Luck of the Irish (13 page)

Quinn shook his head and shrugged a little, but Cian leaned his forehead against Quinn’s and wouldn’t let him look away. “Tell me, please?”

Tears gathered behind Quinn’s eyes, and he felt kind of stupid. Getting so attached so quickly was ridiculous, but he couldn’t help it. Quinn’s grandmother had always told him he led with his heart. “I don’t know how I’m supposed to leave. I’m so happy here with you, and I know it’s too much and far too soon, but it’s how I feel.” Tears fell unchecked down Quinn’s face. “This place is everything I ever dreamed of, and finding you has just made it more perfect.”

Cian reached over and grabbed a tissue off the stand, wiped the tears away, and kissed him softly on the nose. “Well, the same way I’ll go forward, I suppose.” He gathered Quinn close, their legs tangled together. “I’ll go home to my family and take care of the things I have to. And I’ll remember you and smile because I once met the perfect man and he was sweet and smart and so beautiful he took my breath away.”

Quinn could feel the hitch in Cian’s chest as he spoke, and it made him feel a little better that he wasn’t the only one affected by everything.

 

“And someday you’ll meet someone who will earn all the love and devotion you have to give, because you, Quinn Donovan—” Cian tipped Quinn’s head back to kiss him gently. “—deserve the best that life has to offer.”

 

“Cian, I….”

 

Cian brought his finger up and placed it on Quinn’s lips. “Don’t, love. Just leave it for now, okay?”

Quinn answered him by wrapping his arms around Cian’s waist and resting his head over Cian’s heart. He couldn’t stop the tears that fell softly, but he knew the other man understood.

They lay like that until they fell asleep, and Quinn dreamed of green fields and running horses and a blue-eyed brunet smiling at him in the distance.

Q
UINN
woke in the morning to the annoying sound of his phone ringing. He was going to kill Faith when he got home for programming his phone to ring with the song “Baby” by Justin Bieber when she called.

He dove from the bed and pawed through the clothes on the floor, more than annoyed by the time he got it answered.

 

“Jesus, Faith, what’s so important?”

 

The voice on the other end of the phone was not the one he expected, though. “Quinn? Is that you, baby?”

 

“Mom? What’s going on?”

 

“I’m sorry to call with bad news, Quinn, but… your grandma’s in the hospital.”

 

Quinn had finally made it off the floor and to his feet, but the words from his mother had him sitting heavily on the bed. “What happened? Is she okay?” Cian, who’d apparently been listening with half an ear, sat up and wrapped an arm around Quinn’s shoulders.

“The doctors aren’t completely sure, but they suspect she has pneumonia. That cold she had when you left just got worse as the days went by, and yesterday your father found her passed out on the couch in her living room.” His mother finally stopped and took a breath.

“Oh my God.” Quinn looked at Cian and he could see the concern in his eyes. Quinn’s mother called his name, and he turned his attention back to her.

“Now don’t panic, Quinn. The doctors think she’ll be fine. They’ve started treatment and she’s breathing better already. Your father is sitting with her, and Uncle Jack has taken a few days off to help out at the farm.”

Quinn closed his eyes, trying to block out the pain the thought of his next words was causing. “I’m coming home.” He felt Cian sag beside him, just for a second, and then his grip strengthened again.

“Quinn, sweetheart, you don’t have to—”

“Mom, I said I’m coming home. You say she’s gonna be okay, and I want to believe you, but I can’t take the chance. I’ll get to Dublin and catch the first flight out I can. I should be home tomorrow night at the latest, okay?”

His mother sighed into the phone. “I told your dad you’d feel this way. All right, Quinn. Call when you know your arrival time and we’ll make sure that someone picks you up at the airport.”

Quinn took a shaky breath. “Okay, Mom. Give everyone a hug for me. I’ll be home soon. Bye.”

 

“Bye, Quinn. Love you.”

 

The call disconnected, and Quinn sat there staring at his phone. It felt like his heart was being ripped in half.

 

“Cian, I….” He didn’t know what to say, but Cian just pulled Quinn to him and held him tight.

 

“I know, love. You’ve gotta go.” He kissed Quinn, gently at first and then with a growing desperation.

 

Quinn let himself cling to Cian’s strong body for a few more minutes. In the end it was the other man who pulled away.

 

“Come on. Let’s get cleaned up and on the road.” Cian stood and pulled Quinn to his feet. He steered him toward the bathroom and into the shower.

Quinn wanted to say something, but he was afraid if he did, he’d start crying again. Instead he just let Cian push him under the spray of the water. The feeling of those strong hands slicking so carefully over his water-warmed skin made him feel cherished, and it broke his heart a little more.

The only sounds in the room were those of running water and the occasional moan Quinn made when Cian’s long fingers scrubbed across his scalp as he washed Quinn’s hair.

Once he’d finished with Quinn, Cian leaned him against the tiled wall and quickly cleaned himself up. When he was done, he shut off the water and reached out to grab a towel, which he passed to Quinn before grabbing another one for himself.

They dried off in silence, the only communication between them fleeting touches… a hand on a shoulder… a soft kiss to bare skin.

They dressed and packed, both lost in trying to find the words to say how much the other meant. Quinn knew he was losing something he wasn’t sure he was ever going to be able to replace.

Cian grabbed the bags and took them out to the car, leaving Quinn to gather himself together. When he was sure he had everything, he walked to the door and looked out, watching Cian as he packed everything.

He’d always known he had to go home eventually, but he’d thought he’d have more time to prepare. Quinn suspected, however, all the time in the world wouldn’t be enough for him to be ready to let Cian go. He wasn’t in love yet, but he had a strong suspicion that if he’d been able to stay another month like he’d planned, he would be.

Cian looked up, smiled at him a little, and opened his arms. Quinn closed the door, walked down the steps, and let Cian hold him against his chest. He snuffled into the delicate skin of the other man’s neck, trying to memorize the smell that would always remind him of Ireland and possibilities.

Quinn pulled back a little to look up at Cian, the intensity of the affection he saw there making him smile. He reached up and kissed him on the cheek and handed him the keys.

“Come on. Might as well get this show on the road.”
Chapter 13

T
HE
drive back to Blackmoor Farm was quiet. Quinn was trying to figure out how to say what he wanted to Cian without begging him to come to North Carolina with him. He knew the other man had to stay, that he belonged here, but Quinn knew it wasn’t only Cian he’d be leaving behind but a large part of his own heart as well.

He must have made some noise of distress, because he was startled out of his reverie when Cian’s hand landed gently on his thigh.

 

“You okay? I know you must be worried about your grandmother, but your mom seemed pretty certain she’d be fine.”

Quinn gave him a little smile and covered Cian’s hand with his own. When Cian turned his over, Quinn threaded their fingers together and brought their joined hands up so he could kiss the back of Cian’s.

“I’m okay. I know she’s going to be fine. My mom wouldn’t say she was if she wasn’t going to be.” He sighed before continuing. “I was thinking about you, actually.” He had to swallow around the lump in his throat before continuing. “I’m not looking forward to leaving you behind.”

Cian hugged Quinn’s hand to his chest. “I know what you mean.”

They sat quietly for a while, the music playing softly in the background. One of Quinn’s favorite songs came on his iPod, and it suddenly had new meaning for him. When the chorus of “One More Day” by Lonestar came on, the lump in Quinn’s throat seemed to grow, and he was afraid it was going to choke him.

But then again, I know what it would do:
Leave me wishing still for one more day with you.

Quinn’s hand was still trapped against Cian’s chest, and he felt the muscles under his fingers jump. Quinn turned in his seat to look at him and could see that his eyes were red-rimmed and glassy.

“I’ve never heard that song before, but it sure hits close to home, doesn’t it?” Cian glanced over at him, and Quinn could see he was trying to smile, but it wasn’t working very well. “I know we can’t say we didn’t know what we were getting into. I think I knew the second I saw you at the farm that you could make me get in over my head.”

Quinn nodded. “Yeah, me too. Seems kind of unfair that I came all this way and found what I’ve been looking for so long, only to have to leave it all behind.”

Quinn could see that Cian didn’t know what to say to that, so Quinn just tucked himself in close to the other man’s side and enjoyed spending the last few hours they had together.

They chatted about their families, telling each other funny stories to try to make each other smile. Quinn knew his family seemed to have more crazy things happen to them than most.

They were almost back to the farm when Cian asked Quinn a question. “Have you decided what you want to do? About your future?”

 

Quinn nodded. “I think so. A very smart man told me I should try to make my dreams come true, so I think I’m going back to school.”

 

“That’s great. I’m so happy for you.” Cian didn’t sound all that happy, though. “Cian, you should too. If you want to be a vet, then go for it. I’m sure your family would be so proud of you.”

“I can’t, Quinn. I already told you they need me home. Grandfather doesn’t like to admit it, but he’s getting on in years. He won’t be able to keep up his workload forever. I can’t be selfish and leave them to fend for themselves.”

They were pulling into the driveway, and Quinn was dreading leaving Cian behind at Blackmoor Farm, so he clung a little tighter, almost crushing Cian’s torso, but the other man didn’t seem to mind.

“But you could do so much, and I’m sure you could get financial aid from the government—”

“
Quinn
, I said no. Not everyone was born with a silver spoon in their mouths.” Cian pushed open the car door, pulling away from Quinn and getting out. He turned back to look at Quinn once more. “Some of us will never have those opportunities, so just let it go!”

He slammed the car door and stalked away to the barn, leaving Quinn standing there, hurt and sad, just as Cian’s grandfather came out of the house.

“What in the good Lord’s name is all the yelling about, lad?” He looked at his grandson walking away and then back at Quinn. “And what are you two doing back here so soon? I thought you boys were going touring?”

Quinn gave the old man a watery smile. “I have to go home, Mr. O’Reilly. My grandma is in the hospital, and I need to go see her.”

 

The old man walked up and put a gentle hand on Quinn’s shoulder. “I’m sorry, Quinn. I hope she’s going to be all right.”

 

“Yeah, I think she is, but I’d never forgive myself if I didn’t go home and see for myself and something happened to her.”

“I understand. That also explains Cian’s cranky behavior.”
Quinn looked at him, puzzled. “What do you mean?”

Davin smile down at him sadly. “He’s doesn’t do well with people he cares about leaving. He was abandoned one too many times as a child, I suppose.” “Oh, Davin, I think he’s so happy here….”

Davin cut him off and chuckled. “I know, Quinn. Ireland is his home, and he loves it here… but both his parents left him, and there’s part of him that foolishly blames himself.”

Quinn stared at the barn, knowing Cian was inside, sad and angry, and it made his chest ache. “Davin, would you think me a horrible person if I said I really wish I wasn’t going? I know I’ve only known him for a few days, but there’s something about him… something real and amazing and wonderful. And this country of yours… I think it’s stolen my heart as much as Cian has.”

The older man laughed. “Aye, it does that.” He put his arm around Quinn’s shoulder and gave him a gentle hug. “No, I don’t think you’re horrible. What’s not to fall in love with?”

Quinn frowned. “I don’t think its love yet… but it could be, you know?” “I do. I swooned over my Mary the third time I met her.”

“The third time?” Quinn couldn’t help but be curious. “What about the first and second times?”

Davin grinned wickedly at him. “I thought she was a stuck-up cow who looked down on me.” He winked at Quinn and then sighed, the smile fading from his face. “I guess I’d better go talk to him.”

Quinn shook his head. “Let me talk to him, please? I think we need to say a few things to each other.”

 

“Yeah, I suppose you do.” The old man hesitated and then continued. “You could come back, you know. You don’t have to stay away forever.”

“And then leave again? No, I couldn’t do that to Cian… I couldn’t do that to me.” Quinn tossed the car keys he’d pulled from the ignition to Davin. “Your stuff is in the back if you want to get it.”

Davin nodded and watched him speculatively as he walked slowly to the barn.

Quinn walked into the relative darkness and spotted Cian immediately. He was standing at a stall door, leaning his head against the velvety soft nose of one of the horses. He looked so lost, Quinn’s heart broke a little more. He thought about keeping back and giving him space but couldn’t make himself stay away.

He walked up, put his arms around Cian’s waist from behind, and laid his head on the strong back in front of him. Cian smelled of horses and sweat and cologne, and Quinn inhaled deeply to memorize the scent.

“Hey.” Quinn’s greeting was quiet, and then he waited.

Cian turned abruptly in Quinn’s arms, throwing his arms around his shoulders and pulling him in close. “Oh God, Quinn. I’m so sorry.” He leaned his head down on Quinn’s, rubbing his cheek against the softness of the other man’s hair.