Meant To Be (3 page)

‘Hello girl,' Emily said, giving Grace's ears a rub as the dog stared up at her adoringly. ‘I thought you'd traded me in for Jake.'

‘Not a chance. She was just being polite to the new guy, weren't you, girl?' Jake said, reaching over and patting the dog's belly. As he leant back again he paused to kiss Emily. Her heart surged.

‘So, what did you guys get up to while I was out?'

Jake checked his watch. ‘I've actually been sitting here the whole time you've been gone,' he said, frowning.

‘Really?' She looked at him closely. ‘Are you okay?'

‘I'm fine.'

‘Are you sure? If you've been sitting here all this time without realising…'

‘Really, I'm fine. Just feeling a bit washed out.'

‘You'd tell me if there was something wrong, wouldn't you?' She watched as he plucked at the dried grass. ‘Jake, I'm worried about you. Is it about Shane?' Emily's heart began to race a little.

Jake shook his head, but kept his gaze down.

‘There's a psychologist in town, Jacqueline Havelock, if you think she might be able to help. Or there's Doctor Squire. Though, it can take a while to get in – one of the pitfalls of country life…' She shut her mouth abruptly, aware she was babbling. She was scared. What was going on with him?

Jake looked up and fixed his gaze on her. He looked worse than a bit washed out. There were beads of sweat on his forehead. As he brought his hands into his lap, she saw that they were shaking.

‘It's not a big deal. I didn't want to worry you. I
don't
want to worry you.'

‘Now you are worrying me.' She tried to sound light-hearted, but failed.

He grasped her hands and took a deep breath.

‘Last week, before you came to Melbourne, I saw my GP.'

‘Okay. That's good. And?'

Emily didn't like prying, but poor communication had been a problem for her in the past. It had almost lost her Jake and her two best friends, Barbara and David, and she was determined not to repeat her mistakes. She bit her lip in an effort to wait out his excruciating silence.

‘I'm fine. Well, I
will
be fine, in time. I need to take it easy for a bit. Lots of rest. My GP thinks I have adrenal fatigue, but we'll know more when she gets my test results back.'

‘Is it like chronic fatigue syndrome?'

‘Quite different, as far as I can tell. With chronic fatigue, you're always exhausted and just want to sleep. With me, I'm often fuzzy and weary, but not in the way I want to actually sleep. I'm quite tired in the mornings, but I seem to often get a second wind in the afternoons and evenings.'

I've noticed that – in Melbourne and the other night with Barbara and David.

‘A lot of the time I feel jittery. It's like a fight-or-flight response – surging adrenaline – but for no reason. And you can't stop it.'

‘You poor thing, it sounds awful. Did something happen – other than Shane's death – or is it because you're too stressed? Until I saw you in Melbourne, you always seemed so okay with everything.'

‘I'm always busy with work, and I've usually got a lot on my mind. I guess I just accepted that. But Shane's death seems to have triggered something, tipped me over the edge.'

Emily felt terrible that their tiff might have contributed to his stress as well. ‘So, did something happen, something specific, that saw you go and see your GP?'

‘On Thursday morning – I think it was Thursday, anyway, last week is all a bit of a blur – I was watching the news on TV. Suddenly the noise seemed miles away and I couldn't make out the specific voices. It was like everything was distorted, out of focus. And then I couldn't get up. I felt glued to the couch. My heart started racing. I was sweating. And when I thought about what I was meant to be doing, I couldn't remember. I couldn't think. It was terrifying. I didn't know what was happening to me – if I was having some sort of seizure or stroke. Eventually things became clear again, like coming out of a fog. I'd probably only been like that for minutes – maybe half an hour – but it felt like I'd lost a whole day. I didn't know what else to do, so I phoned the clinic. I was really freaked out. Thankfully they could fit me in that morning.'

‘God, you poor thing.'

‘I guess it's being based in a city and dealing with so many stressed people, but my GP picked it straight away. She thinks the test results are just a formality. It'll be good to know for sure, but it won't really change anything. Regardless, she wants me to take three to six months off.'

‘Can you afford to take that much time off?'

‘I don't see I have a choice. If it happens again, there's a chance I could find myself totally catatonic, like a complete shutdown, and not be able to move. Imagine if it happened when I was driving.'

‘That's a scary thought.'

‘So, I'm looking at Shane's death as a big wake-up call. If there's one thing good that can come out of that, I'll take it. What's the point of working so hard if it's just going to kill you? I've got some good people working for me. And Sim's got someone in mind as project manager. I'm not too concerned about the business. And I'm fine for money, thanks to a good insurance policy. I have to focus on getting better, at this stage just take each day as it comes. It's all about playing it by ear and listening to my body, really.'

‘So, Simone knows everything?'

‘Yes.'

Sometimes Emily wished she had a sibling to confide in. ‘And there really isn't any specific treatment?'

‘Just lots of vitamins and long walks in the country. Watching my stress levels and concentrating on getting myself healthy through diet and exercise. I've cut way down on caffeine too. I was drinking coffee right through the day. I had no idea how many cups I was having – I always had one on the go in the office.'

‘Actually, I had noticed you weren't drinking so much coffee. And I did wonder about all the vitamins you've been taking.'

‘Yes, I practically rattle in the mornings now.'

‘You know you can always talk to me about things. If this is going to work, I don't want there to be secrets between us.'

‘Thanks for understanding,' Jake said, pulling her to him and kissing her.

‘Of course. I love you,' she said, snuggling into him. ‘I'll take good care of you.'

‘I love you too.' After a short cuddle, they sat back and spent a few moments looking about in silent contemplation. Jake was the first to speak. ‘It's such a shame about the cottage, because there really is something quite magical about this place. It's got good energy, or something.'

‘I felt that the first time I came over here,' Emily replied, picking up a small stone from beside her. ‘I thought it was the building, but perhaps it's the trees and nearby creek.'

‘Well, I can certainly see why they chose here for their home,' Jake said.

In front of them, the dry creek bed twisted its way through the paddock. ‘The stream would have run most of the year before they dammed it way back up in the hills in the nineteen fifties. Why does progress have to be so brutal on the environment?' Emily said wistfully, running a hand through Grace's soft fur.

‘It doesn't have to be. The old and new can coexist. I've made a business out of blending them. It just takes some thought and sometimes a bit more effort.'

‘I bet it isn't easy convincing people to keep the old when the new is so often cheaper.'

‘The people who approach me tend to know and like my work, and be serious about having me involved. There's not a lot of convincing to be done. I guess I've been lucky that there are enough people out there who still have a conscience and also appreciate traditional aesthetics. Speaking of aesthetics, what are you going to do with that?' Jake said, nodding towards the half-built hayshed a little way off.

‘David said he could use the extra storage, so I wouldn't mind it moved down to the end of the other sheds. I don't know why John didn't put it there to start with,' she said, shaking her head.

‘I had a quick look on my way past,' Jake continued. ‘It's just bolted together like a giant meccano project. Shouldn't be hard to deconstruct.'

‘Yeah, that's what I thought,' Emily said, rolling her eyes. ‘But I've learnt my lesson about trying to do it on my own.' She was still embarrassed about not knowing how to start the tractor and
then getting stuck up the ladder, but was starting to see the funny side of the incident. ‘Thank goodness Barbara and David came along when they did. I might have been stuck up there forever.'

‘I think between the two of us we might be able to manage it,' Jake said, patting her knee. ‘But perhaps it would be more sensible to get David involved. He'd know more about this sort of thing than me. I'll ask him.'

‘I would so love not to have to look at it from the bedroom window each morning. And all this rubble,' she added. ‘What do you think I should do about it? John said he was going to just push it into the creek.'

‘I've been sitting here wondering the same thing myself.'

‘And?'

‘I reckon we sort out that monstrosity and then tackle this. One thing at a time. What do you say?'

‘Fair enough. Now, would you like something to eat? I know it's late, but I got some fresh rolls and ham from the bakery.'

‘Sounds perfect,' he said, getting up and then holding out a hand to help her up.

They walked back to the house with their arms around each other and Grace bounding ahead of them.

‘Hey Jake?'

‘Yeah?'

‘When's your birthday? Since you know mine, it's only fair.'

‘April twenty-third. I'm coming up to thirty-six.'

‘Okay. Great.'

‘I'm a Taurus, which I understand is highly compatible with Capricorn – you,' he added with a cheeky grin.

Yes, yes, YES!
‘Oh, really? Cool,' Emily said, impressed at how nonchalant she'd managed to sound. ‘I don't know much about astrology,' she added with a shrug, and put a little skip into her step.

An hour later, Jake had just announced he was making a bolognaise sauce for dinner when the phone started to ring.

‘Would you like me to get that?' he asked, reaching for the handset.

‘If you don't mind.'

‘Hello,' Jake said into the phone. ‘Yes, this is Jake. Oh, hi, Enid,' he said, looking at Emily with raised eyebrows and a smile. She felt herself become tense. She hadn't yet told her mother about him moving in.

‘A couple of days ago. We came back from Melbourne together.'

‘Oh, right. Well it all happened rather suddenly,' he said.

‘Yes, I did. It was a bit of a shock, but thankfully not a close friend. I'll leave it to Em to tell you all about it,' Jake said, his eyes fixed on her. ‘Let me hand you… How long am I staying? I'm not sure yet. Look, Enid, it's been lovely talking to you, but Emily is here now and I have to um… I have, er, something I must attend to.' He handed the phone over with a look of huge relief, and headed off into the pantry.

‘Hi Mum, what can I do for you?' Emily said, watching Jake returning with onions and mince.

‘You didn't tell me you were bringing Jake back from Melbourne.'

‘Well, as Jake said, it all happened rather quickly. Chopping board is under the sink,' she said in response to Jake's chopping charade, holding her hand over the mouthpiece.

‘And are you going to tell me why you had to run off in such a hurry? Your father said it was for a funeral.'

‘Yes. Someone Jake knew. I went to support him.'

‘So why is Jake staying with you?'

‘He just needed a break away, Mum. Tomato paste and herbs are in the pantry – sorry, only dried,' she whispered to Jake who nodded in return. He was getting everything out before starting to chop. She smiled; it was the same way she cooked.

‘Well, it must be serious between you if you drop everything and race off to Melbourne. You've just ended your marriage, for goodness sake!'

Emily sighed. ‘Mum, was there a particular reason for your call?' She probably sounded a little rude, but it was better than ‘Mind your own bloody business,' which was dangerously close to the tip of her tongue.

‘We haven't spoken for a couple of days,' Enid said, sounding indignant. ‘I just wanted to make sure you had settled back in okay.'

‘Yes. All is well. I'm fine, thank you.'
Can I go now?
She knew she should ask Enid about her own last few days, but couldn't muster the energy to listen to the ensuing twenty minutes of waffle. ‘Look, Mum, it's a bit rude of me chatting on the phone when I have a guest. If there was nothing else?'

‘Well there is, actually. Your father and I are heading out. We'll be there in around thirty minutes – put the kettle on.'

‘Um, now?' It was Emily's turn to shoot Jake a stricken look. ‘That really isn't convenient,' she said. She mouthed and made hand gestures that she hoped he'd understand. She was too rabbit-in-the-headlights stunned to actually speak the words out loud.

His response was a series of hand movements which she translated into ‘You and me are going for a drive.'

‘Are you still there, Emily?'

‘Yes. But, Mum, we're actually heading out in a few minutes.'

‘Where are you going?'

Oh shit!
‘Um, I'm going to show Jake around.'

‘Oh, I love a nice drive. We can all go together. You can just wait for half an hour.'

‘No, Mum. We have somewhere to be and are already running late. We'll have to catch up another time,' she said.

‘But I thought you were just going for a drive,' Enid said.

‘Thanks for the call, Mum, gotta go. Bye,' she said, and hung up. Emily suddenly felt very heavy. She sat down on the nearest chair.