Mad enough to marry (19 page)

the ladder. '*Why do you keep asking me that?*' She tossed the flower she held into one of the nearby boxes and walked over to another, pulling out something that looked like a banana leaf. "Fm not some hothouse rose."

No, Logan thought. She was something much more exotic and unique. He caught a breath of her delicious scent and remembered it on him, on his hands, his clothes, after their lovemaking the night before.

He walked over to her. **I don't like thinking I might have bruised you." His hand stroked the back of her hair.

She leaned a little into his touch. *'I beUeve you later verified for yourself that I was perfectly fine."

Inch by inch. But she hadn't been completely unmarked. She'd had beard bum on her neck and her belly. A fingertip-size bruise on the underside of one breast. He'd still be apologizing for that and more, except Elena had stifled his first round with a kiss that nearly blew off the top of his head.

She liked it, she'd said. She liked knowing that he wasn't always so cool.

Oh, Uttle, Uttle did she know how un-cool she made him with just a smile, a touch, one look at her incredible face. It was damn unsettling and it was also something he'd vowed to get a better handle on.

The beep of her watch alarm sounded and she hurried away from him to rummage through her tote bag. Logan watched her extract the shoebox and the journal that was part of her class project.

*'That's still not over with?"

She shook her head. "Couple more days. Fm hoping for an A. I heard that Fm one of the few who hasn*t damaged, abandoned or brought her eggs back to the instructor for adoption."

Until this moment, he'd forgotten that her alarm had gone off that first wild night, too. But now he remembered that she'd gotten up to "feed" the twins, while he'd merely grunted then rolled into the warm space on the futon where her body had been, leaving barely a blip in his sleep pattern.

It was stupid to feel a guilty jab of conscience, they certainly weren't his kids, but for a second he knew what it felt like to be the kind of man who left all the dirty diapers and night feedings to his wife.

He cleared his throat and looked away, trying to think of something other than wives, husbands and Elena-as-mother. A famiUar dark head moving in the distance caught his attention.

"How are things with Gabby?" he asked. Elena had told him they'd agreed to a temporary truce the day after their latest argument. .

"The same. We've agreed to cool off for a few days and not talk about the future until after the prom's over."

"Mmm." Now his focus was captured by another movement, closer by. A young high-school stud, his T-shirt sleeves rolled up to display bulging biceps, paraded in front of Elena, boxes in his arms.

He was walking by so slowly and his gaze was so stuck on Elena that Logan would have plenty of time to stride over and yank on the tongue that was hang-

ing out of the kid's mouth. '*Hey, Elena," the kid called out with a cocky grin. "Can I give you a hand or two?"

Elena looked up. **Thanks very much, Ian, but you can keep your hands to yourself." She softened the blow with a smile, though, and Logan saw her eyes warm. *'You been working out or something?"

"Yeah." The kid's grin turned from cocky to delighted. "Yeah."

Elena grinned back. "Lookin' good, Ian. Lookin' real good."

His chest popping farther forward, the boy swaggered off.

Floored, Logan gazed on the woman who had once again managed to surprise him. She noticed his stare and frowned. "What? What are you looking at me like that for?"

"You were...you were actually nice to that kid."

She scowled, the same scowl that he'd been on the receiving end of for months. The same scowl that he'd always thought every male received from her. "I can be nice."

"I think you might have been—" he coughed, trying to get the word out "—flirting with him."

"I was noi flirting with him." She rolled her eyes. "He's a friend of Cabby's for goodness sake. I've known him since he liked to play with C.I. Joe."

"I don't think it's C.I. Joe he wants to play with now."

She frowned and rolled her eyes again. "His girlfriend just broke up with him, okay? He's been feel-

ing a little blue about going to the dance Saturday night stag."

"Stag? Boys go the prom stag? It's not couples only?"

Elena shook her head. "Times have changed, Logan. Both boys and girls go to the prom alone or in a big group. There'll be plenty of dateless kids there."

"Dateless boys."

She shrugged.

He could see her on Saturday night now, taking on the task of ego-boosting every young stud by smiUng at them, or flirting with them, or worse yet, dancing with them, while he sat home alone. Hell yes, he was going to be her date.

A sudden idea occurred to him. With all this newfound sympathy of hers, maybe he could get her to ask him. It was a satisfying thought. "My mother said she's lending you a dress for the dance."

She half-knelt to tuck the twins and journal away. "Yes, and it's very nice of her. She overheard me talking to Gabby about needing something to wear when I was going down the stairs yesterday. She volunteered a gown of hers that she thinks might do."

"I'd sure like to see it." Hint, hint.

"Have her show it to you," Elena said, standing. Then she paused, looking at him closely. "What's this all about?"

Smart girl. "I don't know what you mean." He shd his hands in his pockets, looking innocent, and, he hoped, irresistible. Because he'd decided that replaying the night of the prom, replaying it without

hitches, without heartache, would erase that first time from her mind. With the slate clean, she could begin to trust him, truly trust him.

When she remained silent, he thought he'd give her a little nudge. * It's just that, well, I don't have a thing to do on Saturday night."

She retreated a step. **What?"

Hell, did he have to spell it out? **My mother is still not speaking to my father and she's still living with me. If I stay home alone on Saturday night, she'll cook. Last time it was Sloppy Joe Surprise with something called Cottage Cheese CauUflower Bake as a side dish. Then there's bridge lessons. Have I mentioned I hate bridge?"

Her hand crept up toward her heart. *'This isn't a good idea."

He tamped down a flare of irritation. **Why not?"

**I don't know." She shook her head, looking more wary than such a simple thing warranted.

**Elena—" He broke off as a pair of high-school boys ambled near, their overabundant and underused hormones visible in their overeager and undersubtle expressions. They were looking at Elena as if she was the Uving embodiment of every fantasy that kept them awake nights.

And she was, damn it. But they were his fantasies and she was his Elena. He glowered at them.

They didn't appear to know he was aUve. '*Hi, Elena," one boy said, sUcking his surfer-blond hair back with his palm. **Heard you're coming to the prom."

*'That's right, Jay. You have a big night planned?"

He shrugged, grinned. **Maybe now I do."

Elena laughed. "I'll let you bring me a glass of punch."

There was a twinkle in the boy's blue eyes that was probably as cute as all get out to Elena, but only served to piss Logan off.

His mood only got worse when the other kid spoke up. "Wanna dance?" he abruptly said, his face immediately flushing.

Elena smiled. "I suppose you don't mean right now, do you, Carl?"

"No, no." The kid's face went even redder. "I mean Saturday night. Wanna dance Saturday night?"

"That sounds wonderful," Elena said, in a voice so soft and sweet that it gave Logan a jolt. "FU look forward to it."

With that success, the boys hurried off, the surfer clapping Carl on the back in hearty congratulations.

Logan watched them, his mood getting darker by the moment. "Maybe you'll be too busy for me Saturday night," he heard himself say. "Maybe you already have a date with Dudley Studly there, or some other kid who needs a dance lesson or a shoulder to cry on."

Elena blinked, then her lips twitched. "You're jealous."

He tried shrugging the stupid feeling away, but it clung to his back like a monkey. "That's not it." It wasn't jealousy. No matter what he'd just said, he didn't resent her dancing or talking with those high-

school boys. What was driving him now was something else, some edge-of-desperation feeling she invariably brought out in him.

She crossed her arms over her chest, looking just the tiniest bit too happy. **That's why you want to go to the prom with me. You're jealous."

Fine, Logan thought with disgust. Let her think it. It only made him more irritated, but he'd let her think whatever was necessary in order to be her date. The prom was a bridge they needed to cross. It would take her to trust. It would take him to...peace. Peace and control.

Once Elena was no longer fighting him so hard he was sure he'd return to his old, assured and in-control self. He was tired of feeling like a stranger in his own skin. '*You're going with me to the prom," he ground out, then walked off, giving her no other chance to argue or refuse.

Chapter Thirteen

Ihe decorating committee knocked off around 10:00 p.m. and Elena drove Gabby home, Logan following in his own car. After surprising her by showing up in the auditorium and then surprising her again by insisting on being her prom date, he'd ended up helping a group of volunteers at the other end of the building.

There were only two days left to transform the functional but ugly auditorium interior into a lush Garden of Eden. One crew worked a few hours during the day, while another, larger crew was working the evening shift. Elena still worried it would not be completed on time.

She glanced over at Gabby, her sister's profile d^k against the glow from the dashboard lights. ''What

do you think, Gab? Are we going to make it by seven Saturday night?"

'*No problem." Gabby flapped a hand in dismissal. **But m get everybody from my fourth-period art class to work during lunch tomorrow, if that will make you feel any better."

Since Gabby's fourth-period art class had designed the elaborate scenery, it did make Elena feel somewhat better. She continued to chew on her bottom lip, though. **Maybe Logan will help out tomorrow night too."

**If you ask, he will. He's got a stake in it now, right? He said he's going to be your date."

Elena glanced over again, wondering whether to avoid or confront the touchy subject. **Is that a problem?" she asked hesitantly. **I know you don't want me there. If Logan makes it worse I can tell him to forget it." Relief rippled through her. It would be the perfect excuse to renege on a yes she technically hadn't given to him anyway.

**It's fine with me."

Elena sighed, but didn't pursue the subject. She was already on eggshells around her sister, and it was better not to do or say anything that might upset the uneasy harmony between theiiL

Except that when they walked into the Victorian to find their mail waiting on the small table beside the door, Elena couldn't control her expressions—verbal and facial—of dismay as she stared down at the thick envelope from the Acton School addressed to Gabby.

'*You weren't joking?" she said, staring at her sister. '*You actually contacted Acton and accepted?"

Gabby snatched the envelope from her hand. **Of course I wasn't joking."

Elena shook her head, a sick feehng rising and falling like waves in her stomach. "Gabby—"

*'We had a truce," her sister said, her voice tight. "No talk about this until after Saturday night."

Elena heard Logan come through the front door behind her, but she ignored him. "I don't care about any truce now. I—"

"Don't," Logan said in her ear, his breath soft and warm against it. "Not now."

Elena spun toward him, then spun back as she heard footsteps dashing up the stairs. * *Gabby..." The door to their apartment slammed behind her sister.

Her gaze cut toward Logan. "Thanks a lot."

"You're welcome."

She made a face at him. "I have an auditorium that may never look like Paradise, a headache the size of the Pacific, and a Uttle sister who would like my head on a platter. This is not the time for fiinny."

He put his hands on her shoulders and massaged the muscles there. "Give me the chance to make you feel better then."

Elena frowned, thinking again of his insistence on attending the prom with her. Her misgivings weren't easy to verbalize, but they were just added weight to her shoulders. "You should make me feel better," she grumbled.

His hands still working their magic, he directed her

into the small parlw. Tlie shabby recliners and the big-screen TV remained the only furnishings, but he'd removed all the old wallpaper and stripped the paint off the wainscoting and window trim to reveal intricate woodwork that gleamed in the soft glow of a small lamp. *'It's beautiful, Logan," she said, awed by the change. "I can't believe how much work you've accomplished."

He took her purse and her tote bag from her and set them beside one of the recliners. Then he dropped into the big chair and drew her down on his lap so he could remm to kneading her tight muscles. '*When it's something you enjoy doing, it doesn't seem like work. On the other hand, I used to dread mornings because mornings meant going to Chase Electron-ics.

She adjusted her position, sitting across his lap so she could look at him. ''Really? You actually dreaded it?"

He nodded. "Yeah. What's worse, my father and Griffin love the business so much that it only added to my misery. I felt guilty for how much I hated it."

Elena frowned, then leaned forward to lightly kiss his mouth. 'Then I'm even more glad for you that you're now doing what you want."

His gaze didn't leave hers. "Are you, Elena? Are you really glad?"

She nodded. "Of course."

"Then maybe you should think about being glad for Gabby too."

Elena's spine stiffened. "I thought you were going

to make me feel better. Talking about Gabby right now isn't going to do that.*'

'I'll talk about me, then."

Elena squirmed. *'Come on—"

'*I was miserable for more years than I care to count because I went along with what my family expected of me. Not just in the business, but in the women I dated. Danm it, Elena, don't do that to Gabby. Don't design her life for her and expect her to follow it to the letter."

She jumped to her feet. 'I'm not designing her life. Fm helping to direct her talents." Hearing herself, she shook her head. "No, no, that sounds as if she doesn't know her own mind."

Logan's eyebrows lifted. "So you concede that she has her own mind? That she knows exactly what she wants?"

"Of course she does!" Elena hissed at him. "She's got the brains and the tenacity to be a doctor."

"But does she have the will?"

"She has the will to be anything," Elena shot at him. "Anything."

"Maybe her will—and more importantly her heart—^tells her she should be an artist."

Elena found herself restless and edgy, so she started pacing the small room, as if she could walk off the feelings. "She wants to be an artist because she's infatuated with Tyler and he wants to be an artist. As soon as her interest in him dies, so will her interest in attending Acton."

"What if her interest in Tyler doesn't die?"

'*Then his will in her," Elena replied. Her jaw hurt from the way she was clenching it to control her voice from rising. *'The truth is, when Gabby's heart is broken she'll finally grow up and figure out what's important."

*'Ah, now we're getting to it. The Gospel According to Elena."

Oh, his voice was so deceptively, so sarcastically mild. She clenched her fists. *'Go ahead and scoff."

"I'm not scoffing. I want to know what's *impor-tant' to Elena O'Brien. What did growing up teach you?"

That was easy. '*To count on no one but myself. To trust no one and nothing other than my own strength and my own sweat."

Though he was silent, the atmosphere seemed to grow heavy, charged with a tension that was almost electric. **Don't you really mean men?" he said. **That a woman shouldn't count on, trust a man?"

Elena tried to ignore the stormy feel that continued to gather in the small room. **That too," she muttered.

He popped out of the chair with such force that it sUd back a foot. "Damn you. You really believe that, don't you?"

He stalked toward her, but she stood her ground and held her voice to a cool, methodical tone. "Why wouldn't I? Why wouldn't I think of my father and then every other male who has disappointed me— which would be all of them, by the way—^and stay single and celibate?"

'^Because you haven't?" he bit out. **In case I need to remind you, you aren't single and cehbate."

She decided to ignore the cehbate part. *'There isn't a ring on my finger," she said. ''There never has been, there never will be."

"You're trying to make me angry again."

The lines of his face had hardened and he didn't look anything like the charming, everybody-loves-him Logan that she was most familiar with. She turned away. "I don't know what you mean."

He grabbed her shoulder and turned her back. "You're not single, you're not celibate, Elena. You're with me,''

She shook her head. "Don't," she said. "Don't."

"Don't what?" He tightened his fingers and gave her a Httle shake. "Don't make you say it?"

"I won't."

He jerked his hand away from her as if she burned him, or as if he was afraid of what he might do if he still touched her. "You're with me, Elena. We're together."

No! With him, together with Logan, would only lead to more heartache. She waved her hand. "It's a proximity thing, you know that. Under the same roof, past history, that's all."

"It's more than that."

"No." But she'd rather brave Gabby's bad mood than get further into this with Logan. Stomping over to her purse and tote bag, she slung them over her shoulder.

"We fell in love eleven years ago." Logan's eyes

were narrowed and his words clipped. "What if that happened again?"

"I'll never fall in love again,'* she said automatically. Instinctively. "I won't."

Logan froze, giving the temper in his voice an icy edge. "You won't, won't you?" he said slowly. "I can care about your day, your sister, I can care about you. I can take you to bed and make you mindless, but you'll never give your heart."

"Fool me once, shame on you," Elena retorted flippantly as she pivoted to leave the room. * 'Fool me twice—"

"No." He reached out to stay her movement and his fingers curled around the handles of the tote bag. It slid down her arm to catch at her elbow. "I'm an easygoing man," he ground out. "I like—"

"Things to be simple and uncomplicated," she finished for him. "So let's simplify things right now. I'm going upstairs." Ignoring the hand that still held her bag, she hurried forward.

"Damn it, Elena." He pulled back on the fabric handles to halt her movement.

She refused to look at him. "Let me go."

"I can't. I can't, damn it, because I'm in love with you."

Elena's head jerked up. Her gaze met his and he looked as stunned as she was—and still angry. "No," she said.

He was breathing hard, as if he'd run a very long way. "Yes. Yes. I'm in love with you and I think you're in love with me."

Shocked by his...his arrogance, she gaped at him. **rm not in love with you. Never. Not in this Ufetime. Not for a miUion dollars. Not in a million years." Realizing it was overkill as refusals went, she shut her mouth.

His jaw tightened and his voice was rough. '*God, Elena, I just bared my soul here. I know you're scared, but the least you could do is give me the truth."

Now her temper flared. The truth? He wanted the truth? How about the truth that she never wanted to be hurt again? How about the truth that hurt was the only thing that could ever come of a man like Logan * ^loving" a woman like her? He would never truly love her—^love her enough to stay.

But after years of practice, she found herself reaching for calm, for control. "The truth is, love makes a person weak and I won't be weak like that again." Grabbing the handles of her tote bag herself, she tried pulUng them free of his hold. "The truth is, Logan, love doesn't last."

At that, his grasp loosened. The bag pitched, the contents slid forward, spilled. As the shoebox that was on top tumbled, it opened and Fred and Wilma executed a short free fall then smashed on the floor.

Both she and Logan stared at the mess. Then he shook his head, his anger still apparent in the harsh lines of his face and the hoarse sound of his voice. "Love doesn't last? Apparently neither does your ability to keep someone—and that includes yourself, Elena—safe."

And then, as she*d always known he would, he walked away again, leaving her feeling as empty and broken as the ruined eggs.

The good thing about being so exhausted, Elena decided on the afternoon of the prom, was that it numbed most emotions.

With the Garden-of-Eden decorations complete, last-minute worries over the dance barely tickled her mind. Disappointment over the ruined egg project was just a dull throb, even as she sat at the card table and turned the pages in her class journal to make the final entry. Failure, she wrote.

Somehow she'd failed Gabby too.

Unfortunately, that wasn't one of the numb emotions. It was sharp and painful and cut deeper each time Gabby passed Elena as she prepared for her big night. Wrapped in a robe, with her hair in hot curlers, her sister wandered out of the kitchen, a glass of ice water in her hand.

Elena tried smihng at her. '*Is there anything I can do for you? Anything to help you get ready?"

**rm fine." Gabby didn't shake the polite but cool attitude she'd had toward Elena since receiving the envelope from Acton two nights before. **Don't you have to get ready too?"

Elena shrugged. ''I've got time. You and Tyler are meeting your friends for dinner. I don't have to be at the dance until seven."

Gabby frowned. '*The two of you—^you and Logan—aren't having dinner out first?"

Elena shook her head. She wasn't part of a '*two," had really never been, unless you counted Gabby. **We're not, uh, dating anymore."

**No." Gabby's expression transformed from civility to concern as she crossed to the card table and pulled out the chair beside Elena's. "Are you all right?'^

*'Of course." She fiddled with the pen in her hand. "It's no big deal."

Gabby's hand covered hers. "Liar."

Elena thought better of meeting her sister's eyes. "Really. I'm really, really, really fine."

"Really." Gabby's voice held a touch of wryness.

Elena grimaced. She always erred on the side of overkill, it was true. "I'm okay. Gab."

Her sister squeezed her hand. "You're making me angiy."

Elena glanced up. "I seem to be doing that a lot lately."

But it wasn't anger that was fighting Gabby's eyes. "Let me be a sister to you. Please."

"You're always my sister," Elena answered reasonably.

"No. I've let you mother me almost all our fives." She squeezed Elena's hand again. "And I needed a mother when I was fittle, I know that. But I'm grown up now. It's time for me to be a sister. A friend to you."

If she wasn't so exhausted, Elena thought, she wouldn't be so stupidly close to tears. "I don't want

to lose you, Gabriellita,'* she heard herself whispering. Then she would have no one.

Gabby sniffed. "You're not. You won't."

**I never meant to make you feel used." Elena thought of Logan and his father and her heart squeezed with guilt. "I was wrong to push you in a particular direction. I should listen better, but I.. .1 just love you so much."

**rm going to make you listen from now on."

They flew into each other's arms, the comforting embrace saying all the rest. After a few moments, Gabby sniffed again.

*'Don't cry," Elena said, squeezing her sister tighter. *'It's going to be all right. Please don't cry."

Gabby sniffed two more times, then drew in a deep breath. "Okay. But there's nothing wrong with it, Elena. Sister-to-sister, let me tell you that a crying jag might do us both a world of good."

Elena held her a little bit away. "Sister-to-sister, we O'Brien women are ugly criers. We don't want puffy eyes and red noses tonight."

When Gabby laughed, so did she. "Sister-to-sister has a nice ring to it," Elena finally admitted. "It might take me a little time to get used to all that that means, but I'll try."

"It means we respect each other's decisions and love each other no matter what," Gabby replied. "What's so hard about that?"

Sighing, Elena shook her head. ' 'I hope you have a daughter someday. It would only be fair."

Gabby made a face. *'Enough of that. Tell me what happened with you and Logan."

*'He said he was in love with me, and I said I wasn't in love with him.'*

Gabby gaped at her. *'No. No. You...you...what the heck were you thinking? Elena, how could you tell him that?"

This pain sliced at her too, sharp and deep, even though she'd broken up with Logan to protect herself from hurt. She drew away from Gabby. '*You better hurry up and finish dressing. Tyler will be here soon."

*'Elena —"

*'I think this is where that 'respecting each other's decisions' comes in," she said dryly. **Drop it for now. Gabby, okay? Let's go take those curlers out."

After one last shake of her head, her sister didn't bring Logan up again. Elena helped Gabby into her dress and with her makeup and hair, and the forty-five minutes it took were the happiest the two of them had spent together in weeks. When Tyler knocked on the door, the look on his face when he saw Gabby sent Elena's heart to her throat.

Gabby appeared equally enchanted with Tyler. Elena could feel the giddiness of young love fizzing around them like bubbles in a glass of ginger ale. Her camera was waiting on the kitchen counter and the first time she looked through her viewfinder at the couple, the image sucked her breath away.

Through the objective eye of the lens, Elena clearly saw that Gabby was a woman. A woman who didn't

need to be coddled as Elena had coddled Fred and Wilma. Gabby no longer depended on Elena for everything. She was ready to make her own choices, and two of them could very well be the Acton School and Tyler.

BHnking against the sting in her eyes, her finger clicked the shutter and then she called to the couple to make another pose. A knock sounded at the door and Tyler opened it to admit Laura Chase, Lx)gan's mother.

Grinning at all of them, she held up her own camera. **As a mother only of sons, I never sent a daughter to the prom. May I?"

So Elena had a cUcking companion, and better yet, someone to stand with her as Tyler and Gabby left the apartment behind. Mrs. Chase audibly sniffed.

*They grow up so fast, don't they?" she said.

Elena half-smiled, thinking that Logan's mother had only known Gabby for a few short weeks. Then she nodded. **But they do grow up."

She accepted that now.

Chapter Fourteen

1 he moment his mother bustled next door with her camera, Logan grabbed a beer and collapsed onto his couch. He'd worked with a crowbar all day—^the rotting back wall of the shed behind the house would never be the same, not to mention the muscles in his shoulders—and it had worn him out.

Probably Ungering after-effects of that damn virus. It had hit him hard two nights ago, right as he and Elena had called it quits. When she'd said she could never trust a man, that she would never love one, he'd suddenly felt feverish—^hot and almost out of his head.

After a night without sleep he'd decided he was all better, though. Certainly he didn't care if she wanted to be single and celibate the rest of her hfe because—