Maya And The Tough Guy (15 page)

“I don’t even remember what I said. But it was just words. Trust me, babe, I’m about as deep as a wading pool.”

“No, you’re not.”

Jayce nodded emphatically. “I am. I’ve got very few feelings. Turned on. Turned off. Happy. Not happy. That’s about it.”

She pressed her lips together to keep from smiling. “Liar.”

“Listen, here’s what I’m thinking. My feelings aside, okay, because this is about you. I’m thinking you need to conquer your fear. Feel the kind of control you felt when you shoved Norris, today. Or like when you told off that church lady. You need that kind of control in all areas of your life, and I think I can help you with that.”

“Oh, is that so?” she giggled.

“Yeah. That’s so. You wanna hear my idea?”

“I’m afraid to, but yeah, go ahead.”

He glanced around. Leaned in. Lowered his voice. Arched a brow. Gave her an almost-grin. “I think you should let me be your love slave for a night.”

Maya couldn’t help it, the notion was so outlandish, she dropped her head back and laughed. “Like what? Me Christian, you Ana?”

“Who?”

“Never mind. Jayce, I don’t really see you being the submissive type.”

“Girl, you can tie me up, blindfold me, beat me with one of those little whip thingies. You pick the night, and I’ll do whatever the fuck you want. Anything, Maya. Seriously. Anything.”

Her mouth was wide open, at this point, and her face red with heat. “Oh my God, you’re crazy.”

He hitched a shoulder. “I think it’ll be fun.”

She laughed at how she was actually considering this ridiculous suggestion. “I think you’d be disappointed. My scope of experience is pretty limited.”

“I won’t judge. It’s sex. There’s no wrong way to do it.”

“I would beg to differ.”

It was the wrong thing to say if she wanted the conversation to stay light. His expression sobered completely, and his dark eyes bored into hers, seeing into her soul. She felt warmed and chilled at the same time, just like whenever she ran a fever. Maybe she was coming down with something. Should she tell Jayce that his eye contact gave her flu-like symptoms? The thought amused her, and a laugh bubbled up and escaped. She quickly looked down at her hands, trying not to smile.

Jayce reached across the table. Maya immediately flinched back. His hand paused, inches from her face before he withdrew it. “Maybe sex is more of a long term goal for you,” he said.
 

She bit down on her bottom lip, all amusement fading away. “It’s not that I’m not interested.”

“I had my hand down your panties last night, Maya,” Jayce said. “I
know
you’re interested.”

Her face went red-hot.

Jayce actually grinned. “I’m sorry,” he said, looking anything but sorry. “That was rude of me.”

She shook her head, but nothing came out of her mouth.

Jayce reached across the table and turned his hand, palm-up, in invitation. Maya hesitated only a second before slipping her hand into his. “This,” he said, moving his thumb gently over the soft skin between her thumb and forefinger, “is an important step you shouldn’t skip over. Just learning to touch and be touched. Wanna practice on me, Maya?”

She gulped. This was a new kind of fear. This wasn’t fear at all. It was adrenaline and lust coursing through her body, making her feel more alive and vital than she had in years. When she inhaled, her breath came in hitches. His thumb, that gentle motion, was driving her wild. She slowly withdrew her hand and folded it with the other in her lap. “What exactly are you offering me?”

Maya watched his Adam’s apple bob, the only hint of any nerves at all. For the rest of him, his face, his voice, was fully stoic. “Anything,” he answered. “Like I said.”

“Why?”

His eyebrows rose, as though surprised by the question. “I don’t know how to answer that.”

“Then, I can’t…” She shook her head, unable to finish the sentence.

He frowned. “I just want to be your friend.”

“Friends don’t typically offer unconditional…touch therapy to other friends.”

“Friends like me do.”

She shook her head. “I’m afraid it’s because of your feelings for me. I’m afraid it’s more than a crush and I wouldn’t want to take advantage—”

“It
is
a crush, babe. That’s all it is. Listen, I’m just one of those guys who’s real casual about sex. It’s not a big deal to me. Let me do this for you. With you.”

The ache between her legs throbbed. Maya tried to ignore it, to not let it have a say in the matter.

Jayce leaned forward. “Listen, the crush is nothing. I’ve known you forever and I know I never really impacted you or made a difference in your life, but you definitely made a difference in mine. I mean, Kellen talks about you all the time, so you’ve always been a part of my life. I’ve always considered you a friend and considered myself a friend to you. You just…”
 

Maya waited for him to finish. But instead, he took a different direction. “I don’t wanna pressure you,” he said. “I just want you to know that if you want to practice getting back in the game, I’m happy to be your partner.”

“I don’t understand what you get out of it.”

His laugh was startling. “I get to have a hot chick put her hands on me, Maya. What the hell do you mean you don’t understand what I get out of it?”

For some reason, this relieved her. “Really? That’s all there is to it?”

He hitched a shoulder again. “Pretty simple. Just think about it, okay?”

He went back to eating his breakfast while she couldn’t help but think about it. What would she do with him? Assuming he truly let her have all the control, she thought it might be nice to have a warm man wrapped around her at night. Would he mind just holding her? Would he lay there and let her touch him?

“The kids are spending Friday night at their grandparents’ house,” she blurted out.

He looked up from his breakfast. “Yeah?”
 

She nodded.
 

He sipped his coffee and smiled.

His smile swept the tension out of her. She laughed. “Yeah. Maybe we could try out the love slave thing after work.”

“Sounds good,” he said. His voice was casual, but his eyes stared relentlessly into hers.

“You could come over. And plan to stay the night, just in case.”

“Yes, I could do that.”

She blinked and waited for her nerves to kick in, or for some inner voice to tell her she was making a bad decision. When it didn’t happen, she said, “Then, it’s a date.”

He nodded and finally broke eye contact, leaning back to finish off his breakfast. She watched him, wondering just how complex was the world that lived behind those dark eyes.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

Letter after letter, begging for a visit. Maya had read them all the day before. Initially she’d flat out rejected the idea of visiting Damon. But then she began questioning herself. Was she still afraid of him? If so, she should face her fears and go see him. Did she still have feelings for him? If so, then she definitely shouldn’t go see him. Back and forth she went, examining her motives.

She pushed her dilemma aside the best she could for her Thursday meeting with Jayce and the girls. With no expectations as to how the other barmaids would receive her idea, she’d given a quick pitch up front, telling them she wanted to do a Valentine’s Ladies Night for charity. The girls squealed in delight and Maya was momentarily stunned, and then galvanized. She laid out the details of her plan and was met with full support, as well as an outpouring of other ideas. Jayce stayed quiet, leaning back in his chair with his arms folded over his chest, wearing an inscrutable smirk.

After that, Maya dragged herself, her kids, and her emotional baggage to her weekly counseling session. Her personal issues—her feelings for Damon, her feelings for Jayce, her questions of identity, her struggles to earn education and income—all came second to the needs of her children. While Sophie was adapting fairly well, Mattie’s attitude had been growing more belligerent by the day.

Dr. Stinson asked, “Are you feeling angry, Matthew?”

Mattie folded his arms over his chest and shrugged. “Nope.”

“You know, that posture with your arms like that and your head down, makes you appear angry. It’s okay to be angry. Let’s talk about it.”

Mattie huffed. “I’m just mad at this kid at school, that’s all.”

“Is he being mean to you?”

“No, he’s just a jerk.”

“Do you feel bullied?”

“No. I just don’t like him, that’s all.”

Dr. Stinson was unable to prompt any useful responses. Maya followed her into her office, after, leaving the kids in the play room.

“I’d like to do some one on one counseling with him,” Dr. Stinson said.
 

“You think he’ll talk to you if I’m not there?” Maya asked with a lump in her throat. She hated to think that her child had a problem she couldn’t solve herself.

“That’s often the case,” Dr. Stinson said. “It’s not a statement on your ability as a mother. All children speak to other adults differently than to their parents. If they don’t have any other adults that they trust, it helps to have a counselor. Would you be amenable to it?”

“Um, yeah. I feel—

Dr. Stinson waited. Then she smiled. “Go on.”

“Inadequate, I guess.”

“It’s a natural feeling. But don’t let it rule you. You aren’t inadequate. By seeking help and allowing these changes, you’re proving that you are adequate. That you exceed that and are strong and courageous.”

Maya blushed.
 

“Now let’s talk about you for the remainder of our time. How are you doing?”

Maya swallowed hard. She had no intention of sharing her conversation with Jayce. She was afraid Dr. Stinson would advise her against spending the night with him. The whole thing made her feel like a kid sneaking a cookie out of the jar and hoping not to get caught. “I’m good. I have a question, though. Just hypothetical. When is it okay to—to move on. I mean, with another man?”

“Are you talking about a relationship?”

“No, no. I know I’m not ready for a relationship and you’ve advised against that. I’m going to give myself a year, like you said. At least. But…what if an opportunity comes along—“

“For sex?”

Maya laughed in relief. “Yes. For sex.”

“I would advise caution. Very difficult to divorce sex from feelings. I would suggest you take the same care in choosing a sexual partner as you would in choosing a husband. That way, if feelings were to develop, you wouldn’t find yourself feeling trapped or heartbroken.”

Maya thought about Jayce. She wasn’t sure whether he would ever be husband material, but she trusted him. “This guy is really good with casual sex. I know a girl he spends time with. She thinks the world of him and feelings have never gotten in the way.”

“So he comes with references?”

Maya laughed and covered her face. Dr. Stinson was laughing, too.
 

“Well, Maya, it’s all well and easy for me to advise you to avoid sex for a while. But if you’ve met someone, then you have to make that call. Just be cautious, especially where your heart is concerned.”

Maya nodded and fidgeted with the hem of her shirt. “I’m really, really attracted to him.”

“That’s perfectly natural.”

“He seems attracted to me.”

“Also natural.”

Maya swallowed and forced her eyes up to meet Dr. Stinson’s. “Is it?”

Dr. Stinson cocked her head.

“I’ve spent so many years being told different things about my body,” she said, “mostly all negative. I’ve heard it so often I can hardly believe this guy wants to be with me.”

“Has he complimented you? Mentioned your looks in any way?”

Maya’s shoulders slumped. “No. Not that I can recall. Sometimes I catch him looking at me, but he doesn’t really say anything.” She frowned. “Come to think of it, I don’t think I’d believe him if he did. But when I look up and he’s staring at me and then quickly looks away…that’s not a lie, is it?”

Dr. Stinson smiled.

“I guess some guys like skinny women with small breasts.”

“It’s hard to love our bodies. But be confident. Don’t apologize for your looks. And just…be careful.”

Maya nodded. “There’s something else. Damon wants me to visit him.”

“Do you want to visit him?”

“No. I just feel like I should.”

“You know you don’t owe him anything.”

“I know. But, if he wants a chance to say a civil goodbye, I’d like to give him that. I’d like to have it for myself. I just need to know if you think I’m strong enough to see him.”

Dr. Stinson studied Maya for a moment before asking, “What are you afraid of?”

Maya chewed her lip. “I know it doesn’t make any sense, but I’m afraid he’ll convince me to stay married to him.”

“Is that a real possibility?”

Maya immediately thought of her kids and the way they’d hovered by her side the night Damon had left; the last time Damon had put her in the hospital. Her children had touched her gently and tried to comfort her. She’d said all the same things she always did:
Daddy loves us very much; Daddy is under a lot of stress; Daddy would never hurt you kids.
“No.” The word came out of her mouth almost of its own volition. And it came out strong.

Dr. Stinson arched a brow.

“No,” Maya repeated. “There’s no danger of it.”

After that, Maya realized she didn’t need Dr. Stinson’s approval. She left the counseling session with one less burden on her shoulders—her fear of Damon.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

Friday morning the new uniforms arrived. Maya, Janice, Tasha, Lou Ellen, Christy, and Angel wore them for the first time. They all found they had fewer ass-grabbing attempts and their tips weren’t affected at all.
 

At eleven, Maya left, without making eye contact with her boss who had been leering at her all night, at least she was pretty sure that’s what all his long stares amounted to. The kids were already at their grandparents’ house and Zoey had been thrilled to spend the night at Kellen’s. Maya went home, showered, and then wandered around the house tidying up.

Then she decided it was stupid to tidy up. She had a love slave coming over. He could tidy up. So she put on shorts and a tank top and sat down on the couch…just in time for the doorbell to ring. It wasn’t even midnight yet. She knew he was going to let Janice close up, but surely he wouldn’t leave her tending bar during such a busy time of night.