Midnight Lily (Signs of Love) (14 page)

"I like two marshmallows on my s'more. How about you?"

She smiled over at me and nodded. I relaxed even more, my shoulders lowering. She stood up and grabbed the skewers sitting on the edge of the fire pit and stuck one marshmallow on the end of each, handing one to me. We sat in silence as the marshmallows sizzled and turned golden, the sweet, sugary smell rising in the air around us, mixing with the smoke from the fire. "Will you tell me about Ryan?" she asked softly.

I startled, glancing over at her. "Ryan?" I asked, my voice cracking.

She nodded, her eyes filled with something I was having a hard time interpreting. Sorrow? I inhaled a deep breath of smoky, sugary air, pulling my stick out of the fire when I realized my marshmallow was quickly blackening. She had already pulled her marshmallow from the fire and was gingerly pulling a piece off with her fingers. She put it in her mouth, but didn't appear to derive any pleasure from it. "How did he die?" she whispered after a minute.

I put the skewer and the inedible marshmallow aside, leaning my elbows on my knees and staring into the flames. Something about the jumping fire calmed me, was almost hypnotizing. "He fell. He fell to his death." I paused, still not looking at Lily, but I could feel her calming presence right beside me. "We were partying. Or . . . he was at least. They all were . . ." I grimaced, the foggy memory I'd tried to push aside spreading its spindly fingers over my brain, pushing into my flesh, causing my head to throb.

"He had been so damned unhappy in those months leading up to it." Was that right? Why did that feel wrong? I had pushed the memory away so harshly, covering it with drugs and alcohol. I needed to remember.

Oh God, getting off the pills meant I'd have to remember every bit of it. There would be no distractions . . . no physical needs to cover the emotional pain. I sighed. Lily reached out her hand and placed it on my thigh, giving it a gentle squeeze.
You can do this
.

"He fell, and I'm not sure if he meant to or not," I finally said, the words bursting forth on one long exhale of breath. The ache in my chest increased. It felt like a giant weight was sitting on top of me, and I was at risk of being crushed beneath it. "But I . . . I couldn't save him. I couldn't save him. I tried. I tried, but I couldn't. I tried to hold on, but he, he slipped away. Just slipped away." I wanted to wail with the agony that truth brought me. I wanted to raise my head to the heavens and curse a god that would allow my best friend's hand to slip from mine.
I hadn't been strong enough.
My head throbbed and I gripped it, moaning.

"I grew up with him. He was my best friend, my—"

"He was your hero." Lily's voice came to me as a whisper. "And you never got to tell him."

I nodded my head, the pain easing slightly. "
Yes
," I said. "Yes."

"Oh, Boy Scout," she said, and I heard the tears in her voice. I turned in to her and she was there, her arms open. I leaned forward and laid my head on her lap and she wrapped her arms around me and rested her head on top of mine as the tears fell for my best friend. Her clean, comforting scent enveloped me, and I felt safe. Finally. I finally felt safe. I felt loved. "I think he knew," she said softly. "I'm sure of it. And you never really lost him. He'll always be a part of you. Always."

After what seemed like hours, but in reality was probably more like ten minutes, I began to sit up, the embarrassment that I'd fallen apart in Lily's arms overwhelming. I hadn't put any more wood in the fire pit, and for a moment I stared at the low, dying fire, trying to get a grasp on my emotions. There was a certain feeling of relief at having shared some of that terrible night with Lily, but I knew there was more, skating just on the edges of my mind. I pushed it back. I wasn't strong enough to take it all at once.
Wasn't strong enough . . .
Lily leaned back and stood, pulling me with her. My thoughts vanished for the moment and blessed emptiness filled my head as I followed her toward the door, watching her hips sway as she walked.

She turned toward me, standing so close I had to tip my head down to look into her face. The night was gathering darkness, but the few lights that were on in the house cast a muted glow.

"Will you show me where you sleep, Boy Scout?" she asked softly. My heart picked up speed and my mouth went dry as I nodded.

"It's . . . just . . . right up the stairs," I said stupidly.

She nodded, opening the door and going inside. I followed her, trailing behind, a case of nerves suddenly assaulting me. God, I hoped she meant what I thought she meant. When we both reached the top of the stairs, she stopped and let me lead the way to the small bedroom I'd chosen at the end of the hall. I flicked on the light and for a moment Lily stood in the doorway, looking around. The room was simple, with only a queen-sized bed covered in a dark blue comforter, a wooden dresser, and a bedside table. I hadn't wanted to sleep in the master bedroom. Something about that had seemed disrespectful. That was Brandon's room. My duffle bag was on the floor by the closet.

I watched as Lily approached me, reaching for both my hands. "I want you," she said softly.

I swallowed heavily, blood rushing to my cock, causing it to swell and strain against my jeans. "Are you sure?" I asked, my voice shaky. "There's still so much—"

She put her fingers up to my lips. "Yes. In this room, tonight, where we can just be . . .
us.
Can we let all the rest of it go? Just for tonight? Here, just let it be you and me and nothing else. Nothing else at all.
" There was something so very knowing in her expression. "We deserve that, don't we?"

I was lost to her. Lost and found at the same time.
How was that?
"Do we?" I asked.

"Yes, I think we do."

"And you . . . you want
me?
" I asked, feeling awed, bewildered, grateful.

Her lips tipped up into a smile. "Is that so very hard to believe?"

"I . . . I don't know." I frowned.

She nodded. "Then let me believe for you." And she leaned up on her tiptoes and kissed me. I moaned at the taste of her. Sugary marshmallow and Lily. I cupped her delicate face in my hands and tilted my head so I could taste her more deeply, tease her tongue with mine. She clutched my shoulders and blood rushed in my ears as lust spiked through my veins. I wanted her. I wanted to learn every part of her. All the kissing we'd done over the past week had served to drive me wild with want. I'd come back to the lodge night after night aching for her, yearning to hold her through the night. I was desperate now. I wanted her in a way I'd never wanted a woman before. Right here, right now, I could believe she was the only woman I'd ever touched.

Lily turned on the small bedside lamp and then turned off the overhead light before returning to me. She rubbed her body against mine, causing my erection to throb and pulse. I let out another moan as I cupped her breast, using my thumb to rub her nipple through the thin material of her dress. Lily gasped out a tiny sound of pleasure.

Lost . . . lost. And found.

I pulled back and looked at Lily's face, her eyes lowered with passion and her lips swollen and red from my kisses. I brought my hand back to her face and used my thumb to trace the line of her cheekbone. "You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen," I whispered.

Lily's eyes lowered, her lips curving up. She used her feet to kick off her loosely laced boots and met my eyes right before turning and moving her hair over her shoulder and tilting her head forward. I reached up and slowly began lowering the zipper of her dress, leaning in and kissing down her spine as more of her skin was revealed. She shivered, and I smiled against the warmth of her bare back, continuing to move my mouth along with the zipper, inhaling the clean smell of her skin, my tongue darting out to taste her. When I got to her bra strap, I leaned up and unhooked it.

Lily turned around and let both the dress and the bra fall to her feet, hooking her thumbs into her white underwear and letting them fall as well. She stood before me naked, her eyes lowered so her lashes brushed her cheeks. She moved from one foot to the other, looking unsure, moving her arms as if she wanted to cover her breasts, but was resisting.

I reached out and put my hands on her forearms. "Please," I said, my voice gravelly, "please let me look at you." She let her arms hang loosely at her sides, licked her lips, and raised her eyes to meet mine. I was as hard as stone, and all I wanted to do was lay her down and make her mine. I allowed my eyes to roam over her naked body, from her slender shoulders to her small, round breasts with their deep pink nipples—puckered under my stare—to her flat stomach, and down farther to the V of dark curls between her thighs.

"You're perfect," I told her. There wasn't another man on the planet who had gazed upon her like this.
Only me.
"My Lily, my ghost," I smiled, "my dream. Only mine." I leaned back in and kissed her again, deeply, moving down her neck as she arched her head back and panted sweet little sounds of pleasure. When my mouth found her nipple, she jerked and mewled, grinding her pelvis into mine. I licked and sucked, bringing one hand around her waist to hold her steady as I tasted her. My other hand skimmed down her ribs, my fingers moving over each tender bone, skating over her belly and finally down to the warm place between her thighs. Warm and so wet. So ready. "Lily," I choked, shivering slightly at the power of my desire for her.

She broke from my embrace, stepping backward and sitting down on the bed behind her. I pulled my shirt off and kicked off my shoes, bending to quickly remove my socks, and when I stood again to unbutton my jeans, Lily had pulled the sheets back and was lying naked on the bed. For a moment my hands stilled, and my mind went completely, utterly blank. I let my jeans fall and stepped out of them and then my boxers, kneeling on the bed between her thighs and kissing her lips. When I pulled away, I cupped her warmth with my hand. She moaned. "Lily, you have no idea how much I want you, how beautiful you look."
She gazed at me with such tenderness, my heart squeezed. I came down on top of her and rubbed my nose on hers, smiling, filled with so much love for the incredible girl beneath me. She was so soft, like silk.

She brought a hand up to her cheek and closed her eyes, raising her eyebrows and laughing softly. "Am I supposed to be this nervous?"

I smiled. "I think it's normal. But I won't do anything you don't want me to do, okay?"

"Okay," she whispered, pulling me in for another kiss. Her hand moved tentatively between our bodies, and I pulled back to let her explore, releasing a breath, trembling in an effort to control my own breathing. Her fingers touched the head of my erection, and I gasped as she explored me, the look on her face intent and awed. "You feel like velvet," she said and I smiled before kissing her again.

"Wrap your fingers around me. Hold me in your hand," I begged her. She did as I instructed, and I moaned. It felt like heaven. She ran her fingers up and down my shaft until I thought I'd explode in her hand. My knee was between her legs, and as she touched me, she pressed against my thigh, moaning softly.

"Are you sure you want this, Lily?" I whispered.

"Yes, yes," she said, "please."

I was trembling, and not from the pills this time. I could almost feel myself pushing into her warm, welcoming heat and knew just how she'd feel all around me. I nodded, leaning up and checking the bedside table for the condom I hoped to God was there. It was. Good ol' Brandon. I ripped it open and Lily watched me with wide eyes as I rolled it on. I leaned in and kissed her again, lowering my hand between her legs and bringing her silken liquid up to the swollen bud that made her cry out when I circled it with my finger. "Oh God, oh God," she breathed, bucking upward.

Leaning back in, I took one nipple into my mouth while I used my finger to touch and play between her legs. After a minute, she began circling her hips and moaning, and then she came with a gasping cry and a long shudder. So responsive.
Breathtaking.
Her eyes flew open, and she blinked several times the way she had the first time I'd made her come, as if she wasn't sure exactly what had happened. I couldn't help grinning as I kissed her again.

Watching her writhe in pleasure had practically undone me. I put one hand behind her knee and pulled her leg up, opening her to me. "Guide me in," I said. "I won't go deeper unless you tell me to."

She lifted her head and wrapped her fingers around me and lined me up at her entrance. Then she lay back and looked up into my eyes as I pushed just the head of my penis inside, hissing out at the tight clamp of her body. "Jesus, Lily," I said. "You feel so good."

"More," she said, and a shiver ran down my spine as I pushed inside.

"That okay?" I choked out. I wanted to pound myself inside her so badly I was aching, desperate. She nodded her head, but her expression had become pained.

"More," she said, but there was an edge of hesitation in her voice. When I didn't move, she repeated the word with more force. "More."

I breathed deeply for a second, lowering my face to the crook of her neck and then with one swift motion, I pushed all the way inside her, growling with the intense, gripping pleasure, pinpoints of light bursting before my eyes.

Lily's body went rigid, and when I lifted my head she was biting her lip, and there were tears in her eyes. "That's the worst of it," I said. "I promise. I'll make it better now, okay? Trust me?"