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Authors: Susan Mallery

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BOOK: Marriage On Demand
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She couldn't believe they were having this mundane conversation especially after what had happened last night. He continued to stare at her. She didn't know whether to dive under the covers and hide, or toss the sheets and blankets aside and boldly offer herself up again.

He took the decision away from her by turning toward the counter. "Coffee will be ready in about two minutes if you want to wash up first."

"Okay." She reached for the robe he'd draped across the foot of the bed and slipped it on. When she stood up an aching soreness between her legs reminded her of their lovemaking. As if she needed reminding.

Once in the bathroom, she quickly checked her reflection in the mirror, searching for any changes. Her face looked the same, if a little pale. There was no visual proof of the difference in her body, but she felt the relief clear down to her bones. She wasn't a virgin anymore. Thank goodness. And
Austin
, she thought, giggling softly.

As she washed her face and brushed her teeth, she reveled in the sensual memories. He'd made everything perfect, bringing her exquisite pleasure, and ridding her of the reminder of her failure with
Wayne
. It was as if someone had lifted a great weight from her shoulders. She was free.

She wanted to do it again. She paused in the act of rinsing out her mouth. Would he want to? She'd read in an article in a woman's magazine that men liked to have sex early in the morning. Something about their hormones peaking.

She knew it was shameful, but she would very much like to have him in bed with her again. Last night everything had been so new, she hadn't had a chance to pay attention to what was happening. Plus, it had been kind of dark and she hadn't been able to see much.

She reached for a towel and wiped her mouth, then grinned. She felt wicked and very much alive.

There was a window overlooking the back of his property. She looked out and saw the ground had dried. No doubt she would be able to drive her car right out. She turned toward her clothes hanging on the shower door. The dress and blouse were dry, as well. She thought about putting them on, but decided to wait. If she did manage to entice
Austin
back to bed, the robe would be less cumbersome than her dress.

Humming happily under her breath, she left the bathroom and headed for the kitchen.
Austin
stood where she'd left him, leaning against the counter. He'd set two cups on the table. She reached for the one lightened with cream and smiled. "Good morning."

Instead of responding, he looked at her. Something dark and frightening flickered in his gray eyes, then he blinked and his expression was devoid of any emotion. Sometime while she'd slept he'd showered and shaved. His jaw was clean, his hair damp and brushed away from his face. She thought about him moving her clothes out of the way and then putting them back. Had he thought about her as he'd touched her things?

This morning his mouth was pulled into a straight line, but she remembered last night when he'd smiled at her in bed. They'd been naked then, touching. She'd been scared but willing, wanting him to be the one with her, in her. She took a sip of coffee and waited for him to speak.

The silence stretched between them. Her good mood began to fade.

"You're angry again," she said, wishing he would stop staring at her as if he hated her.

"No. Concerned. "

"Why? I promised not to have any regrets or second thoughts and I don't."

A muscle tightened in his jaw. He turned away. She gripped the mug to keep it from slipping out of her hand. He wasn't worried about her. Her second thoughts weren't the problem. His were.

"Oh, no." She set the mug on the table and stared at her feet. The floor was shiny with the morning sun reflecting off the polished wood. "You thought it was awful. You're sorry we did it."

"It wasn't awful," he said, his voice low and controlled.

"But you are sorry." She risked glancing at him. He stared out the big kitchen window. The stiff set of his back and shoulders spoke volumes.

"Is it because I was a virgin?"

He nodded slowly.

"Why? It's no big deal. I'm the only one it affected and I wanted it gone. You did me a really big favor. I'm grateful."

He glanced at her and raised one dark eyebrow. "Grateful? I doubt that."

"Oh,
Austin
, it's the nineties. Don't get all macho on me. I have no claim on you. You made my first time terrific and I'll always be pleased about that. Everything went just the way I wanted it to. Can't you believe that? Is this some weird guy thing?"

"I guess it must be."

She wasn't sure, but she thought she saw a slight smile threatening at the corners of his mouth. "If you really want to believe it meant something or was some kind of gift, then consider it an early Christmas present."

"One I can't take back."

It might hurt to hear the truth, but she had to know. "Do you want to?"

He stepped close to her. She was glad she'd put her coffee cup down, because when he touched her face, she gathered enough courage to place her hands on his shoulders.

His kiss was soft and fleeting. When he would have pulled back, she raised herself on tiptoe and clung to him. Their breaths mingled; his heat warmed her. The
pressure of his large hands caressing her back made her lean nearer and offer
herself to him.

When he reached for the collar of her robe, she held her breath. In the bright morning light, she could see his face, the desire in his eyes. His black hair gleamed. She touched the damp strands, their coolness contrasting with his heat. His worn sweatshirt was soft against her fingers, his muscles hard. Long legs brushed hers.

As he lowered his head to her neck, her heartbeat increased. Her blood raced faster and hotter, her knees trembled. She told herself it was just her crush. It was just sex and the desire to experience it all again. It wasn't him. Austin Lucas wasn't the sort of man a woman willingly fell in love with. He wasn't the marrying kind. He was sin and seduction, sex and surrender – not commitment.

He nibbled along her j aw, then pushed the robe aside and licked her collarbone. When she moaned, he raised his head and looked at her.

She wondered if he could still read her mind. Yesterday he'd known exactly what she was thinking. She tried to hide her thoughts, then realized it was pointless. Besides,
Austin
already knew the truth about himself. He didn't want a woman to fall in love with him. Thank goodness her feelings were just an adolescent crush. Getting involved with him would be dangerous to her well-being. Better for her to remember her own limitations.

He reached up and cupped her face, then tenderly touched her mouth with his. He moved his lips back and forth, creating a lethargy that stole her strength, leaving her clinging to him. He whispered that she was beautiful. For a moment she allowed herself the fantasy that this was real. But the thought was too fantastic to imagine. He didn't want a woman like her in his life permanently. He didn't want anyone.

Did he ever get lonely? The question surprised her. She must have instinctively stiffened when she thought it because he glanced at her and smiled. "What's got you looking so serious?" he asked.

"I was just thinking about you." At his frown she was quick to assure him. "Not in a good way." She paused. "I didn't mean that exactly. Of course I was thinking nice things, but not that nice. That is—"

He silenced her with a quick kiss. "I know what you're saying." He stepped bay ck and drew her robe around her securely, then tightened the belt.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"Covering up the temptation."

 

"Oh." She was disappointed. "Why?"

"Because it's safer for both of us. I'm going to order the furniture for the children tomorrow. When do you want it delivered?"

She allowed herself to be distracted by his question, mostly because she was on shaky ground. Had he stopped kissing her because of what she'd been thinking, or didn't he want her anymore? She could ask, but the truth was she didn't want to know.

She sat down at the table and sipped her coffee. There was a blank pad of paper and a pen. "May I?" she asked pointing at them.

"Help yourself." He took the opposite seat.

"I'd like to look at the place this morning, then I can give you an idea of a delivery date."

"The house probably needs painting and cleaning." She brushed her hair out of her face. "I've got plenty of volunteers." She made a few notes.

They discussed the logistics of getting everything done. When her list was two pages long, she looked up at him. "Any special rules?"

He shrugged. "I can't think of any except I want the kids kept away from the barn.
There's
lots of electronic equipment in there and some tools that could hurt them. I'll keep it locked when I'm not downstairs, but it would be better if they avoided the area."

"I can do that." She scribbled another note. With
Austin
's generous help, it was all coming together. "So between the—
Why
are you staring at me like that?"

He didn't answer. His gray eyes bore into hers. She'd seen him angry before, laughing, sarcastic and distant, but none of those emotions had prepared her for the darkness she saw flooding his irises. "
Austin
?"

He blinked as if coming out of a trance. "Did you plan last night?" he asked abruptly.

"Plan it? I don't understand."

"Figures. When I asked you if it was safe for us to make love, what was I talking about?"

She gripped her pen tightly in her hands. This was so embarrassing. "About you know, sexually transmitted diseases. I've never been tested or anything, but you don't have to worry. There can't be a problem. I've never been with anyone else. "

He flinched as if she'd slapped him. "That's not what I meant. When I asked if you were safe I was talking about birth control. "

She felt her mouth open, but she couldn't speak. Birth control? Oh, no. She stared at him, at those fathomless gray eyes, at his unreadable expression, and thanked the Lord she didn't have a clue as to what he was thinking. She didn't want to know. Birth control. It had never crossed her mind.

Without thinking, she touched her stomach through the robe. It felt exactly the same. Panic flared, but she fought it down. She closed her mouth. "There's no need to worry," she said. "It was just one time. There's no possible way I could get pregnant."

Chapter 5

«
^
»

A
ustin
bent over the engine of his Mercedes, but he couldn't block out the sounds behind him. Straightening slowly, he reached for a rag and cleaned his hands. After tossing it down, he looked toward the slight valley through the grove of trees.

A large, empty house stood alone in a patch of sunshine. Grass stretched out fifty feet in each direction before blending into cultivated forest. Normally the house stood silently, a solid reminder of his achievements. He'd told the Realtor that he was buying the property because the barn and loft were perfect for his needs. What he'd never mentioned to anyone, what he'd barely admitted to himself, was that he'd bought it because of the house. The three-story building could easily hold all the kids from the children's home. It was a big old Victorian mansion, with more rooms than he'd bothered to count, two staircases and a master suite that could house a family of four.

He'd never spent a single night there. It was enough that he owned it. When he doubted himself, when he believed the lies his mother had told him as a child, when the foretelling of his future came back to haunt him, he walked to the top of the grassy knoll in front of the garage and stared at the empty, silent house. The big structure was his medal of honor, his proof that they'd all been wrong. He hadn't ended up a criminal in prison. He'd made it out. He might still be a bastard, but he was also his own man. He'd made his way.

Today, however, when he walked to the top of the knoll and looked down, the house was alive with activity. Volunteers had parked their cars near the front lawn. Children played in a side yard. He could hear their laughter and shrieks. Bits of conversations drifted to him. He caught a word, part of a sentence. It looked like half the town had turned out to help Rebecca get his house ready for the children.

Just two days ago she'd been naked in his bed, stirring softly in the bright morning light. Then she'd driven out of his life and he hadn't seen her since. He'd been half expecting her to show up and ask him to help. It was his house after all. But she hadn't.

He watched as a little girl in bright pink pants and white T-shirt toddled toward the trees. Before he could start walking toward her, an older child, a boy of seven or eight, saw what she was doing and ran to grab her hand. He pulled her away from the trees and back into the center of the game they d been playing.

Something tender and wistful caused
Austin
's throat to tighten. As soon as he recognized it, he banished the feeling He was getting old and stupid, he told himself. Who was he trying to kid? He had no room in his life for children, or a woman, for that matter. He wanted his relationships on his terms. Casual sex, minimal conversation.

BOOK: Marriage On Demand
5.3Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub
ads

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