Midnight Surrender (Freedom Fighters Series Book 2) (18 page)

She patted my arm knowingly, rocking next to me.

“I would be asking if it were my Sam.”

I nodded. Right. Feminine curiosity.

“I don’t know where to start. Perhaps you could tell me how long he was here.”

She smiled. “Since you parted I would guess. He is the one who helped us escape and come home. Without Alec we would have been very lost, probably all of us dead.”

“Will you tell me about it?” I asked, curious.

“Certainly. Alec helped us escape from a militia camp. He raided it. His mission was to steal supplies and weapons but when he learned there were innocent people captured he came to our rescue. He saved us, especially Mike. They have grown quite close. Like brothers really. It was good for Mike…after we lost our other sons.” She gulped, holding back tears.

“I am so sorry,” I told her.

She shook her head. “I know your story my dear. You have suffered as much if not more. We are both familiar with loss.”

I looked away, out into the trees.

“I thought losing my father was horrible. I can’t begin to explain how much it hurt to lose my mother and sister too.” My voice was barely a whisper.

I was never able to talk about them in a normal voice. Something raw about the emotion held it in check, lodging in my throat, making it near impossible to speak.

“There is only one thing that possibly hurts more…the death of your child.”

I reached for her hand and held it a moment, both of us remembering. I let her think without interrupting. She squeezed my fingers lightly and went back to rocking.

“I digress. By the time Alec found us there was only the three of us left. Mike was horribly lost then. He clicked with Alec. I think it was a mutual understanding and suffering that brought them together. Neither Sam nor I could reach Mike. When Alec shared the loss of his brother and parents, it touched Mike,” she explained.

“Yes, I can imagine.”

“Alec has stayed with us off and on over the last eight months. In that time Sam and I have grown to love him like our own son,” she confided.

“That isn’t strange? After everything?” I asked, truly curious.

“No, Lizzie. Now more than ever we hold on to the people we care about. I hope you will grow to love us as we all love you. I feel like I know you so well Lizzie. Alec spoke of you more than I can say. I’ve never seen a man so in love.”

“He mentioned me that often?” I was touched, by her hope and by her admission.

“Yes. You are his whole life. He has spent a great deal of time and effort to turn this place into a home for you. It is our wish that you would feel like you could stay here indefinitely.”

I thought about that. It would be nice to call someplace home again. I wanted to believe that he had created this for me as a surprise. But had it taken eight months to figure out?

“Did Alec say that?”

Why hadn’t he spoken of it? Why didn’t he tell Mal? His secrecy made little sense to me. I had the worst feeling in the pit of my stomach. Did he have doubts about us? Had he changed his mind after the fact? What held him back?

Carol was slow to answer.

“He never left any of this information with me. Please excuse my frustration. These last months have been difficult,” I answered, neither accepting nor refusing her invitation.

Feeling restless I stood and walked over to the porch railing. I leaned against the cool wood, my forehead against the balustrade. As I scanned the yard I noticed Mal’s eyes watching me. He wasn’t the only one. Mike was observing Mal with interest and glancing at me.

I sighed, letting out a long breath I hadn’t realized I was holding.

“Why don’t you take a walk and clear your head? I will bring in little Benjamin and give him a snack. Take your time Lizzie,” she offered.

“Thank you Carol,” I accepted, already leaving the porch.

The last thing I wanted to do was have a conversation with Mal about this morning. Instead of walking to the barn I set off on the dirt path in the opposite direction. It was well worn, hinting at a continued use. I walked in silence, my thoughts the only company I needed.

Carol’s words had given me much to ponder. Although I was extremely proud of Alec, there was a part of me that didn’t understand. Why was he willing to give up so much time with us? What was he trying to accomplish? When was he going to return to us? And most of all, why had he left me in the hospital without waiting for me to wake up?

I wanted answers. The next time I saw him I was going to get them. He owed me an explanation and I wasn’t going to let him get away without a full accounting of his actions. It was time Alec and I had a heart to heart. It had better be soon.

Alec paused outside the door of the bungalow. The hour was late, far later than he had anticipated. Lizzie and his son would have gone to bed hours ago. He hesitated. Would it be the best idea to wake her now? She was easily fatigued when pregnant.

He slowly unlocked the door and entered the bungalow, thankful he remembered the spare key. Darkness greeted him but he knew the layout well enough. The months he had spent in preparation of their arrival had committed it to memory.

What did Lizzie think of it when she first arrived? Had she found the photographs? Did she notice the effort he made to make it a place they could call home?

He crept silently into the bedroom, his feet moving across the wooden floorboards and oriental rugs. Moonlight drifted on silvery beams through the pale ivory curtains and bounced off the walls. Lizzie lay on the bed, curled on her side and hugging a pillow. Long brown curls cascaded across the bed. Black lashes rested against her lightly flushed cheeks.

The beams of willowy light seemed to drift across her face like the soft fingers of a lover’s caress. Alec sank to his knees and watched her sleep, awestruck. Even the dim light in the room could not hide her beauty.

Absently he traced a long lean finger across her cheek. Her skin was soft, like velvet. He shivered, not from cold but the memory of how she felt when pressed against him. Hungrily he drank her in, like a life giving stream of water in the midst of a draught, soaking her into his consciousness. Caught in the moment he was disappointed when she stirred and rolled over, removing her beauty from his view.

“Alec,” she whispered.

He froze. For a moment he thought she had awakened. She gripped the pillow tighter against her chest.

“Alec.” She sniffled. “Don’t leave me.”

She was whimpering in her sleep. The sound tore at his heart and his pulse quickened. He would wake her now. He never liked it when she was upset.

He crawled on to the bed and pulled her into his arms. “Lizzie? Lizzie my love, wake up.”

She blinked her eyes in confusion. For a moment she stared into his eyes in disbelief. Then joy crept into her face.

“Alec!”

She threw her arms around his neck and he pulled her closer, leaning in to kiss her. Her lips tasted like honey, like sweet nectar that he had almost forgotten. His arms tightened their hold around her. Until this moment he hadn’t realized just how much he truly missed her.

She sighed. “Oh Alec I missed you.”

“Lizzie I’ve missed you more than you know,” he told her truthfully.

“You’re really here,” she seemed shocked, tears falling from her eyes.

“Don’t cry my love,” he gently wiped the tears away, “I’m here.”

He slid his hand down until it rested against her stomach. He could feel the rounded bump, so noticeable instead of her normally flat belly. She was certainly with child. For a split second he doubted the date and then he quickly dismissed it from his mind. She would never be unfaithful.

“You’re having another baby,” he whispered.

“Yes,” she breathed, “you are going to be a father again Alec.”

“When?” He asked.

“About five months I imagine. We conceived…last time.”

He knew that but wanted to be sure. Mal could have been wrong.

“Are you happy?” She asked, uncertainty in her voice as she interrupted his thoughts.

“Oh yes Lizzie, very happy,” he responded, squeezing her tight.

Outwardly he was calm but inside he was a tightly wound bundle of nerves. She needed him now, more than ever. He could not leave her alone to raise two children. They needed a father. He needed to be there for her and the babies. It was eating him up every time he had to leave her, every time he had to say goodbye, and every time he had to stay away.

“I love you Alec.”

That one sentence calmed him. This was his center.
Lizzie
was his center.

“And I love you my darling wife.”

She yawned sleepily, stretching in his arms. He knew she needed her rest. He crushed the lust burning inside him. There was time for that later.

“Go back to sleep Lizzie. I’ll be here when you wake,” he reassured her.

Her even breathing told him she was already asleep. He held her the rest of the night, contemplating ways to leave his current position in leadership. The fire for revenge had cooled considerably since her accident in the explosion and even more so now that she was pregnant again.

He had nearly lost her. The thought made his throat constrict and breathing difficult. He could endure anything but that. Visiting her in that hospital bed had sobered him. He would not see her there again. What good was winning the war if she was not there with him in the end?

Losing Lizzie would end him. The absence of her would mean the absence of everything. As sure as the sun’s rotation on the earth, life without her radiance would kill his soul. He could hardly fathom the loss. Hardly grasp at the thought.

He would do anything,
everything
to ensure that didn’t happen. No matter what the cost would be. And he was certain the cost would be high. It seemed he was constantly brought back to this point and he was weary of the struggle.

The militia would not stop. They would not be finished until they had obliterated everything about the refugees and the uprising. This now included Alec and everything associated with him. The Freedom Fighters were their biggest enemy now. Alec’s success had brought victory, but not enough to win. And now it had landed him front and center in a war that would consume everything and everyone in its path.

The call to leadership that he once felt had diminished. There were others who could serve in greater capacity. If he did not find a way to delegate his responsibilities he would never be able to stay with Lizzie. Somehow, someway he would fix this. He had to find a way.

There was no other choice.

I awakened to a hot breath tickling my ear. Slow even breathing and the steady rise and fall of the chest pressed against my back told me I was not alone. I was not dreaming. Alec had come home, much sooner than I could have hoped or anticipated.

I let him sleep, aware that he must be exhausted. When I saw him last in the bunker there had been dark circles under his eyes. His responsibility to the refugees weighed heavily upon his shoulders. I could see the toll on his body and in his face.

There were so many things I wanted to talk to him about. When he awakened I opened my mouth to ask but one look on his face silenced me. Two emotions filled his countenance. One was love, deep abiding love. The other was need, feral and raw. I pushed everything to the back of my mind and embraced him, giving in to both of our desires.

It was much later when we emerged from the bedroom, hand in hand. Little Benjamin was clinging to daddy, ecstatic he was home.

“Dada. Dada. Yay!” He exclaimed, clapping his chubby little hands.

Alec nuzzled him and placed a kissed on top of his head. Once he was settled in the highchair with breakfast, we sat at the dining room table together. Silence stretched between us. So much lingered on the tip of my tongue, I hardly knew where to start.

Why, even after the intimacy of moments ago, did I suddenly feel shy and reserved?

I asked the first question in my head. The one that burned the brightest in my heart. “Why didn’t you stay with me in the hospital, at least until I awakened?”

Alec’s eyes met mine, sad, maybe even a little regretful, but not sorry. I was confused by what I saw. How could it have been so easy to leave me?

“I couldn’t Lizzie. The place was filled with militia soldiers,” he explained.

It was true. I remembered the large presence of militia there, but surely he could have delayed another couple of hours. “I know but…you could have waited another hour or two until I awakened. You didn’t. You spoke to Mal and left right away, he told me so Alec.”

A frown appeared on his handsome face. His eyes had turned a smoky grey, like they were in turmoil, but his words did not match his eyes. He was holding back. Why?

He ran a hand through his hair, tussling the curls that had grown in length since I last saw him. I wanted to reach for him, to squeeze his hand and say everything would be all right, but I was unable. Something was bothering him. Something was there, between us, a small wall erected by time, built higher by distance, uncertainty, and Alec’s secrecy.

“I had to leave Lizzie. I am sorry for that,” he whispered.

I had to purposely catch his gaze because he looked away. Once I did, I saw the hurt that flashed briefly in his eyes. What was he hurt about it? What doubts were buried in his head?

Was it us?

“What’s the matter?” I asked, reaching for his hand anyway, “won’t you share your thoughts with me? Unburden yourself?”

He smiled wistfully. “There is too much to lay at your feet and in your condition. I will not overwhelm you, my Lizzie.”

He had not called me that in a long time. I closed my eyes briefly and I felt his hand squeeze mine.

“Why didn’t you tell me about this place? About Sam and Carol? About your plan to give us a new home?” My voice broke just a little and I blushed. I hadn’t meant to sound so emotional.

“Lizzie…I meant it as a surprise.” He noticed the catch in my voice. A look of guilt crossed his features and quickly diminished.

“Mal told me, he said you seemed…reluctant to share this place. As if…you weren’t sure you wanted to mention it.” I searched his face. Was that true?

“And you believed him…as usual.” He sounded frustrated.

“If I am wrong, tell me I am wrong. If Mal misunderstood, then clarify for me Alec. I don’t understand your hesitancy.”

Alec stood up and began to pace. I knew he was agitated. He never did that unless his mind was cluttered and he felt overwhelmed. I watched him in silence, desperate for his answers, and hoping he would not continue to shut me out.

My chest felt heavy. Why was this so hard?

“It was always the plan to bring you and Benjamin here Lizzie. Surely you can see that by the effort I have made in this bungalow. I spent weeks…” He sighed and tapered off, not finishing.

“I
can
see that Alec,” I assured him, “but I don’t understand why you were so secretive about it. You could have at least hinted there was a plan. You could have told me about Carol and Sam without ruining any kind of surprise.”

He began to move faster, becoming increasingly agitated. Why? I was only speaking the truth.

“Lizzie…” He stopped suddenly and turned to me. “Don’t you trust me?”

The vulnerability and hurt in those silvery grey depths plunged deep down inside me, settling into the deep cavern of my heart. I did not mean to doubt or upset him.

“I do trust you,” I told him with conviction, “I just feel that you are holding back from me…and I don’t understand why.”

He did not answer, only spun on his heel and continued his pacing. I became frustrated. This was not the man I married. Not the same man who promised to never be anything but truthful. Not the same man who could never get enough of me. No, this man held himself back, closed off, and distant.

And I was so very hurt by the change.

“Why don’t you want to be with us? What is so important that you have to constantly leave and you can never stay? What’s really going on Alec?” I was begging him for answers. My voice was pleading. Oh God, just open up to me, please, even a little bit.

What was happening out there? What was so imperative that he needed to stay away from his wife and son? Was he leaving again?

My eyes flew to his face. Searching. Waiting. Needing some small glance or word to give me hope.

“We are at war Lizzie. Surely you understand that concept.” His voice was monotone. Stoic.

I would get nothing further from him.

Devastated, I glanced at my fingers in my lap, clenched together.

“I see,” I whispered, “it’s the war.”

But that really meant nothing. Not a darn thing because we had been at war literally since the night we met. The first bombs had dropped only days later. K.D. had changed everything, and yet, for three long years he had sought me out, determined to find the woman he loved with all his heart.

It was that thought that brought me back to awareness. I would not lose him, even if he tried to put the distance between us himself. I stood, walking over to him and placing my hand on his chest. I felt him tremble as I lay my head against his shoulder. Slowly his arms encircled me and I felt them tighten.

“Take however long you need Alec. Sort out the thoughts in your head. Make peace or whatever you need to do…but don’t leave me.” My voice wavered and I felt him hug me tighter. “Don’t leave me my love.”

He did not voice his response to my words but he did not have to. I felt him agree by the way his grip on me tightened. The way his heart raced in his chest. The gentle way he kissed the top of my head. And the way his breath caught in his throat, clutching the emotion that was buried within him.