Lynn Osterkamp - Cleo Sims 03 - Too Many Secrets (16 page)

Sunday afternoon

“Focus on Sabrina,” Paige said, her melodious voice
soft and soothing as usual. “Hold her in your heart.” She paused to
give us time to do that. Then she continued. “I asked Gayle to let you all
know I saw Sabrina in Cleo’s apparition chamber yesterday.” Tears ran down
Paige’s face. “It was amazing and I want to tell you exactly what it was
like.”

I was at Paige’s yoga studio, Inner Poise, sitting on a yoga
mat in a circle with the five Moxie members. I had been nervous about how this
meeting would go. But as soon as I arrived at the studio I had picked up a
calming vibe, perhaps from all the yoga sessions that had been held there over
the years. I had let myself relax into the place as I looked around.

The studio was on the second floor of a south Boulder
building, affording a stunning view of the mountains. The sparsely simple
classroom was mostly space, with white walls, hardwood floor and large windows.
A table at the front of the room held an Ikebana flower arrangement of three
deep purple irises and green leaves in a flat black bowl.

Paige had gotten us started with breathing exercises to help
us get centered and find focus. She looked fit in deep turquoise spandex yoga
pants and a tank top of a lighter shade of turquoise. She had pulled her long
red hair back into a ponytail, but curly tendrils escaped to frame her face.
Because of the tank top, I was able to see that she had a saying tattooed
around her upper left arm. It said, “Live the life you love, love the life you
live.”

The rest of us were also dressed comfortably, following
Gayle’s suggestion when she had called us to set the time for the meeting.
And—except for Lark who had come from a hospital shift wearing blue
scrubs—we wore comfortable workout clothes. Gayle was in black as
usual—spandex pants and a long-sleeved scoop-necked top. I didn’t see any
pocket for her phone in her form-fitting outfit. Maybe she had it under her
legs.

Diana wore the loose gray drawstring pants she wears at her
physical therapy practice, topped with a fitted “Proud to be a
feminist” black tee that showed off her amazing muscles. Hana wore black
leggings and a drapey coral tank that hung to her hips and was the perfect
backdrop for her long shiny black hair. I wore my favorite navy yoga pants and
a soft loose-fitting ivory shirt.

As Paige began to tell about her experience in the apparition
chamber, I noticed that Lark’s head was bent toward the floor. I couldn’t tell
whether her eyes were open or closed and wondered whether she was dozing after
a long hospital shift. Diana fidgeted and looked around the room. Gayle, Hana
and I sat quietly cross-legged, eyes on Paige as she began to speak.

“I started out sitting in the dark in Cleo’s chamber,
looking into a lighted mirror,” she said. “I saw colors all over the
mirror and then I began to see scenes of past Moxie gatherings. I could feel
the powerful love and support that we had in Moxie for so long.” Paige
stopped and let her glance flit across our faces, embracing us with her smile.
Then she turned her look inward as she continued. “I saw Sabrina in the
mirror,” Paige said, shaking her head slowly. “She was right there in
front of me and I was looking into her face. I felt sad because I knew she must
be dead. But she didn’t look sad. She was smiling, kind of glowing. She told me
not to worry about her, that she’s fine. I could feel love from her.”

Diana had shifted position again, squatting back on her heels
with her head jutted forward. “Excuse me, Paige,” she said. “I’m
sure this was a profound experience, but how do you know it was real? It sounds
like a dream or a hallucination to me. I don’t see how we can decide that
Sabrina is dead based on what you think you saw.”

Lark sat up straight, her arms folded over her stomach.
“Diana has a point,” she said. “You are very suggestible,
Paige.”

I wasn’t surprised to hear the skepticism. I’ve heard plenty
of doubts and disbelief about my Contact Project. Which is why—even
though I firmly believe the spirit contacts are real— I don’t go around
promoting the process or touting its results.

But Gayle wouldn’t let me sit back. “No,” she said.
” Tell them, Cleo. You know it was real. I saw Paige when she came out and
I heard her talk about it. She saw Sabrina.”

I was between a rock and a hard place. I couldn’t testify
positively either way. “I wasn’t in there with Paige,” I said.
“So I only know what she told us. But in my experience, people feel very
strongly that they do make contact with spirits in the chamber. And the way
they describe their experiences is very similar to what Paige told us.”

Hana shifted her legs in front of her, pulled up her knees
and wrapped both arms around them. A slight frown flitted across her face as
she turned toward me. “Look, Cleo,” she said. “You seem to be an
honorable person, but I have to bring this up. So many psychics have been found
to be frauds. How can we know you and Gayle didn’t set up a computer to project
a digital image of Sabrina into that mirror? I know Gayle wants to have Sabrina
declared dead—not that you want her to be dead, Gayle, but that you
believe she’s dead and you want to prove it so you can get Ian away from
Brandi.”

Gayle jumped to her feet and began pacing the room.
“Good grief, Hana! You think I’d do that? I thought we were friends.”

“It’s not that I think you’d do that or that Cleo would
either,” Hana said. “But I’m a scientist. When something unusual
happens, I look at as many explanations as I can think of and try to find the
most likely ones. It’s how I’ve been trained.”

Paige narrowed her eyes as she looked at Hana. “Well
that explanation may seem likely to you,” she said. “But it’s totally
wrong. What I saw couldn’t be a fake. It wasn’t just an image. I asked Sabrina
questions. And she talked to me inside my head.”

“So you didn’t actually hear Sabrina talk?” Hana
asked.

Paige frowned. “No, I didn’t exactly hear her speak, but
I knew what she was saying.”

Hana didn’t back down. “What did you think Sabrina was
saying?” she asked.

“I asked her how she died. She said it was a mistake. I
asked her to tell me about it, but all she said was, ‘Moxie has the answers.’
She said ‘Go have another circle ceremony. Return to the Moxie spirit. Fix it.’
Then she faded away.”

Gayle, who was still pacing, came to a stop in front of Hana.
“I can’t believe you’d accuse us of lying about Sabrina’s spirit, Hana.
Just because you and Diana mislead and defraud people doesn’t mean the rest of
us are like that.”

“And if you want to talk about lies, what about
Sabrina’s thirty-day plan?” Paige said. “When I brought it up at our
meeting at my house on Monday, you three—Diana, Hana and Lark—said
you weren’t in it and that Sabrina hadn’t talked to you about it. But that
turns out not to be true. All three of you are in it. Sabrina had specific
things in there that she said we all had to do.”

“Stop,” Diana said, jumping up and holding her
hands out as if directing traffic. “Is this something else Sabrina’s
spirit told you? Because I’ve heard enough of these ghostly accusations. I’m
leaving. You can call me when you have some actual evidence.”

Gayle stopped pacing and stood directly in front of Diana.
“As it turns out, we do have some actual evidence,” she said.
“Paige found Sabrina’s thirty-day plan in her yoga locker. You’re all in
it and we brought copies for each of you.” She turned to me. “Can you
pass out the copies, Cleo?”

I got the copies from my bag in the corner and gave one to
each of them. We all sat down on our mats again and read, mostly silently with
a few gasps and exclamations. Then Diana spoke up. “It’s about time she
admitted she’s co-dependent. I’ve been telling her that for years. She totally
lets men walk all over her. It’s disgusting.”

“That’s all fine, Diana,” Gayle said. “But
what about what she says about your website?”

“What about it?” Diana challenged.

“She was going to expose your illegal activity if you
didn’t take it down and compensate your victims,” Gayle said.

“We told you and Cleo that on Thursday,” Hana said.
“So how is this news? Yes, Sabrina did threaten to expose our
website.”

“Okay. You knew about her plan, and now the thirty days
are up,” Gayle said. “Have you taken the website down, quit infecting
men’s computers with software that collects their financial information, and
stopped stealing money out of their accounts?”

Diana thrust out her chest and leaned forward, fire in her
eyes. “Of course not,” she snapped. “We have a mission to stop
abuse of women. Our work has just begun. We’ve found a way to even the score
for some women and we’re not going to stop just because some of you got cold
feet.” She glared at Gayle.

I squirmed and bit my lip. Diana’s anger had swept away the
calm in the room. We were all sucked up in the argument swirling around us. My
instinct as a therapist was to try to defuse it, but Moxie had a long history
as a group and it wasn’t my history. I was sure they had their ways of coping.

Sure enough, Paige, in her Rivka facilitator persona, tried
to pour some calm on the flames. “Diana, I know you and Hana care deeply
about helping women,” she said. “But remember how often in Moxie
we’ve talked about how revenge isn’t in anyone’s best interests and it doesn’t
heal your heart. And in this case you could go to jail. The best revenge is getting
your life together and moving on. I think Sabrina was trying to help you let go
of your desire for revenge and step into a better future.”

Hana had been shaking her head no, all during Paige’s talk.
“It would be wonderful if the world were really like that,” she said.
“But we’re not there yet. So many women around the world are living
desperate lives—abused, prisoners in their own homes, even trafficked as
sex slaves. We can’t stop now. We have so much more …”

“We don’t want to stop, and we don’t intend to
stop” Diana broke in, her face red. “We intend to settle the
score.” She waved her hands dismissively. “No one ever gave women our
rights, we had to fight for them. And we’re going to keep on fighting.”
She sat back, arms crossed, shoulders tight, face like a bulldog.

I expected Paige to respond, but before she could, Gayle
shrugged off Diana and turned the focus to Lark. “What about you,
Lark?” she asked. “Sabrina says you violated your nursing oath. That
sounds serious. Had she talked to you about it? Did she actually threaten to
report you to the state board of nursing?”

Yikes. I wasn’t prepared for Gayle pushing everyone to the
wall this way. My throat was tight and my stomach rolled. I wanted to run away,
but I sat tight, waiting to see what Lark would say.

Lark remained silent for a long minute, her face composed,
looking intently at Gayle. Then she let her gaze roam around the room at each
of us in turn, as if clinically assessing us. Her nursing experience no doubt
had taught her to stay focused and avoid reacting defensively to an attack.

When she finally spoke, her voice was clear, firm and
composed. “I don’t know what you all think is going on here,” she
said, “but I have no intention of being part of it. Any disagreement I
have with Sabrina is between her and me and is no business of anyone else. I
don’t know what happened to her and I don’t think any of you do either. You can
believe what you want to believe about talking to Sabrina’s spirit, and you can
cross-question and accuse each other all you want, but I’m done.” She
paused. “We’ve been friends and I care about all of you, but I don’t have
to answer to Moxie or continue to be part of it. I had decided to drop out even
before Sabrina disappeared, but every time I was ready to tell the rest of you
I was leaving, Sabrina talked me into staying one more week to see if things
changed the way she hoped they would. Now that she’s gone, I don’t see Moxie in
my future.”

Lark stood up, walked over to the corner where the coats and
bags were, and pulled on her coat. “I’m going now. If any of you want to
get together to ski or snowshoe or hike, I’ll be happy to hear from you. But I
don’t want to talk about Sabrina anymore until there’s some real evidence of
what happened to her. And I don’t intend to come to any more Moxie
meetings.” Before anyone could reply, she walked to the door and left.

Paige burst into tears. “Sabrina trusted me. She told me
to finish what she started, to have another circle ceremony, to return to the
Moxie spirit, to fix our problems. And now look. It’s all ruined.”

“Get a grip, Paige,” Diana said. “We all know
Moxie is over. Even before Sabrina disappeared, we were split.

“You get a grip, Diana,” Gayle said. “If you
don’t take down that website, we’ll report it like Sabrina was going to
do.”

“Don’t even think about it,” Diana said. “If
you make even one tiny move toward exposing our website, we’ll implicate you
and Cleo so deeply, you’ll be up to your eyebrows in shit.”

“How will you implicate us?”

“We have so many choices. We can put stolen money in
your bank accounts so it looks like you stole it. Then we can simply deny
everything. Neither of you has a sterling reputation. We found out that Cleo
nearly lost her psychologist’s license last summer for interfering where she wasn’t
wanted. And Brandi has a restraining order out on you, Gayle, for being so
pushy about Ian. Neither of us has a smirch on our reputation. So when it’s our
word against yours, and we say you stole money and made up a big story to cover
yourselves and blame us, who do you think they’ll believe?”

Hana had quietly gotten up and
gone over to the coats and bags and gotten her stuff and Diana’s. “Enough,
Diana,” she said in a non-nonsense tone. “You know as well as I do
that the authorities will never find our website. It’s well hidden and
protected by a series of strong passwords. And even if they did find it, they’d
never be able to prove anything. We don’t need to talk about this any more.
Let’s Go.”