Mine to Fear (5 page)

“
We have seven warlocks guarding this
house every day. There's a lot of people who come here to learn
more about what Serena’s done and to hear more about Cynthia. About
what they’re doing with freedom and magic. But some guests aren't
as harmless as they appear. Attacks are almost a daily occurrence.
And…”

Almost daily? I knew it was bad but not this
bad. “And what?”

“
It's not just that I'm trying to keep
you safe because I care about you. It's…”

My chest gives a strange little twist. The
warmth of friendship could be enough. But I doubt it would spark
kisses the likes of which came from Zade and Serena. Besides,
doesn't he deserve that as well? “And what, Chadwick?”

“
And I don't think having a
Chardonian, especially a female Chardonian, in the house will
help.”

“
Zade and you are already here, what
difference does it make?”

“
Zade is at least on the council, and
no one notices me when he's around. I'm just a shadow,” he says.
“Things are bad enough without adding to it.”

This is exactly what I didn't want to hear.
Of course I knew they sent me away for a reason, but I thought it
was just for my own safety. How can I endanger Serena more? Some
people still think we're cruel giants, barbarians, not worth being
near.

In any case, he needs his message.
“Dad sent me to tell you something.” I scoot closer. Even in this
house that is supposed to be safe, rebellion words aren't to be
treated lightly. Exactly why Dad didn't just send a spell message.
“The Envadi rebels are lessening. With the borders closed, not only
is it harder for them to get in, but they don't want to come in.
We're on our own with whatever is already set up
he
re
.”

“
That's the note your dad sent? Why in
all of Envado did he send you here if he knew things were getting
worse?” He jumps to his feet.

Tawny picks just that moment to enter, a
big, silly grin on her face that falters the moment she glances
into the hall. Zade and Serena must not have gone far.

“
Tawny!” Chadwick practically
shouts.

Instantly, there's a giant thump from the
hall, and Zade appears. Serena is not far behind with eyebrows
crinkled. I am in so much trouble.

“
What are you doing here?” Zade
demands Tawny.

Well, there's the fact that this is not only
very awkward but also unexpected. He'll probably chew me out for
bringing her as well, but I wasn't going to be the one to stop
her.

She glances at the floor, back rigid. She
could give these perfect posture Chardonian girls competition. “I
wanted to help like Waverly.”

Zade is still staring at her. More like
gaping.

“
Of course you already know each
other,” Serena says
,
not
realizing what she's walking into. What I didn't get around to
warning her about. “I should have realized if you knew Waverly,
you'd know Chadwick and Zade.”

That's such a small portion of it.

Tawny looks away from us all. Zade seems
like he's going to rip his nose right off with how hard he's
rubbing it.

“
We're all acquainted,” I
say.

Zade glares at me. “You are either
completely inane or mad.”

“
She's both,” Chadwick
says.

“
Hey, I—” deserve both of their
comments entirely. “Her parents agreed, and it was her idea to
begin with.”

“
You could have said no,” Zade snaps.
“They should have said no.”

“
And you could all talk with me
instead of around me,” Tawny snaps.

We all scuff our boots on the floor.

Serena glances at Tawny, clearly confused.
“Is there a reason your coming is worse than Waverly being here?
This all seems a little extreme and everyone seems to know why
except me.”

Tawny seems to remember herself then. “They
just don't think I can protect myself properly.” Her voice lowers.
“And…” She eyes Zade.

“
And she's my previous fiancée,” he
admits.

“
Oh.” Serena's face goes calm. Too
calm. “Well then, can I get you something to drink and eat? You
didn't eat much earlier.”

“
That would be lovely, thank you.”
Tawny's training has probably never been tried so
thoroughly.

Zade mumbles some claim about needing to
check on the guards, and Chadwick hurries out after him. Neither
Serena nor Tawny respond but avoid eye contact as the men walk
outside. What a fine place to leave us in. And I don't know which
of us has it worse. Tawny intruding on Zade's new love, Serena just
meeting his old fiancée, or me for being the biggest dunce for
bringing them all together.

T
he day
doesn't get any more comfortable after that, but at least everyone
pretends it is. When I get Serena alone and ask her about it, she
claims it's fine. She still has trouble opening up to others, even
if we've known each other over a year now. Tawny won't say anything
either, but at least she doesn't pretend there's not a problem,
just that she doesn't wish to discuss it.

I toss and turn all night, unable to
sleep for thoughts of our situation. I don’t just worry about
bringing Tawny here but also Chadwick saying our presence will make
it worse for Serena. Which also means worse for Tawny. Even though
it's dangerous here, I need to keep her in a place that's safe, if
such a thing is possible in a place like Chardonia. At the same
time, not clue her into the fact I'm keeping her safe because she'd
be livid to know she can help, but I'm not letting
her
.

I find Serena in the barn brushing Goldie.
She pats the horse down, speaking in a soothing voice. Does it do
more good for her or the horse? It's difficult to say.

“
Morning,” I greet her.

“
I thought you'd be making
breakfast.”

“
Who, me?” I tease. “It's good that
Zade was able to sneak Goldie away before Steph
en
got a hold of her.” Her dad is the biggest
jerk of them all.

She nods, though her expression remains
passive. “I just wish I could ride her more. But it's too dangerous
for me to go gallivanting out in the open.”

“
That must be hard.” When she doesn't
say anything, I decide I just need to come out with it. “There's
something we need to discuss.”

She starts flicking the brush rougher. “I
already told you I don't wish to speak about it.”

“
Not about yesterday, about something
else,” I say. “Tawny and I have been talking.”

At the mention of Tawny, Serena goes oddly
still. Despite saying she doesn't want to talk about it, she
doesn't stop me.

“
We think we should find work in
another household.” The explanation doesn't have to do with her
being in more danger because of our presence, but it has to be the
right choice. She'd likely insist her safety isn't jeopardized by
me even if it is. “Tawny wants to see more of Chardonia, and I
think I'd like to go with her. Maybe somewhere where they aren't as
antagonistic toward us Envadi, but where we can still do some
good.”

And keep everyone safe.

“
You're going to leave us? You just
arrived.” Her big eyes are so sad, it makes me wish things were
different. Safer.

“
I want to stay. I missed you so much.
More than I would have ever thought. But I came back to help. I
feel like you have the help you need here now, and there may be
something more I can do elsewhere.”

“
I understand.” She's silent a moment
but continues brushing Goldie. “I may have somewhere that fits your
needs. Councilman Daniel and Annabelle are very opened-minded, but
there are other servants in their household and people they visit
with that you may be able to reach out to.”

“
I remember them. They'd be perfect if
they're willing.” I give her a tight hug. “Thank you. Would you
mind giving us a reference?”

“
I doubt you'll need it, but I'd be
delighted to help both you and Tawny.”

“
Thank you for your help,” I say. “Do
you also think maybe it will help you by not having her
around?”

For a moment, I think she's going to
disagree, but then she says, “I admit, the thought crossed my mind.
I'm certain we'd be fine if she stayed, though, and I will miss
you.”

“
I will miss you too.” I wrap her in a
hug, tightly like she was my own sister. “I better go help with
breakfast.”

“
I knew it.”

“
You already know me too well.” I turn
to leave.

“
Waverly?”

“
Yes?”

“
Is your leaving because of Tawny
being Zade's previous fiancée?”

I swallow past the tightness in my throat.
“Zade loves you. He would never, ever leave you for anyone else.
I've never seen a love as fierce as his.”

“
Yet, you're going.”

“
It will be good for us. All of
us.”

I'm not sure she entirely believes my
response, and she shouldn't, just not for the reasons she
suppos
es
.

L
eaving Serena
again is harder than I expect. Even harder than being so close
to
Serena's sisters
and not
being able to see them. There's an ache inside me without them
here. Serena promises to send word if there's any news or change
with them and when her mother has the baby.

Tawny is silent the entire ride except for
once saying, “I always thought the windowless carriages were an
exaggeration. If anything I see now that it was under
exaggerated.”

I've never seen Annabelle and Councilman
Daniel's house before. It's large, though not as grand as Zade's.
Ivy climbs up one side of their house, over all three floors
reaching the roof. The rest of their house is white, with a good
number of windows.

Annabelle greets us with a smile,
wearing a pair of tan breeches. No one has embraced
Katherine
's
designs as much
as she has. Not only is Katherine, a friend who pretends to be a
tarnished, an amazing seamstress, but she has a flair for women's
independence that influences othe
rs
. Knowing Annabelle gets along so well with
her makes me feel more at home already. “I'm so glad you've decided
to join us. When Serena told me not one, but two Envadi were
looking for a place to work, I was delighted. Let's have a sip of
tea and discuss your duties.”

As we move to the sitting room, Tawny asks,
“Do you typically take tea with the servants?”

She most definitely does not sound like a
servant herself. It will be a miracle if she can not only do her
work but do it without giving away who she really is.

“
Usually, and of course, since Waverly
and I have met,
I couldn't pass up an opportunity to
get to know another Envadi.” She insists on pouring the tea for us
both, and once we're all settled, she leans in close and whispers.
“Do either of you use mag
ic
?”

I want to exchange a glance with Tawny to
know what she thinks of this, but I don't dare give us away so
blatantly. Instead, I mimic Annabelle by leaning closer and
whispering, “Do you?”

She giggles like my evasive reply
pleased her and, with a wink, pours more tea in my cup. “I think we
shall all get along just fi
ne
.”

We chatter as we sip our tea. Annabelle and
Tawny agree to try her as Annabelle's personal maid while I'll help
with general housework. It suits me and keeps Tawny more with
someone I trust and myself out moving among the other servants.
Hopefully, since Annabelle and Daniel have accepted me, we'll get
rid of their notions that I'm a barbarian, and what's more,
convince them of women's worth.

Once we're finished, Annabelle instructs
another servant to show us around, including where we'll we'll be
working, our bed chamber, where we are to report each morning, and
where to eat.

The servant is nice, but quick, hurrying
through the house as if it's a struggle just to find a little time
to show us around, even though doing so will mean we'll be able to
help ease her load. The last place she takes us is a tiny room.

“
These are the living quarters you'll
be sharing. The Councilman was kind enough to install a flushing
toilet down the hall we all share. We may even get the electric
lights in our quarters if things continue to go well.”

It would be a nicer prospect if it wasn't
already expected. It's hard to remember people live without these
things and think it's perfectly normal. Electricity and flushing
toilets should be as standard as food. Especially the toilets.

“
That sounds wonderful.” I fake a
smile.

“
We're excited you're both joining
us,” she replies.

“
Thank you,” Tawny speaks up for the
first time since we left Annabelle. Her good manners never fail,
even when she most likely feels like keeping silent.

“
You can unpack and come help in the
kitchen when you're finished if you'd like. It'd give you both a
chance to get to know the others.”

“
We'll be there shortly.” Once she's
gone, I ask Tawny, “What do you think so far?”