Midnight Surrender (Freedom Fighters Series Book 2) (20 page)

“The choice is not
mine
. I already made it. It is
you
Lizzie that has to choose.”

She shook her head. “I…”

He shook her shoulders and made her look up into his eyes.

“Choose.”

“Mal I…” Tears fell rapidly down her cheeks and fool that he was, he only wanted to wipe them away and all traces of the hurt he knew he was causing,

“Choose!” He yelled louder, staring into her eyes.

“I…married Alec…” She whispered but her eyes betrayed her uncertainty.

“Married him because you had to escape, because Darren tried to kill you, and because you did not think you had another choice. Tell me I am wrong,” he demanded of her, between clenched teeth.

“I can’t,” she sobbed, her head falling on his chest.

Oh God, how he wanted to comfort her, hold her and never let her go.

Pushing her away from him, he took a step back. “Choose.”

She started to hyperventilate, wringing her hands in despair. The tears soaked the front of her shirt and she remained silent. He knew she was fighting the inevitable, the moment she had to finally stop this crazy dance of desire and love they had been doing for years together. It could not continue.

“Dammit Lizzie, choose!” He demanded, terrified she would not.

Her continued silence struck him like an arrow to the chest, right into the bull’s eye of his heart. Her refusal to answer was also a choice. He knew it instinctively.

The choice was Alec.

Always Alec.

Mal was an idiot.

“You have made your choice. Good bye Lizzie,” he told her, his heart hardening.

He could never come back. Never see her again. Never think of her and close his heart off forever. Without another word he turned and grabbed his bags, heading toward the door of the bungalow. Shock made him walk faster but at the last minute he turned around, unable to understand why she hadn’t said goodbye in return.

Lizzie’s face was pale and her eyes were wide, ghostly white and serene, she looked like a figure from a horror novel. A specter. One second she was staring at him in disbelief and the next she was on the floor, passed out cold.

He dropped his bags and ran to her, scooping her into his arms and listening for her to take a breath. He could not detect a rise and fall of her chest. Nothing. Fear and panic gripped him. Had he just killed his beloved? His beautiful Lizzie?

Gently he laid her back down and started CPR. Chest compressions. Rescue breaths. Counting. Keep a steady pace, don’t stop. Over and over he repeated the procedure, clinging to the hope that she would return to him. Oh God, what had he done?

Lizzie gasped and her eyes flew open. She gulped in air, desperately filling her lungs. Mal searched her face anxiously. She was still pale, raising a shaky hand to his cheek.

“I love you Malcolm. Don’t leave me,” she begged him weakly.

He nodded, he would do anything she asked.
Anything
. “Yes, Lizzie.”

“Never,” she told him, pulling him down, and hugging him close against her breast.

“Never,” he repeated, his heart making the final leap out of the pan and into the fire that consumed him.

She turned her face and he kissed her, tender and sweet. He would never let go. Even if it killed him and it damn well might.

Loving her would be his destruction or his salvation, but he neither cared nor worried which it would be. Not anymore. They were here, together, and nothing short of death would ever separate him from her. No matter what the future now held, Mal would see it through to conclusion. It was his choice, made on a fateful day five years ago.

His destiny.

His life.

Mal would be there until the very end…

Alec had finished his discussion with Sam hours ago and still not returned. I knew he argued with Mal. I knew some kind of fight had happened because I saw his split lip.

I expected him to show up any minute, especially after Mal left the bungalow with Benjamin to take him on a nature walk. My little son loved the outdoors and bugs, swimming and splashing in the lake, and playing in the grass.

They were back before Alec returned. I gave Benjamin lunch and put him down for a nap, pacing the bungalow, and growing more impatient as the minutes ticked by. Where was he?

Finally, an hour later Alec came through the door, clearly agitated, and in a foul mood.

“Is everything all right?” I asked, taking a soft approach.

“Huh,” he scoffed, “not at all.”

I waited for him to elaborate but he did not. What was going on with him? I had felt him distance himself from me for months now and I could not fathom the reason why. He maintained there was not another woman or anything else that plagued him but his attitude and actions belied his words.

Sudden realization dawned on me. He was leaving. He was leaving us
again
. Soon.

A sharp pain in my chest made me sit down with a flop into one of the dining room chairs. He glanced at me and said nothing, even when I was sure that he knew I had figured it out.

I stood, trembling, and glared at him. “You’re leaving.”

“Yes,” he said between clenched teeth, confirming what I already knew.

“Stop leaving us all the time!” I shouted, hurt and anger taking hold deep in my chest. He turned away from me, refusing to meet my gaze.

I picked up a glass and threw at his retreating back. It slammed into the wall, glass shards shattering on the wooden floor.

He spun around, his eyes blazing in anger.

“Do you think I enjoy walking out that door without you?” He yelled.

I slumped to the floor, hugging my stomach, as sobs racked my chest in total despair.

Alec opened the door and left, slamming it hard. The noise woke Benjamin who started crying in the bedroom. With trembling fingers I picked up the broom and dustpan and headed for the front door.

That was how Mal found me. He raised his hand to knock on the screen when he saw me kneeling on the floor, scooping broken glass into the dustpan, tears streaming down my face. Little Benjamin was wailing in his crib. I met his gaze and my shoulders dropped forward with my tears.

Mal opened the door and scooped me up, walking into the bedroom. He lowered me gently on the bed and kissed my forehead.

“Rest. I’ve got this,” he reassured me.

“Mow! Mow Mama!” Little Benjamin cried.

“I know little buddy. I’m coming,” Mal told him and swung him up in the air.

Benjamin laughed happily. “Kissy Mow.”

Mal placed a kiss on his cheek.

“How about a snack?” He asked, walking toward the kitchen.

“Mow. Ben hon wee,” he told him, pointing to his stomach.

Mal laughed and hugged him tight. “Yes, Benjamin is hungry.”

I fell asleep moments later, listening to Mal clean up and my little son chatting away happily.

I felt a hand resting against my cheek, rousing me from the deep recesses of sleep. When I opened my eyes Alec was sitting on the bed, his expression filled with remorse. I hated the fact that we had fought and I knew that he did too.

“Lizzie, I…there are reasons why I have to go. You need to understand that I don’t leave you because I want to, I leave because I have to,” he tried to explain.

“Then help me understand Alec, because you never tell me anything anymore.”

He sighed. “I have an obligation to the Freedom Fighters. I can’t just abandon everyone.”

“You can’t keep leaving like this either Alec. We are your obligation too. You have to choose, stay with us or be the Reaper, you can’t keep doing both.”

His jaw clenched. “You don’t know what you are asking.”

“I do. It’s out of control Alec. You have to listen to me before it’s too late,” I warned.

“Too late for what?” His voice had turned cold, distant.

“I’m going to lose you,” I whispered, “it’s already happening.”

He shook his head. “No, you are not. Not ever Lizzie.”

But that was a lie. He was growing further from me every day, until I felt like almost strangers now. “Don’t you feel the distance between us? I haven’t put it there Alec.”

“It’s the war,” he argued. But his eyes betrayed that he felt it too.

“No, it’s partially the war…but it is also
you
.”

He refused to acknowledge the truth. “No, you are wrong.”

“Prove it then, stay Alec, don’t leave us anymore,” I begged.

He stood. “I can’t do that. You are in danger.”

“I’m always in danger.” What was he referring to?

“Not like this Lizzie.”

What was he keeping hidden? What secret did he hold back? “Tell me.”

“I have to find the leak. I have to make sure you are safe,” he whispered.

Leak? What leak? “What are you talking about Alec?”

“Someone leaked your location at the bunker. The bomb was meant to kill you.”

Shocked I could only stare at him. “What?”

He took a deep breath. “I think you heard me.”

I did, and I was furious. “You kept that from me?”

He began to place the hardwood floors. “Yes, I thought it was best.”

“Best to hide the truth, to break your promise to always be honest, no matter what?” I asked bitterly.

He frowned. “That’s not it at all.”

“Then what else is it?” I asked, hurt at the obvious way he had left me in the dark.

“I need to take care of this. To make sure you are both safe.” He did not answer me at all.

“When will this ever end Alec? When will it ever be enough?”

He wasn’t paying attention, lost in his own justification for his actions.

“I’ll return once this is all settled. Do not worry Lizzie,” he promised.

But what could his promise mean to me now, so easily broken, so easily modified to meet his excuses? What the hell was the matter with him?

“I’m not sure you will have a family to return to!” I yelled, frustrated with his refusal to listen. I jumped up from the bed and stood before him.

“What are you saying?” He asked, grabbing me by the shoulders.

“I’m saying I’m not going to live like this. I’m not going to put our son through it anymore.”

His eyes turned cold. “You would leave me.”

“You aren’t giving me much choice.”

“What choice is that? You are being ridiculous,” he ground out through his teeth.

“I can’t keep watching you leave. I won’t keep saying goodbye. It’s
killing
me.”

His hands tightened their hold and then let go. “Think about what you are saying Lizzie.”

I looked into his eyes. “I am.” I swallowed the lump in my throat. “Remember this as the moment you walked away from us.”

Alec vibrated anger. He took several steps back, his hands clenched into fists at his side.

“I will remember this always…as the moment you left me…and I lost you forever.”

He spun on his heels and ran out the door, yelling for Sam.

“Sam! I need a car, now!”

“What’s wrong Alec?” Sam asked.

“I need to leave, and nobody is going to stop me!” He answered, his voice so full of venom it crushed my heart.

I ran to the door and paused at the screen. I wanted to yell at him to come back. I wanted to scream for him to come to his senses. I wanted to run to him and throw my arms around his neck and beg him to stay. But I did none of those things.

My broken heart crashed to the floor in a million pieces.

Oh God.

When had it become so hard? When had every decision we made become so critical and heart wrenching that it caused constant friction between us?

It was the roller coaster ride from hell, a tumultuous ride of emotional upheaval, up and down, until I hardly knew anything anymore.

I left the bungalow and met Mal as he approached with Benjamin. Without a word I took his little hand and left Mal behind me, walking with purpose toward the main house. Carol was sitting in a rocking chair but stood when she saw the look on my face.

“How can I help you dear?” She asked, her eyes full of concern.

“I don’t know,” I replied, “I don’t understand what is happening.”

“Between you and Alec?” She guessed correctly.

“Yes,” I released a breath I didn’t realize I had been holding, “it’s all messed up.”

“I see. May I offer some advice?”

“Certainly,” I responded, letting Benjamin go to play with his cars.

“Talk to him. I know it sounds simple but being there for him is what he needs the most, whether he realizes that or not.”

“I just tried that Carol. He refused to listen or even discuss anything with me,” I told her in desperation. “I have no idea how to reach him.”

She patted my arm. “You will. He loves you so much Lizzie. He’s blind to the obvious sometimes, only because he can’t think past his desire to protect you at any cost.”

Huh. I guess that was true. But it did not condone his actions. Or dismiss them.

“Let me take Benjamin for the afternoon. Give you some time to work things out with Alec,” Carol offered.

“I don’t know where to begin,” I admitted.

“You will figure it out,” she responded, giving me a squeeze, and leading little Benjamin into the kitchen.

I stood there for a minute unsure of how to act. Alec was talking to Mal right now. Did I go to him? Try to talk things through? Or should I leave him be? Wait on him to seek me out? Or what?

In the end, out of complete cowardice, I walked back into the bungalow. Alec was going to have to make the first move. I was certain that I would never get any further than hello.