Max (A Carter Brother series Book 4) (38 page)

“I guess I predicted this would happen. I know my brothers. They’re good men and I knew the first time I met you that you were running from your family. Whether it was from a broken home or something else, I didn’t know. The minute one or more of my brothers found out they’d want to fix it. Max fixed it,’’ he shrugs. “He didn’t grow up with a family like you did. All he’s ever had is us and Granddad. Everyone else left. He doesn’t realise how fortunate we are our mum left, but that loss hits him whether he admits it or not. Our dad was killed, leaving us. Even if he was an evil prick we were together. Then we moved in with Granddad and our Nan. Then she died, leaving us again. We’ve watched people leave us our whole life. It’s why he never lets anyone in. He never even got close to anyone to push them away before until he met you.’’

“What about Harlow, Denny and Kayla?’’ I whisper. His words roll around in my head and I never really thought of it that way. He never seemed to care that he lost his parents. In fact, he always made me believe it was a blessing and from what he told me about them, it was a blessing.

“He knew they weren’t going anywhere. Have you seen the way my brothers are with those girls? They’d die before they’d let them leave. Denny left once, when Mason fucked up, and although she was with Mason, it killed Max. They were close and he felt that loss when she left.’’

“Why are you telling me all of this,’’ I whisper, conflicted about what to do.

“Because I need you to know my brother loves you, even if he hasn’t said those words out loud. I’m hoping this isn’t the end of us seeing you and that you’ll come back.’’

“Wouldn’t that be harder?’’ I ask him, searching his expression.

“Maybe,’’ he shrugs. “But what’s the alternative? If you stay then you’ll miss more time with your family. Max out of all people should know what it’s like to be apart from your twin. Or you could go, keep in touch and try to balance it all out.’’

When I don’t say anything he reaches into his coat jacket, pulling out a card with the club logo on. When he hands it to me I look at him confused.

“Call me. If you ever need anything, no matter what, call me.’’

I nod my head, tears filling my eyes once again. “What am I going to do about Max?’’

“Forgive the prick. He’s probably at some bar drinking his sorrows, regretting what he did.’’

When he leaves I stay sitting on my bed thinking about everything he just said to me. Either way I’m going to be destroyed, but at least if I leave with my parents I’ll feel wanted. Grabbing my phone from the side I pull up Max’s number, sending him a message.

LAKE: I’m sorry

I fall asleep holding my phone to my chest, waiting for Max to reply. But when I wake up the next morning, there are no missed calls or messages, sealing my fate.

Bags packed and loaded up in the car, I sit in my bedroom, taking in my room once more before I leave.

My parents waited as long as they could for Max to return home, but it’s midday and still no word from him. Everyone has tried to get in touch with him with no luck. They’ve tried to play it off but I’m worried. We’re leaving in fifteen and I’ve still not said goodbye.

My door opens and I wipe my tears frantically, stunned when Joan walks in with some tissues.

“Thank you,’’ I smile.

“You’re not leaving us for good, sweetheart. This isn’t goodbye, it’s I’ll see you later,’’ she tells me, causing me to burst into tears. I wrap my arms around her neck, holding her tightly. I’m going to miss her so much.

“Thank you. Thank you so much for everything you’ve done for me. You’re the Grandma I never had. I love you,’’ I choke out between sobs, hating that I’m leaving.

“Sweetheart,’’ she sighs, rubbing her cold hands down my back. “I love you too, but thank you. Thank you for coming into our lives. We’ve loved having you and you’ll always,
always,
have a home here. This room will always be yours. So you can come and stay whenever you want. You’ll always be welcome.’’

“Why isn’t he here?’’ I ask after a few minutes of just holding each other. I pull back looking at her sad expression.

“I don’t know, sweetheart, but I will tell you he’s got me to answer to when he finally resurfaces.’’

I give her a weak smile. “I’m really going to miss you guys.’’

“We’re going to miss you too. I’ve packed you some chocolate mousse cake for the drive home, it’s in the kitchen.’’

I begin to cry again and Joan pulls my head on her shoulder. I knew today would be hard but not this hard. I can literally feel my heart cracking in two, being pulled in two different directions.

The door knocks again, opening to show Denny, Harlow and Kayla. Denny and Kayla have both got tears in their eyes but Harlow is full on crying.

“Damn hormones,’’ she sobs, walking into the room. Joan stands, pulling me to my feet.

“I’m going to make sure your mother doesn’t need anything before she leaves,’’ she smiles, then pulls me in for another hug. “See you soon.’’

“My hormones can’t take this,’’ Harlow sobs close by and I pull back, laughing through my tears.

“Com’ ‘ere,’’ she sobs, pulling me into a hug, her bump pressed against my stomach.

“I’m going to miss you,’’ I whisper, holding her tighter. She’s been like a sister to me, one I always wished for growing up with a brother.

“I’m going to miss you too. It’s not going to be the same around here without you,’’ she tells me sadly. “But I know if I had a chance to go back to my parents, I would. I miss them every day,’’ she vows to me. “Max will get over it soon,’’ she promises.

“My turn, bitch,’’ Denny tells Harlow, bumping her lightly with her hip. “Don’t be a stranger, girl. We’ll hunt your ass down otherwise,’’ she tells me, her voice choked up with emotion.

“I won’t, I promise,’’ I giggle, wiping my eyes once more. God, I didn’t think I had any tears left after I cried myself to sleep last night. Obviously I was wrong.

“What she said,’’ Kayla smiles sadly. “I don’t want you to go, but if I had parents like yours, I’d want to spend every waking moment with them.’’

“This is so hard,’’ I cry, sitting down on the edge of the bed. Kayla moves behind me on the bed, Denny sits to my right and Harlow to my left, and they all envelop me into a tight hug.

“We love you,’’ Harlow whispers as the door to my room opens once more. I don’t have time to turn my head before large bodies are squashing us to the bed. Harlow moves out of the way quickly.

“Arghhh, you fat bastards,’’ Denny cries, half lying on me still.

“Group hug,’’ Mason chuckles, smacking a kiss on Denny before lifting up along with Myles, Malik and Maverick. Jesus, how did they not suffocate us?

Seeing Myles has a pang hitting my chest. I keep expecting Max to turn up and seeing his face is just another reminder that he’s not coming.

Kayla barely makes it off the bed before Mason and Myles are jumping on me again, squashing me into the mattress. The girls begin to giggle while I try to puff out a breath.

“Seriously, you guys weigh a ton,’’ I wheeze out.

“We’re going to miss you,’’ Myles tells me, leaning in to kiss my forehead. My eyes water again and I roll my eyes.

“Don’t leak on me,’’ Mason tells me seriously, making me giggle.

“Sorry. I’m just going to miss you guys,’’ I babble, balling my eyes out once again.

“Now look what you’ve done,’’ I hear Maverick mutter. Strong arms lift me up from the bed and fold me into a hug. “It’s going to be okay. Do you still have my card?’’ he asks, his voice below a whisper so the others don’t hear. I nod my head and hold him tighter for a second before pulling away.

“I best go then,’’ I tell them and all of them rush towards me, engulfing me into a tight huddle.

When they pull away, Malik clears his throat seeming uncomfortable with all the emotion going on in the room. It makes me smile.

“I’m going to go... Go do some shit,’’ he says, causing Harlow to giggle.

“Let’s go see if they need any help,’’ Harlow tells him.

Everyone starts filing out of my room and I’m the last to follow, my eyes taking in the room once more before I shut the door, emotion clogging my throat.

We’re all outside saying our goodbyes once more. Denny has Hope wrapped up in her winter coat, standing next to Mason. Myles has Kayla wrapped up in his arms, her head on his shoulder and Malik has his arms wrapped around Harlow from behind, his large hands rubbing her pregnant stomach. Maverick is standing next to Mark who has a weeping Joan in his arms.

My hands are full, holding two containers of my favourite chocolate mousse, when an idea occurs to me.

“Wait, I need to do something,’’ I tell Mum and Dad. Everyone stares as I step away from the car, a smile tugging at my lips.

“Where are you going?’’ Mum calls.

“Just need to leave something for Max,’’ I call back, hoping he’ll understand.

When I’m done I can’t help but cry. I’m about to leave Max’s bedroom when one of his t-shirts catch my eye. Checking the hall to make sure no one is there, I grab it, folding it up and hiding it underneath my coat.

It might be creepy stealing his clothes, but I need something to remind me of him. The thought of never smelling his scent again causes an ache to form in my chest. Just like the thought of never being able to see him again.

Walking out, Mum and Dad are in the car; Marybeth’s already gone.

“Where’s Cowen and Marybeth?’’ I ask as I walk up to the car. Joan moves away, coming to hug me one more time.

“They’ve gone ahead, sweetheart,’’ Mum tells me.

I nod, getting into the back of the car, strapping the belt around me. Everyone is standing outside the window and I wave, smiling sadly.

“You ready?’’ Mum asks.

No. No, I’m not. Instead, I whisper, “Yes.’’

She starts the car and tears begin to fall faster. I wave at everyone standing there and watch the girls and Joan break down in their men’s arms. A painful sob tears from my throat and I can’t hold back any longer.

“Oh, honey,’’ Mum whispers, looking at me through the rear-view mirror.

“It will get easier,’’ Dad says from the passenger seat, looking over at me sadly. I give him a weak smile as I rest my head against the window, watching the rain begin to pour.

It feels like I’ve just left my other half all over again, splitting me in two. When my phone dings I grab it out of my coat pocket, thankful that Joan let me keep it.

My breath hitches when I see Max’s name and I find it hard to breathe as I open the message.

Max: I’m sorry.

I don’t text back, my heart hurting too much. I should be over the moon that he’s sorry but it just makes leaving that much harder.

All I can do now is pray my heart recovers, but deep down, without Max, my heart will always be torn in two.

It’s been a week since Lake left and nothing seems to be getting easier. Joan has tried to keep me busy, or punish me, but it doesn’t matter, she’s always on my mind. No matter how much I drink at night I’ll still fall asleep thinking of her, dreaming of her and wishing I didn’t fuck up as bad as I did. But if I didn’t I know she would have torn herself apart making a decision. We hadn’t talked about it, but I knew it was there in the back of her mind. Pushing her away was the only way and I regret how I did it, but not doing it... I couldn’t be the reason she stayed apart from her family, not when I know how I would feel if someone ever tried to take my family away from me.

I had planned to say goodbye, to tell her I’m sorry, but I passed out at Antonio’s place and never woke up until late midday. I woke up to a bunch of missed calls and messages off everyone, telling me what a prick I am and that she left. I immediately texted her, telling her I was sorry. But it was too late, even I knew that. But saying it, even if it was through text, was something I needed to do.

Finishing up the last of the washing up, I dry my hands on the tea towel. Joan takes that moment to walk in and I groan. I had hoped to sneak out and head over to the pub. I’m not in the mood to do shit today other than drink.

“I’m off to the pub,’’ I tell Joan before she can rope me into anything else.

“Nope, you’re folding these clothes and putting them away,’’ she tells me, throwing a sock at me, the offending item smacking me in the face before I grab hold of it.

“Master has presented Dobby with clothes. Dobby is free!’’ I shout and grab my coat from the back of the kitchen chair and run out the backdoor, ignoring Joan’s furious calls for me to go back.

I take the shortcut to MC5 and get there in record time. Luckily Mason isn’t working today and Maverick will be downstairs sorting whatever shit is going on with V.I.P. I’ll have time to wallow in my own self pity without having them all watching me like a hawk.

“Double JD and coke and a straight double of JD,’’ I tell Jax, one of the new bartenders Mason hired.

“Sure,’’ he nods and makes quick work of making my drinks. I don’t bother moving away from the bar. After downing the first double shot of JD I order another and another. Soon I’m swaying myself over to an empty high table, struggling to sit straight on the stall.

“Shit, this fucker’s high,’’ I mutter, chuckling to myself and feeling drunker by the second.

“Hey, handsome,’’ a young girl with a friend flirts as she walks up to my table. “You want some company?’’

“I need something,’’ I mutter to myself and wave my arm at the two empty chairs. They both share a grin before taking a seat. “Well, hello beautiful ladies,’’ I grin, faking my charm.

“So what has you drinking all alone this evening?’’ the other girl says. She’s a curvy girl, works it well. Freckles cover her nose and cheeks and she has her hair up in a messy ponytail, the blonde box job she’s got needs some serious work. I think she’s got more roots than blonde.

“Do I look lonely to you?’’ I smirk. “You know, Lake would never come get drunk with me,’’ I tell them heatedly. “NO! She’d make me watch lame ass movies, which I’d enjoy but didn’t want to.’’

“Huh? Who’s Lake,’’ the girl who first approached me asks. She’s slimmer than the bad-blonde girl, has sharp blue eyes. She tries to give me a seductive smile but all I can do is hold back a cringe. She’s got a gap between the top two front teeth, making me feel sorry for the next fucker she gives a blowjob to.

“The girl who left me. Would you leave me? I bet you wouldn’t leave me. SHOTS!’’ I shout across the bar and Jax, the bartender, rolls his eyes looking like he wants to refuse. Still, it doesn’t stop that fucker from making me my drinks. “Don’t forget one for these young ladies.’’

The girls giggle and I give them a drunken grin. I can do this. I’ve got the charm. I’ve got the love. I can rock their world.

“I’m Em and this is Kim,’’ Blondie tells me.

“Max,’’ I grin but a frown soon replaces it.

“So who put a frown on your face?’’ Kim asks, still trying to be seductive, bless her heart.

“Lake. Can you believe she put shit in my boxers?’’ I tell them, both girls looking thoroughly disgusted.

“Not real shit,’’ I slur, rolling my eyes. “She left mousse in my boxers. Not just one pair but every fucking pair. Everyone thought I had the runs. Couldn’t even get the stains out,’’ I chuckle, remembering when I got home the day Lake left.

I’d gone straight to my room after getting my ass handed to me from everyone. Literally. They all took turns getting their anger and frustration out on me. Harlow even got physical before she suddenly burst into tears. Don’t even get me started on Maverick. He’s been giving me the eye all week and I know he’s itching to kick my ass. Not that I blame him.

Anyway, I’d gone to my room, showered and headed back to my room. When I went to grab a fresh pair of boxers, I found out the hard way just how much I hurt Lake.

After taking a second shower, rinsing chocolate mousse from my ass crack and balls, I headed back into my room for another pair. Only, the sneaky bitch ruined every single pair in my drawers.

Everyone had thought I’d shit myself. It took me shoving a pair in my brother’s face to prove I wasn’t having bowel problems. Of course, I’d already tasted the offending mess; it’s how I found out it was Joan’s famous mousse recipe.

Crazy bitch.

“You know how to get over someone?’’ gap girl flirts, her finger running up and down my arm.

“Fuck two girls senseless at the same time?’’ I ask, but there’s no heat in my words. I probably wouldn’t be able to get it up for them and not just because I’m two sheets to the wind. Doesn’t mean I won’t make a fool of myself trying.

The girls giggle and I fight hard not to roll my eyes at them. Movement on the DJ stage catches my eye and I notice some blokes setting something up.

“What’s going on?’’ I shout over to Jax who’s walking over with our drinks.

“It’s karaoke,’’ he rumbles, not seeming impressed with me.

Neyo’s, So Sick
starts playing over the speakers, grabbing my attention. Jax huffs seeming pissed at my sudden dismissal. Fuck, if only he knew how heartbroken I am.

Neyo starts babbling over the speakers about not being able to move on, feeling ridiculous about not getting over her even though it’s been months. Then he mentions being stronger, not wanting to walk around being blue and it hits me. I have to sing a hate song or something powering to help me move on. The more the idea swirls in my head the more sure I am it will work.

“I need to sing a hate song. It will help me move on from her,’’ I tell the girls, but they’re too busy chatting to each other. I fall in a heap on the floor, bruising my ass, and the girls look over the table at me seeming amused.

“I need to sing. I’m good. I’m good,’’ I slur, getting up and moving over towards the stage. I nearly knock over a few chairs on my way but luckily people were sitting in them, stopping them from going down.

“Mate, I think you need to go home and sleep it off,’’ Jax tells me and I look at him like he’s got two heads.

“Why don’t
you
sleep it off,’’ I snap, pointing my finger at his chest.

“Because I’m not drunk or falling over customers. You just groped a lady’s chest,’’ he tells me, rolling his eyes.

“Pft, please,’’ I roll my eyes. “I landed on them, not like I did it on purpose.’’

“You gave them a squeeze.’’

“They felt soft,’’ I defend.

“She’s in her sixties,’’ Jax tells me dryly.

“Then she just got the thrill of her life.’’

“What are you doing?’’ he asks, sighing.

“Singing. I need to sing Lake a hate song so I can get over her for leaving. She left. Just left. Everyone leaves. Did you know...’’

“Mate, just sing your song,’’ he tells me, moving out of my way. Well, isn’t he a chatty chappy.

Grinning in triumph I make my way up the stage and flick through the song book until I come across the perfect one. I take the book over to the DJ and he looks at me like I’ve lost it. Maybe I have.

“This one?’’ he double checks, looking uncertain with my awesome song choice.

“Yeppers,’’ I grin, feeling happy about my decision. I needed this. To get her out of my mind once and for all. Shit, maybe I can sing
Kylie Minogue’s, I Can’t Get You Out Of My Head
.

“Alrighty then,’’ he chuckles, before handing me a mic.

Gloria Gaynor’s I Will Survive
starts blasting from the speakers and everyone in the bar turns to me.

Some laugh when I start singing but I don’t give a shit. I need to feel empowered, strong and what better way than
Gloria Gaynor’s I Will Survive
? I just hope I don’t fuck up when I get to the chorus and sing ‘I will survive, as long as I’ve had Weetabix, I know I’ll stay alive’ from the Weetabix advert years ago.

My voice is high as I sing the lyrics, demanding someone to walk out the door, to not turn around, that I don’t need them anymore.

It feels good, refreshing, and I start to get carried away, pointing to people in the bar, singing louder as I stare at them. My hips start jiggling and I find myself moving across the stage, nearly flying backwards when the wire of the mic stops me short.

The song comes to an end and everyone cheers. I take a dramatic bow, nearly falling face first off the stage. Luckily, I manage to catch my footing.

Jumping down from the stage, I grin big as I make my way back to the table, to the two girls sitting with a fresh round of drinks. I smirk as I arrive, downing the drink in one go.

“What shall we sing next? I reckon we should sing some Taylor, or hell, maybe some Bruno Mars and Celine Dion. Come on, I’m feeling energetic,’’ I rant, feeling excitement bubble inside me for the first time since Lake left.

“Maybe we could go do something else?’’ she suggests, waggling her eyebrows at me. I laugh at the two caterpillars before leaning over the table like I’m going to tell them a big secret.

“What you thinking?
My Heart Will Go On
?
We’re Never Getting Back Together
?’’

“I was thinking more along the lines of being naked,’’ Kim flirts, giggling.

I look between the two, weighing my options. I’ve been in this situation before and it didn’t end well for me.

“Few questions first,’’ I tell them, watching their eyes light up. “You into threesomes? Spanking?’’

The girls nod, looking at each with a scrunched up face. I ignore it, carrying on. After all, we’re talking about my safety here.

“What about fisting, soiling on each other? Anal?’’ I ramble, taking another gulp of my drink. When I open my eyes the girls are rushing away.

“Well, shit,’’ I chuckle and then look around the room, looking for someone to help sing my problems away with. When I see another group of girls, I smack my glass down on the table.

Sha-tttting!

Staggering over to the group of four girls I put a wide grin on my face. They see me approach and a few run an appreciative eye over me.

Well, look at that, I’m in
, I grin, tripping over my own feet and bumping into two of the four girls.

“Shit, ladies, I’m sorry. Bartender spiked my drink,’’ I joke. The two I bumped into don’t look too pleased and start to move away from me. The other two are giggling, looking amused. At least someone appreciates my moves.

“Hey, I’m Amber,’’ the chick with brown hair, blue eyes and a rack to drool over greets.

“Well, hellooooo, Amber,’’ I smirk, my eyes zeroing on her two beauties. “Want to go and sing with me? We could rock this place.’’

“What were you thinking?’’ Amber asks seeming into the idea.

“Maybe
Taylor Swift, One Direction
, or maybe some
Celine Dion
, ‘My Heart Will Go On’, what do you think?’’

“Who’s
Celine Dion
?’’ she asks and I look at her appalled.

“Are you fucking with me? I’m only eighteen and even I know who
Celine Dion
is,’’ I tell her, eyes wide. I don’t bother to mention my nan listened to her constantly and that the chick kind of grew on me. I could sing a bit of Celine better than most people.

But seriously, has this chick been living under a rock?

“You been living under a rock?’’

“No,’’ she snaps dryly, the seductive look she was giving me now wiped from her face. Well, shit. Maybe the other chick will be game. When my eyes turn to the side my body sways and I think I’ve drunk more than I realised because all three of the other girls have disappeared.

“Magic,’’ I whisper, rubbing furiously at my eyes. Nope, still gone.

“What?’’

“Nothing, so... Taylor? One D?’’

“Um...’’ she starts, but something behind me catches her eye and I watch them widen before dilating into lust.

What crab ass is trying to steal my singing partner? Turning, I watch as Maverick struts over, an angry glare in his eyes.