Meant To Be (6 page)

‘Oh Barbara, I'm so sorry.' Emily put her arm around her friend's shoulder again, this time loosely. ‘Why didn't you tell me?'

‘Because I wanted to be positive, put it all behind me – us.'

‘Well, let's hope it will be third time lucky,' Emily said softly, giving her a gentle squeeze.

‘Hmm.'

‘So how far along are you? When does morning sickness set in?'

‘I'm only a couple of weeks. It should be too early for morning sickness. I think my problem is the stress and anxiety.' She took a tentative sip of her tea and then sat with her hands wrapped around it for a few moments.

Emily waited her out.

Barbara finally looked up. Her forehead was creased with concern. ‘I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but we didn't want anyone to know until three months was up and we were in the safe period. Although that's a bit of a misnomer; I lost Isabella at four months. She was the second one. They were both before I knew you.'

‘I'm so sorry,' she said, hugging Barbara again.

‘The doctors haven't been able to find anything wrong,' Barbara said with a shrug, answering the question on the tip of Emily's tongue. ‘Just bad luck, not meant to be, and all that,' she said with a resigned shrug of her shoulders.

‘God, I feel so helpless,' Emily said. ‘I can't even begin to imagine how you must be feeling.' She wondered why Isabella had a name but not the first baby. But she wasn't about to ask.

‘We're just trying to be as normal as possible and try not to jinx things. We know you guys didn't buy our non-drinking story last night,' she said, smiling weakly. ‘We discussed it on the way home. David's going to tell Jake today too.'

‘Well, you tell us if there's anything we can do for you – both of you – no matter what it is, or what time of the day or night. Promise me you'll call if there's anything at all – big or small,' Emily said.

‘I promise. Thanks, Em, that means a lot.'

‘God, Barbara, after all you guys have done for me…'

They hugged briefly.

‘Now, should we start our totally indulgent and lazy day while the men folk are out toiling the fields?' Barbara asked.

‘Yes! And let's pop the corn! It can be lunch,' Emily declared.

‘I was hoping you'd say that,' Barbara said, grinning. ‘I seem to be craving popcorn at the moment.'

Halfway through the movie – the new Julia Roberts – Emily's phone began to ring. Barbara paused the DVD as Emily picked it up from the coffee table.

‘Sorry, I'd better get this,' she said, looking at the screen. ‘It's Simone, Jake's sister,' she added, and answered. ‘Hi Simone.'

‘Hi Em, how is everything?'

‘I'm good, but what you really mean is, how's Jake, right?'

Simone laughed. ‘Yes, I guess I do.'

‘He's doing well, a lot more relaxed than he was in Melbourne. And he told me about his suspected adrenal fatigue. Right now he's out with my friend David on the tractor. I'm a little concerned
he's overdoing it, but he's assured me he will take care. Perhaps the fresh air and change of scenery is the answer,' Emily added.

‘I hope you're right,' Simone said. ‘Oh, well, he's a big boy, he's seen a doctor, so we can only really be here for him.'

‘And how are things with you?' Emily asked.

‘Great. Your lovely comments about my paintings have got me all inspired. I'm painting like a demon every chance I get.'

‘That's great. I can't wait to see more of your work.'

‘So, are you making any more jam?' Simone asked. ‘It's just that Billy emailed me and…'

‘To be honest, Simone, I haven't had much chance to think about it. And it's really a bad time for fruit at the moment – everything has finished. I should have access to figs in a few months and then oranges over winter for marmalade. I was going to see if the blackberries are still running rampant at the back of the farm, but I haven't had a chance to get up there. I'm really sorry.'

‘Don't be, you can't help when fruit is ripe,' Simone said with a laugh. ‘And, anyway, you've probably got your hands full looking after Jake. It's not a problem; Billy just wanted to know for certain where it all stood. Look, I'd better go. I just wanted to know Jake was okay. I'll give him a call.'

‘It was lovely to speak to you, Simone. Thanks for calling.' Emily hung up. ‘Simone was checking up on her brother. Isn't that nice?'

‘Hmm,' Barbara agreed. ‘So, shall we continue?' she asked, nodding at the television.

‘Yes, sorry about that.'

They resumed watching the movie, but Emily was unable to totally immerse herself back into the story again. She was distracted by thoughts of Simone and her art, and a nagging within her that she couldn't quite grasp.

Emily didn't know much about painting, but she liked Simone's bold style of having a single brightly coloured bloom take up most
of the space on her huge canvases. If not for the slightly raised, thick paint, some of them might have been mistaken for photographs. The gorgeous texture made you want to reach out and touch them. And she wasn't the only one who appreciated her talent; Jake had a couple of her paintings hanging in his apartment as well. Emily had particularly loved the one of red and green chillies on a bush in his kitchen. If only she knew someone who could get her art out to a wider audience.

She wished she could somehow return the help Simone had given her with selling her jam when she was so desperate financially. Not that Simone had known just how desperate her situation was. All she'd known was that Jake had brought back the apricot jam to Melbourne because he liked it and thought it might sell well at the markets. And it had, thanks to the gorgeous labels Simone had designed, and the scones she'd taken the trouble to make and serve with it. All without even having met her.

If Emily hadn't suddenly inherited everything from John, jam making could well have become her lifeline. She felt the overwhelming need to do something in return. Frustration grew inside of her, so much so that she became physically restless. Grace eventually got up from the couch with a harrumph and went to lie down on the floor.

‘Are you okay?' Barbara asked.

‘Yeah, sorry.' She tried to tell herself that the chance to help would arise when and in whatever way it was meant to. She just had to be patient. Jake was bound to have an idea, or at least a sensible pep talk. Meanwhile she was missing the movie.

Just as they finished the second DVD, they heard two toots of a car horn; the signal that David was back. After gathering Barbara's things together, they headed out. Sure enough, David's ute
was outside and Jake was walking towards the path. When Emily opened the door, a blast of hot air hit her with the intensity and dryness of an oven.

‘Bloody hell,' she said. She checked her watch and was surprised to find it was almost six o'clock. ‘Quick, get into the cool ute,' Emily urged, giving her friend a quick goodbye hug. ‘See you or speak to you soon.'

‘Thanks, it's been a fun day,' Barbara called, hurrying down the path. ‘Sorry, too hot to stop,' she said to Jake, pecking him on the cheek on the way past.

‘God, it's hot,' Jake said, leading Emily back into the house.

‘You look shattered. Jake, you're meant to be taking it easy.'

‘I was in an air-conditioned cab. The hum of the tractor is actually quite soothing when you're not in charge of anything. I had a few power naps along the way. But, yes, I am feeling quite done in. Oh, and I got my test results. It took some effort to convince them to give them to me over the phone…'

‘And…?'

‘Positive. It's official, I have adrenal fatigue. But at least I don't need to look any further into what's wrong with me. And I know I'll get better. The results weren't as bad as my GP had feared. She told me to just carry on with what I'm doing and in time I'll be my old energetic, chipper self again.'

‘If you take it easy and don't overdo it,' Emily warned.

‘I love that you're worrying about me, but I'm fine, honey, honestly,' he said, kissing her.

‘Did, um, David tell you their news?'

A huge smile burst across Jake's face. ‘He did. Isn't it exciting?'

‘Hmm. Barbara seems more scared than excited. I'm a bit worried about her.'

‘David seems genuinely thrilled, though he's quite concerned about Barbara too. I can only imagine what they must be feeling.
I guess all we can do is hope everything will be okay and be there for them if not.'

‘I guess.' Cross that bridge if and when we get to it, as her gran would have said.

Emily was in the kitchen when Jake came in after his shower with a towel around his waist. She smiled at his wet, mussed boyish hair sticking out in all angles. As he moved towards her she noticed the water droplets glistening on his smooth chest. He leaned down, nuzzled her ear and then started nibbling at her earlobe. Her stomach turned molten and her knees went weak.

‘Fancy taking advantage of my evening burst of energy?' he whispered.

Emily stood on quivering legs, accepted Jake's outstretched hand, and allowed herself to be led to the bedroom.

Each day flowed into the next and soon more than two weeks had passed since Jake's arrival. Emily loved him being there, but was constantly concerned he was doing too much. But she had to trust that he knew his body and was listening to its needs. She didn't want to become a nag. She was damned lucky to have him in her life, and didn't want to put that in jeopardy.

They had settled into an easy existence where they spent plenty of time together, but also plenty of time apart as Jake went off with David playing farmer and she did the housework. He was happy. She was happy. Most importantly, they were happy.

When they were both home, they often made love in the late afternoon or early evening. Afterwards Emily would stay with Jake for part of his hour or so of resting. She felt so blessed to have this time together; it was so decadent. But she always left him alone after a while, and always when he disappeared into the lounge to lie quietly on the couch – accompanied by Grace. A few times she had caught herself watching him sleep, looking for signs he was doing better. Really, other than a slightly drawn, pale look about him, most people wouldn't have known there was anything wrong.

But Emily was beside him when the night sweats soaked the sheets. She saw the shake in his hands and the confusion and vagueness in his eyes, and knew it wasn't the real Jake. He was making an effort, but he was certainly not the vibrant, cheery fellow who had visited her those first two times. When they were with other people he was more exuberant than when he was at home with her. She could see it took a lot of effort for him to be sociable.

They went out to lunch with Sarah and Nathan and David and Barbara one Sunday and had a wonderful time. On the way home they'd agreed that Nathan and Sarah had looked a lot closer than mere flatmates. A few days later at the bank when Emily had signed up for an at call investment account, Nathan had admitted they were officially an item. She was glad to see her friend happy. He had promised to invite them to a dinner party at his and Sarah's house. But a week or so on, nothing had eventuated.

Emily wasn't surprised. Sarah and Nathan worked full-time, so they only had the evenings and weekends together. Besides, they were in the flush of young love, just like she and Jake were. They'd get around to it eventually.

Meanwhile, she was so grateful for this time with Jake. The heat of the South Australian summer kept them close to home, and more than once they had spent the whole day in bed. It was a charmed, wonderful existence. But she was starting to yearn for something more constructive to do with her time when Jake wasn't around. She'd imagined he would need more taking care of, but he seemed to be doing fine. It was just a long, slow process of getting the body better.

He was spending a lot of time with David learning how a working farm operated, and also taking plenty of gentle strolls with his camera – often over to the old cottage ruins.

The idea that she really wanted to somehow help Simone bubbled away in the far depths of Emily's brain, but a tangible
solution still hadn't presented itself. She was also more and more feeling the need to do something with her life. It was nice to have the means to while away her days – and she was very grateful – but it just wasn't in her nature to be idle for long.

One morning, Emily was staring out the bedroom window, wondering what to do. Jake was out with David again, and she was at a loose end. She was standing next to the tallboy beside Gran's button jar, where she often stood and contemplated life. She knew it was ridiculous, but she always felt better when the object was nearby. And answers quite often came to her while she was standing there. She liked to think Gran was still with her while she was close to her treasured object.

Emily frowned. She really wished she could move the damned hayshed herself. It was such a blight on the landscape. David and Jake had discussed it, but David was still busy rolling stubble. Grace nudged her leg and she bent down to pat her briefly before returning her attention to the jar in front of her and her musings.

‘What I need is some purpose – a project,' Emily said aloud, and then looked up at the ceiling. Suddenly she laughed at herself. What the hell was she expecting? A bolt of lightning and Gran's booming voice telling her to take up knitting or something?

Nothing happened, except that she felt a sharp, enduring stab of shame deep within her. Granny and Grandpa had been through so much, so many tough times over the years, and here she was complaining because she had plenty of money and too much time on her hands.

‘Come on Gracie,' Emily called, and left the room. The guilt stayed with her as she made her way through the house to what had been John's office and was now also home to Jake's suitcase and laptop.