Masterpiece (The Masters of The Order Book 1) (39 page)

Darion slipped out of the van. Nicolai followed.

Nicolai wasn’t part of the original plan suggested by Sabin’s team of muscle, but no one dared to deny him when he flatly rejected the option of staying behind. He did concede that Xavier shouldn’t see him and everyone hoped he meant it.

As they made their way toward the house, Julianne and Xavier appeared through a window, standing in front of a fireplace. A feral growl escaped Nicolai at the sight, but the sound wouldn’t give them away. It wasn’t human. Darion put a hand on Nicolai’s shoulder to give him strength and Nicolai didn’t brush him off.

Xavier’s face pressed into Julianne’s hair, his goddamn hands running over her arms. Darion nearly growled himself when the bastard held out his hand to draw Julianne to the floor.

Time went in slow motion, though bodies started moving faster than thought. Julianne turned, swung something at Xavier’s head and ran from the room. Xavier toppled onto the floor. Nicolai took off at a sprint toward the front of the house. Darion raced toward the window, watching in horror as Xavier stood up, clutching the bloody wound at the side of his head, and ran after Julianne.

*****

Julianne ripped the door open to see Nicolai hit the steps.

Relief, pure and unfettered, flooded her senses until the sound of a round being chambered stopped them both, dead in their tracks.

“Touch her and I will kill you,” Xavier warned from behind her. The tone was guttural and one of utter insanity. He had a gun trained straight at Nicolai’s face.

She moved between them, an instinctive attempt to protect her lover, but Xavier yanked her back by the hair and locked a steely arm around her neck, cutting off her air. She brought her hands up to claw at his sleeve, but found no purchase. Notwithstanding the slight build, Xavier was remarkably strong. He shifted, lifting her until her toes scraped the ground, and pressed the icy muzzle of the gun into her temple.

Nicolai threw both hands out in front of his body. “Do not fight him,” he shouted, his blue eyes locked on hers.

She went still.

“Good,” Xavier grunted, rewarding her by letting up a little on the pressure against her throat.

As the air choked back into her lungs, she warbled, “Help me, Nicolai.”

“Say that name in my presence again and I will kill you,” Xavier spat, tightening his arm again.

Inside she was scrabbling, screaming like a mad woman for Nicolai, but only a high-pitched whining sound escaped her throat. Xavier moved backwards.

A crack, louder than thunder, exploded through the air.

“That was a warning. Next shot, you’re dead.” The violence in Darion’s eyes promised that he meant to kill Xavier, now or soon.

Nicolai had the same look, but didn’t move.

Xavier ignored the threat. Darion couldn’t shoot him with her body plastered across his chest and everyone knew it. He continued dragging her back toward the door.

Julianne smelled a tangy, metallic smell.
Blood. I cut him
. Her survival instinct kicked into full gear and she began to struggle.

Xavier popped her off her feet. “I lost you once, Lianne. I won’t lose you again.”

The chokehold squeezed around her neck, stiff and unyielding. She fought in vain to regain her footing. Stars began to flash in the corners of her vision. Resistance was not only futile, but any hope she had of escape required her to be conscious. A few more minutes like this and she would pass out.

Xavier held fast as he spoke. “I’m impressed, Nicolai. I didn’t expect you to put up a fight. Pity you did. We could have avoided all this ugliness.”

Turning to Darion, he said, “I suppose it was you who figured all of this out, but for what? Do you think anything will change? Of course you don't. You know the outcome just as I do. The girl is mine.” He sounded so amused.

Nicolai’s Adam’s apple rose and fell as he swallowed hard, eyes fixed on her. “Loosen your arm.”

Xavier ignored the command and blackness began to creep into her peripheral vision. He actually chuckled as he continued to strangle her. “Look, Lianne, Alexi’s brat actually cares for you.”

Nicolai didn’t flinch. “Loosen your arm,” he repeated. “She can’t breathe.”

The arm released just enough for her to suck in a wheezing breath.

“I will never let you have her, Xavier.” There was pure steel in Nicolai’s voice.

Xavier’s tone became more gruff, as if he disliked the direction the conversation had gone in. “Be careful, boy. I would rather die, than lose. Be sure you can say the same before you challenge me.”

“Without her, I’m already dead.”

She heard it in the flat voice; saw it in the lifeless eyes. Nicolai was dead without her.

Regret consumed her, the pain more excruciating that the merciless grip on her throat. Her selfishness had stolen the sparkle from his crystal eyes and snuffed his passionate spirit.

I’m dead without you, Nicolai.

From out of the darkness, two huge men appeared and approached the base of the steps next to Nicolai. Three. Four. Five. Where did they come from? They moved forward as a unit, crouching, each pointing a rifle at the man holding her.

“Tell them to lower their guns and move back or I will kill her,” Xavier barked and jerked her neck.

And then, with one simple, horrifying statement, everything changed.

“You would spill the blood of your own daughter, Xavier?” Nicolai’s voice sounded weary, his voice filled with grief.

Xavier laughed. “Now that’s an interesting tactic. I hadn’t thought of that one.” He was mocking Nicolai, but something in the way he did revealed a doubt.

“It’s true, Xavier. I have the proof.”

Nicolai was solemn as he stepped forward and laid an envelope on the bottom step. As he moved back, fat tears flowed down his cheeks. “I’m sorry you had to find out this way, Julianne. I’m sorry I lied to you. If I could change what I did, I would, but I can’t. I accept that you can never love me again after this. I only pray that someday you will find it in your beautiful heart to forgive me.”

The devastation on his face as he apologized screamed out with the brutal honesty of his claim.

Xavier froze, all of the fight leaving his body. “That cannot be.” Julianne could feel his mind registering the truth of Nicolai’s claim as he muttered, “Daughter? My God, what have I done?”

And then, in an anguished whisper so soft she almost couldn’t decipher the words, he said, “I have lost you again, Lianne. The day I lose is the day I die.”

The metal fell away from her temple and a harrowing blast rang close to her ear. Her eyes flashed between Nicolai and Darion, neither one shot, as Xavier fell.

Julianne turned to see Xavier's lifeless body drop to the ground like a stone.

Blood on lace.

Blood beneath silver hair.

The blood of your own daughter.

She turned to see her father's lifeless body drop to the ground like a stone.

“
Brûle en enfer
, Xavier. I’ll see you there,” Nicolai shouted.

The world exploded around her. Footsteps rushing. Men’s voice cursing in ways she’d never heard before. Hands touching her. She knew without seeing that they were Nicolai’s hands and let herself fall into darkness.

24

Masterpiece

Shuffling sounds. The hum of a machine. Something cold against my chest. Softness cradling me. Nothing like that hard floor.

Julianne’s eyes snapped open and reassuring hands rushed to her shoulders. She was alone with Jeannette and her stethoscope.

“You’re safe, Julianne. Alphonse and I are taking care of you.”

Safe
.

“I’m glad to see you awake,” Jeannette continued in a soothing-doctor voice as clinical eyes assessed every detail and disappeared behind bright light. In the right eye, the left. Right again. Left.

Where is Nicolai?

“Don’t speak. Just nod if you feel any pain.” Fingers pressed on her belly.

Velvet curtains.

“Here?”

Needlepoint chair.

“Here?”

Mahogany headboard.

“Here?”

This isn’t a hospital. Where is Nicolai?

“Try to rest now, Julianne.”

Her eyes landed on the IV in her arm.

Yes, rest.

She drifted away with the warm flow of the painkiller running into her bloodstream.

*****

As soon as Jeannette stepped into Alphonse’s study, Nicolai shot in front of her and practically stood on her toes.

“Well?” he barked.

When Jeannette didn’t start talking, he leaned in. He was wound so tight, she was lucky he didn’t smack the voice right out of her.

Alphonse raised a firm hand to his shoulder, a tactile command to back off. Sympathetic or not, no man threatened his wife.

Nicolai ignored it.

Jeannette stepped back and got to business. “Julianne is severely dehydrated. Right now, I’m most concerned about the damage to her throat. There’s a lot of swelling. Her injury will be quite painful for a while, but nothing that shouldn’t heal. There are additional bruises and contusions on her wrists and ankles.”

The good doctor locked eyes with him. “Otherwise, she is uninjured.”

He blew out a heavy breath.

“I’ve given her a sedative so she will sleep. I want her body to strengthen before we deal with the rest. I would like to keep her here for another few days, so I can monitor her progress. With your permission, of course.” The voice was cold, detached.

But I deserve that, don't I?

This was the other side of Jeannette. The flirty woman he knew had a butterfly tattoo on the small of her back, a secret passion for greasy food and got embarrassed by the unsophisticated guffaw she couldn’t suppress when tickled. This was the professional side. The side the world knew and respected, and her unspoken reproach was clear. If he’d met his duty, his woman wouldn’t be lying, broken, in a bed with bandages on her neck and tubes in her arm.

Shame bombarded him. He’d done the unforgivable. Within the Order, he would never be treated the same.

I'm a pariah.
“Yes, of course,” Nicolai muttered, head jerking up and down as he turned away.

“Thank you,” Jacques added when Jeannette and Alphonse moved toward the door. “Please let Darion know.”

“I will call him right away.” Before pulling the knob, Alphonse snapped concerned eyes to Jacques.

Jacques nodded. When the door closed, he said, “It’s not what you think, Nico.”

The words fell on deaf ears. Nicolai headed toward Jerard who was fidgeting in the corner, arms circled around his body, looking at the ground as if begging to be swallowed up before he exploded.

“No one is judging you,” Jacques said.

Jerard shot angry, ‘
you’re so fucking wrong
’ eyes at Jacques and he was right.

“She gave me the chance to love her. I was supposed to protect her and I failed. You can’t save me from that, Jacques. You can’t make me anything more than Alexi’s son.” Nicolai spoke the name like a curse. Turning to Jerard, he asked, “Can I talk to you alone for a minute?”

Jerard didn’t move, only shifted his eyes to glare and pressed his lips tighter.

“Look, I know you don’t owe me anything. Just hear me out.”

Jerard nodded and Nicolai walked out.

*****

Jerard shook out the fingers that had been frozen in a death grip for the past hour.

Jacques looked at him with a clear message plastered across his face.
Do not make this situation any worse
.

“No one’s judging him, Jacques? Well meet the judge, jury and executioner,” Jerard sneered and followed Nicolai into the hall.

"I have a favor to ask," Nicolai began.

“You should be in there.” Jerard tilted his chin toward Julianne’s room. He learned young how to broadcast menace and he was throwing some major hate Nicolai’s way.

It had no effect.

Nicolai’s blank stare held the space in front of him. “I don’t belong there. Not anymore. What I allowed to happen to her is unforgivable.”

“Why don’t you let Julianne decide what’s unforgivable?”

“I don’t deserve forgiveness. I asked for honesty and she gave it to me. I didn’t do the same. She might be able to forgive the lies, but I broke my vow.” Nicolai made a short, sharp sound. “Come on, Jerard, you know how this works. I was supposed to protect her. I allowed her to be hurt, which means I might as well have hurt her myself.”

“That’s bullshit and you know it.”

“I wish it was. Julianne is precious and deserves better than I can give. There's no redemption for me. The Order will take care of her now. But there is one last thing I can do for her. She loves you. Promise me you will stay with her after I’m gone.”

“Gone? Where the hell are you going?” The mounting fury made Jerard shake. “She may love me, but she is
in love
with you. Big difference there, buddy.”

“I refuse to hurt her anymore, Jerard.”

Jerard couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He knew Nicolai was torn up to the point of being irrational, but damn it. After months of preying on her vulnerability, Julianne lived for him. And now the bastard was so lost in self-loathing that he was going to walk. He couldn’t contain his outrage. If anyone deserved to be hurt, it was Nicolai.

Jerard grabbed Nicolai by the lapels and shoved him against the wall. “God damn it. This isn’t about you. It’s about Julianne. If you leave, you really will hurt her.” He spat each word into Nicolai’s face, “She. Loves. You!”

“Loved me. She can never love me again.” Nicolai remained loose, not raising a finger in his defense.

Jerard shoved harder. “Once again, why don’t you let her decide that?”

“It’s over, Jerard. I accept that. Why don’t you?”

“Because it is not over, Nicolai. It’s just beginning.” Jerard thrust his forearm against Nicolai’s throat and got right in his face. “Only an asshole would bail on her now.”

Nicolai looked at him with a hard grin as if to invite what was coming. “You were right all along, Jerard. I’m a selfish, spoiled, good-for-nothing asshole. You should be happy. You won.”

Jerard hauled back and slammed his fist into the selfish asshole’s jaw. Nicolai’s head snapped back and he slid to floor looking as if he enjoyed the beating.

“You’re a fool to think that way, Nicolai.” He shook out his fist and jerked back. “But if you’re hell bent on fucking up your relationship, I can’t stop you. I will take care of her, but know this. If you leave, you will not come back. If you do, I’ll make sure you never get off that floor. I hope you choke on your regret.”

Nicolai wiped the blood from his mouth with the back of his hand. “Assholes don’t regret.”

Jerard stormed back into the study, slamming the door so hard it practically loosened the hinges. “I hit that motherfucker and don’t you get in my face about it.” He pointed a hard finger at Jacques.

Jacques raised his hands and backed up.

He raced past, pacing the carpet and rubbing his bruised knuckles. “Jesus Christ. How is she supposed to handle this, Jacques? That prick is going to leave her.” He turned with both hands tearing into his hair. “Did you hear me? I said leave her. The dude’s going to split. Said the Order will take care of her. What the fuck?”

Jerard buried a whole lot of rage and it just erupted all over Nicolai. He was one word away from losing it again and shot Jacques a warning glare. Jacques very wisely kept his trap shut, but the worry etched on his face spoke volumes.

“So what now, Jacques? Huh? We let him walk.”

Jacques rubbed his fingers across his forehead. “Calm down, Jerard. Everyone has to calm the fuck down.”

That answer wasn’t good enough. “Fuck that. He’s not walking away. I’m gonna make him crawl.” Jerard headed toward the door.

“Stay!” Jacques barked with a hand to Jerard’s chest, “I’ll handle my cousin,” and opened the door to check on Nicolai.

He was already gone.

*****

Darion pressed his fingers to his nose to center himself.

He couldn't afford another wrong move.

Nicolai shoved past the butler, nearly checking him into the door as he burst into the living room. “You want to make it up to me. Here’s how.” He dropped a small box onto the desk in front of Darion.

Darion rose slowly. “What is this?” His eyes scanned his protégé, his heart breaking at what he saw.

Nicolai was a mess. An absolute mess. He knew Nicolai hadn’t slept or eaten since this whole fiasco began. He could smell the alcohol on his breath. Even though Julianne was safe and escaped their worst fear, Nicolai’s guilt was consuming him.

But it was more than guilt. Nicolai opened himself to Julianne’s love and without it, his demons had escaped the strict confines he’d built around his psyche and taken possession of him. All he could hear were the sycophantic voices from his past lying to him. His father’s vacuous laughter at his son’s romantic notions convincing him he wasn’t worthy of a woman’s love. Every experience Darion tried to rescue Nicolai from had pulled him back into his own personal hell.

“Just give it to Julianne,” Nicolai snapped as if he knew exactly what Darion was thinking. “She will understand."

The betrayal in Nicolai’s eyes burned like acid.

“What happened is not your fault,” Darion said plainly. “You didn’t intend her any harm.”

Nicolai’s jaw clenched, and for a moment, bleak, furious pain sparked in their blue depths before it was gone, iced over, replaced by a blank expression. He shook his head, a clear warning not to go there, and said, “
L'enfer est pavé de bonnes intentions
.”

The road to hell is paved with good intentions. There was too much truth in those words. After what he’d caused, Darion wasn’t about to push. Not for now anyway. And he couldn’t speak without revealing the pain of his own culpability.

He picked up the box and Nicolai stormed out.

*****

“Hey, you.” Jerard’s voice was soft.

“Where is Nicolai?” Julianne opened her mouth to speak, but the hoarse sounds were barely words.

“He had to leave. He’ll be back,” he lied.

He didn’t have the heart to tell her the truth. Nicolai wasn’t coming back. Maybe in time, when she was stronger. He ran his fingers over his forehead. Hell, time wasn’t going to fix anything, but he couldn’t find the words as he looked at Julianne lying there helpless. He raised his hand to her cheek, some sort of hypocritical comfort.

“Do you know?” she grimaced with the words.

He took her hand. The color of the skin on her wrist turned his stomach. “Yeah, I’m so sorry, Julí.”

A tear slipped from the corner of her eye and he brushed it away with his thumb. “I don’t have any great wisdom about fathers, Julí. I never knew mine. But I think this. Biology doesn’t mean squat. The Colonel raised you. That’s what really matters. He may have lost his way at times, but he spent a lifetime trying to love you. That’s what you should cling to.”

She squeezed his hand. Even though his words were clichéd, they seemed to ease her mind.

“There will be plenty of time to talk later. For now, just try to sleep. You need rest.”

“All I need is Nicolai.”

Julianne’s eyes rolled shut.

*****

Thunder cracked and a flash of light filtered through the curtains as Julianne opened her eyes.

Another man was sitting by her bedside slumped in a chair. Even without light, she knew it wasn’t Nicolai. Another flash and she saw that this time it was Darion who sat with her. Each time she awoke, one of them was there. Jerard, Jacques, Darion, but never Nicolai.

“He’s gone, isn’t he?” The pain in her throat made her wince.

Darion lifted his head. “Don’t speak. Dr. Jean said you have to rest your vocal cords until your throat heals.” He reached out and clicked on the lamp on the bed table.