Metallica: This Monster Lives (38 page)

On the day of the show, we pulled up in front of the stage in a dark van. Bruce and I emerged wearing our usual sunglasses and leather jackets. The prisoners and some of the press thought we were in Metallica, and a cheer went through the crowd. We responded by throwing our hands in the air and forming “devil horns.” Then it was San Quentin’s turn to confuse us. We jumped as a loud siren started blaring. Immediately, all the inmates in the yard assumed a squatting position. It turned out that a fight had erupted somewhere within the prison. The siren meant that all prisoners outside their cells had to squat until given the ail clear. Then the show began.

Because of my work on
Paradise Lost
and HBO’s
Judgment Day
, I’ve visited a lot of prisons, so I was used to the harsh conditions and general “other-world” feel of life inside. James and Kirk, however, were noticeably awed by San Quentin. While the road crew set up a stage in the courtyard, we waited “backstage” in a building nearby. The concert itself was fun to shoot. The inmates were separated from the band by a long table and a line of guards about fifty feet from the stage. I walked around to the side of the stage with my PD-150 to get a shot of the inmates up front banging on the table in time to the music. I decided to get brave and wandered out into the crowd with the camera mounted on a “mono-pod,” which I raised high to get more crowd shots. After a few minutes of this, I realized there were no guards nearby and remembered that no-hostage waiver I’d
signed. But the inmates were totally cool. (Only those who had achieved a certain “good behavior” ranking were allowed to see the show.)

James’s speech before the show, the one where he talks about how his struggles with anger could have landed him in the joint if it weren’t for music, became a hotly debated topic in the editing room. The editors, who were by this point exhausted by the massive editing task, thought it was corny and self-serving. Bruce and I were dumbfounded by their resistance. We thought the speech was really powerful. Both sides dug in their heels, and it looked like we were going to have a hard time motivating the editors to cut the scene the way we saw it. Then Doug Abel, one of the editors, came up with a compromise that turned out to be the best idea of all: rather than using one big chunk of the speech he suggested intercutting excerpts with Metallica’s video-shoot performance of “St. Anger.” Yet again on
Monster
, the magic of intercuts saved the day.

While James delivered the speech that day, his wife, Francesca, and Lars’s wife, Skylar, watched from the side of the stage. Skylar was moved to tears, but Francesca looked disturbed. Backstage after the show, Francesca told James that she had thought he would be speaking in front of a much smaller audience. She seemed bothered by how candid James had been about the misplaced anger that nearly destroyed their lives. Hunched over, sweaty, and tired, James said, “I did what I was asked to.” There was an awkward silence as Francesca gazed downward, as if she didn’t know what to say. I think this was the first time she realized that James, postrehab, would now be unabashedly public about his private demons.
⁴

Speaking of demons, Kirk received an unusual gift after the show. He called us over “backstage” to show off his new prized possession. One of San Quentin’s most notorious inmates is Richard Ramirez, the infamous “Night Stalker.” He arranged for Kirk to receive a signed copy of a recent issue of the music magazine
Revolver
with Metallica on the cover. He somehow knew that Kirk likes to collect dark memorabilia, so in a particularly thoughtful gesture, Ramirez left the subscription label (#E37101, San Quentin Prison) intact.

Sure enough, it was over lunch that James, Lars, and Kirk lobbied Rob to become one of them. When the three got back to the HQ, they were talking about the potential Ozzy problem.

A few days later, Phil had a one-on-one session with Rob to gauge how he felt about the situation with Ozzy Phil reported back to the band that he was impressed by Rob’s innate patience and loyalty, which Phil said grew out of Rob’s experience trying to be the calming force while growing up in a broken home. “His sense of loyalty is not just a moral commitment to a principle,” Phil said. “It is a psychologically driven response to what he’s gone through in his life. He becomes attached to situations that aren’t the best for him, that aren’t exactly what he wants.”

“I think it’s great to know that he has a sense of loyalty,” Kirk said. “I mean, that’s an issue with me now, because of the whole Jason thing.”

“You can tell just in his choice of words,” Lars said. “When he talks about his past in Venice, you could just feel that loyalty, and that is such an attractive thing, for me at least.”

“I think you’ll have somebody who will fit in very nicely without producing a lot of strain or conflict, someone who can jump onboard not just musically but personally as well,” Phil said. “He’s very adaptable and flexible. We would want, over a period of time, to be sure to reach out to him and see how he’s feeling, and not take him for granted.”

“That’s really important,” Kirk said. “That’s
super
important. That’s one thing we didn’t do previously, with disastrous results.”

“I would go farther than saying we did not do it,” Lars said. “We pushed it as far in the opposite direction as possible, to make sure there was as much discomfort as possible. We went out of our way”

“Well, it was a test at that particular time, a form of fraternity hazing,” Phil said.

Lars had a faraway look in his eye and a guilty expression on his face. “The Japanese tour …”

“Yeah, we were all about pushing someone to see when they would break,” James said. “But Jason never said, ‘Hold on, guys, this is hard.’ We needed to push people to see what they were made of, and to make ourselves feel a sense of power. Like, ‘He’s human—good. We’re not threatened by him now that we’ve broken him.’”

“I don’t think that’s power-based,” Kirk said. “It’s fear-based.”

Lars suggested that Rob might help Ozzy find a new bass player, to lessen some of the guilt Rob might feel about leaving.

“I think that’s a great suggestion,” Phil said. “He and I talked a bit about that. If he doesn’t [leave Ozzy on good terms], then he’ll carry a lot of guilt. If he stays with him, then he’s not giving himself a chance to have what he really wants in life, and he’ll feel regret. This is like an issue of destiny, in some ways.”

“Yeah, without patting ourselves on the back, this is everything he’s worked for,” Lars said.

“It’s great to see you so excited about somebody,” Phil said. “It seems like, musically, he’s moving you to another level.”

“I was really surprised by how good it sounded—not just him, but the band,” Lars said. “No disrespect to his predecessors, but I don’t think I’ve ever heard Metallica sound that good offstage, without being doctored or anything. Forget about guitar sounds or whatever—just in terms of performance.”

“He knows that,” Phil said. “To use his word, he knows this is a ‘crushing’ sound. He knows he’s brought you to another level, and he says that not in some kind of false bragging way.”

“He probably feels it like we do,” Kirk said.

“As a witness,” Phil said, “it was really exciting to be a part of it. You could just feel the difference, like getting to this point was worth the wait.”

Metallica’s managers suggested a way to convince Rob to leave Ozzy for Metallica: offer him a lot of money up-front. In a scene that we thankfully
did
get to film, Metallica show their commitment to Rob by offering him a cool million-dollar advance. That did the trick, but I think Metallica had other reasons for making such a grand offer. They had learned from their mistakes with Jason. This time around, their new bassist would truly be accepted as a member of Metallica. A million-dollar check was Metallica’s way of telling Rob that he was definitely their man. (“I could see him struggling with the words ‘a million dollars,’ “James later told the others. They all joked about giving Rob one of those oversize checks that sweepstakes winners receive.)

A few minutes later in
Monster
, we see all four members meet with Peter Paterno, Metallica’s lawyer. Paterno outlines the general financial arrangement for Rob. It’s a little difficult to parse Paterno’s legalese the first time you see the scene, but the gist of it is that he had prepared an arrangement where Rob would get a 5 percent ownership in Metallica, with an equivalent vote in decisions affecting the Metallica organization. James and Lars immediately insist
that Rob get a vote equivalent to theirs, as a symbol of the band’s new solidarity. Without missing a beat, Paterno restates the terms.

Once he was a full-fledged Metallica member, Rob jumped into the fire. “I couldn’t allow myself to get freaked out,” Rob said after he’d been with Metallica for several months. “But the moment I joined the band, it was like Lars said: ‘We’re a train leaving the station, and we’re not slowing down.’” Rob began wearing his Discman at all times, hoping to imprint Metallica’s catalog on his memory. Within just a few weeks of Rob’s hiring, Metallica shot a “St. Anger” music video at San Quentin Prison, was honored by MTV’s show
Icon
(“You’re in the band five minutes, and already you’re an icon,” a reporter says to Rob in
Monster
), played some free shows at San Francisco’s legendary Fillmore, and began the European leg of the Summer Sanitarium tour. In the midst of all this frenzied activity, Metallica found little time for rehearsals—Rob’s Discman became a lifeline. “It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done, totally,” he says of getting up to speed those first few weeks.

Perhaps the best thing about being Metallica’s bass player in 2003, as opposed to, say, 1993, is the absence of hazing. Rob is clearly well liked throughout the rock world. When word spread that he was joining Metallica, there was widespread concern that he’d have to “eat the wasabi,” so to speak. Thankfully, that has not been the case. “A lot of people ask if they’re treating me right,” Rob says with a laugh. Launching into a killer Ozzy impersonation, Rob reveals his former employer’s parting words of support: “I’ll kill ’em if they mess with you! I’ll kill’em!”

Metal fans and
Monster
viewers know that Ozzy tapped Jason Newsted to play bassist for that summer’s Ozzfest. Jason and Rob actually bumped into each other when Rob dropped by one of Jason’s first rehearsals with Ozzy’s band. Rob says there was no ill will. “I have the utmost respect for Jason. I don’t think of it as me replacing someone. I think of it as a new beginning.”

CHAPTER 19

THE BELL TOLLS

Getting releases was a major effort and a major hassle. Sometimes we had no choice but to just put up signs, like at the Fillmore shows. (Courtesy of Annamaria DiSanto)

09/18/02
INT. KITCHEN, HQ RECORDING STUDIO, SAN RAFAEL, CA - DAY

PHIL
: We’re getting more confident. We’re gaining more confidence as a group, and in our ability to approach conflict and use it as fuel. And we’re not as frightened of those moments when we’re tense with each other. We’re confident that we can break through those areas and convert them into something positive. There’s a great deal more trust. Human beings, in general, have a lot of difficulty with tense moments. There’s a tendency to contract, and in the creative world you can’t contract. You gotta expand.

JOE
: How did you get to this point?

PHIL
: They got there by talking things out. Whenever a problem comes up, we talk about it, work it through, and blame it on Lars. (laughs) Then we go from there.

LARS
: I think the main thing that’s changed in the last month or two is Phil’s involvement, in that he’s now at the point where he’s running the band. (laughs) He’s writing music, writing lyrics, playing instruments. You know the song “Master of Puppets?”

PHI
: Wasn’t that inspired by …

LARS
: It’s weird, because “Master of Puppets” was sort of like one of those anticipatory things where you have flashes about the future.

PHIL
: Hmmm …

LARS
: I can see now that James Hetfield actually wrote about where we’d be in 2002, about the new “master of puppets” coming in. [Our managers] and our accountants have dissipated and sort of become null and void. It’s pretty much, you know, “Phil Towle and special guest Metallica.”

JOE
: So Phil Towle is the new face of metal?

LARS
: I would say that Phil Towle pretty much is metal.

PHIL
: I couldn’t have said it better.

LARS
: You know, not just the face, but also the body.

Metallica had a nickname for Phil Towle—“Health Tornado”—because of the way he forced them to confront things they’d rather avoid, to “stay with the fog,” as he told Lars during the “fuck” session. Phil considered moments of fear to be unique opportunities to discover why these feeling provoke such a strong response, which meant facing the fears head-on. “I always err in the direction of moving into the issues,” he once told me. There were definitely times when I felt Phil was pushing a little too hard, like when he urged Lars to confront his father on the mountaintop, an encounter that I thought was great for the film but also put the two Ulrichs in an awkward position. But Phil was also someone who made the band members hug each other before every session, and made
each of them name a word that described the session afterward—slightly corny practices, perhaps, but definitely conducive toward creating an atmosphere of love and trust among guys who had avoided showing either for two decades. He saved the band, there’s no question about it. He made them strong enough to leave him and begin a new chapter in Metallica history.