Ma, He Sold Me for a Few Cigarettes (82 page)

‘Don't cry, Ma. It's all right! Look, Ma, we're together again, nothin's changed. We need te be careful, tha's all. An we'll come up wit somethin. So stop worryin, Ma!' I held her eyes, an she quietened herself down.

‘Yeah! There's no point in lookin fer anyone te help us. Fuck them!' she said, lookin aroun her te curse the world. We walked on, rushin through the rain, in a hurry te nowhere.

We passed a church an stopped. ‘It's all locked up,' me ma said, lookin at the dark church. ‘We can't go in there.' We moved on, lookin at the dark streets ahead of us. There's nowhere we can go in an sit down. ‘Jaysus! I curse the day I was ever born,' me ma started te cry again.

‘I'm really fed up, too, Ma! I'm freezin from this rain, an I'm exhausted.'

I was talkin te meself. Me ma was mutterin away, lost in her own world. ‘We'll go back,' she said.

‘Go back where, Ma? To the man?'

‘No! Tha's no good. Te the childre. I'll get me own place in Dublin. An tha bandy aul bastard won't stop me.'

Me heart was sinkin. Even the mention of tha aul fella was makin me want te get sick. ‘No, Ma! Tha's not a good idea at all. Keep far away from him, Ma. He's no good.'

‘Yes, I know tha!' me ma shouted. ‘But what else can we do?' An she waved her arms aroun her. ‘Anyway, I'm not goin back te him. Not on yer life I'm not. No! I want te get the childre, an I'm not goin anywhere near him.'

‘But how are ye goin te do tha, Ma?'

‘We can watch an wait. An go in when he's not there. He won't be expectin us te turn up.'

‘OK, Ma,' I said slowly, thinkin it would be lovely te see the childre again. I left it at tha, too tired te ask any more questions, like how are we goin te get our own place?

‘We go tomorrow. I have the ten pounds tha man gave me when I was goin out te get ye today. We'll buy our tickets, an this time tomorrow night, we should be on the mail boat headin back.'

We walked on, stoppin at traffic lights, wonderin which way we'd go. Only a dark road up ahead wit houses an trees, nothin up there. Down te the left, a high wall wit fencin over it an a big factory behind it. We turned right, headin down past shops shut up fer the night an a picture house showin a cowboy fillum startin next week. I had a look. Mexican outlaws swaggerin on their big boots wit spurs hangin outa them, holdin a gun in each hand an wearin big hats. ‘
Desperados on the Run
', it said! It would be nice te see tha, wonder how much it costs te get in. I looked, an me ma was halfway down the road. I hate tha, now I'd have te run te catch up. She never waits fer me. ‘Wait, Ma!'

‘Come on,' she said, turnin aroun, then moved off again. We crossed the road an turned onta a narra street wit cobblestones an old houses tha looked like they were ready te fall down. People came outa a pub, slammin the door open, an it swung back wit the force. An two aul fellas were shoutin an singin, ‘I Belong te Glasgow', an then one of them started te tap dance on his bandy legs. When he got te ‘So what's the matter with Glasgow, cause it's going roun and roun', he sang it very fast, an I sidestepped him, keepin me eyes on him at a distance. ‘Come ere, chicken. Do a dance wiv me!' he said, roarin an wavin his arms out at me. The younger fella eyed me ma, who was standin waitin fer me.

‘Come on, Martha,' she shouted, an I moved off.

‘Ah, no! Don't go. Come back in an ave a drink wiv us!' the older fella wit the flat nose roared, makin a run fer me ma wit his arms wide open.

He wrapped himself aroun me ma, who was laughin an tryin te get free, sayin, ‘Ah, no! I don't drink, an we're in a hurry.'

I went up an stood beside her, watchin yer man an sayin, ‘Come on, Ma. We have te go.'

‘Go on, Martha. Tell er te stay, sure ya only live once.' I was eyein him, an the young fella was watchin an laughin.

A woman about me ma's age came down the street wit a newspaper filled wit chips. ‘Jimmy MacVeigh! Yer missus is lookin fer ye! Ye're te go home.'

Jimmy pulled away from me ma an looked at her. An puffed his chest up, dribblin all over his chin, an clenched his fists, shoutin, ‘Tell tha woman te go an mind her own business. I'm about me man's business.'

The woman laughed, an opened her parcel a chips, an took a handful, an said, ‘Tell her yerself. She's on her way down te get ye.'

Then she filled her mouth, an Jimmy was watchin her an said, ‘Give's a few a them chips, Angie, me darlin.' An he staggered over te Angie te help himself te her chips.

The younger fella said te me ma, ‘Ye don't live around here, then. Where are ye goin this hour?'

‘Ah, we're movin on,' me ma said. ‘There's nothin here fer us.'

‘Look, do ye want te come wiv me an have a cup a tea an a few chips?'

Me ma looked at me. ‘I don't know,' she said. I hesimitated, thinkin of the chips an hot tea.

‘Come on,' he said, grabbin me ma's elbow. ‘It's just aroun the corner.'

We went inta a café an sat down at an empty table. An yer man went up te the counter an ordered three plates a chips an three cups a tea, an came back an sat down beside me ma. I sat opposite them an waited fer me chips, an yer man was talkin away te her. The chips an tea arrived, an I made short work a them. When the plate was empty an the last of the tea drained outa the cup, I put it down, feelin very sleepy now. It was nice an warm in here, an lovely te sit down. They were still eatin, an yer man was talkin away, usin his hands all the time te make his point. Me ma was listenin an half closin her eyes an lookin away. She does tha when she's wit strangers. ‘I know, yes, tut, tut, tha's terrible!' she kept sayin an smilin.

I looked aroun me, an two people were sittin at another table. An aul one wearin a head scarf, wit her ears stickin out an the scarf tied on her chin, was talkin away te an aul fella. ‘I sez te him, I sez, there wos ten fags,' then she stopped te think, lookin up te heaven. ‘No! I'm tellin yer lies. There wos nine fags in tha packet!'

‘Yesh! Go on,' the aul fella was noddin, leanin his belly against the table an puttin his elbows down wit his greasy fingers in the air, nearly sittin on top of her across the table.

‘Wot wos I sayin?' she asked the ceilin, as yer man dipped his hand onta the plate an shoved a handful inta his gummy mouth, not botherin te use the fork, an started te chew, his bottom lip stuck out an kept goin up an down, coverin his nose as he tried te eat the chips wit his gums. ‘An nows they're gone,' she said, wavin her arms an starin at him wit bulgin eyes, an her lipstick was plastered all over her face, not just on her mouth.

‘Yesh! I wos perceptible te him.'

‘Yes, you wos!'

The woman waved her finger at him in agreement. ‘I sez tha to myself. You wos perceptible to im. You wos onta him right aways, you wos.'

‘Yesh, I wos, washn't I?' the aul fella said happily.

‘Right! We'll be off,' the fella said, gettin up.

An me ma said, ‘Come on, Martha! He's givin us somewhere te stay fer the night,' she said, smilin.

‘No, Ma! Don't go wit him!' I watched him go te the door an wait fer us. He was smilin, but I didn't like the look of flint in his eyes. He's a vicious bastard, I thought. ‘Ma! Let's keep goin!' I said, followin me ma.

‘No, we can't,' she said. ‘If we stay on the streets, we'll be picked up.'

‘Listen te yer mam,' he said te me, grabbin her arm an rushin her out the door, leavin me te trail after them.

‘He's no good,' I muttered after me ma, an he looked aroun givin me a sneer tha was supposed te be a smile, an shook his head at me ma, sayin, ‘She's a lippy one, an no doubt about tha!' Then he grabbed her arm again, sayin, ‘Cor, it ain't half chilly! Let's be movin,' an he started te trot, pullin me ma behind him. I had te run te keep up. An I was cursin me ma fer bein so soft.

He turned inta a hall an up stone steps wit an iron banister, an along a cement passage, an put the key inta a door. An he went inta a dark passage an opened another door, an switched on a light. There was a big bed in the corner against a winda, wit a gas cooker in the other corner, an a table an a dresser holdin cups an plates. ‘Roight, let's hit the bed,' an he switched off the light an pulled off his shoes an trousers. I sat on a chair, pullin off me boots, an didn't look in tha direction. I heard the bed springs creakin. An I got in at the bottom, leavin me ma te climb in beside him. I pulled the hairy blankets over me an shut me eyes, bringin me feet up under me an rollin meself tight inta a ball.

Then the noises started, an me ma was complainin. I didn't want te hear. I put the pilla over me head, blockin out the noise, an waited fer the rockin an creakin of the bed te stop. I was holdin meself very tight, not takin a breath, an I felt I wanted te scream. I can't stand it. Me ma is a fuckin cow! Why is she wit him? She's always walkin inta trouble. The noise just won't stop. I can't believe she's lettin him do horrible things te her. Why is she such a fuckin eejit?

‘Ma!' I roared, pullin the pilla off me head. ‘I want te go now or get some sleep.' Yer man stopped an pulled away from me ma. An then it was quiet. I was just dozin off when I felt his foot tryin te get between me legs. I leapt up. ‘Get yer bastardin foot away from me!' I roared at him.

‘Wha's happenin?' me ma asked, raisin her head offa the pilla.

‘Sorry! I wos stretchin meself.'

I looked at him, an he turned over, buryin his head under the blankets, an me ma said, ‘Shush, go te sleep.' I lay down again, movin meself well outa his reach, an lay at the edge of the bed, finally dozin off.

‘Come on,' yer man was sayin, bucklin up his trousers an searchin the floor fer his socks. Me ma was fixin her skirt, an I jumped outa the bed an looked fer me boots. I didn't take me trousers off goin te bed. ‘I've got te be movin.' An he tied up his shoelaces an grabbed his overcoat.

I put on me pink coat an waited fer me ma te button up hers. ‘Are we right, then?' she said te me. An I rushed past him holdin the door open fer us, ready te slam it shut behind us. An we're on the street again. He gave a half-wave te me ma an hurried off in the other direction.

‘Come on, Ma. Let's go,' I said, anxious te be away from him an this place.

Me ma was lookin after him an turned te me. ‘I suppose we'd better get the bus down te the train station?'

‘Yeah, let's find out where we get it.'

She stopped te ask a woman fer directions, an I moved on ahead, not wantin te be beside her. ‘Wait!' she laughed, rushin up te me. ‘It's down here, the woman said. Come on!' I let her go ahead an trailed after her. When we got on the bus, she asked the conductor te let us off at the train station. I looked out the winda, leavin her talkin te herself. ‘Pity we couldn't get a place here. We coulda brought the childre over, an we'd be well away from him.'

‘Ah, fuck off! Ye're only good fer findin Jacksers,' I wanted te say. But I just kept lookin out the winda.

‘Next stop train station!' the conductor roared up.

‘Come on, this is our stop,' me ma said, gettin up. I followed her offa the bus an inta the station. She went up te the ticket hatch, an I watched a big black hairy dog stop an cock his leg against the pillar an give a big piss, sprayin the leg of a woman in a big hat wit a feather stickin out, an she jumped an shook her leg, an I roared laughin. She was complainin te the railway man about the dog, an it came back an sniffed her cloth travellin bag she left beside the pillar, an then it lifted its leg again an gave another piss all over the bag. ‘Mrs!' I roared. ‘Look what it's doin now.' Enjoyin meself no end.

‘This is outrageous!' she screamed, pickin up her bag an droppin it again. ‘It's ruined!'

Me ma came back, holdin the tickets. ‘We've an hour's wait. An we won't get te Euston station fer hours. Then we've te catch another train te take us all the way te the boat. An we'll have te get off tha one an change again. Jaysus! It's goin te be a long aul journey.'

We sat down te wait. ‘Ma! Can we get somethin te eat? I'm starvin.'

‘I haven't much money left. We'd better go easy on it. Come on, then, an we'd better be quick. We don't want te miss the train.'

We went inta a shop across the road, an me ma bought a packet a biscuits an a bottle a milk. An we went back te the station an sat down an had two each, savin the rest fer later. An I took a few sups of the milk.

‘Train for London now sitting on platform two!' the man's voice roared outa the loudspeakers.

‘Come on, tha's us!' me ma shouted, jumpin up.

The man checked our tickets, an I ran ahead. ‘I'm here, Ma!' an we rushed inta an empty carriage an shut the door behind us. ‘We have it all te ourselves,' I said, stretchin me legs out on the seat. Oh, lovely! No smelly tilet. The door whipped open, an the woman wit the feather hat an the smelly bag put her head in. She looked at us fer a minute, then shut the door an moved on. I looked at me ma, ‘She doesn't think much of us,' I said, laughin.

‘Ah, fuck her!' me ma said, laughin. Then we heard the whistle blowin, an the train shook, an I looked out. The man waved his flag, an the train took off.

I dozed, lookin at the fields an cows an houses flashin past. An then I was out cold.

‘Get up, Martha! We're here.' I lifted me head, an the train was pullin inta Euston Station. Me ma opened the door, an I followed her out, holdin onta her coat, cos I was still dopey. ‘Wait here,' me ma said, leavin me standin beside a pillar. Then she appeared back, wavin an shoutin. ‘Come on, quick. It's over here.' An she took off, vanishin in the crowd. I woke meself up an raced in the direction I saw her headin. An she was givin her tickets te the man. ‘Hurry!' she said te me.

‘You have to be quick, Madam! The train is leavin in three minutes.'