Mine to Fear (16 page)

I don't say anything when we return to
our hideout. Neither do Cynthia or Chadwick. But Serena goes
straight to Annabelle. Neither is seen for the rest of the
eveni
ng
.

Chapter
Twenty-Four

W
e wait for
Nathaniel at the rock he told us about. It's bigger than I am so
it’s not easily missed. We're early of course. We're all too
anxious to be anything but. I just hope that he really isn't
turning us in. Of course, if he were doing that, he could have gone
ahead and done that two days ago when we were at his house. Bethany
seems to trust him. That will have to be enough.

There's a crinkling of leaves. I put my
hands up, ready to hex whoever it is if it turns out to be a trap.
It's just him. I put my hands down, though they tingle to stay up
and on guard.

“
You made it,” Bethany
says.

“
Of course.”

“
What can you tell us? How are Zade
and Daniel?” I practically shout.

His mouth tightens. “They're alive.”

Part of me is instantly relieved, but the
other part of me fears where this is going.

“
Yet…” Serena says, voice
trepid.

He shakes his head. “The most important
thing is that they’re alive. Father isn't kind at all, but they're
both strong, and I'm doing what I can without Father becoming
suspicious.”

Bethany puts a hand on his arm. “We
appreciate that.”

“
Do you speak with them?” Serena
says.

“
Not often.”

“
Next time you do, if you can, would
you tell them we love them?” Her voice is so small, but my heart
feels even smaller.

“
There's a spell around them to keep
track of everything they say.” At my gasp, he continues, “Don't
worry, I warned them about it. I can write messages down to show to
them, but only if no one else is around. I will try my best to get
the message to Daniel and Zade. It would raise their
spirits.”

Mine, though, feel lowered. There's a lot
he's not telling us. At least Zade is alive. For now, that will
have to be enough.

“
What can you tell us about the Grand
Chancellor's plans?” I ask.

“
What do you know?”

We spend several minutes exchanging
information on what we do know. On how the Grand Chancellor brought
both Chancellor Ryan back and made Stephen a Chancellor. How he's
using people as a power sour
ce
. And on how he plans on using the tournament
as a big display of pow
er
.
All things we already knew.

“
That's as much as I know,” Nathaniel
says.

I can't help but feel blue at this. Don't
know what I was expecting but something more. Anything.

“
So there's nothing you can do,”
Serena says, sounding more bitter than I've ever heard her
before.

“
Now, not as much as I'd like,” he
responds. “But I want him out of power as much as you do. He's an
evil, vile man. We'll keep in contact, and I'll gather as much
information as I can.”

“
Then we'll have to hope you stay safe
while finding something useful for us,” Bethany says.

We exchange information on the next time to
meet. And though we know a little more than we did before, I can't
help but think of Zade locked in the Grand Chancellor's basement
going through things so horrid, Nathaniel wouldn't even speak of
them.

***

There's no telling if we can rescue Zade and
the others or not. After everything we've tried, it feels hopeless.
We didn't even come close, and all we gained for our trouble was
almost getting caught. It's not just Zade and the others’ failed
rescue that's the problem, but there's so many people here that now
want change, yet nothing is happening.

As time goes on, things feel even more
hopeless. We can't come up with any new plan to save Zade and
Daniel. The longer they're imprisoned, the more I lose faith we'll
ever save them. And what must they be going through? I don't want
to even imagine.

What's more, our hidden group grows and
grows every day. We can't stay hidden for long. There's one thing I
notice, though.

Where are all the tarnished?

These peop
le
had to come from homes with servants, places
where tarnished were needed. Not all of them had tarnished, I'm
sure of it. Annabelle had a few herself. So where are they all now?
Don't they need help as well? Or has the Grand Chancellor managed
to capture them all? Most of them do have those tracking spells
that are now mandatory for all of them. I have to talk to
Katheri
ne
. To find out what's
happening with them as well.

I send her a spelled note, hoping it reaches
her. I miss her sorely and worry over her. How is she surviving
without Zade to help hide her? If she would answer my notes and
meet me in person, I'd be able to help at least a little. Though
without having insight into exactly what Chancellor Ryan is having
their tattoos spelled what color next, it's much more difficult to
ascertain how to help. There has to be something I can do, though.
If only she would contact me.

After all this time in the cave, there
hasn't been much of a chance to talk. Cynthia, Serena, and I go out
to pick berries. Or really, to talk without being overheard. The
cave isn't the most private of places to talk. The morning is
deceptively bright for the chill in the air. Still, I manage to
talk about a lot until I finally overload on my frustration of this
war.

“
We're all doing as much as we can to
influence them for good, to get them to see more in life, but I
don't know. There’s no telling if our efforts will make a
difference.” I voice my frustration to Serena and
Cynthia.

“
It's true,” Cynthia says. “It feels
like fighting against a wall spell, except I don't know how to
break through it.”

Serena says, “Things have to change.
Warlocks have to change. Women have to change. The new system has
to change. And they're already doing so. The Grand Chancellor needs
to feel the consequences of what he's turned this society into. I
will do whatever it takes to help bring these people down. Even if
I have to use a spell to do it.”

My spirits lift with each word she says.
I've never been more proud of the journey she's made more than at
this moment. “I guess it's time to see if we can get those who've
come to us to help do something about it.”

“
I think you're right,” Cynthia
says.

It will be a big job,
thou
gh
, one I'm not sure we
can do despite all of Serena's strong words. But we have to at
least try.

“
They will come around,” Cynthia says.
“I know they will.”

“
They do seem to trust you two,” I
say. And Jack. They trust him the most out of everyone. “I think we
need to have Jack be a part of this. They trust him.”

Cynthia and Serena both agree. Serena's
mouth tightens, and she blinks rapidly.

“
What is it?” Cynthia says.

“
This isn't just about trying to help
those who've come here. As good as that is, there's something that
may not be as big as trying to change a whole society's
perspective, but still something important. Someone
important.”

“
I want him back, too.” She sniffs,
and my own eyes tear in response, but I don't let them flow out.
“We'll just have to hope he can last through whatever it is they're
putting him through, that he can make through it until we can
figure a way to save him. Because we will save him.”

Though I don't mention that the possibility
of him still being sane is slim. Even if he is still sane, how
scarred will he be? Will he be so damaged he won't want anything
anymore? She knows this, probably even better than I do. My
brother, who he was, is most likely gone from us forever.

Chapter
Twenty-Five

A
s I sit in
the kitchen with little Ben strapped to me with a length of cloth,
I tell myself I can do this. I've asked for help before. This is no
different.

Who am I kidding? It's totally different.
Asking for help for something small like organizing a ball or
learning a new spell is entirely different than asking about
overthrowing the most powerful man in the country.

No matter. Whether hard or not, it needs to
be done, and Jack is the one who's become most like a leader in the
short time our group has been together. If I want to convince them,
he is the key. Too bad we got off on such a horrid start. Things
have been better between us, though. Just not sure if better is
good enough to convince him this is a good idea or not. It will all
depend on how much he's really changed.

When I find him, he's shelling peas, so I
sit next to him and help without saying a word. Ben, for once,
stays nice and asleep as I assist. It's an activity I usually find
relaxing, but nothing is relaxing about it today.

How does one bring up how they want to start
a rebellion? Zade would be so much better at this than I. Or
Chadwick for that matter. Maybe if I had joined their lessons on
how to be a good spy I would be too. So much for all the frivolous
things I learned. Who cares about pretty nails? I can't even
remember the last time I spelled mine.

“
Is there something you wanted?” Jack
snips.

“
Why would you say that?”

“
Never before have you worked in the
kitchen with me without being asked. Plus you keep scrunching your
eyebrows together, making this tiny line between them.”

I suppose I am being really weird. “Can we
go for a walk?”

Phyllis gives me the eye. No matter. Their
thoughts don't matter yet, only Jack's. If I can get his, the rest
will come. Hopefully.

“
Something serious?”

“
Isn't everything serious
here?”

His eyebrows twitch as if to say touché.
After putting down the peas and cleaning up the shells, he says to
the others, “We'll be back in a while.”

I follow him through the maze of caves out
into to the open where the fresh air brightens everything.

“
So, what is it?” he asks.

Despite the change of scenery and lack of
eavesdroppers, I can't bring myself to just say it. But there is
something else I can say. That I need to say. “I'm sorry about how
things started with us.”

“
That's what this is
about?”

I round on him, Ben stirring as I do so,
hands fisted on my hips. “You can't even be nice when I'm trying to
apologize. What is your problem?”

He does the strangest thing, at least for
him. He smiles. “Forgive me. I didn't mean to sound so brash. It
just didn't match my expectations of what you wanted.”

“
Oh, well.” I drop my arms to my
sides. “What were you expecting?”

“
That you wanted something. I don't
know what, but some type of favor from me.”

Only a favor valued in lives. “There is
something.”

He smirks.

“
No need to look like that,” I say.
“It wasn't too hard to figure.
”

The smirk leaves, replaced with an
expression I can't read. “No, it wasn't hard to decipher at all.
You though, you are much more difficult to discern.”

Something lovely flutters
through
me
. “Only if you try
and read too much into things.”

“
It's how I was raised. To be aware of
everything and what it means. To become a councilman.”

“
You were being groomed to be a
councilman?” With his attitude when I met him, I shouldn't be
surprised, but with his station, it seems like a lofty
goal.

“
I know what you're thinking. I am—was
a servant. How could I be a councilman? It wasn't always this way,
though. Several years ago, my father was wealthy and about to
become wealthier,” he says. “But things change.”

“
How did they change?”

“
My father got deeply in debt.
Councilman Daniel found me and said I could work for him and he'd
treat me fairly. His offer was the most generous I
received.”

Daniel and Annabelle are most giving. “What
happened to your father?”

Jack shrugs. “The mighty has fallen.”

“
He's working off his debt as well?” I
guess. Ben stirs so I begin rocking back and forth to calm
him.

A nod is the only response I get.

“
This isn't where I meant our chat to
go.” I sigh. “Look, I'm sorry. Even though I've spent a lot of time
in Chardonia now, I'm still not used to the way men treat
wom
en
. You've proven over the
last while that you aren't like the others.” Though I'm still not
sure that means, he's ready to help us gain freedom. “I just wanted
you to understand there was a different way to do things. I
shouldn't have lashed out at you.”

“
Apology accepted. Though I must
apologize as well. I'm still learning how to properly treat women.
I'm not sure I know anymore.”

Wow. “You're definitely headed in the right
direction.”

He gives me a tentative smile, which I
return.

“
So, about this favor…” Jitters come
back in full force.