Mended (23 page)

Kassie looked up at him quickly. “Tim I-”

“We just made love to each other and it was so beautiful.” He shook his head at her. “This is really how you feel about us or even the possibility of us.”

“I’ve always been honest with you about how I feel. I told you this before, this isn’t new.” Kassie said softly.

Tim stood slowly, staring at her in disbelief, then disappointment. He walked away to his clothes and slowly pulled to pull them on without saying one word to her and Kassie was at a loss.

“Night Kassie.” He walked across the room to the door.

“Tim.” She said pleadingly as he walked out into the hall. “You’re not seriously-,”

He closed the door behind him and for a moment she was filled with panic. He was leaving her. They were over. This was over.

What the fuck did you do?
She yelled at herself. The panic became so overwhelming that she began to itch.

Kassie jumped up grabbing her robe off the chair and running out of the room after him. She looked over the banister and saw Tim pulling on his jacket, Griff sitting on the floor at his feet waiting patiently. She wanted this man. She loved this man. Why was she making it all so hard?

She rushed down the stairs, heart pounding in her ears.

“You don’t have to leave.”

“Yes I do.” He said quietly. “I can’t stay here.” For the first time in his life, Tim was heartbroken. Kassie saying that to him had killed him inside. He thought she’d be happy and would say how she was happily in love with him too. That they would spend the night making love and talking about possibly starting a life together. He’d been a fool.

“Tim I’m-,”

“Don’t say you’re sorry!” He said it so harshly that she flinched. “I just need to go.” He said quietly again.

“Please don’t leave me!” She begged, remorse filling her soul. “Not like this.”

He stopped for a moment staring at her. Tim didn’t want to leave. He was at war with his will power.

“Goodnight Kassie.” He walked out with Griffin trotting behind him. Kassie ran to the door and out onto the porch watching him walk into his fence with blurry vision. She realized how she had hurt him and she just wanted to take it all back.

*~*~*~*

Tim barely slept. He couldn’t close his eyes long enough without seeing her there, without remembering the sweetness of her smile, her laughter. He cursed himself for ever allowing himself to fall in love with her.

Kassie didn’t fare any better at home. She just sat in the chair in the corner of her room and cried. She didn’t even want to touch her bed, afraid of the passionate memories hiding there. Kassie couldn’t believe she had been so dumb. She’d begged the Gods of love for Tim and here he was and she was being screwy. Maybe she deserved every ounce of loneliness that was coming her way.

*****

He spent the morning on the back porch reading his paper or at least trying to, drinking his coffee, and watching his crazy dog play with his stupid squirrel. Tim sat back and started to relax when Griffin jumped up and raced up front. He heard Natalie scream and giggle, and smiled to himself.

It was his day to take her. They had a date for the mall tonight and the matinee tomorrow, which he didn’t tell Nora about because he was letting her play hooky. He knew Nora would get on him. Tim was the responsible parent in a sense but he didn’t feel like being home lately.

Natalie ran over kissing his cheek and hugging him before she ran out into the yard to play with Griffin. Nora waddled back in a pretty dress and flats. She was a week overdue and looked like she was about to pop. Tim smiled remembering how excited she was for Nat’s birth. How she just beamed every single day. He suddenly had the image of Kassie like this, wide and ready to pop, happy with the thought of their baby growing inside of her; it made him so happy and pained him greatly all at once.

“Natty said you were sad.” She said softly.

“Me?” Tim helped her sit down on one of the chairs.

“She said you sounded different when you two talked this morning.” Nora said giving him a thankful pat on the hand.

“Kassie and I’ve been-,” He stopped himself because he was unsure what they’d been doing. Obviously they weren’t doing what he thought they were doing.

Nora’s eyes widened. “Shut up.” She breathed.

“For a few months now . . . and I love her.” Tim said softly.

Nora screeched and rubbed his arm but his face wasn’t excited at all.

“Over these past months I’ve gotten to know her, we’ve shared so many things, spent so much time together,” He shook his head. “It was so easy and comfortable that I feel like we’ve been together a lifetime already. I fell for her Nora. Like a ton of bricks I fell.” He rubbed his chin and sighed hard.

“Last night we had dinner with her friends, she’s a good cook by the way.” Tim teased her and Nora licked her tongue at him. She knew that was a dig at her cooking. “When her friends left we made love and it was like there was nothing else in this world but me and her. I felt like we were closer than ever. I foolishly thought it would be the perfect time to tell her how happy I was to be with her, how deeply I loved her. I never got to say I love you because she basically told me that we were just fucking, not really seeing each other. I was heartbroken Nora. I am heartbroken. I don’t fall easily, not as easily as I fell for her.”

“But you just said you were so close.”

“Yeah, but I guess she wasn’t feeling it that deep.”

“Ever occur to you that she does love you.” Nora said gently. “If her life was rough Tim then love doesn’t come as easily as it does for most. Maybe it hit her all at once and it scared the shit out of her. Then when you started moving to the possibility of you two being absolutely exclusive, she became even more afraid and shut down.” Tim lowered his head; he had thought the same thing himself honestly. But his pride was hurt and his insecurities were rearing their ugly heads.

Just then, Kassie’s back door opened and she stepped out onto the porch. She looked beautiful in tight blue jeans and a pale yellow tee shirt, and his heart skipped a beat. Nora saw the look on his face as he turned away and stood, going inside. He was in love, she’d known the man for nearly twenty years, and he never looked at her like that even when they were in love with each other.

“Hi.” Kassie said smiling brightly as she walked down her back stairs and to the fence that separated the properties.

“Hi.” Nora smiled pulling herself up and waddled over to the fence, still beaming like a light.

“I saw you pull up when I went to get the paper. I just wanted to give you a copy of my book, for your little one.” She said smiling. “You look great.”

“Thank you, you too.”

“I don’t feel too great.” Kassie tossed a look at the back door hoping that Tim would come back out. She really wanted to talk to him, to work this out somehow. Kassie wasn’t telling him that they would never be together ever. She was just saying that he was hitting a deeper level than she was on.

“I hear your book is a bestseller.”

“Can you believe it?” Kassie said shaking her head. “Every time I hear it, it feels like they’re talking about someone else’s book.”

“That’s good.” Nora smiled as Nat ran over. Kassie greeted her giving her a book. She talked to Natalie for a moment and Nora watched her daughter’s face glow with excitement.

Tim came back out and Kassie looked up at him. He tossed her the briefest look before looking away from her all together. Nora watched her lower her head.

“Enjoy the book Nat.” She said softly.

“Oh I will. I’m putting it in a special place.” Natalie beamed.

Kassie smiled watching her run over to Tim and show him the book.

“He’s pretty angry with you.” Nora said quietly. “He told me you two have been closer than before.”

Kassie swallowed hard looking at Tim with distress in her eyes, then back at Nora.

“I know. I tried to call him last night and this morning.”

“Give him time, his pride’s been hurt.” Nora smiled. Kassie nodded and started to walk away but Tim was on his way over.

“Bye.” Nora squeezed her hand before turning away.

“Bye.” Kassie said softly.

“Come give mommy a hug.” Nora called to Nat, who ran over hugging her mother tightly. They spoke quietly to each other and walked to the front of the house, Natalie’s little arms wrapped halfway around her mother.

“Morning.”

“Morning.” Kassie said softly. “Listen Tim I-,” She rushed on.

“I’ve been thinking about you . . . about what you said.” He said interrupting her.

“Oh Tim I-,”

“You’re right.” He said.

“I-, huh?” Kassie looked confused.

“I liked you so I tried to stake claims. Should have known better of myself.” But as he was saying this, it all felt so wrong . . . to them both.

Kassie swallowed hard, regret on her beautiful face. “What are you saying Tim?”

“I think it would be best if we just kept things on a friendship basis. It was wrong of me to force my feelings on you.” His voice was logical, reasonable and emotionless.

“Well if that’s what you want.” Kassie’s heart was breaking into a million pieces. She didn’t know how she was keeping it together.

“It’s what’s best; I mean who were we fooling?” He said.

Kassie shrugged and nodded, she wanted to cry but forced herself not to break.

“See ya over the fence Tim.” She whispered and walked away.

Tim didn’t say anything, just watched her go inside. He turned and walked back up to his deck. He sat watching Nat and Griffin rolling around in the grass but he needed a drive to clear his head.

“Come on Nat.” He called. She jumped up and ran toward him with Griffin chasing her happily. Tim stood and went inside holding the door open for her and the dog.

*****

Kassie lowered her head as she put the last of her items into her bag. She couldn’t believe how easily it ended before it truly began. Maybe everything she was feeling was just the excitement of a new lover, obviously he didn’t feel her the way she was feeling him.

But deep down inside she knew that wasn’t true. She had broken Tim last night. She had taken his admission of love and thrown it back in his face like garbage. She had done this and now she was paying.

Taking a deep breath, she forced away all of her feelings of hurt and sadness and picked up her bag and keys. She had to get out of here right now. She couldn’t stand to be home with so many memories of him haunting her.

Kassie left quickly, hoping into her convertible and roaring down the street. She just wanted to escape the mess she’d made of everything.

*****

Tim watched her pull out and his heart sank. He didn’t want this, or them, to be over. He felt like there was so much he still wanted from them. The look on her face when he said it was pretty much over, told him that she wanted him just as much. So why were they hurting each other? It was so beautiful being with her; hanging out with her and watching television, making dinner with her, holding her hand and kissing her when they walked Griffin and making love to her so passionately it felt like his whole entire world exploded, that was all over. He loved her so much his heart was aching right now. Tim hadn’t felt this way ever. He felt as if he’d just lost his best friend in this world and knew in all honesty that he had.

*****

Kassie stopped at the market, picking up food she knew she wouldn’t eat before heading over to the library. The smell of the musty old books made her remember when she was young, tucking into a warm aisle, and reading until the library closed. She would then go back to the house of horror with Warren in it, full of the stories she’d read. She wished in a way that she could be back there in the simplicity of being a kid, even though she was always scared shitless.

She found a few books that she wanted to read and bought them up to the counter, all the while she couldn’t get over the pain of Tim’s words and suddenly she was angry. Kassie was mad at herself first of all and he was a very close second. It happened again, she let her guard down, she let herself give in and had her heart broken . . . again! It didn’t matter that she kind of called it off first; Tim didn’t have to let their relationship go so easily!

Kassie knew that she was being unreasonable, but truthfully, the anger kept her from giving in to hysterics.

“Well I don’t know what to do for Saturday.” Mrs. Marshall said softly into the telephone. “But how can we cancel on forty kids?” She looked up as Kassie put her books down and searched her purse for her wallet. “. . . I think I may have a fix. Bye.” She hung up quickly.

“Hi Mrs. Marshall.” Kassie said smiling.

“Hello Ms. Lawton.” She smiled. “I can’t believe you remember my name.” She was very surprised that Kassie remembered her name from a handful of encounters.

“Little secret.” Kassie whispered conspiratorially. “Librarians are some of my favorite people.”

Mrs. Marshall smiled. “That’s good to know because I have a big, big favor to ask you?”

“You want me to read to kids on Saturday?” Kassie kind of figured out the conversation on the phone.

“Yes, please.” She begged. “It’s only an hour.”

“Done.” Kassie pulled out her library card.

“Really?”

“Mmm-hmm. What time should I be here?”

“It’s the lunchtime read.” Mrs. Marshall said. Kassie smiled and nodded softly. She wasn’t doing anything Saturday and it’d get her mind off of Tim.

“I’ll be here.” She said smiling. Mrs. Marshall thanked her up and down while checking out the books. Kassie was happy to do it and told Mrs. Marshall that it was a privilege.

She looked down at the flyers on the counter while Mrs. Marshall was putting her book in a bag. Some of the flyers were for housecleaning services, book sales, bake sales and yard sales but the sixtieth annual Thirty-First Floral Society Best Garden Contest was the one that caught her eye. That would be an escape for her.

“Floral Society?”

“Oh yes, they have a pretty big competition all over the town, for a while now Mr. Baron has won.”

“Really.”

“Yes, I’m looking forward to seeing what he does this year.” She smiled.

Suddenly Kassie wanted to force him to have to deal with her. She didn’t want to be an afterthought for him.

“Where do I sign up?” She asked smiling sweetly.

“Actually right here.” Mrs. Marshall took a clipboard from behind the desk.

Kassie saw that there were only a few names so far, including Tim’s and put her name down in the space below his. A sense of satisfied dread came over her.

“Is there a theme?” Kassie asked handing back the clipboard.

“Not really but there are categories, best eggplant, best rose, best whatever. I tried one year but the competition was fierce, I never tried again.” She said and laughed.

“So I would really need an amazing garden.” She said taking her books.

“Yes.” Mrs. Marshall said.

Kassie sighed, but she wanted to do it. Besides beating Tim, it may be fun.

“I’ll see you Saturday.” Kassie said.

“Thank you so much.” The librarian said smiling.

“No problem at all.” Kassie said gently.