Max (A Carter Brother series Book 4) (34 page)

I nod my head numbly, standing up. Max grabs a hold of my hand and I cringe when I feel how sweaty they’ve really become. I’m pretty sure if you looked my underarms would just be as bad. He doesn’t seem to mind, though. Not that I care if he does either way. I’m just undecided if I’m angry at him still or if I’m happy. My mind isn’t made up.

My shaking legs carry me down the narrow hallway towards the living room. The minute I enter the living area my eyes immediately seek out my Mum and Dad. My Dad has his arms pinned around her: stopping her from escaping? Or running? Whether that’s away from me or to me, I don’t know. But I guess I’m about to find out.

A sharp intake of breath has me stepping back, my back hitting Max’s hard chest once again. His hands grip a hold of my waist, sending shivers down my spine. It also gives me the little bit of strength I need to face my mum and dad. The two people I love most in the world and who I let down greatly.

“Lake,’’ Mum gasps, her voice filled with pain. Her expression is stricken with pain, relief and love. The second my dad lets her go, seeming frozen as he stares at me, I’m grabbed by my mum, her arms embracing me in a warm, tight hug. It feels surreal. Every day for a year I believed I’d never feel this again, the love, the warmth and the safeness that my parents provoke when they’re near me. They’ve only ever shown me and my brother love and when I left it was one thing I missed the most. Having my parents love me.

A pained sob leaves my mouth, a pain in my chest that I’ve never felt before as I grip my arms tightly around my mother. It’s like a year of excruciating pain has built up only to explode in this moment. I feel everything and from the pained sobs coming from my mum, she must be feeling the same way.

Another set of arms wrap around me and I instantly smell my dad’s signature cologne, his natural scent comforting me instantly.

Safe. That is what I feel having my parents here, their arms wrapped tightly around me, protecting me from everything outside.

“It’s really you,’’ Mum cries, gripping me tighter like she’s scared I’ll disappear.

“LeLe, we’ve missed you so much,’’ my Dad tells me hoarsely, tears in his voice. My breath catches hearing him use my nickname and I find it hard to breathe for a split second. Then a smile touches my lips briefly before I’m grabbing both of them tightly, never wanting to let either of them go.

“I’ve you missed you so much too. I’m so sorry,’’ I tell them, needing them to know I never wanted to leave or to cause them pain but it was the only way they would’ve moved on.

“Oh, honey,’’ Mum whispers, moving back a step and taking my head in her hands. “We’ve missed you. Why did you ever think I’d blame you?’’ she asks me, sadness in her tone.

“You kept saying, ‘what did you do? What did you do?’ over and over again. The look in your eyes,’’ I shudder, remembering the way she looked at me like I ended her world brings all that pain and heartache back.

She tries to cover her sob with her hand, tears rushing down her cheeks. “No, darlin’, I was saying it to myself. I was the one driving, the one responsible for you. Not just as a driver but as a mother. I should have pulled over until you two had stopped arguing. The only time I remember looking over at you was to make sure you got out of the water safely. Please believe me when I tell you I never, not once, blamed you or Cowen,’’ she pleads, her hands now holding mine.

“You didn’t?’’ I whisper, my whole world falling apart once again. How did I mix everything that happened up? “You really don’t blame me?’’

“No, we’ve been searching every day for you,’’ Dad chokes out, taking one of my hands out of Mum’s grip. “We needed you to know that you weren’t to blame. We did everything from newspaper articles to online support pages just so you would come home, but everything lead to dead ends. Well, not until this young man emailed us asking if we were child abusers,’’ Dad smiles, his eyes shining with amusement when he looks at Max behind me.

I turn my head around to Max, glaring at him. “Child abusers? Really?’’ I snap, pissed he’d think my parents were capable of such a thing. The only thing my dad has ever hurt, and that’s only because my mum has a phobia, is when there’s a spider in the house and he has to kill it for her.

“How else was I to know you weren’t going back to get whipped and chained in the basement?’’ he tells me, holding his hands up. He looks like he believes he was doing the right thing, but Jesus, a child abuser? Did I look like an abused child? He can be so dramatic sometimes.

“A basement, really? What childhood did you have?’’ I ask but then regret the words immediately. “Sorry.’’

“No. No.’’ He waves me off, not caring that I just mentioned his childhood. I know he hasn’t had the best time and understand now why he asked my parents. He was just being...Max. “The tales of Max Carter can wait, the door’s about to knock,’’ he winks.

“W-what?’’

The door knocks before he can answer and my heart literally stops. Not because Max predicted the door was about to be knocked but because I know who it is. For some reason I can feel him, I know he’s there. My heart is beating ten to the dozen and I don’t know if I can do this without passing out.

“That will be Cowen,’’ my dad announces and I become dizzy, my body swaying slightly. Max notices and supports my weight, keeping me upright.

“Cowen,’’ I whisper under my breath, unmoving. Everyone shifts around me, yet, I’m too scared to move. Voices start up near the front door, but it all sounds fuzzy due to the buzzing ringing in my ears.

With shaky hands I tuck a loose strand of hair behind my ear; a nervous habit that I picked up in middle school.

“Lake,’’ a deep rumble is said from behind me. My body is completely frozen. I’m too scared to turn around to see that it’s really him, though, deep down I know it’s him. The feeling of familiarity is stronger than earlier. My eyes are cast down to the floor, my hands shaking so badly I’m worried I’m still going to pass out.

A large shadow looms above me, two large feet stepping into my line of vision and I visibly tense. I can’t do this. I can’t. What if this is just a dream and I wake up any second? It will be like losing my brother and family all over again. I can’t do that.

“Lake, look... Look,’’ he clears his throat, his body shifting, a nervous energy coming from him, but I still don’t look up. “Up. Look Lake up,’’ he tells me and the stutter in his voice confuses me enough to look up.

My breath hitches on a sob as I take in my twin brother. His features seem younger but aged at the same time. He’s bigger than he once was if that’s possible. His muscles are more defined than what they were last year, but something about him, something I can’t put my finger on is different.

“Cowen,’’ I whisper, reaching up with my fingers to touch his cheek, needing to feel that he’s real, that this isn’t some fucked up dream to punish me further. He doesn’t flinch or move away and I take it as a good sign. When he covers my hand with his and gives me a toothy grin more tears fall from my eyes.

“Mum. Lake. It’s Lake,’’ he smiles and my eyes pull together in a frown. I look to Mum for answers to see her hand covering her mouth, tears still pouring down her cheeks.

“Mum? Dad?’’

“Cowen has aphasia. It’s a brain injury caused from the crash. He took most of the impact when the car hit the back end the first time. Lack of oxygen to the brain didn’t help his recovery,’’ my dad answers sadly.

“What does that mean?’’ I ask, looking back at my twin brother who doesn’t seem bothered we’re talking about him like he’s not here.

“It means you’re awesome and I’m not,’’ he laughs, making me chuckle, but then frowns, shaking his head. “No, I’m awesome, you’re not,’’ he nods, looking proud for saying it right.

“I like him,’’ Max chuckles behind me sounding genuine. I don’t turn around to see his reaction, the sincerity in his voice is enough for me, but more than that, I can’t keep my eyes from my brother.

“You are awesome,’’ I smile, leaning in and giving him a hug.

“Ugh,’’ he complains. “Mum. No hugging brothers,’’ he moans and I burst out laughing.

“Will he be okay?’’ I ask, looking back at my parents.

“He’s fine. He has episodes where it gets bad. Mostly when he’s nervous,’’ Mum giggles, looking adoringly at Cowen.

“Like when I asked my girlfriend not to marry me,’’ Cowen says proudly and my mouth gapes open.

“What? Did he... Did he just say what I think he said?’’

“Hi,’’ a voice squeaks from behind me and I jump, making Cowen laugh.

“Fu...,’’ he clears his throat, looking uncomfortable for a moment like he’s thinking too hard. “Funny. I missed you,’’ he whispers, tears forming in his eyes.

“I’ve missed you too,’’ I tell him before turning back to the girl who said hi. “I’m Lake.’’

“I’m Marybeth,’’ she smiles holding her hand out for me to shake and I smile. I like her immediately. She’s a tiny little thing with short brown hair and a round, hour glass figure. But that’s not what grabs my attention or the reason why I like her, it’s because of the kindness and gentleness shining in her eyes that has me warming instantly to her.

“I’m Max,’’ Max boasts, holding his hand out to Cowen.

“I’m Cowen. I’m a twin,’’ Cowen answers and Max grins.

“No shit? Me too,’’ Max grins, high fiving my brother. My brother looks at Max like he’s just told him he’s Batman and my heart warms.

“Not really? A girl one?’’ Cowen asks. It’s weird that no one has asked him to repeat what he’s said. Everyone can still understand him. Even though he’s mixing his words up I can still understand what he’s trying to say.

My heart is hammering in my chest having him standing in front of me when I never, ever, imagined this would happen again, not even in my dreams. The only dreams I ever had of Cowen were nightmares and were of him dying in front of my eyes all over again. And just like the first time, it killed me reliving it.

“Nah, he’s a boy, but he does act like a girl sometimes,’’ Max grins, winking at Cowen.

“Your eye moved,’’ Cowen blurts out whilst laughing, causing me and everyone to giggle.

“Hey, Joan, do you have any milk? Oh, sorry, I didn’t know you had company,’’ Myles says, stopping short when he sees the living area filled with strangers.

“Mum. Dad. Look. Two. Look,’’ Cowen shouts excitedly and Marybeth moves forward towards my brother, smiling.

“How cool?’’ she asks him, looking as pleased as he does but I can also see she moved to calm him. It makes me jealous for a second, but then I remember she’s been there for him when I haven’t. She knows Cowen better than me at this moment in his life.

“Two,’’ he nods. “You look the same.’’

My eyes fill with tears. He’s not the brother I left two years ago, but he’s still there inside. He has the same sense of humour, similar facial features, but it’s like he’s a whole new person. I hate that I wasn’t there for him. I hate that he needed me and I ran away. Even though I left believing he was dead, I feel even more guilty for not being there for him or sticking around. I just presumed the worst and left. I ran the first chance I got. Some more tears spill down my face and no matter how quickly I try to wipe them away, they are still seen.

“No! No! She’s crying. Stop it,’’ Cowen shouts at me and Max laughs.

“She leaks a lot, mate. Don’t sweat it.’’

“I’m no sweating no more,’’ he tells Max before looking to me seriously. “Stop leaking.’’

“You tell her. This is my twin brother, Myles. Myles, this is Cowen, Lake’s twin brother. Those two lovely looking people standing over there are her parents... and they’re not child abusers,’’ Max adds quickly like he’s reassuring him for his own safety. I have to roll my eyes at his antics.

“Hi,’’ my parents wave at Myles whilst still grinning at Max and Cowen.

“Brother? Twin? Why didn’t we know?’’ Myles asks looking hurt, which puts more guilt on my shoulders. They deserved to know about my life, after all, they’ve shared theirs with me for months and months.

“I knew,’’ Cowen tells him, putting his hand in the air.

“Shall I come back?’’ Myles asks, looking at my red rimmed eyes.

“You can stay if you’d like?’’ I whisper, looking away.

“I better get back to Kayla before she kicks my balls.’’

“I love playing with balls,’’ Cowen tells Myles, walking up to him. “Can I play?’’

Myles chokes on his laughter while Max grins evilly before turning his smothering eyes to me. “I love him,’’ he mouths and I shake my head amused.

“Maybe another time?’’ Myles says, still looking confused. He walks over to me and kisses my cheek before moving to whisper in my ear. “You have a lot to tell us. The girls won’t be happy.’’

I nod my head feeling ashamed. I should have told them all by now about my family, about the accident, about everything.

The fact Joan has been okay with everything just shows how truly kind she really is. I shouldn’t have judged her, thinking she’d turn her back on me. I should have known she would stand by me and help me.

“Mark and I are going to make some pancakes and tea. Why don’t you catch up and we’ll be back in a minute with food,’’ Joan smiles and I relax, loving how welcome she’s being to my family. “Max?’’ she calls when he doesn’t move. Mark and Myles have left but Max doesn’t even blink. In fact, he doesn’t look like he’s about to move at all.