Masterpiece (The Masters of The Order Book 1) (40 page)

“Answer me,” she croaked again.

Jade eyes stared as he put a pillow behind her to prop her up. She should have known that a man like Darion wouldn’t respond to an order. He looked exhausted, defeated, and his silence answered her question anyway.

“I have something for you, Julianne. From Nicolai.” He handed her a box.

She reached for it, every muscled protesting the movement, and opened the lid. “No, Nicolai,” she breathed and struggled to get up.

Darion put his hands on her shoulders. “What do you think you’re doing?” he said, pressing her back down. “You’re not going anywhere.”

“Damn it, Darion. I’m going to get him. Right now,” she shouted and her hands shot to her neck. It felt like she’d swallowed a knife. She continued in a softer voice. “I can’t lie here and let him walk away. I hurt him. I have to make this right.” With each word, her voice weakened until it was less than a whisper.

Darion put his fingers to her lips. “Quiet now.”

Julianne wrapped her fingers around his. “I will not lose him. I will make him forgive me.”

“I believe it’s Nicolai who feels you cannot forgive him,” Darion said, blinking hard, “but I’m the one. I caused this. I shouldn’t have waited to tell Nicolai the truth about your paternity until the Grand Ball.”

Seeing Darion LeClair, perhaps the strongest man she’d ever known, struggle with the weight of what happened scared her, but the stronger emotion was relief. Nicolai didn’t know. That was the one thing that had shaken her faith. As for the rest, Nicolai never hid his concern about Xavier. She knew it as much as she knew Xavier’s involvement in her life was strange and probably dangerous. She made the choice to ignore that and she would take responsibility for it.

“He blames himself?” she whispered, unable to comprehend Nicolai’s point of view.

“Yes.”

Hearing that simple word and the sadness in Darion’s voice when he said it brought tears. She didn’t bother trying to suppress them. They were honest. Her man was out there somewhere suffering because of her. The pain of knowing that was monstrous.

“Why?”

“It’s a long story, Julianne,” Darion said, staring at his hands.

She stared back, wiping her tears and waiting.

The silence stretched. Darion’s eyes flicked to hers, then back to his hands. Taking a deep breath, he finally relented. “Nicolai’s father never showed him affection so Nicolai never felt worthy of it. The lifestyle he saw growing up made him believe things. Bad things. Wrong things. I tried to show him another way, but until you came into his life, everything I said or did was meaningless.

“You are the one who taught him that true love is real. It was you who made him believe that he is worthy of that love. And now, because he couldn’t prevent you from being hurt, he’s lost his faith in everything. Himself, me, even the one thing that finally brought him happiness, your love for him.”

Darion hung his head and his beautiful hair swung down like a black veil to hide his shame. “Everything that happened is my fault.” The remorse in that deep voice was painful to hear. “I’m not worthy of forgiveness, but I’m so sorry, Julianne.”

This was almost too much to take in. Nicolai blamed himself? Darion blamed himself? Hatred surged through her veins. What happened wasn’t Darion’s fault any more than it was Nicolai’s. It was Xavier’s fault. All of it. That monster was not her father. Biologically perhaps, but in every way that counted, Gilles was her father. That would never change. And Gilles Giroux’s daughter would never allow Xavier Talbot to win.

“Look at me. Please.” Her crackling rasp was firm.

Darion raised his eyes.

“Apology accepted."

His face softened.

The determination that she couldn’t put into her damaged voice, she poured into her eyes. “You’re going to help me fix this, Darion. I don’t know what I’m going to ask you to do yet, but you’re going to help me.”

There was a layered pause, a semblance of a smile, then the Darion she trusted rematerialized before her eyes. “Yes, Julianne. Yes, I am.”

*****

“Do you need help, friend?”

Nicolai looked up and tried to focus. A portly old man peered up at him, his hands folded atop an apron that stretched tight across his round belly. Despite the kindly eyes, his unspoken message was clear.

“No.” Nicolai swayed as he eased away from the door frame.

“You sure? I can call a taxi.”

“Thanks, no.” The words slurred.

It was almost dawn. Nicolai had wandered the Paris streets all night. The rain began again, but he wasn’t conscious of the water streaming over his face, seeping into the wool of his ruined suit, as he shuffled away from the baker’s shop.

He raised the bottle in his hand to his lips unsure what he was drinking.
Make that drank
. He dropped it into a trashcan with a curse. His phone rang and he tossed the damn thing in too. Anything to stop the incessant harassment.

Jacques couldn’t help him now. No one could. He’d given away his reason for living. Returned the tiny key to the chain he’d put around Julianne’s waist, setting her free and letting her go with two pathetic, useless words, “I’m sorry.”

His body ached as he carried his heavy regret. He lied when he said there he had no regret. He had nothing but regret and it coiled around his soul, making his bones brittle and his muscles tight.

Part of him wanted to go back. Fall on his knees and beg Julianne to forgive him. But he was lost. Without Julianne, he was just lost. So he kept walking.

Going nowhere.

*****

Jerard knew this day would come and overjoyed wasn't the emotion.

“Thomas found him.” Julianne called out, skipping across the floor as she hung up the phone.

She’d been living with him since leaving Jeannette’s apartment. Jacques and Darion had been searching for Nicolai - that is, when they weren’t taking turns fussing over Julianne like she was a china doll - and
hooray
, they found the worthless asshole.

He rushed toward her. “Don’t go, Julí.” He grabbed her arms. “Please.”

“I have to go, Jerard.”

Before she could explain herself again, the doorbell rang. She twisted free of his grip, raced to the door and ripped it open.

Darion stood on the threshold. “I see you’ve spoken to Thomas."

“Are you ready?” she asked, bouncing on the balls of her feet.

“Don’t let her do this,” Jerard said as Darion entered the room.

“As if I could stop her.” Darion smiled, but the smile didn’t reach his eyes. “Don’t worry, Jerard. I won’t leave her alone.”

“Yes, you will.” Julianne looked up at Darion, literally, and pointed a finger into his chest. “I don’t want you scaring him away. You’ll do what I asked and then leave.” Her violet eyes flashed with determination. “Do you hear me, Darion? I’ve planned every detail and you playing the overprotective bodyguard is not part of the plan. Nicolai may be mad at you for this little breach of protocol, but you two will have to work that out another time. This time is mine.”

Her eyes shifted away from Darion, to Jerard, and back again. “I understand you care about me, both of you. But, if you really care, you will let me do this my way.”

Darion didn’t say a word.

Smart man
.
Guess I'm not so smart
. “I know, you’re not a little girl,” Jerard offered in vain as he attempted the impossible. Trying to dissuade Julianne when she wanted something was like trying to make an elephant fly. Watching his petite friend dressing down a heavyweight like Darion LeClair only proved that. He was sure that even if Darion “left” Julianne, he wouldn’t be far away, but he was still worried. “It’s just that I can’t stand the idea of Nicolai hurting you again.”

The pretty pit bull turned on him. “I am not having this argument with you again, Jerard. Nicolai did not hurt me. Xavier Talbot did.”

“You’ve been through so much, Julí. I don’t want anything else to...”

She raised a hand to cut him off. “That’s exactly the point, Jerard. I’ve been through hell. What do you expect me to do now? Fall to pieces. I’m a lot stronger than you think.”

Yeah, I'm not just worried. I'm a worried jerk.

Julianne continued to rage against him. “I learned something that I’m sad to admit, I never would have without living that horrible experience. I am a lot stronger than I ever believed I was. Nicolai introduced me to myself, helped me fight my demons. He made me feel indomitable and I am.”

“But he isn’t here for you now.”

“No. He isn’t.” Julianne bowed her head and her eyes filled with sadness. “I’m not the only one Xavier hurt, Jerard. I’m not the only one with demons.” She looked at Darion. “A very wise person taught me that when you love someone, you’re never alone. You can always rely on your lover’s strength.”

Jerard opened his mouth to throw another barb Nicolai’s way, something obvious like “So where is Mr. Reliable now?” and those violet eyes flashed with warning. He closed it with a nonchalant shrug.

Julí knows what I think. No need to say it again.

Her chin thrust high in the air as she declared, “My point is this. Real relationships are not one-way streets. Nicolai offered his strength when I wasn’t strong enough on my own and now, I’m offering mine. When he isn’t strong enough, I will be.”

“Or you could just rip his head off.”

“Believe me, Jerard. I thought about it, but the truth is I forgave Nicolai the moment he laid that envelope on the steps at Xavier’s feet and asked for my forgiveness. As for the rest, Nicolai showed me the healing power of writing. I’ve spent the last few days filling a whole journal. I could probably fill ten more. It’s going to take months, maybe years, to work through everything that happened. Maybe I never will.

“At this point, I have a single truth. This is my life and I want Nicolai by my side while I live it. Today, I’m going to create something my artist will understand and no one is going to stand in my way.”

He couldn’t help being impressed. He’d never heard his quiet friend express herself so freely. Never seen Julianne so confident. Perhaps he’d been too quick to judge Nicolai. The change was incredible.

Julianne must have seen his weakening resolve because she ended her tirade with a joke. “Wow. I sound so bossy. Maybe I should become a Domme.” She winked at him. “Like you, huh.”

“Christ, woman.”

A hearty laugh echoed across the room as Jacques sauntered in, rubbing his inky hair with a towel. “My God, kitten. That would be a real tragedy.”

Even Darion took advantage of the comic relief. “I suppose I could train you, my lovely, but I’m quite sure Nicolai would never, ever, EVER, forgive me if I did.”

Everyone laughed. It was good to see Darion laugh. None of them had seen it for a while.

Julianne touched Darion’s hand. “You and he will reconcile, Darion.”

“You first, Julí. Go get him.” Jerard bent and pressed a kiss on her cheek.

She spun to face him and raised her hands to his face, but kept her eyes on the fingers stroking his beard. “You’re an amazing friend, Jerard. Thank you for letting me cry on your shoulder, and keeping you up all night while I didn’t talk, and making you buy six quarts of ice cream, and...”

He dropped a kiss on her lips. “I love you too, Julí.”

Jacques leaned over her shoulder to peck another kiss on her cheek and teased, “You only need two words,
chaton
. Somewhere between ‘wanna’ and ‘fuck,’ he’s on the floor kissing your feet for forgiving him. Nico loves you, Julianne.”

Jerard shot Jacques a nasty look.

“What? He does.”

Jerard couldn’t seem to resist Jacques’s charm any more than anyone else could and he smiled begrudgingly at him.

“I believe that, Jacques,” Julianne said, laughing, and held out her hand. “Shall we, Darion?”

Darion took it and the look on his face said he believed too.

*****

Nicolai hadn’t been home for...hell, he didn’t even know.

He called Thomas to tell him to send a few things to the hotel when Thomas told him the gallery had been robbed, completely ransacked, and Nicolai had to go there to meet with the Paris police. Another time and the violation would have crushed him, but not now.

Nothing mattered to him now.

He slipped the key into the lock. The scent that greeted him was cruel and distracted his mind from the odd scene in the gallery. Nothing was out of place. Nothing was gone. All of his artwork sat exactly as he’d left it before that horrible trip to Monaco. But Thomas said...oh, he didn’t care. His mind registered only the gorgeous scent filling his nostrils. It was Julianne’s scent, a bitter reminder of her lingering in their place to torment him anew.

Closing the door behind him, Nicolai walked farther into the gallery. The scent became stronger. So did the pain. He was about to turn and run from it when he noticed a pedestal that hadn’t been there before. He moved to the wall and snapped on the light.