Me After You (16 page)

“How did you get to be so wise?” I roll onto my side to face her and hold myself up on my elbow.

“I’ve wished on a lot of dandelions throughout my life.” She holds up the dandelion with a smile, offering hope for something better.

I lean in to kiss her lips and then inhale deeply before blowing away the fluff. It drifts with the wind and eventually flies away, disappearing into the sky. I can feel Sawyer’s eyes on me so I peer over at her.

“What did you wish for?” she asks.

“Do you believe if you tell someone your wish it won’t come true?”

“That’s a common misconception, in my opinion,” she says with playful authority.

The corner of my mouth turns up. I want to kiss her, but I know if I do, I won’t stop, and I really want to hear what she has to say. “And why do you think that?”

“I believe in positive affirmations. If you say something out loud or write it down, it’s more likely to happen. You’re more likely to make it happen.”

“What if it’s out of my control?” I ask seriously.

“Then saying it out loud can only help. If you can’t control it, I don’t believe saying it will make it any less possible. But, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, Dean. I understand if it’s personal or if you want to protect the sacred nature of wish making.” Her eyes tease me, but hold their softness.

I pause before responding. Looking down at the short green blades between us, I pick at the grass. Sawyer’s fingers push back the hair in my eyes asking with their touch for me to look at her. “I wished that my mom would come back.”

Her eyes glide over my face and stop when they meet mine again. “That couldn’t wait for the stars? Did you get in another fight with your dad?” she asks carefully.

I nod once and look over my shoulder toward the sky. “I know my mom left for a reason. I can’t blame her for not wanting to stay with him. I just don’t understand why she didn’t take me with her, you know?” My eyes shift back to Sawyer, and her deep brown eyes clench my heart. “At the same time, I can’t say that I wish she did.”

“Why?”

“Because then I wouldn’t have you in my life. And you make up for what she lacked. You make everything better.” I shrug.

Sawyer looks at me sadly, but with no pity. I can’t pinpoint what it is because no one has ever looked at me the way she does. “I love you, Dean Preston,” she says. “You know that, right?” Her fingers graze my jaw and brush my chin with tenderness.

“I know, and I don’t know what I did to deserve it.”

She shrugs and simply says, “You’re you.”

“Do you have your wish ready?” Lily’s bright blue eyes sparkle under the sunrays that are seeping through the branches. Her smile widens, encouraging me to make it a good one.

I nod, and she leans her head forward, bringing the dandelion between us so we can blow on it at the same time. I think twice about this. Lily and I don’t make wishes on dandelions. Sawyer and I do. I feel like I’m cheating on Sawyer, which is a ridiculous thought. I know it’s childish. Adults don’t make wishes on dandelions, but if I’m going to make wishes on dandelions with anyone, it’s going to be Sawyer.

Lily takes a deep breath and exhales. I watch as the white fuzz flies with the breeze.

“Hey… you didn’t make a wish,” she pouts.

“I did,” I assure her. “I just let you blow it away.”

Not a day goes by that I don’t wish I could go back in time.

“I’
VE
GOT
MY
little brother’s soccer game today,” Alix says when she picks me up. “I told him I would stop by for a little bit before we go shopping.”

“That’s fine,” I say, buckling my seatbelt. “Your mom going to be there?”

“She said she would stop by toward the end.” It’s apparent in Alix’s voice that she doesn’t think she’ll show, but I don’t comment on it. It wouldn’t be anything new for her mom to bail on something like this. Not because she doesn’t care, but because she’s so flighty.

I didn’t realize soccer was such a big deal in Willowhaven. Nearly every elementary aged kid is signed up. There are four different games going on. Alix and I walk to the last marked field and sit on a blanket. Alix’s brother, Brooks, is with all his teammates. When he sees us, he waves with the biggest grin on his face. I peer at Alix and see her return the smile, packing it with as much love as she can.

My eyes wander around the field until they spot the last person I would expect to see there. What confuses me even more is the clipboard in his hand and all the little soccer players huddled around him. He wears a dark blue baseball cap with black Ray-bans and is instructing the boys.

My forehead furrows. “Is Dean one of the soccer coaches?”

Alix shifts her gaze across the field. “Ah man, I didn’t realize Brooks would be playing against his team today.”

“So, you knew that he coached?” The huddle breaks and runs onto the field.
 

Dean shouts, “Go get ‘em, boys!”

“He’s been doing it for the last couple seasons,” Alix mutters.

Weird
. I’m more baffled than annoyed that he’s here. It seems so out of character for him. I knew he liked soccer, but when I attempted to convince him to tryout for the soccer team our senior year you would have thought I asked him to commit murder. Dean and extracurriculars didn't mix. He once told me his after school activities included his bike, music, and me. I get up and find myself walking toward him before I think about what I’m doing.

“Hey, where are you going?” Alix calls, but I don’t answer.

I meander through the parents and onlookers around the soccer field and wind up right next to Dean. He does a double take when he sees me.

“Hey, Sawyer,” he says, perplexed.

“You coach soccer?”

“Looks that way, doesn’t it?” He hollers something to one of his little players on the field, but I’m too lost to catch what he’s saying.

“Since when do you know how to coach soccer?”

He peers at me from the corner of his eye, but keeps his focus on the game. “Since always.”

“Well, I knew you liked to play for fun, but I just hadn’t realized you knew it well enough to coach it. And after the last time I saw you on a soccer field I figured you’d want to stay far away.”

He grimaces, but ignores my last comment. “Learn something new every day, don’t ya?” He shouts something to a player named David. “But it’s a league for eight year olds, Sawyer, not professionals. I think I can handle it.”

“I didn’t even know you liked kids.”

He chuckles. “You seem to know very little about me, all things considered.”

“Why do you think I’m so confused?”

“Well, as you said, people change.” He calls out some words of encouragement to a few of his other players. “It’s been six years, Sawyer. There are probably a lot of things about me you don’t know anymore. But I’m not the one dead set on keeping the silent treatment going.” He turns to me. Though sunglasses shield his eyes, I know what his gaze is portraying. It’s smug.

“There’s a difference between the silent treatment and knowing a pointless conversation when you see one. No sense in wasting words on something that won’t change a thing.”

“Is that what you think? That if we have an actual conversation about us that it won’t change a thing?”

“I don’t think. I know. And there is no us. That died a long time ago.”

“Then why are we having this conversation right now?” he counters. I stare at him without a witty retort. He bows his head lower, near my ear and softly says, “Now, who’s scared?”

I shiver. Gritting my teeth against his lure, I walk away.
How did I even get myself in that conversation anyway?
 

“Good talkin’ to ya!” Dean hollers.

My rational thought kicks back in. Why I thought going over and talking to him was a good idea, I don’t know. Carrying on a conversation with him will lead to more frustration and heartache.

“What were you talking about?” Alix asks when I drop down on the blanket next to her.

“Nothing,” I say shortly.

“Looked like a lot more than nothing. Why did you go over to him?”

“I have no idea,” I grumble and watch the players run up and down the green field chasing the black and white ball.

“Seems like a legit reason.” Out of the corner of my eye, I see her nodding and I chuckle.

“Shut up.”

I can’t stay focused on the game. My eyes keep straying to Dean. Half of the time he’s watching his players—calling out direction and praise—the other half he’s watching me. He might be wearing sunglasses, but I can tell. His lips turn up in a small smirk every time our gazes meet and I turn away. I want to leave, but I’ve already made Alix do that once because of him, and I can’t do that to Brooks. Alix and I are the only ones here to support him.

We end up staying for the whole game. Brooks’ team wins. They jump and throw their fists in the air as they run off the field, giving each other high fives and fist bumps. I look over to Dean’s team on the opposite side of the field. He high fives every one of his players as they walk off the field with their heads hanging low. As soon as they see his smile, they light up and high five him. He tells them what a good job they did and how proud he is of them. It makes me think about a younger Dean, a Dean who probably never heard those words. My heart flutters rapidly in my chest and tears start to prick my eyes.
What the crap is happening to me?
I blink to clear them, thankful my sunglasses hide my expression.

When the last player passes him, he looks up and catches me staring. I stand there for a moment in a daze. He looks so handsome, and I want to run to him and hug him for being so sweet with his little players. They lost, and he’s treating them as if they’ve won. He lifts the corner of his mouth up in a crooked smile and my knees buckle. Refusing to smile, I set my jaw and turn to find Alix. She’s hugging her brother and telling him how awesome she thinks he is. I don’t see their mom anywhere in sight. It doesn’t surprise me, and I’m glad we stayed the entire time, even if it meant I had to be in the same place as Dean for an extended period of time.

B
RADEN
IS
THE
last one off the field. I give him my last high five and pat him on the back. He played really hard today. I know he was trying his best to make that last goal, but it wasn’t meant to be. We’ll get ‘em next time.

When I look up, Sawyer and I get caught in another staring match. If only I knew what she was thinking. It stung a little that she thought I didn’t have it in me to be good with kids. Her surprise was a little insulting. I realize it wasn’t a hot topic of conversation when we were together, but I thought she knew me better than that. And I don’t know why I’m surprised she brought up the last time we were on a soccer field. That was the last mistake I ever made, and my right hand is still struggling with the aftermath. I flex my fingers subconsciously.

Dustin Hale scores the winning goal to break the tie. After the ball hits the net he turns and pounds his chest like thinks he’s Tarzan. “In your face, Preston! You don’t mess with state champs! We will own you!” He does a back flip and pumps his fist in the air. I exhale to keep myself in check and roll my eyes before walking off the field.

“Oh c’mon, Preston, too butt hurt to take the loss like a man? You’re just gonna walk away?”

I toss a wave, but don’t turn to acknowledge him. He doesn’t need any more encouragement to be a prick. “It was just a game, Hale.”

I meet Sawyer on the sidelines where Josh and Aiden are drinking Gatorade to cool down. She offers a small smile. “You were really great out there. I’m impressed. You should have been on the team.”

I shrug. “I just want to play for fun. I’m not much for team sports,” I say and kiss her.

“Hey, Preston,” Dustin hollers. I breathe to keep my cool. I can only imagine what’s coming next. “Did you hear your mom is back?”

My heart leaps, but my stomach has the opposite effect. I keep my face straight, turning to see Dustin smirking, tossing the soccer ball up in the air and catching it as he walks toward us. He’s always been a sore winner, but I don’t know where he’s going with this.

“I thought the way I scored with her last night would top this win, but she didn’t feel nearly this good.”

A dark fog engulfs me. I don’t hear, see, or feel anything around me but my fist meeting Dustin’s face. It all happens within a matter of seconds. One moment I’m standing in front of him, the next I’m kneeling over his body wailing on him. Nothing else plays through my mind expect for retaliation.

Strong arms pull me back as people shout my name. I try to wretch free, but their hold tightens. Sawyer comes into view, but I don’t hear a thing that’s coming out of her mouth. My sights are set on the douchebag being picked up off the ground by his buddies. He wipes his mouth and spits blood, cursing at me, but I don’t hear any of it. I want another shot to tear him to shreds.

“Dean. Dean. Hey.” Sawyer places her small hands on either side of my face. “Hey, look at me. Look at me,” she says carefully, stroking my jaw. “Dean, you with me? Hey.” With my teeth grinding, I breathe through my nose and shift my stare to Sawyer.

Worry spreads across her face, and I blink away my rage.

“Hey, there you are.” She smiles gently as if she didn’t just see me beat the tar out of that kid. “He’s not worth going to jail for. Will you breathe with me?” She inhales through her nose and exhales out her mouth. I watch her take a couple breaths and feel her chest rising and falling against my body, then I imitate the motions. Her brown eyes peer up at me with tenderness, and my anger slowly dissipates.

“I’m sorry,” I say and the solid arms holding me back loosen.

“I’ve got this guys.” She nods to the guys behind me, whom I can only assume are Josh and Aiden. They step back.

She shakes her head at me. “He said some lousy things, but you’re back now.” Her lips press softly against mine. “You scared me there for a minute.” The tone in her voice is meant to be light, but it’s laced with fear.