a vacant chair next to Kendrix, meeting his fist bump before relaxing into my seat. Laila is across from me, with Hayleigh on her right and Brannon on her left, and she gives me a miniscule smile, then quickly turns away. Aden sits at the end and is holding Shaylee closely in his lap.

Shaylee looks a little shell shocked and they both look incredibly worn down. The tension in the room hints that something went down recently. I raise my brows and look at Brannon questioningly. He shrugs and turns his attention to Aden, who has set Shaylee in the chair next to him, but still grips her hand tightly.

When Aden speaks, everyone but Hayleigh, who was there, hangs on his every word as he tells us about finally facing the Fallen who was after Shaylee. Turns out, it was her old boyfriend, Killian, from high school and her first year of college. He was a few years older than her, and had been raised by a Fallen. So, when he was marked, he had already been dating Shaylee and was able to recognize her as fae. A seriously shitty coincidence. They’d confronted him, and ultimately killed him. This news brings me relief but I can still feel a sense of foreboding. As I look around, and everyone’s expressions show that they are feeling it too.

“While we’ve destroyed one threat,” Aden’s eyes travel around the group, but they land on mine and he doesn’t break away as he continues, “this incident made us aware of other obstacles.” He finally severs our eye contact and looks about the group, “Presumably the things that Fate has been struggling with, trying to give us more knowledge about. But, since it’s so difficult to see the fates of the Fallen, we are flying a little bit blind.” I’m confused as to the reason behind his attention to me, specifically, but it seems better to ask him about it in private.

Kendrix scrubs his face with his hands and blows out a frustrated breath, physically exhibiting how I feeling. “Do we have anything that gives us a direction?” he asks with frustration.

“Sort of,” Aden replies, but his tone warns me that we aren’t going to find answers in what he says next. “Killian said that they weren’t hunting me and Shaylee, but that they would take the opportunity to kill us if presented with it. They don’t like the idea of us being out there because we are so powerful together. However, they have another, more important, ‘end game.’ They were using him the same way we use our fate readers, to help them locate half-fae kids.” He swiftly raises his hand to stop any possible questions. “Before you ask, we don’t know anything more than that. Kilian was too engrossed in his neurotic obsession with Shaylee to notice anything, and was stepping outside the lines that they had drawn for him, so they weren’t sharing with him anyway. It was pretty clear, though, that he’d become so vigilant in his own twisted plans that he wasn’t being useful to them anymore. We got the impression that he wouldn’t have been around long anyway, although we didn’t want to take that chance.” Aden sighs, and rests his head on the tall back of his black, wooden chair.