Ma, He Sold Me for a Few Cigarettes (20 page)

I pulled me hand back an said, ‘Ah, no, Nurse! I only just had me bath.'

An she said, ‘That was yesterday! This is today and now you need to be fresh.'

I said, ‘Ah, Nurse! I'm fresh enough. You'll give me a cold if ye wash me too often, tha's wha me ma says.'

‘OK,' the nurse says. ‘We'll only dip your toes in. We don't want you catchin cold now, do we?'

‘Right so,' I said, an I took her hand. We were walkin down the corridor, an me shoes was makin a slappin noise on the floor. They kept fallin off me, an Philomena said, ‘I'll try to find you some socks.' An these two porters were pullin a trolley along, an they stopped te let us pass. ‘Mornin, Nurse. Howa ye, titch?' they said te me. I asked the nurse wha tha means, an she said it means tiny. I pulled back on the nurse's hand an stopped. I opened me mouth te roar somethin back, an then I said, after thinkin about it fer a minute, cos I was ragin, ‘Youse are not worth the milk yer mothers fed ye's! Don't youse call me titch. I'm big! I'm nearly eight, so I am!' An I turned back an walked on wit the nurse. She was screamin laughin an crossin her legs. An them porters thought it was a joke, too! But I wasn't laughin. The cheek! I'm gettin bigger all the time!

The red-haired one I'm sharin the room wit is called Kathleen. She doesn't talk much, she's very quiet. Kathleen is fifteen years old, she's grown up. But there's no one else. The rest of the patients is aul ones, an most of them is very cranky. I'm the only child here. I asked Kathleen how she got her skin all yella, an she said it was jaundice. Whatever tha is! ‘Ye must have been eatin too many oranges,' I told her. ‘Ye should stay away from them oranges.' She's always eatin them. But she won't listen te me!

I was sittin on me bed, examinin me toes an remarkin te Kathleen how clean they were, but she wasn't listenin. She was readin a book an dippin her hand inta the bag of sweets she had hidden under her sheets. I felt like sayin, give us one! But I knew she wouldn't, an I wasn't goin te make a show of meself! I got fed up when I'd nothin left te look at, so I wandered over te Kathleen an climbed on te her bed. ‘Ah, get offa me bed!' she said. ‘Ye'll crease it.'

‘Ah, I won't. I'll be good. Read us a story, an if ye give us one of yer sweets, I'll get yer messages fer ye! OK?' an I looked at her, cos she put her face back inta the book.

‘No! Now get offa me bed or I'll shout fer the nurse,' an she hooshed me off. ‘Go on!' she said. ‘Scram!'

So I jumped off the bed before she landed me on the floor. ‘Will ye not even give us a sweet?'

‘No!' she said.

‘Not even one?' I said.

‘If ye don't leave me alone, I'm warnin ye, I'll call the nurse, an ye'll be in big trouble!'

‘Ye know wha yer trouble is?' I said.

‘No, but you'll tell me, right? Ye cheeky little monkey!'

‘Yer so mean ye'd shoot yer mammy just te go on the orphans' outin! An ye can do yer own messages in future, cos I'm not talkin te ye no more!'

An I went off, leavin her sittin wit her mouth hangin open. ‘Wait till I get you,' she roared after me when I was out the door.

I was ramblin down the passage when I saw Nurse Philomena an another nurse pullin a trolley wit loads a sheets an things. They pulled the trolley inta a ward, an I followed them in. They were strippin a bed an laughin an talkin te each other. An Philomena said te me, ‘How are ye, Napoleon?'

I said, ‘Did ye get me socks yet, Nurse?'

‘No, darling. I haven't had the time yet. I'll look later.'

‘OK,' I said, an watched them makin the beds. ‘Where do ye's come from?' I asked after a while.

‘I'm from Tipperary,' Philomena said, ‘an Teresa here is from Mayo.'

‘Is tha far?' I asked.

‘Oh, it's very far,' they said, laughin. Then Philomena asked Teresa, ‘Did you go home Saturday?'

‘I did,' Teresa said. ‘I got a lift down with Mickey Doon. In his new motor car.'

‘Go on!' Philomena said. ‘And is anything stirring there?'

‘Divil a bit!' said Teresa. ‘He's waiting fer the old man to croak, and then it will be only forty acres. I'm not bothered, I'm hitting the bright lights of London when my time is up here.'

‘It will be great for us, I can't wait,' Philomena said.

‘So where did you head off to on Saturday?' Teresa asked.

‘Oh, God, wait till I tell you!' Philomena said. ‘I went to the National Ballroom. It was great crack, there was a big crowd of us. And I met this fella. He was a fine thing, I thought!' an she was laughin her head off.

Teresa held on te the sheet an said, ‘Go on, tell us! I'm dying to hear.'

‘Well,' Philomena said. ‘He asked me the usual things, like, you know, do you come here often, and I said the usual, only when there's a dance on. And then he asked me what I was doin, an I told him I was a nurse here. So then I asked him wha he was doin, and he said he was in the uniform. And I nodded my head, cos I knew he meant he was a guard. And I asked him where he was stationed, and he said, Head Office. So I knew he meant the Phoenix Park, and he must be guarding President de Valera or something important like that. Then we went for a refreshment, and he bought me a lemonade, you know how hot it gets!'

‘I do. Go on! Go on!' Teresa said, all eyes an mouth.

‘So anyways,' Philomena went on. ‘We danced some more, and I was beginning to think he was great altogether, and he told me he was from Roscommon. And when the band played the national anthem and he asked me if I wanted a lift, I said yes. And I rushed off to get my coat. I told the girls I was getting a lift home in a motor car with a fine thing who was a detective from the Aras an Uachtaran. And I would tell them everything when I saw them on Monday. Then I hurried out to meet your man outside the ballroom, and he was waiting. He had on a lovely Crombie coat, and he says to me, “Are ye right, so?”

‘“I am,” I says. “Where's the motor car?” And he says, “What motor car? I have me bicycle! Where did you get tha idea from?” And I looked down, and it was then I saw the bicycle clips clamped around his ankles, and I said, “I thought you were a detective?” “No! Where are ye getting yer ideas from? I'm a postman, in the GPO!”'

Teresa screamed laughin, an Philomena said, ‘I told him I had to go to the toilet, and I rushed back inside to find my friends.'

‘Oh, Philly! You're a scream!' Teresa said, an they both fell on the bed laughin themselves sick. I didn't understand wha they were talkin about, but I laughed anyway an jumped on te the bed. An they gave me a great spin inta the air wit the sheet.

I wandered inta the big ward, an an old woman waved over at me. ‘Are ye OK?' I asked her.

Another woman shouted from her bed, ‘Ida, will ye see if Granny wants somethin!'

I clattered over te see wha the granny was callin me fer, an Ida got outa her bed an dragged herself over in her slippers. ‘Lyin in tha bed'd kill ye!' Ida said te the ward.

Granny took me arm an pointed te her locker, mumblin somethin. I kept sayin, ‘Wha? Wha? I don't know wha ye're sayin!' an Granny shook herself in annoyance.

Then Ida came an pushed me outa the way. ‘What is it, Granny? Do ye want the nurse? Here, put yer teeth in,' an she took a tumbler from the top of the locker an took out the teeth an put them in Granny's mouth. ‘Now, tha's better! What ails ye, Granny?'

Granny shouted, ‘I want the bloody bedpan, me bladder is burstin here fer the last hour.' An she grabbed me, ‘Here, run, child, an tell the nurse te bring it quick.' I clattered off quick, makin an awful noise on the floorboards, an I woke up some of the patients who were dozin.

‘Jaysus Christ Almighty, tha young one will be the death a me in them bloody shoes.'

‘The heart went crossways in me, too,' another aul one agreed, but I was gone, smackin me way down the passage as hard as I could, enjoyin the lovely big noise, lookin fer the nurse.

The sister put her head outa the office an looked down her nose at me from the top of her glasses. ‘Walk, child! What on earth are you makin such a racket for?'

‘Sister! Sister! Granny is pissin the bed. Hurry, quick, bring the bedpan.'

‘All right! Calm down, it won't be the end of the world if she does. Now, back to your ward quietly, and climb into your bed.'

I looked at her, wonderin about the bedpan. ‘Go on!' she said, an she turned me aroun an tapped me arse. ‘Into bed now! You'll catch cold.'

‘All right, Sister!' an I dragged meself back te the ward. Ah, tha's a pity she caught me. Now I'll have te stay in me bed.

I must have dozed off, cos I shot up in the bed when I heard the tea trolley. The two women pushed the trolley over te me an gave me a big plate an whipped off the cover. Me mouth was waterin when I clapped eyes on the sausages an fried egg. ‘How many slices of bread do ye want, chicken?'

‘Eh, gimme six,' I said, an Sadie laughed.

‘There won't be any left fer anybody else! Here's three. I'll bring ye back more if there's any left. OK, me little fairy? Ah, ye're lovely. I'll bring you home wit me one of these days. Did yer mammy come up te see ye yet?'

‘No, Sadie, not yet.'

‘Ah, she will. She's missin ye! She has a load of other childre te keep her hands full. Don't worry, we'll mind ye! Now, I'd better get movin. I'll be drawn an quartered if this grub gets any colder.'

I was lickin the empty plate before Sadie was halfway up the ward. An stuffin the last of the lovely thick sliced bread wit good butter down me belly. An lookin over at Kathleen, te see if she had anythin left on her plate she didn't want! She was takin her time eatin it, so I said, ‘Do ye want yer sausage, Kathleen?'

‘Yeah!' she said.

‘Are ye able te eat all tha bread?' I asked her.

‘What bread? I only got two! The size of you, an she always gives ye more. She wouldn't give it te me!'

I said nothin. I had another look at me plate te see if it was really clean, an then I sat back te wait fer Sadie. I heard her comin, an she was laughin back at the people in the ward an shoutin, ‘Yeah, but it would have te be a dark night!' Then she came hurryin over te me an took me plate, an gave me another one after takin off the cover. ‘Here, me little lamb chop! Get tha down ye. One of the missuses didn't want theirs. Their loss is your gain.'

I took one look at the sausages an fried egg, an it was already down me neck when Sadie loaded me plate wit more bread an gave me another sup of hot tea. ‘By God! I wish me childre would eat like tha. I'm always wastin food, an it's a terrible sin. I hate waste, I do. There's so much waste in the world!' Sadie took the plate back before I had a chance te lick it. ‘Do ye know wha you'll do when ye're a big girl?' Sadie said te me.

‘No, Sadie! Wha?' I asked.

‘Well, ye should apply te tha new Queen in England an tell her ye want te be her food taster, in case anyone is tryin te poison her! Then you'll have a grand an important job an be eatin lovely food all the time. Wouldn't tha be lovely?'

‘Yeah, Sadie! I'll do tha, tha's a great idea.'

I asked Kathleen if the Queen might like a child food taster, cos it wouldn't be long now till I was eight. An Kathleen threw back her head an laughed at me. ‘There's no such thing. They'd arrest ye before ye even got near the Queen! Sadie was only havin ye on!'

I looked at her an said, ‘Sadie knows more than you! You don't know anythin. I'm not botherin about ye any more,' an I walked off in te the next ward.

I went over te Granny te see if she wanted the bedpan or anythin else. ‘Open tha locker an take out the big bag. Now, take out the other one, it has fruit an stuff in it.' I gave the bags te Granny, an she patted the side of her bed an said, ‘Sit up here beside me an we'll do a bit of knittin. An here, help yerself. They're bringin me up this stuff, an I can't eat half of it.'

I stuck me nose in the bag an pulled out oranges an apples, an a bag of bull's eyes. ‘Here! Gimme tha orange, an I'll peel it fer ye.'

‘Ah, no, Granny! I'm not eatin tha. I don't want te look like tha Kathleen one an have me skin all yella!'

Granny looked at me an then laughed, ‘Not at all, child. Ye have te eat fruit, or ye'll get scurvy.' An she peeled the orange an gave it te me in pieces. I sat on the bed an sucked me orange, an made Granny suck some, too. It was lovely an juicy.

‘I enjoyed tha,' Granny said, handin me the towel te wipe me hands. Then I sucked a bull's eye an handed one te Granny. ‘No, I'm all right,' she said, an took out her knittin. ‘Here! Roll this inta a ball,' an she handed me the end of her knittin, which was all tangled up. I found the end of it an held on, goin in an outa the tangles.

‘What are ye knittin, Granny?'

‘I'm knittin a jumper fer me granddaughter. It's an Arran, an the wool is very thick, so it takes a bit longer. But it should be ready by Christmas.'

‘How old is she, Granny?'

‘Eh, let me see. I do lose track, tryin te keep up wit the lot of them. Do ye know, by God, she must be nearly eighteen now! It was no time ago when she was little like you. Ah, yes, time flies, daughter! Don't hurry it, it will come te ye soon enough. Here, have another bull's eye!' Then the sister marched inta the ward. ‘Quick!' Granny said. ‘Don't let her see ye up on the bed, or we'll all be sent te the salt mines!'

Sister started rushin aroun, fixin the beds an tuckin people's arms under the bedclothes. An everyone went quiet. Granny pushed the bag of bull's eyes inta me hands an whispered, ‘Quick, don't let her catch ye. Get back te yer bed!'

I took me shoes in me hand an rushed past Sister, liftin me legs high in the air so she wouldn't see me. She was too busy anyway, givin out te an aul one fer bein very untidy an throwin her stuff aroun the bed. When I got back te me bed, I leapt in, takin me sweets wit me, an I asked Kathleen if she wanted a bull's eye! She looked over an thought about it. I was hopin she'd say yes, but she didn't. ‘No! I won't bother,' she said, so I couldn't tell her she wasn't gettin one. Instead, I opened the bag an put one in me mouth, an sucked away, makin big sucky noises, an drove her mad!